AN: I'm sorry for the long wait, December has been crazy, with exams and the holidays. But I'm back with a long chapter. I hope you'll enjoy it!
Chapter 10: Fly away from here
Life is changing. I am changing.
I'm starting to doubt some things I used to be sure of and starting to hope for things I never thought I could have. And it's all thanks to Jacob.
We're driving the car to work, like we do every day. He's humming along with the radio and I can't help but smile. I won't go as far as saying I'm happy, but he is and it's a little contagious.
The job has given me a new perspective on my future as well. I really like the work, helping people get better, and I love being part of a team. After just one month, I'm one of them. Cheering them on by the sidelines, and cheering them up when they lose. Which doesn't happen that much these days. The atmosphere is great and at the moment and I feel like I could actually do this. Have a real job, a decent job.
As promised, Peter is paying me more than an intern should be paid. I no longer need to roam pubs for extra clients. In fact, the last few weeks, Peter has been my only client. Maybe that's why he's giving me so much money in the first place. To keep me close to him, to make me depend on him alone. But he's being nice and undemanding, so at the moment, I don't mind.
Jacob also likes my paycheck, because it keeps me from going out at night. Our evenings have been… romantic almost. He seems to have accepted that I don't want to get any closer than this, and doesn't pry for answers anymore. I suppose he's glad I'm not freaked out by being near him every day. It's like we're back in high school, being best friends again.
Or maybe he's just happy, content.
"It's gonna happen tonight," Jacob suddenly says when waiting at the stop light, waking me up from my thoughts.
"Huh?" I ask puzzled.
"I'm gonna score," he explains, but when I keep watching him in confusion, he adds "the game, Bella!"
"Oh right," I mumble, a little ashamed that I was too preoccupied to forget about that.
He chuckles and says "thanks a lot, some supporter you are. You are coming right?"
"Of course, front row, as usual," I reassure him.
The best part of this job is witnessing the epic "comeback of Jacob Black". After his first game, the press was still hesitant. They usually are. The newspapers doubted that he'd ever reach his previous level, from before the injury. But Jacob never stopped being cheerful. He was so happy to be back out on the field that he didn't care what they wrote.
After the second and third game, nobody doubted him anymore. He's back to being so popular he's bringing home fan mail every day. Only Jared Cameron is more popular than him, and he's their biggest star player for years.
That Jared has been creeping me out a little ever since the day I started. He keeps acting as if it's only a matter of time until I give in to his extra wishes, just because he is the famous Jared Cameron.
Usually, I try to joke my way out of awkward situations. With anyone else, I would simply say they couldn't afford me, but Jared is filthy rich and could buy every house in the country, so money wouldn't be an issue. I once asked him why he won't let one of his fans help him out. He simply replied that he does, but he prefers his preys hard-to-get.
Maybe if this would have happened a few months ago, I would have given in. Take the money, and get it over with.
But not now. I don't need the money and I'm really liking this job. If Peter ever found out I'm giving my services to the players, he'd fire me for sure.
And then there is Jacob. Jared is exactly the kind of guy to kiss and tell, so Jacob would hear about it and be devastated.
Now I think about it, I don't believe I would have done it a few months ago either. Jared simply freaks me out. His confidence intimidates me and more than once I've let my attitude fall around him, and allowed him to see that I'm actually a little scared. When nice men would try to reassure a nervous girl, he never did. He actually enjoyed my discomfort, which is a bad sign. And the worst part is, since he's the big star, he gets extra physiotherapy, after every field training and every game.
I'm lucky today though. He's so focused on the game that he's simply laying back, eyes closed, ear plugs in place, listening to his music. To my relief, he pays no attention to me or my cleavage.
There's no practice in the afternoon, the players rest in the lounge room. Some of them, including Jared, listen to music, but most of them, including Jacob, play games to relax.
I meet up with Peter to talk about the results of the player's physical tests and then I get to give him an examination as well. I don't mind these extras. his gratitude, both financial and emotional, are a nice reward.
But I do mind how complicated my life has become. These days, I hate lying to Jacob more and more. We have become closer than ever, I fall asleep in his arms almost daily and I stopped objecting when sometimes he gets under the covers with me after tucking me in, to hold me in my sleep.
It makes me feel safe. A feeling I no longer dread. It makes me feel like maybe, when some day I get my act together, he and I might work. Even though I still have my list of reasons why it shouldn't, it feels like it could. I could fly away from here in the arms of an angel.
