"I know. And I get it…You couldn't cope with the realization that we were never just friends."
"Yeah." Randy quietly admitted.
Moments in silence passed, as Cody took in Randy's out-of-character confessions. He was grateful that Randy stepped out of his emotional shell to talk about the torment that had taken over him for weeks. In return, he owed him an honest piece of his mind.
"I couldn't either." Cody stated. Right then, for the first time since Randy had joined him, both men locked eyes. The younger of the two felt the need to look away if he were to continue pouring out the thoughts he'd been burying for a while. Otherwise, the task would have been too difficult. That gaze was toxic, as it had proven to be before. Twice, actually.
"Don't think that you're the only one who felt overwhelmed by all of this, Randy. Cause, honestly? It wouldn't be fair. I mean, don't you think it's been hard for me too? To deal with all of these new feelings?" With a rub of his hands over his face, he continued. "I have never kissed another man before, let alone have this weird…connection with one. It's been…it's been so difficult for me, Randy. The worst part is, I've had to deal with this all by myself. When I wanted to reach out to my best friend so he can help…so he can be there…I had to remember that he was the reason behind all of this, all of the confusion I've felt. I've….I've been torn apart. For weeks, I have been. Ever since the night we almost kissed in Cincinnati."
From the corner of his eyes, he noticed that Randy was still eyeing him. The urge to pursue his confession pushed him to carry on.
"Look, I get that you're the one with the wife and kid. You're the one with all the responsibility, the more writing on the wall. I get it. But it eats at me too. Never, ever did I imagine I would end up in a situation like this. But I am. We are."
Randy intently looked at Cody as he spoke. He was making a good point. Randy never tried walking a mile in Cody's shoes, figuratively speaking. He never once thought of what could have been going on in his head. Of what he was feeling. That detail made him feel worse about the entire ordeal…if that was even possible.
"I guess I've been closed up in my own thoughts. I couldn't see past my head. But it wasn't in my control. Lately, nothing has been…"
He could say that again.
"So I'm guessing that little outburst of yours at the party wasn't in your control, either?" Cody quizzically asked.
"Yeah. Honestly, I don't know what took over me…it's just…one minute I see you getting cozy with some chick and the next one, I'm dragging you away."
"Sounds like the green eyed monster got a hold of someone, if you ask me…" Cody said, as he glanced at the Missourian, shooting him a lopsided smile.
Randy lightly chuckled. "Shut up."
Cody replied the snicker. He turned his head back to the scenery ahead again. Randy mirrored the act.
"We can't…we can't go on like this, Cody. We've got to control ourselves. It's not possible, otherwise..." The serious mood was back on.
Cody had a hard time digesting those words. As much as he knew Randy was correct, that acknowledgement didn't pose an obstacle to the sorrow that settled onto him. Those words? They had a certain bite to them. They hurt. They reduced him to a certain emotional fragility. But Cody knew that indeed, there was no other choice.
"I know. You're right. Too much is at stake here."
It was true. Too much was at risk. Too much was on the line. The love of danger and insanity had to be in their blood if they were to simply throw everything away…including their friendship. It may have been greatly endangered, but it was something they weren't willing to easily give up on. However, a more imposing issue lay…was it too little too late for their friendship to be rescued? Could it even be saved? Those questions were weighing heftily on their minds.
"So…what do we do now…?" Cody wondered out loud.
"I don't know."
What words could be uttered afterwards? They were at a crossroads they couldn't bring themselves to escape. They were well and truly trapped, unable to function.
The air became too heavy for their liking. It had become a pattern in recent times. The need to retreat became obligatory.
"I'm going to go now…" Randy whispered.
"Okay." Cody replied, as he preserved his stare into outer space.
Randy turned on his heel to walk out of the younger man's room. Just as he was about to step through the balcony door, something stopped him in his track. The dejection in Cody's tone couldn't allow him to just walk away and leave him behind. He was the cause of it. That gloominess took its toll on him, a gloominess that was admittedly reflected within him. To say that they were torn into pieces would be putting it mildly.
"I don't want to lose you."
Cody's head snapped at that line, as he found the other man's head turned towards him. Randy's candor had taken him off-guard. As a matter of fact, it had taken Randy himself by surprise. Those words spilled right out of his mouth. That didn't stop them from being any less truthful than they really were. Undoubtedly, spitting out feelings meant fully stepping out of the norm for Randy. Cody was completely aware of that.
