She couldn't pull her knees close enough to her chin, the blanket had been long forgotten yet she was still burning up. Her shoulder ached, her head throbbed and every breath was like a stab in the side. None of this compared to the pain in her heart, or the sensation in her stomach. She was pretty sure she could bore a hole in the wall over the fireplace with her eyes. They had settled there and she couldn't muster up the energy to move. Oin was muttering something to himself at the table he'd moved beside the bed but she couldn't make out any words. She was pretty sure if she moved her head in any direction she would faint away again. Yet this was the best she'd felt in weeks, if best is even the word you can use when one still feels utterly annihilated.

She was trying her best to think of how long ago everything had happened, the battle could have been months ago. Laketown lifetimes back. Everything since the tear down his cheek was both a blur and a prolonged torture. Right up until that dream. Everything in that was vivid and solid. Especially him. She still had the ghost of his kiss on her lips, goose bumps from his breath on her cheek and tears in her eyes from his words. Never had she had such a dream before, although she had not experienced a lot of what had happened the past few weeks before. He had seemed so real to her though. Her heart had truly soared as he'd come into view sitting on the bed beside her.

Her eyes overflowed again as she once again realised reality. He was gone. She'd placed everything she had on her faith in him and lost it all. He had instantly become such a focus in her life, it was soul crushing every time a wave of awareness hit her. He was no more. Her eyes unfocused from the wall in a moment of muscle protest, they came to rest next on the chair by the window and a new wave hit her. A vision almost, of herself sitting in that chair, legs curled up under herself, holding a large book. She watched herself as she looked up towards the door, the vision grew to show the door opening and a smiling Kili coming through the door dragging his bow and arrow behind him.

She slammed her eyes shut and wedged her knees up into them, tears now burning her skin.

"Have some water dear." Oin said a hand coming to her shoulder causing her to flinch. She managed to cast one eye across at the older dwarf. He had been so kind. She didn't deserve it. She was a burden they did not need on top of everything else that had happened their people. She tried to move her hand up to take the mug but her arm simply trembled. The dwarf smiled and held the mug to her lips. She tried to swallow a mouthful but it just hurt. He didn't force it on her though, clearly pleased she had even tried. She rubbed the water around her mouth to try and ease the dryness, then opened her mouth.

"May I go to him." She said slowly, her voice was not as hoarse as she'd assumed, perhaps she had been talking in her sleep.

"Not yet. When you can drink unaided." He replied and started shuffling around at the table again.

She heard a faint sigh coming from the opposite side of the large bed and her head whipped around as fast as her weary bones would allow, only to find an empty seat. The dream coming back into the forefront of her thoughts.

/ / / / / \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\

"When you can drink unaided." Fili heard Oin say and he couldn't help but sigh. He wanted to know what the old dwarf was muttering to himself across from them. Whatever he wasn't telling Tauriel he also wasn't telling him and it was getting very frustrating. He found he really didn't like being ignored, if even unintentionally. He needed Kili to return soon. Tauriel had been awake for about twelve hours now, after sleeping away another day. She'd shot up in the bed, then seized up from all her injuries. Ever since she'd just been staring or moving obediently when Oin asked.

/ / / / /\\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\

At sometime or another everyone thinks about the day they might someday introduce the person they've decided to spend the rest of their lives with to their parents. Kili even had laughed to himself at the thought of Fili bringing a poor darrowdame home to meet their mother. This was a scenario he had never envisaged though. Dis was walking slowly through the corridors of Erebor her hand resting on Balin's arm, though she was refusing to lean on him. Kili could see her eyes probing around the halls, taking it all in. she commented on something every few minutes.

"It is as if we never left." She muttered once and Balin nodded.

"There is a lot to rebuild." Was another brief comment she made as they passed a collapsed wall. Kili was growing more and more anxious as they went, the pace so slow that he had ample time to think of how badly this could go. His worry was fuelled by the constant vision of Tauriel's terrified face when he'd told her it was a dream. She was strong he knew that, but he didn't know how she'd fare against his mother's wrath in the state she was currently in.

The small group stopped at the foot of the stairs Kili thought led to the royal chambers.

"She is staying here?" Dis asked quietly.

"Yes, Bofur made the decision to treat her still as Kili's fiancé. She's in your brothers old quarters." Dwalin said waiting for her lead to start ascending the steps.

"I… who is she Balin? What has Kili done?" he heard his mother whisper as she looked up the steep steps.

