Computer Apocalypse
Chapter Ten: Day 9
Amy and Shadow
"Argh!" Amy yawned. She felt something furry in her bed, under the sheets with her, "Sonic?"
Amy took the blanket off of her bed and saw it was Shadow, who was clinging on against her leg like a koala does to a tree, like Paris Hilton does to long and erect wieners.
"Eeeek!" yelled Amy. She ran out of her bed and noticed she was NOT wet and naked. In fact, she was fully clothed and completely dry. Shadow woke up upon her scream into his ears.
"Hello there Amy!" said Shadow happily.
"What were you doing sleeping in my bed?" asked Amy.
"Well, whenever I have nightmares, I normally go to my mommy, the Black Doom alien guy. Since I had to kill him to save the world from a giant meteor in that crappy game called 'Shadow the Hedgehog', I don't have a mommy to cry to anymore." cried Shadow.
"So why did you pick me out of all the girls here? Why not Rouge, Cream, Blaze, or that new bitchy bird bitch moving in called Wave?" asked Amy.
"Rouge is too sexually attractive to be a mom, Cream is too young and white to be a mom, Blaze is a freaking cat and is in a dysfunctional relationship with Big, Wave is too gangster to be a mom with her bandana look going on. And besides, you thought that dumb robot called Emerl was your baby, so why can't I be your baby?" answered Shadow.
"Well… Emerl and I had 'special' relations. Well, out of curiosity, what was your dream about?" asked Amy playing along with Shadow's sensitive heart. Amy sat on the bed with Shadow.
"When I was in elementary school, these kids kept beating me up for being black, short, hairy, and having weird hedgehog hair. When I found out I was the ultimate life form, I killed them all and put their head on pikes and put the pikes on my front lawn as a fence. I had a nightmare where I never found out I was the ultimate life form, and in elementary school again." Shadow almost cried, "EVERYBODY MADE FUN OF ME AND CALLED ME FAT AND BALD!!" Shadow paused, "THIS PAIN I FEEL IS TOO UNBEARABLE!!!" Shadow jumped out the window to kill himself. Unlike before, he actually died. Yeah, they'll believe that a main character died… yeah…
"Double you tea eff is wrong with this story..?" asked Amy, dumbfounded, "I'm gonna see what's up with Sonic…" Amy walked to Sonic's part of the apartment.
Big
Big woke up back at the Warehouse, except it was whiter and brighter than before… allegedly…
"Ahh… what the hell? Didn't I die last chapter?" Big asked.
"No, you're in heaven right now. If you defeat me, I'll give you your life back and you can live again." Said some fat Italian man wearing a dumb red hat with blue overalls. Basically, it's Mario. You know, the plumber? In Nintendo? Dumb ass…
"What? In a fist fight or something?" Big asked.
"No, in a chess match."
"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK……………………………………………………………" Big said.
- - -
Every non important character in this story met at the bulletin board, meaning Sonic, Amy, Big, Shadow, and Tails were not there.
"I feel so bad for Sonic and Tails…" said Cream. Everybody was still getting used to her lower pitched, American voice actor.
"Same, Sonic must be so embarrassed and Tails must feel so guilty…" Rouge added.
"I should comfort Tails!" Cream said as she walked away.
"Why is Cream talking in English? We all know that American voice actors suck." Vector whispered to Knuckles.
"She's growing up so fast!" Knuckles began to cry.
"Maybe she went through American puberty…" Espio noted.
"My task is to actually learn how to fly instead of gliding… I just realized, why can't I fly at all? Damn, I sense a flash back." warned Rouge.
Rouge's Flashback
None.
Flashback over
"Damn it!" Rouge said as she kicked the sky.
"Ouch."
"I have to become a crazy insane guitarist!" Espio as he ran off into the unknown.
"I have to learn how to sing." said Vector. Everybody was also getting used to his British voice actor too.
"Noooooo! I have to set free Cheese and Chocola." People heard Cream yell from Tail's apartment.
Everybody departed to complete their tasks and comfort the broken hearted.
- - -
Espio
Espio was sitting on his bed with a crappy Yamaha lead guitar he bought from Costco. It literally is a huge piece of crap. The strings are all rusty and out of tune, the pick guard has scratching marks that say, "Pen15, lolololol" and "Go to dent marks on the body, a shattered neck, and it costs $50. Espio had a piece of paper with guitar tablature in front of him, and he was playing what sounded like a cracked out version of Brain Stew by Green Day. The only noticeable difference is that Espio sucks a little bit more than BJ Armstrong… Lol… His initials are BJ and I said suck… lol… That makes me giggle…
"HELL YEAH! I'M OWNING THIS DAMN GUITAR!" yelled Espio as he smashed his guitar at the ground, cracking it in half as he starts stabbing his really small, lunch-box shaped amp with the neck while he was naked. Just then Kurt Cobain rose from the dead and threw a rock at his not rock and roll face.