"So, you won't." Cody replied, as he flashed him a warm, reassuring smile…a smile that also happened to send chills down Randy's spine.
…
Cody was waiting for Randy in the hotel lobby. The older man had told him to grab breakfast with him.
He didn't know how they were going to about this. Certainly, some things had been cleared up between them. Honesty had been somewhat restored. Sentiments and inhibitions were thrown into the air. Nonetheless, how were they going to act knowing the presence of dominating and churning feelings between them? Feelings that had to be put aside for both of their good? Together, they had to find a way to keep them at bay.
Clearly, putting distance wasn't an appropriate answer…at all. It led to combustible moods on both parts and a hot-blooded situation at the pre-SummerSlam party. That's when Cody realized that going with the flow would be a better, more effective alternative. Maybe, just maybe, they'd be led towards a right path.
Cody got shaken out of his thoughts when the sight of Randy greeted him. He longingly stared. He found himself checking him out. Talk about a perfect way to dismiss attraction.
Randy approached him and greeted him. Little did Cody know, the man in front of him also had wondering eyes for him and was mentally kicking himself because of it...
With their best poker faces on, they headed to a nearby restaurant where they got seated on opposite sides of each other. They appreciated the calmness of their surrounding environment, which was a contrast from the busy and noisy crowds they were going to be met with later in the day at Axxess. SummerSlam was upon them that night. Unfortunately for both of them, they were not booked for the show, which was right away, a topic of hot conversation. Cody wasn't scheduled to appear on the pay-per-view due to a lack of use he'd been accustomed to, while Randy was being punished for his suspension. Admittedly, no one was to blame but him. He'd screwed up, and it was only fair he got his due. On the other hand, he was furious for Cody who shared the same feeling. He still couldn't understand why he wasn't used more proficiently and why he'd been stuck in a losing battle with Sin Cara. The storyline consisted of him being obsessed with the luchador's mask. On paper, that was a great idea. However, he hadn't been victorious in any of their battles. Not a single one of them. How was he supposed to get heat if he couldn't back up any of his claims? Needless to say, the state of his career had put a great deal of pressure on Cody's shoulders…not that he needed any more of that.
They carried on with their talk about wrestling, their opinions on the SummerSlam card, the superstars themselves and the storylines included. Both men loved discussions like these. They may have been WWE superstars, but they were fans first and foremost. They were so into the conversation that they had almost forgotten there had been any issues between them…'almost' being the operative word.
Once they were through with the subject, Randy was a second away from bringing up his issues his wife. He wisely bit his tongue and kept quiet about her. He wanted to talk to Cody about her, how matters had taken a turn for the bizarre, how things had simmered down quite a bit. Subconsciously, it was due to the fact that Randy had been so distracted with his status with Cody that he just didn't bother fighting back anymore. But, speaking about her would be severely misplaced. It'd bring unease back in the air. Awkwardness would disparagingly rear its ugly head once more. So why would he do that, especially when a certain amount of normalcy had been reestablished?
Instead, Randy immediately uttered the next inquiry that came into mind. It may have not been the smartest thing to ask about, he could've attested to that…
"So, who was this woman you were talking to at the party?"
Cody coughed and choked on his coffee. That was certainly unexpected to hear. Randy caught up on his reaction promptly and found it urgent to take back his question.
"I'm sorry…"
"No, no, it's fine!" Cody quickly exclaimed as he was catching his breath. The distress in Randy's eyes was obvious, and he wanted to extinguish it. Rapidly, he found his composure. "Seriously, it's fine. You can ask about it."
"Are you sure?" Randy's hesitance was still there, but diminishing.
"Yeah. Honest to God."
After apprehensive nods of the head, Cody started the explaining. "The woman you saw was Layla."
Randy was taken aback by the answer. "Oh yeah? Layla?"
"Yeah."
Randy knew that Cody and Layla were exes. At that moment, he found himself annoyed by that piece of information, borderline irritated. Those emotions had to be brushed off, though. His friendly instincts took over.
"Oh, um, so, you've gotten close again? You know, I've been kinda out of the loop recently…"
"No, no. Last night was actually the first time we've really talked in a while."