"She is a maid of great strength and honour who joined our cause wholeheartedly and grieves desperately for your son." Kili felt a grin spread across his face, he'd always known Balin was the wisest of dwarfs, even if he'd never said that out loud.

"Surely not a human?" she looked up at him with a look that Kili couldn't categorize.

The brothers ignored it awkwardly and both forged ahead up the stairs.

/ / / / /\\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\

Fili hear footsteps and voices, something quite foreign to these halls the past few days. Oin clearly heard it too, though suspiciously his horn was nowhere in sight. Tauriel made no reaction.

He stood up awaiting the arrival of a group, purely from habit, not because it made any difference.

The door opened and he knew instantly there was going to be trouble.

"Ma…" he muttered catching Kili's wide eyes.

/ / / / /\\ \\ \\ \\ \\ \\

Kili stared at Fili and waited for the shouts to begin. His eyes drifted and widened even more at the sight of Tauriel sitting up in bed. He started towards the bed then stopped as her eyes locked on his, her chest started heaving, her breathing quickening. She could still see him. He slowly shook his head and she gave back a single nod.

"Tauriel." Dis said from the doorway, and the elf's eyes moved towards her. "You are Tauriel?" the female dwarf asked, as if hoping for an answer she wasn't expecting.

Tauriel nodded again, just as slowly.

"Leave us." Dis said calmly and the three other dwarves turned and left. Dwalin looked exceptionally relieved Kili thought.

Fili made to walk towards the door but stopped as he stood facing their mother, the pain in his face that Kili saw was exquisite.

/ / / / /\\ \\ \\ \\ \\

Tauriel's heart was beating too fast, her head was feeling light and she thought she may be sick. How was this happening there he was standing in front of her again? Clear as day. Just like the dream. She was losing her mind that was the only explanation. He shook his head and she knew not to speak.

"Tauriel." She turned her attention to the source of her name. The dwarf standing before her, she knew instantly who it was. The striking dark looks and general regal air surrounding her. This was Kili mother. The mother he would never return to. "You are Tauriel?" She said breaking her trance. She nodded again, unable to find any words.

"Leave us." She sounded so like her brother, commanding and sure. Even after losing everything she was still able to stand there and demand the esteem of everyone in the room. She risked darting her eyes over to where Kili stood briefly. Just to check he was still there. He was but he was staring at a blank space in front of his mother. Tauriel looked back at the female dwarf, the last in her lineage, and moved her legs over the side of the bed. She stood up slowly and made her way around the bed. Dis hadn't said a word, she was still just staring at her. Tauriel felt her knees shake beneath her but she was determined to greet her properly.

"It is an honour to finally meet you." She said shakily, bowing as much as her ribs would allow her. She saw Kili move towards her from the corner of her eye but she ignored him.

Watching Dis' face she was struck by the familial similarities she saw, the dark heavy eyebrows the deep loving eyes. But she also noticed how the dwarf's lip was curling slightly and her nostrils flared. She did not think she would be able for an altercation today. Many moons seemed to pass as they looked at each other, the tension in the air grew heavier. Tauriel had never been so terrified.

"Sit down child. Before you fall down." Dis said finally. Tauriel was afraid it was a test. "Sit! You are clearly still in great pain." She said again gesturing to the bed. The elf took the advice this time and nearly collapsed onto the end of the bed. Again she saw Kili moving just outside her vision and it took every ounce of her diminished strength not to look at him. Why was her brain doing this to her. Did things not hurt enough as it was?

/ / / /\\ \\ \\ \\ \\

He just wanted to reach out and catch her, cradle her in his arms until she was better. But he couldn't. she could still see him but no one else could, he couldn't risk them thinking her mad. His mother was incredibly calm and it was extremely unnerving. He was waiting for her to talk again.

"Balin tells me that you…" Dis said slowly. "Balin tells me you fought with them in the battle. That you defended my kin greatly."

"I did what I could ma'am yes." Tauriel nodded.

"Why? You are an elf of Mirkwood no? You had no obligation to the dwarves of Erebor." Kili watched his mother carefully. He had never seen her like this.

"I believe you know the reason."

"I need to hear it from you. For I cannot believe it myself." He heard a quiver in his mother's voice now, he had only seen her cry once but he believed that was about to change.

"I renounced my king and people for the love of your son." Tauriel said gently her head held high.

"And my son returned this love?" Dis was moving closer to Tauriel ever so slowly.

"I truly believe so. He pledged himself to me. We were to be married."

Dis wrung her hands together then sat on the end of the bed beside her.

"Then my child, we shall grieve together."