Hi you guys, it's been awhile. Recently I've been thinking if I should just quit FF all in all. Honestly, I really love it, and you guys have been so amazing but I just don't think that this is for me. When and IF I leave, I will remember all of you, and I hope you'll remember me. It's a big IF.
Thanks to all who reviewed, and thank you so much for 50 reviews. Really appreciate it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or and Nicholas Sparks quotes.
-iCB
Day Three
I stretched out my arms above my head and looked over to Beck, who was wide awake, staring back at me. "Why are you staring at me?" I grimly retorted.
"Please, I'm sorry for yelling at you Cat, don't be mad. I love you. All last night I was thinking about how I screwed things up, and I just want us to be together. I love you, I love you, I love you, and I love you." He seemed sincere.
"No. You should've thought about your word choices when you yelled at me. You know how sensitive I get." I wasn't going to forgive him, not this time. He wasn't going to get my sympathy that easily.
"Cat, please. I love you so much; I can't stand it when we're apart. Please. What do you want me to do? I can't go back in time. I'm so sorry; - I- I just kind of blew up." He looked at me with anxiety in his eyes.
"Well now you won't blow up anymore because I'm not going to be such a burden in your life now, am I?" I turned my body around, so that my back was facing him.
His voice was on the verge of cracking, "Cat… Please. I'm begging,"
I sighed deeply, looked down and furrowed my brows, "I'm sorry Beck." I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed my PearPhone. It was on a vibrating rampage as I pressed the green button to the left on my phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey Cat, it's Tori."
"Yup."
"Oh-kaaayy… So we're in Pennsylvania right now, we're almost there! We drove nearly all night. We'll be there tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay." I pouted.
"Is there something wrong?" She asked with anxiety in her voice.
"Tori, I need to talk to you."
"What's up?"
I turned over on the lounger to see Beck staring back at me with sorry eyes. "Hold on." I sat up at looked at him. "Beck?"
"Yes?"
"I don't want to be together if we're always fighting. Probably nearly every week we fight over something so stupid. We were both better off when we weren't together."
"But Cat, I love you." He stood up and grabbed my waist.
"I don't want to risk our friendship again. I mean, look at where we are! We're in New York because of this," I pointed to the both of us. "Because of our relationship,"
"Cat, I can't stay away from you. We fight sometimes, but I'm willing to give it another shot if you do." He grabbed my wrists and held them close to his chest.
I jerked away, "I can't. We fight and I don't tolerate that."
"That's what we do, we fight! So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever. You and me... everyday."
"Beck…" I closed my eyes and shook my head in confusion and shock. "Please." I walked away from his grasp and walked out the door.
"Hey, Tori. Are you still there?"
"Yeah. What's going on?"
"I have good news and bad news, then more bad news." I bit my lip.
"Yikes, what happened?"
"Good news or bad news?"
"Let's do the good news first,"
"Well I was offered a record deal yesterday."
"Cat! That's great! From who?"
"This guy named Mr. Evans."
"Wait, does the bad news mean you're not coming back home for a while?"
"No, the bad news is that I didn't take the record deal. I have too much on my plate and I want to finish high school! I don't want to live here! I didn't bring Mr. Longneck!" I pouted.
"This is a once in a lifetime chance, are you sure you want to do this?"
"I'm sure. But he said if I changed my mind I could call him again."
"Hey, it's your decision. Do what you want to do Cat. So what's the other bad news?"
"I broke up with Beck." I bit my lower lip and furrowed my brows.
"What? Why? When? What? Why?"
"Don't yell at me!"
Tori scoffed, "Why did you break up with him?"
"Because he said it was all my fault and he didn't even take any of the blame that we were here. And he blamed me for all of the arguments we had. He made me cry and it's all over, he's trying to make me get back together with him, and I was almost going to take him back, but I just can't. We fight a lot and I just can't handle it anymore."
"Aw, Cat. It's okay."
"No, Tori it's not! Everything is just.." I shook my head.
"Cat, if you want Beck back then you'll just have to forgive him."
"But he doesn't understand, if I take him back he wouldn't have been taught a lesson!"
"Cat, if he truly loves you, he won't do it again."
"How do I know he won't?" I asked, my voice was quiet and gently.
"You have to trust that he won't."
I was in shock when she said that. Did I trust Beck? "Uh.. I gotta go. Call me back when you guys get here."
"Okay. Good luck."
"With what?" I asked, clueless.
"Everything." And with that, there was a familiar dial tone.
I looked down at my feet and was startled by the open of a door. I turned around to see Beck. Beckham Oliver.
"Hi," I forced a smile.
He placed a hair behind my ear as I took a deep breath. He gently- yet huskily said, "I remember my mom told me something when we were thirteen, and I had my first break-up. I wasn't all that bummed out."
I smiled at that memory. "What did she say?"