"Oh…and…are you…interested in maybe getting back together with her? You both looked really into each other…"
The uptightness in Randy's voice didn't seize to catch Cody's attention. He softly chuckled to lighten up the mood. "Nah. I mean, she's gorgeous and all but I'm not interested in getting back together with her. We've already tried it once and it was obvious we were better off as friends. We just aren't meant to work."
"Ah, alright. I see."
Randy felt relieved to hear that. At the same time, he realized that Cody hooking up with his ex-girlfriend bothered him. In fact, Cody hooking up with any girl bothered him. That just wasn't right…
…
During the remainder of the day, Randy bid his best to mask the discomfort he'd gone through earlier. Seemingly, his attempts were working as both men fell back into a familiar groove. They'd finished their meals, headed to the gym then hit Axxess for some greet-and-meet action. It was a tiring number of hours between meeting thousands of admirers and the scorching hot weather of L.A.
Once they were done with their duties, they met back at the arena. Having gotten the confirmation that there would be no last-minute adjustments to the lineup, they decided to get drinks and food. They lodged themselves by the monitors where a few other superstars were also settled. Some had bouts later in the night while others were left out, too. They briefly chatted with Wade Barrett who they considered one of the more intriguing guys in the back. He shared his frustrations regarding the fact that he wouldn't make his return on a big stage like SummerSlam after months of injury. Creative had pondered sending out the Brit to attack Sheamus following his title defense as a buildup to an eventual feud. Evidently, that plan had been dropped.
Before they knew it, the PPV was underway. Randy and Cody were seated side by side and meticulously watched each match. They intercepted their viewing with comments regarding the performances, the wrestlers and even the crowd.
An outsider would have thought it was typical Cody and Randy.
The three hours passed by swiftly. Globally, all the superstars thought it was a very successful event with well-wrestled matchups all throughout it. It was officially in the books.
A majority of the roster stayed put in the locker room for a while longer. Cody and Randy were no exceptions. They sat in comfortable silence as they were waiting for the area to clear up. Both men were inwardly satisfied. Overall, it was one of their best days in a long time. They'd more or less resumed their old routine. Right then, they thought that perhaps, going back to the way it used to be wouldn't be impossible.
Suddenly, Randy felt his phone ring in his pocket. Not bothering to check the caller ID, he picked it up right away. As soon as he heard the voice on the other end of the line, he was on edge.
"Hey Sam."
At the mention of her name, Cody stiffened directly. Every ounce of will within him was activated in order to uphold his composed and cool appearance.
Randy found himself in a dilemma. He thought that moving further away would be a more suitable choice. However, when he looked nearby, those zones were filled with individuals. Therefore, hearing his wife wouldn't be achievable. Maybe lowering his voice would help…
But it didn't help. Not one bit. Nonchalance may have described his exterior, but in reality, Cody heard every word that Randy spoke and clung on to each and every one of them.
"Yeah, I'm fine… I'm not disappointed, no, I kinda deserve it… Oh, you didn't like the PPV? I thought it was good… Yeah, Dolph and Chris stole the show… Yes, I fly back home on Wednesday. But I'm staying for a day, though… Oh, tell Alanna that I miss her and love her too… Okay, good night. Bye."
No sign of tension. No sign of fighting. It seemed as though Randy had patched things up with Sam. And all that Cody felt were daggers through his chest.
That's when he felt like he was completely out of place, a stranger to himself. He should have felt happy that his friend was on plausible terms with his wife. Instead, he was dealt with a different set of cards that provided a mixture of anger, jealousy and guilt. Instead, a wave of resentment threatened to wash over him.
Resentment towards who, though? Towards Randy? But on what claims, exactly? The taller man had made it clear that he didn't want to compromise his family's wellbeing any longer, that neglecting any sort of attraction for one other was a necessity. He was simply sticking by his words. He couldn't reproach him anything…
Or was it resentment towards himself, rather? His romantic feelings for Randy had gotten the best of him. They had weakened him, reduced him to a low he wasn't proud of. Cody was disappointed in himself. He had lost his inner dignity, an element that he valued more than anything. His will power was what defined him. Now, looking at Randy, it had vanished. Gone with the wind.
Randy had his own life, his own family. In between their kiss and their semi-admitted feelings, he felt like he was intruding. Stepping back was long overdue…
A nudging elbow broke him out of his forlorn reverie. "Ready to leave?" Randy questioned, raising an eyebrow at Cody's noticeable distraction.