But then there's reality. My past, my activities, Peter…
The storm keeps on twisting, I keep on building the lies, that I make up for all that I lack. I can forgive myself for not telling him about my past. It is the past after all. And maybe even for the stuff I'm doing with Peter. Jacob and me are not a couple, even though I know my behavior would break his heart.
What hurts me most if the fact that I can never open up completely. I can never tell him about the shame I feel, or the way I worry about my future and my income. I can't share with him how I'm afraid I won't know how to stop, even if I didn't need the money. This is all I know. My deepest wishes and fears, they all remain hidden, when he shares everything with me. It kills me.
That's the reason why even on perfect days like this, I can't be happy. I probably never will.
After Peter is finished, the whole team has dinner together and then start going over game tactics.
Right before warm-up, Jacob walks over to me and gives me his most beautiful smile.
"I'm going to dedicate the goal to you."
I smile and reply "you are quite confident are you?"
Since Jacob is a defender, he doesn't score that often, so I wonder how he can be so sure.
"Of course," he beams, "Hear me out. I know you won't like me making a scene and put you in the spotlight, but after I score I'll point at the public, at nowhere in particular, and I need you to know that it's for you."
"Okay," I smile back.
He grabs hold of me and pulls me into a hug, then places both his hands on my shoulders and leans back, scanning my face for something. I'm surprised when I feel his lips on mine. After that one kiss back home, where I completely freaked out, he never tried anything like this anymore. Before I get a chance to respond however, he's gone, running towards the team mates who call out to him and nearly caught us.
I take a seat in the box and try not to over think the moment we just shared. I'm sure it was just his excitement about the game.
The crowd is excited as well. If we win this one, we'll be leading the ranking, which hasn't happened in years. And the enthusiastic people get rewarded by an early goal from Jared. The crowd goes insane, shouting his name. "Jared Cameron, he's our number one!"
Jacob is playing a perfect game so far, but somehow, about an hour into the game, 1-1 is on the score board. Disappointment flows through the arena, but the players and the fans keep their heads up. They keep cheering, still hoping for that victory.
As time runs out, the atmosphere becomes more heated, as if the last desperate shouts could actually make a difference, out there on the field. And maybe it does. I can tell that some of the players are really tired, but they keep fighting for every meter, like the true heroes they are.
And then it happens.
As in slow motion, I see Jacob taking a long shot. I glance over at the other goalkeeper, who is standing too far into the field. His shot is perfect, too high for the goalie to reach, and slowly falling right behind him. When the ball hits the ground and bounces into the net, it takes the crowd one second to release that breath and erupt into a roar of joy.
Right before Jacob is tackled by his team mates for a massive group hug, he lifts his arm and points his finger up towards the screaming fans. My heart swells and I jump up as well, hugging the people surrounding me, even the ones I never talked to before.
Soon after that, the referee ends the game and the supporters go crazy. In between the "we are the champion" chants, all praise is for Jacob. His name is scanned over and over, long after the game is finished.
I'm waiting in the massage room for Jared to arrive, and when he finally gets there, I notice that he's not in a cheerful mood as I expected. We can still hear the partying fans shout for Jacob and he rolls his eyes.
So he's jealous. He's so petty that he can't even be happy for his team mate when they score.
I start working, but he keeps complaining that I'm doing it wrong and that I might injure him instead of preventing injury. I hate to let him ruin my good mood, but his attitude is getting to me.
At last, I lash out and say, "fine, if I'm so crappy, go find yourself another physio then."
I wipe my hands on a cloth and prepare to walk out when his cold voice says, "Swan, get back here."
I ignore him and keep walking, but right before I get to the door, his strong hand grabs my arm and turn me around. I stare into his furious glare, and suddenly I remember Edward's iron grip.
Jared doesn't notice my terror and growls, "nobody turns their back on Jared Cameron. Especially not a slut like you."
I'm paralyzed with fear, but he takes my silence as defiance, which causes him to tighten his grip. Slowly he pushes me against the wall, his hard body against mine and I nearly faint in fright.
"It's your loss," he spits with a low voice, "I could be good for you."
When his free hand suddenly grabs between my legs, I wake up from my dazed state and my fist hits his face before he knows it.
"Fucking bitch," he shouts, releasing his grip to grab his bleeding nose. Right before he gets a chance to hit me back, I bolt for the door and run through the hallway. I curse when I notice the other players standing there, and rush my way past them.