"She said, 'the greater the love, the greater the tragedy when it's over.'" He took a long pause before he leaned in, and I let him. He placed his lips over mine as I shut my eyes closed. I felt his sweet lips on mine, but I wasn't kissing back. I was confused, and I didn't know what to do. I felt something, but it wasn't like before: with the huge fireworks and the smile I usually had. It felt like there wasn't enough love. There wasn't the connection anymore. He pulled away, but he saw a look at my deafening face. My face went pale, as I took uneven breaths. My eyebrows were slanted, merely because I was furrowing them.
"Beck… Please." I placed my hand over his.
"Don't you feel the sparks?" He asked.
"I-I-I'm sorry Beck." I shook my head and ran to the parking lot. I took deep breaths, and then strolled along to the sidewalk. And I didn't dare to look back.
What's New On TheSlap?:
Tori Vega: Oh my gosh, Robbie started puking again! Gross! Mood: Grossed-out
Robbie Shapiro: I think Jade likes me, she's comforting me. ;) Mood: Flirty
Jade West: Nowhere to sleep with Vega's complained about Robbie's barf. I can't believe I was stuck to comfort the kid! How old is he? 10? Mood: Wazzed off
Andre Harris: Driving to New York. Everybody's givin' me a headache! Mood: Annoyed
Beck Oliver: I miss Cat. Mood: Devastated
Cat Valentine: In need of Mr. Longneck, anybody seen him? I need somebody who will listen to me. :( Mood: Confused
Jade West: Robbie WHAT? YOU THINK I LIKE YOU? IN YOUR DREAMS!
Robbie Shapiro: Jade Don't deny it. ;)
Tori Vega: Jade Yeah, we know you like him. ;)
I walked home at around 8:00 pm, in the pouring rain. New York was not on my side. I opened the door to see Beck sleeping on the lounger, with a note on the nightstand.
Cat, you sleep on the bed tonight. I'll sleep on the lounger... I love you.
I rolled my eyes and threw the note on the floor. I curled in a ball under the sheets of the bed, feeling scared. There was a thunderstorm rolling in and I was terrified of them. Whenever there was one, I would go to Beck's RV and crash with him. We would cuddle all night long and I would feel safe. It's not going to be like that tonight.
Day Four
I stared at the ceiling, wondering. I reached for my PearPhone and called Tori.
"Hello?" She asked.
"Hey, Tori. You here yet?"
"Yeah, almost. We're about an hour away. See you soon. What building are you in?"
"In a really yucky one. It's really dull. You'll find it."
"We'll be there soon, don't worry."
"Okay. And Tori?.."
"Yeah, what's up?"
I bit my lip. "I think I'm going to take that record deal."
"That's great Cat!"
"If you really think so… Do you think I should take it?"
"Yeah, it would be an awesome opportunity! How long are you going to be gone?"
"He said a year or two. But I really love Hollywood Arts, and I don't want to leave."
"Cat, it's cool, you'll probably be all home schooled and stuff!"
"I don't know Tori…"
"You can become famous by this Cat!"
I sighed deeply. "I think I'm going to take it."
"Yay! Cat that's great!" Tori squealed, then she spoke very seriously, "Just promise me you won't become one of those drama queen airheads!"
"What are those?" I giggled, being 'Cat' again.
"Never mind, I shouldn't have said anything, I know you won't."
"See you later Tori, I just won't be coming back home… Who's going to take care of my little brother?" I gasped and sat up. "My Uncle Blaze can only take so much of him!"
"I will. If Beck won't, I will. He can spend a year here."
"No, I can't just leave him for a year! Have you seen my mom yet?"
"Relax Cat, just call her."
I gulped. "What if she gets angry?"
"If you need somebody to talk to, I'm here."
"Thank you Tori, you're the bestest friend ever!"
"I know I am." Tori chuckled over the phone. "See ya Cat."
"Bye Tori!" I smiled, and then called my mom.
It took a couple of rings, but she finally answered, "CATERINA HANNAH VALENTINE WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!"
"What? Where have you been? I was at the hospital two weeks ago and NOW you decide to pick up? And what was up with that recording? You had me worried sick, mom!" I retorted.
"CATERINA, YOU GET YOUR SORRY BUTT HOME. NOW."
"Mom, I can't!"
"AND WHY NOT?"
"Can you please stop yelling at me? And I'm in New York with Beck! It's a long story, I would've told you sooner if you weren't MIA for the past 14 days!"
"NEW YORK? NEW YORK? YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST GO TO NEW YORK WITHOUT MY PERMISSION?"
'Mom, I'm fine! Just please would you stop yelling at me?"
"WHAT FOR? CATERINA, I AM YOUR MOTHER. DON'T YOU DARE TALK BACK TO ME."