"Yeah. Let's go."
…
Cody started becoming increasingly unlike himself. Ever since that night, his mind transported him into another world which he couldn't be brought down from.
The change in demeanor didn't bolt past Randy. In actuality he was the first one to have noticed it.
A cold shoulder wasn't the correct identification of Cody's behavior. The reality differed from that. Technically, Cody responded to everything. No ignoring, no silent treatment, none of that. In appearance, he seemed completely fine. However, the look in his eyes told an entirely different story. It was as though Cody wasn't present. In body, he was very much there – in mind and soul, he wasn't. His vivacity had gone missing.
At times, he'd catch Cody drift into complete quietness. He could see him getting lost in his own sphere of thoughts and have a hard time leaving it. He'd even found himself having to literally shake Cody out of his stupor. On each occasion, Randy would be met with ocean blue orbs conveying all the melancholy and anguish in the world…
At the gym, Cody would hit the treadmill with renewed speed and velocity. At training, his extremely perfectionist side would take over. At the slightest error in execution, he would get frustrated straight away, resulting in random tantrum throws. His poise and patience had been replaced by intolerance and volatility.
Randy was becoming very concerned.
Because Cody's state wasn't getting any better.
…
Yet another edition of RAW was wrapped up. Randy enjoyed a successful night as he scored a victory alongside Sheamus in a tag team match against Alberto Del Rio and Dolph Ziggler. He was content with his performance as well as the crowd ovation he received. If there was something Randy Orton reveled in, it had to be the reactions he would emit from thousands of people going nuts.
He was on his way back to the locker room to hit the showers when he came across a startling encounter, one that forced him to stand there and watch. It was a heated confrontation between one of the road agents and Cody. A towel draped over the Georgian's shoulder as he clutched his ribs. His face was red with fury.
"What do you mean it was my fault that my ribs got squashed the wrong way?"
"Cody, you weren't in the right position-"
"I was in the right position, dammit! You shouldn't be having this conversation with me! You should see Brodus instead!" Cody's decibels were getting gradually higher.
"Can't you see, Cody? You've obviously been distracted from your matches recently! It's crystal clear to every one of us!"
"Oh, give me a break! My head is perfectly in the game, alright? God, I don't know why, but it seems like every night I'm out there I have to do something wrong! What, I never do something right? I never hit my moves sharply? I never connect with the fans well enough? Is that why for the last month, I've been booked to lose every single match I've had? Huh?!"
"Cody, you need to calm down-"
"No. No. I'm done here."
Cody didn't look back as he marched away from the agent. Randy couldn't help his feet as they brought him to chase after Cody.
"Cody…Cody!" Randy yelled.
Cody turned around to find Randy behind him. He was in no mood to talk. "What?"
"What the hell was that all about?"
"Nothing."
"Cody-"
"I said it was nothing! Now leave me alone!" Cody yelled. Not thinking twice, he quickly stormed away from the scene leaving Randy more perplexed than ever before…
…
Randy sat in his hotel room, still in shock over what transpired with Cody. He was met with a side of him he'd never seen before. He knew it emanated from a dark and angry place. Seeing this shift in Cody drove Randy crazy. What possibly could've happened to result in this? He tried putting the pieces of the puzzle together. One was missing.
He had to get to the bottom of this. Answers were desired.
Cody stood by the window, his head peering through it, feeling the breeze. The wind always had a soothing effect on him. Although on that particular evening, it wasn't. He'd still been fuming since his clash with the agent. He may have denied that he wasn't distracted, but he recognized that was far from the truth. His mind was elsewhere. Far away from the crowd, far away from wrestling. It was focusing on his ire towards himself. That mood hadn't simmered down. If anything, it intensified. His inner havoc was threatening to boil over. He wasn't sure what more could be dished out at him.
He heard his door being open and shut. He knew it could only mean the arrival of one man. The man who triggered all of these feelings.
"What do you want?" Cody bitterly spat out.
"What's going on?"
The question itself irritated Cody. He spun around to face Randy. "What?"
"You heard me. What's going on? You've been a completely different person lately!"