"Bella," Jacob shouts, but I don't turn around and keep running, into the street. I was hoping to be alone, to get away from everything. But the streets are crowded with happy supporters finding their way towards some pub.
"Bella," Jacob repeats when he catches up with me, "what's wrong?"
I simply shake my head. I'm still trembling too much to talk, and I don't want him to know anyway.
How messed up I am, how the bastards of the world will always see me for what I really am. A slut.
I'm so tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn, there's vultures and thieves at your back.
"Bella, please," Jacob pleads. He grabs my sleeve and I stop running. I wouldn't know where to go anyway.
Instinctively, I throw myself against his chest and start sobbing while hiding my face. He wraps his arms around me and steers me back towards the arena.
"I don't want to go back," I manage in between sobs, but he reassures me, "just to my car, sweetie, I'll take you home."
He pulls his hoodie over his head, because people are starting to stare at us, wondering if it's really their hero right here on the street next to them.
When he opens the car door for me, I take a deep breath and say, "I'll wait right here. You shouldn't leave. This is your night." I try to smile to show him how happy I am for him.
"No way," he says. With clear determination he walks around the car and gets into the drivers seat, waiting for me to get in as well.
Reluctantly I agree, but I hate myself for it anyway. How can I ruin his big night like this?
The first minutes we pass in silence. He takes a small detour, away from the people who might recognize him. But then he finally speaks, "it was Jared, right?"
"How do you know?" I ask surprised.
He sighs and continues, "he's been a bit of an ass for weeks. Trying to place bets about how long it will take him to finally get that happy ending from you. I've been dying to punch his arrogant face, but I thought it was just macho talk. You never mentioned him being obnoxious, and the other players just laugh politely without joining in, so I just let him be…"
I can tell that he's feeling guilty about it, so I try to let him off the hook.
"It's not your fault."
"Yes it is. In a way, it is my fault. For some reason he hates my guts. Whenever he's talking about you, he makes sure that it's loud enough for me to hear. He knows he can get to me through you, and he's been trying to piss me off. And now he hurt you."
"He doesn't hate you, he feels threatened. He was in a bad mood because you scored, which in turn made me angry as well, because he should be glad the team won. That arrogant bastard."
"What happened?" Jacob asks.
"I tried to walk out on him. He was ruining my day and being a total jerk, so I told him to find someone else. Then he pushed me against the wall and tried to feel me up."
"So you punched him in the face?" Jacob suggest with hope in his voice.
I grin, "obviously".
"Did he hurt you?"
I shake my head, but in my mind I know that Jared broke me.
Just when I was starting to believe I might have a real life, a decent job, a future in which I could be somewhat normal, he made sure that my feet are back on the ground. I know my place again now and I should have never hoped for anything more.
I can tell by the way Jacob squeezes his steering wheel that his anger is difficult to control. I hope he won't try to defend my honor and end being suspended, now he's doing so well.
I place my hand on his arm and say, "he's not worth it."
"No, he's not," Jacob agrees, "but I'd still feel better if I can beat the crap out of him."
"Please don't do that, Jacob. I'd hate myself even more if you get into trouble. Just keep beating him on the field, that's the best way to get to him."
"But if he gets away with this, he'll keep being an ass."
"Doesn't matter," I say, "I'm not going back anyway."
"Don't say that, Bella, you are a great physio. You love that job, you are part of the team."
My silence is stubborn and he knows it.
"Don't make decisions now, Bella, sleep on it."
I nod, but I know that I won't change my mind on this.
When he parks the car, I try to convince him one last time to go back to celebrate his winning goal, but he refuses and calls Paul to explain with a fake excuse about me being sick.
"Are you hungry?" he asks with a worried expression.
I shake my head. I can't stand having dinner with him now, having a romantic night after that cheerful kiss he gave me earlier, knowing that I'm really just a whore in disguise
"I just want to go to sleep."
"Good," he nods, "I'll stay with you."
Even though I will know that I don't deserve his arms around him, I can't face the night alone either. So I don't object and walk into the bathroom. I resist the urge to smash the mirror with my sore hand, and try to listen to the phone call Jacob is making. He's talking quietly though, so I can't understand him. When I open the door, he quickly ends the conversation, and I don't ask. I simply walk to my bed and collapse. Without tears, and without hope.
The only warmth I let myself have is the warmth of Jacob's arms around me. In his arms, I fly away from here.
He lovingly holds me tight all night and whispers in my ear that everything will be alright.
But he's wrong.
It won't get any better.
AN: Please share your thoughts. Are you still with me?