"Mom! Stop! I'm in New York with Beck because of just me being a teenage girl and screwing up sometimes. You weren't home so what was I supposed to do? You were probably out somewhere getting drunk and hanging out in casinos! And-"
"I BEG YOUR PARDON? THAT IS NOT HOW YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO TALK TO YOUR MOM THAT-"
"I wasn't done, mom! I had Frankie call Uncle Blaze and he's staying with him right now! I'm with Beck in New York and I got a record deal here! And I'm going to take it!"
"YOU GOT A RECORD DEAL? AND YOU'RE SAYING YES? OH NO YOU AREN'T."
"What? Yes I am! You can't stop me from this!" There was a pause before I muttered, "Dad would've been proud."
"Cat…" She exhaled, the carbon dioxide filled with stress and fatigue. "I'm sorry for yelling at you… I just don't want my baby girl growing up without me. I am so proud of you, you handled this very maturely. I love you."
"Love you too mom…" I said. "Is Frankie home with you?"
"Yes, he's home."
"Is he still mad?"
"I don't know. You'll have to call him."
"Mom, I won't be home for a year at minimum." I shut my eyes, preparing for the loud voice my mom had.
"It's okay baby. Just promise to call me every week. I love you."
"I love you too. See you soon," I hung up and dialed Mr. Evans.
"This is Mr. Evans."
"I've decided to take the record deal."
"Who is calling?"
"Cat Valentine."
"Oh yes, yes! I knew you would. I just had a feeling you would. Can you do tomorrow to record a demo of something?"
"Uh, yes. A demo of what?"
"Anything!"
"Okay. See you tomorrow. Where?"
"I'll pick you and your boyfriend up at your apartment. Where is it?"
"He's not my boyfriend anymore… And he's not going to be staying with me after today. He's going back home."
"I apologize, where is your home?"
"It's dull and gray. You won't miss it."
"Fantastic. See you tomorrow. Bring your vocals!"
"Oh I will. Thanks Mr. Evans." I hung up and collapsed on my bed. "This is just too much." I whispered to myself. Beck woke up soon enough and asked, "Something wrong?"
"No."
"I was worried about you last night." He confessed.
"Oh." I kept throwing one word answers at him.
"Cat, I have a question for you." He sat at the edge of the bed as I looked at him to continue. "Do you still love me?"
I looked down, examined my cuticles and shrugged.
"Cat, talk to me." He scoot closer to me.
I looked up at him; desperate for an answer. "I-I don't know."
He leaned in closer to me and started kissing me passionately, like when we first got together. This time, I kissed him back. I tried to feel the spark as I smashed his face closer to mine, but to no avail. I pulled away and shook my head. "I don't feel anything special anymore."
He shook his head disappointingly and ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry."
"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we don't have the love we used to have. I'm sorry for wrecking our relationship. I hope we can stay close." I looked at him, broken and now depressed.
"Don't be sorry baby girl, no matter what happens, I am going to protect you. I may not be your boyfriend, but I want to protect you from anything and everything. I still love you Cat." Beck confessed.
Tori ran out of the car and rushed to hug me. "Cat! I haven't seen you in forever!" She nearly squeezed the life out of me.
"Tori! Did you bring Mr. Longneck with you?"
"Uh no."
"Phooey." I pouted.
Jade stomped out of the car and went straight up to me. "What the heck Cat? Why did you leave?"
"I'm sorry." I gulped and twiddled my hands.
"You're lucky you aren't dead." She crossed her arms.
Tori screamed from the car, "Got your bags Beck?"
"Yup." Beck walked to the car with two duffel bags in hand. "Cat, you got your bags?"
"Uhm.." I stammered.
"You didn't tell him yet?" Tori asked me.
"Tell me what?" He seemed anxious.
"I decided to take the record deal from Mr. Evans." I bit my lip as he attacked me with a bear hug. He whispered quietly in my ear, "That's great baby girl. You'll always be on my mind even if I'm not on yours. Good luck, I love you."
I shut my eyes tightly as I tried not to shed a tear. I took a deep breath of the polluted air of New York and deliberately said, "I love you too."
He was taken aback and pulled away from me quickly. He started looking at me with a confused face as I kissed him on the cheek. "Yes, I do love you Beck." I whispered quietly.
"Let's hit the road!" Tori clapped her hands and slid into the passenger seat.
I forced a smile as they all were crammed in the car ready to drive back across the country. I waved and placed my hands in my pockets and let a tear drop down my face. I quickly wiped the tear away and blew air kisses to all of them. I choked out, "Bye."
So Cat's in New York for a year? Twists and turns appear later… Don't hate me. And I just had to tell you guys I just got a follow from Ariana on my twitter! I go on there a lot now. My Arianator twitter is RepresentGrande and my personal twitter is karinapaige. Just informing you. Hehe.
Random Fact about Me:
I have the phone LG Rumor Touch by Sprint, it sucks. I hate it. I want the iPhone 4s though! :p What phone do you have?
Until next time. Hopefully.
-iCB