Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter, the holiday season has been keeping me very busy and this is the first time in a while that I've had a chance to get on here and post. As a way of apologising here is a longer-than-usual chapter for you. I hope you enjoy...
Morning came once again, both Calleigh and Horatio had slept peacefully for most of the night, there were a few occasions when the redhead would start to mumble and shift in his sleep but a few soothing words from Calleigh and a gentle kiss on his head seemed to settle him. Calleigh was woken by the sound of gulls out on the beach; she raised her free arm and looked at her watch, surprised to find that she had slept in so late. He looked so peaceful at the moment and she hated to wake him but knew that they both needed to get up and get ready for the day ahead.
She squeezed his arm gently and he moaned softly in response, his brow creasing. "Horatio. Time to get up" she told him as she rubbed her hand up and down his arm, he moaned once more and slowly opened his eyes. His eyes widened when his brain processed the compromising position he found himself in with his subordinate. He quickly untangled himself from her and shot into the en-suite bathroom, closing the door behind him. She sighed and closed her eyes, she had hoped last night that they had made progress; he had talked to her and accepted her comforting embrace, but this morning as soon as he opened his eyes she saw the emotional barriers come down once more.
Calleigh looked down and realised that she was still in her night clothes; she lifted herself from the bed and smoothed the duvet back down. She spotted the bag with Horatio's clothes in and took them out and placed them in piles on the bed, hoping that he would take the subtle hint to at least change his shirt this morning. With that she left the room and returned to the guest bedroom to get washed and dressed for the day. After hearing no movement in the en-suite bathroom for a number of minutes she began to worry what Horatio was doing in there, her mind immediately envisaged him doing something awful. The way he had spoken last night, he sounded so defeated that she worried that he might give up on himself completely. She was about to return to the other room when she heard the shower turn on, her fears momentarily abated she returned to the task of getting ready herself.
He stood in the bathroom trying to control his breathing; he was mortified that he had been caught in such a compromising position with her. He hated himself for the fact that he had let her see him so weak and vulnerable, he remembered what his father would say to him after he had finished beating him and he was left crying and shaking in the corner. "Pull yourself together!" he would shout at his terrified son, "Real men don't cry. You're nothing but a snivelling idiot!" He cursed himself for his weakness, it didn't matter what Jeff tried to tell him, he knew his father was right. The sooner he got out of all of their lives the better, he was a failure and sooner or later they would tire of his self-pitying behaviour. Once they knew the truth about him they would never look at him the same way again, they had no idea what he had done and the things he was capable of. He promised himself that as soon as the opportunity presented itself that he would leave all of their lives. For good.
Once Calleigh had got dressed she made her way downstairs and in to the kitchen, she set about preparing breakfast but could not shake the nagging bad feeling she'd had since waking up this morning. She was about to call out to him when she heard him walking down the stairs, she smiled at him as he walked into the kitchen but he did not return it with one of his own. He sat down at the dining table and picked up a spreading knife, he fiddled with it absent-mindedly as Calleigh brought two steaming cups of coffee over to the table. "Not sharp enough" he told himself as he contemplated the item in his hands, "Wrists. Arterial spray. Too messy" Some days he cursed working so closely with the dead but he had to admit that it came in handy when one was contemplating ending their life.
Calleigh watched him turn the knife in his hand and how the sunlight reflected off of it as he moved. He seemed to be lost in thought; she only wished that she knew what was going through his mind. Just as she was steeling herself to open her mouth and talk to him the toaster 'popped', she rose from her chair and collected the food before bringing it back to the table and dropping it on Horatio's plate. He looked up at her and was about to tell her that he wasn't hungry, "Eat" she said firmly. He sighed and looked down at the toast, sensing that it was easier to take the path of less resistance he went about spreading jam on it before taking a bite. She smiled at him in response and continued to look at him to ensure that he ate every item on his plate. They sat in awkward silence until the doorbell rang, "Right on time" Calleigh thought as she left the kitchen.
She opened the door and greeted Jeff with a smile, "Come in" she said warmly, glad that the other man was here, hopefully he would be able to talk some sense into the stubborn redhead in her kitchen. Jeff returned her smile and walked through into the hallway, he looked Calleigh up and down and then spoke softly, "How were things last night?" he said as he glanced at the kitchen.
"Better. I think" she replied, placing one hand on her forehead and one on her hip.
"Any bad dreams?"
"Not really" she answered vaguely.
"Meaning?" Jeff prodded.
She wasn't quite sure how to phrase it without it sounding inappropriate, "It got a bit emotional last night" she paused to glance at the kitchen and then back to Jeff who motioned for her to go on, "He ended up falling asleep in my arms"
"And the nightmares didn't return?"
Calleigh nodded her head and looked at the ground, she knew her methods were hardly textbook but it seemed to keep his demons at bay, at least when he was sleeping anyway. She was expecting to hear a lecture about boundaries and personal space and so she was surprised when Jeff spoke. "Good" he said as he smiled at her.
"Good?" she repeated, not understanding his reaction.
"Yes. It seems that unconsciously at least Horatio is reaching out to you; it's good that he's seeking physical comfort. It's a start, at least" he told her, trying to reassure the clearly worried woman in front of him. "Is he in the kitchen?" he asked, changing the subject. She nodded and followed him into the kitchen.
"Horatio" she said, trying to gain his attention. "Jeff's here to see you" He nodded his head slightly and winced but didn't raise his gaze to either of them. "I guess I'll leave you to it then" she said as she left the room and went upstairs.
Jeff placed his bag down on the table and sat in the chair next to Horatio, "Mind if I sit?" he asked.
"Looks like you already have" Horatio replied, his tone sullen.