"God…"
"It's true!" Randy exclaimed as Cody started pacing around. "It's like you've closed yourself off in a whole other world and I can't reach out to you! Your mind is somewhere else, you get pissed off easily, you're not concentrated at work…What you've done with that official, Cody…that was unprofessional…that was so unlike you!"
"Are you fucking kidding me right now? You, of all people, are going to give me a lecture about professionalism? You, who took a shit in someone's bag before?"
"That was a long time ago."
"It doesn't change anything."
"Stop avoiding the damn question."
"Well what do you want me to say?!" Cody yelled.
Randy yelled right back. "The truth, Cody! The fucking truth! What is wrong with you? What's gotten into you?!"
Cody turned his back and ran his hands over his face. This was too overwhelming. He tried desperately, but in vain, to block out any outside voices.
"Just tell me!" Randy pleaded loudly.
He couldn't take it anymore. He simply couldn't. Hell was about to break loose. "You want to know what's going on, huh? You want to know, right?"
"Yes!"
"How about that, for a month now, I've been losing every single match I've had? How's that? Even though I work so hard to make it happen for me, to become better at everything I do, I fail. Every fucking time, I fail. I kill myself, day in and day out and I still fucking fail! Nothing I do works anymore. Nothing! Whether it's with my career, whether it's with myself, I can't do anything right! I am stuck…in every sense of the word, I am fucking stuck! It's bad enough that I've lost who I am! And that it's all because of you!"
"What are you talking about…?" Randy inquired. He feared he already knew the answer.
"I've lost who I am ever since we almost kissed. Even more so when we did kiss. And all of this…all of this is because of my feelings for you. Because my feelings for you? They intimidate me! They intimidate the fuck out of me! They are tearing me the fuck apart! They are so strong that I don't know if I can get rid of them! I've tried to ignore them. I've tried to silence them. I've tried everything, believe me. But I can't…I can't and I don't know how to! I can't control what I feel and I've never felt like this much shit before in my life. When you were talking to your wife, I felt like a fucking intruder to you…and to me too…and I don't know what the fuck to do!"
Randy stood still. It was all he could do.
"There you go. There's your answer. Happy, now? Huh? Are you happy?"
No answer.
"Leave me the fuck alone."
"Cody…"
"I said, leave me the fuck alone!" Cody shouted.
But Randy wasn't budging. He wasn't moving. There was no way he was going anywhere. Hearing this admission was eye-opening. For the weirdest reason, Randy felt a sense of liberty hit him. Caution was being thrown to the wind. No more overthinking. No more holding back. Instinct was taking over.
Randy calmly placed his hand on Cody's shoulder.
Minutes went by and neither man moved an inch.
"Cody…" Randy ever so slightly whispered.
Cody finally turned around. He gazed right through the icy blue eyes of Randy's. Their orbs never left each other's sight. They stared at one other. Gently, pulled like magnets, the space separating them was closed down. Their faces were mere inches apart. They weren't to be broken away this time – this time, they leaned towards each other. This time, they gave in. Both men were looking for a single, solitary thing.
Their mouths locked onto one other. It was like a meeting of old companions. Their lips moved together, in a tender attempt to recognize each other. Tilting their heads to the side, Cody and Randy tried feeling more of each other, more of their kiss. As the pecks got needier and more urgent, Cody pulled away.
No words were uttered. All he needed was to look in Randy's eyes to get his answer.
The lack of contact ran its course. Randy's hand went for the nape of Cody's neck, as Cody's settled on the front of Randy's shirt. Both lips latched onto each other once more, moving more frantically than before. Randy's tongue started moving over Cody's lips, taking the kiss to more passionate levels. He slowly ran it along the seam, softly asking for permission. The invitation was immediately accepted. Cody's mouth made way for Randy's tongue has it took in its taste. Right away, Randy knew that flavor was addictive. It was luring him in for more. Randy's tongue languidly caressed Cody's, which stroke right back. The sensation was overpowering. Truly unlike anything they'd ever felt before. They savored the kiss, took in all of its delight.
When the need for breath was overbearing, Randy and Cody languorously pulled away. Their blue eyes met again. Their daze was not fading…and wouldn't be soon.
No words were desired. Their eyes said all that was needed to.
...
I literally couldn't stop writing for this chapter. I have no idea how it turned out. I'm scared to be honest, lol. Please review! It takes seconds, it lets me know how I'm doing and what you think of this story! :)