"What. The. Hell."

Lestrade was pacing back and forth in front of Sherlock's bed, having just heard the news.

Sherlock made a non-committal noise, and Lestrade suspected he wasn't even listening. His hands were beneath his chin in the typical 'I'm thinking, don't bother me' pose.

"They won't let me in to see him in the ICU because I'm not family."

"They'll let me in," Sherlock said suddenly.

Lestrade stopped pacing.

"Since when were you listening to me?" he asked in disbelief.

Sherlock rolled his eyes. "The whole time."

"And what makes you so sure?" Lestrade shot back, crossing his arms.

"It will go down one of two ways. Either Mycroft pulls strings or I declare that John and I are partners. Whichever is easiest really."

Lestrade stared at him for a second before shaking his head and laughing.

Means to an end... Sherlock will pretend to be John's partner to see him while he's in intensive care and yet claims he's a sociopath? Not bloody likely.

"I hardly think you should find this amusing," Sherlock spat at him, obviously not impressed by Lestrade finding anything funny about this situation.

"Right," Lestrade replied, contorting his face back into a worried mask. "Do you want to go now?" he asked, eyeing Sherlock's attire. It was his typical in between case wear, complete with dressing gown. He wondered when Sherlock had gotten those.

"Mrs Hudson. And yes," he said, replying to the unanswered question as well as the one posed aloud. "Socks," he ordered Lestrade, gesturing to a bag tossed on a chair.

Lestrade sighed, but rifled through the bag, digging out a pair of socks and throwing them at Sherlock.

"Hope she didn't wreck the sock index," he muttered to himself. "Right," he said, getting up. "Come on."

Lestrade frowned. "Why do you want me to come?"

Sherlock stared at him in disbelief for a minute, and Lestrade wondered what it was that he said that was so extremely stupid. He couldn't work it out, and soon Sherlock took pity on him.

"Because, Detective Inspector, I am still recovering and it may be good to have someone around in case the same thing happens to me as to John. Also, I've been mistaken as an escaped psych patient more than once, so it adds credibility to my story if someone else is with me. And finally, these socks are slippery and it would do to have someone there to catch me should I slip."

"You could put on shoes," Lestrade pointed out. Sherlock glared in response. "Right, sorry," he muttered. "Let's go."

And they departed for the ICU, Lestrade taking his role as Sherlock catcher quite seriously, even going so far as to offer an arm to Sherlock, which only got him a glare in return.

In all fairness, he really should have expected that though.