"You freaking suck at guitar worse than I do!" yelled Kurt.
"Big woop, wanna fight about it? I challenge you to a guitar-off!" said Espio. Espio spun around several times, and then threw a Pokeball into the air, "I choose you, Green Day!"
"Pshhhh… You newb… I choose you, Guns and Roses!" yelled Kurt, "Guns and Roses, use Knocking on Heavens Door!" That basically ripped Green Day in half. Just then, Green Day was evolving into Fall out Boy.
"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk… I'm so skrewd with a K…" kried Espio.
Cream
"Cheese, Chocola, I want to let you guys know that I love you… I'm gonna miss you guys when you're gone…" Cream said sadly. Cream started to kiss them… on the lips… passionately… with tongue action… for 30 minutes straight… in the bathroom… with the lights out… in the shower… while they were naked… and horny… like my last girlfriend… And when she finally finished, from the insanely hot Cream on Chao action, Cream placed them in the toilet and flushed them down the crapper. That was the last we've seen of those generic Chaos called REAL Sonic characters again…
Espio
Fall out Boy flew backwards, unconscious.
"WE'RE GOING DOWN DOWN SWINGING!" Fall Out Boy cried.
"Noooo! Fall out Boy!" yelled Espio. Espio ran to his downed Pokemon.
"You need to give me my Rock Badge now…" Kurt said as he with drew his Pokemon.
"I'm not a gym leader… I'm a Pokemon breeder though… So just take an egg!" Espio said as he handed his Palkia egg to Kurt
"Well… that was a huge waste of my undead life…" Kurt complained as he walked off to the end of the Earth.
"That was a pointless plot device to make the story even remotely humorous…" said Espio.
Vector
"'Cause I… can't… help… falling in love with you…" Vector ended the song. Vector was in a bar with a karaoke machine. A huge rock hit Vector's left testic- I mean left side of his brain.
"You suck, go die you damn hippie!" yelled some drunk heterosexual person.
"That's so mean!" yelled Vector crying. Vector ran away.
Kurt Cobain
Kurt walked up to Vector, who was crying his eyes out sitting on the curb.
"Hey there little boy, what's wrong?" Kurt asked as he sat down next to him.
"A heterosexual drunk male, about the age of 25, with ideal body proportions, long blonde hair, blue eyes, size 13 feet, and shops at Hot Topic excessively, threw a rock at me for singing badly! I wanna be a singer when I grow up too, so it broke my heart and the left side of my brain!" Vector sobbed.
"Well, I can help you sing…" Kurt said.
Big
"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk………………………………………………………" Mario said.
"Damn, I won! I was so not expecting that at all! I'm going to be alive again!" Big said being the happy skinny cat he is.
"Damn it! Fine…" Mario said as he snapped his fingers and Big appeared on his bed in his apartment room.
"Wooo! I'm alive!" Big said, "I didn't realize that Mario was mentally retarded…"
While back in heaven…
"It sucks to be the only person accepted in heaven… I'd expect more people to be accepted into heaven… I guess I'm the only pure soul in the end of the world… I'm so lonely…" Mario sighed as Akon's 'Lonely' song started playing.
Amy
'Ok, gotta find clothing that doesn't seem that I like bondage so that those pale gothic kids won't follow me around.' Amy thought. Amy walked into a Hot Topic store.
When Amy was done, 4 hours and $509.34 later, she came out with some stupid emo band shirt, that said, "Cut my wrists and black my eyes" on it, a black mini skirt, and fish nets. She got her hair cut into an emo unibang, and she got both ears pierced with mini blue guitar ear rings with her pussy wrist bands and stupid studded belt that she wears backwards. Kind of like the girl I dated when I started this story. Grrrrrr… freaking liars…
Shadow
Shadow woke up in a warehouse, except whiter and brighter! Colgate!
"Yay! I'm not alone here anymore!" Mario said as he started hugging Shadow.
"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK……………………" Shadow said, "How did I get accepted in heaven if I commit suicide?"
Somewhere below the ends of the Earth…
"Sir, Shadow the Hedgehog is in heaven and was supposed to be in hell sir…" Peter Griffin said.
"GOD DAMN IT!!!" the devil cried as he threw his Nintendo DS on the floor while kicking the air…
"Ouch!"