"Your head still hurting?"
Still Horatio would not meet his gaze, "A bit" he said, hoping that Jeff would take the hint that he wasn't in a talking mood today.
"Well we're certainly monosyllabic this morning, are we?" Jeff responded, trying to lighten the mood. Horatio lifted his head and gave the other man a withering glare, "Well at least he's looking at me now" he thought as he took the small psychological victory.
"What do you want?" Horatio asked him, tiring of Jeff's seemingly happy-go-lucky nature and his answers for everything.
"Wow. You're really not in a people-pleasing mood at the moment are you? Want to talk about it?"
"No" was the taciturn reply.
Sensing that he was getting nowhere fast Jeff decided to change tacks, "I was wondering, do you have any hobbies?"
Horatio looked at him puzzled, caught off guard by the line of questioning. "What has that got to do with anything?"
"When we're feeling stressed it's often good to do something we enjoy. It helps lift our spirits and focus the mind"
"I don't have time for hobbies" Horatio eventually replied, fidgeting nervously with the knife in his hands.
Jeff slapped his thighs as he raised himself from the chair, "Well, you do this week. How about we go for another walk?" He stood by the kitchen door and waited for Horatio to follow him, eventually the other man raised himself warily to his feet and followed Jeff into the hallway.
After leaving the house they walked down to the beach and took the same route as yesterday, after a couple of minutes Jeff spoke, "So, as I was saying" he began, looking over to Horatio, "What kind of things do you like to do to relax?"
Horatio contemplated the question for a moment, "I told you. I don't have time" he replied, not wanting to discuss it further.
"Okay. What kinds of things did you do when you had the time?"
He was definitely not in the mood for a game of twenty questions today, "What does it matter?" he asked tiredly.
"It matters because you need something to occupy that big old mind of yours. You need to give your brain something to concentrate on rather than moping"
"You think I'm moping?!" Horatio responded, his voice rising.
Jeff realised that he had probably overstepped the mark with Horatio, "I'm sorry. That came out wrong" his said as way of an apology. "What I meant to say was that you seem to be spending far too much time focusing on the negatives at the moment. We need to break that cycle" He hoped that he had managed to recover a little of the ground he had lost with his previous tactless statement.
Horatio shoved his hands in his pockets and did not speak for a number of minutes, finally he answered the question. "I used to play varsity basketball in high school. Ray Jr and I, we used to go fishing when he was younger" he shrugged his shoulders as he carried on walking, head down. "That's about it really"
"Were you any good at basketball?" Jeff asked, trying to open the other man up a bit more.
"I was ok" he said, uncomfortably. " I was offered a basketball scholarship to NYU"
"Wow" Jeff responded, impressed by the other man's declaration. "What happened, did you take it?"
Horatio shook his head sadly, "No" he responded quietly, "I was all set to, but then Dad….he…he…..you know" he said stammering, unable to put into words again that horrific night.
"I understand" Jeff responded, "What happened to you and Ray after that night?"
"Someone from Family Services collected us and took us to an emergency foster family. I spent most of the first few days being questioned by the police, when they were satisfied that I hadn't butchered my own mother and father in cold blood they let me go back to school"
"I bet that was difficult, wasn't it?"
Horatio laughed humourlessly, "The other kids just stared at me, and the coach of the basketball team benched me. Told me I wasn't good for team morale"
"Did you and Ray find a good foster home?"
"No" he replied honestly, "Most of the families were just in it for the money, they didn't care what we got up to. We tended to get moved on every few weeks anyway. Never did stay at any one high school for too long after that, we must have gone to most of the schools in the tri-state area"
"But you must have gone to college at some point, you can't run a crime lab without having some kind of qualifications"
"About nine months after….after it happened we got placed with a new foster family" Horatio smiled slightly as he remembered the couple fondly, "She was a stay at home wife and he was a detective in the NYPD, it was the first place where Ray and I felt welcome"
"They were good people, then?" Jeff probed, sensing that Horatio was remembering fond memories.
"The best" he responded sincerely, "Ray and I both acted out a bit after what happened but Rick and Emma wouldn't take any crap from us. I remember I told them one day that I was going to quit school and go and find a job so that Ray and I could support ourselves"
"And what did they say?"
Horatio laughed softly as he remembered, "Rick told me to knuckle down and graduate from high school. He told me about the new facilities that were being discussed in the NYPD, a new forensic investigation department was being created. He knew that I liked chemistry and engineering and he told me that he and Emma would pay for me to go to college"
"Wow, bet that made you happy?"
The smile faded from Horatio's face, "Not really. I felt incredibly guilty that they were spending their hard-earned savings on me. They were in their mid-fifties when they took Ray and I on, they should have been saving that money for their retirement.
"So what did you do?"
"I had more than a few heated arguments with them, they were insistent that I go to college. They told me that there would be no way I could support Ray and myself on a minimum wage. I realised that they were right, I needed to provide a better life for Ray"
"What did you study in college?"
"Chemistry and electrical engineering" he replied, tonelessly.
"Wow, you need to be pretty switched on to deal with that kind of studying" Jeff commented.
"Rick and Emma were great with Ray, they let me get my head down to concentrate on studying. I felt so guilty though, Ray was my responsibility and I was letting two almost strangers take care of him whilst I thought about myself"
"That's not true. You were working hard to make a better life for Ray and yourself. I'm sure he never blamed you for that"
Horatio winced and closed his eyes as his mind dredged up another memory, "I remember one night, Ray came into my room and asked me to shoot some hoops with him in the back yard. I told him I was busy and that he should go and play by himself but he wouldn't take no for an answer"
Horatio paused and Jeff knew he would have to prompt the other man to elaborate further, "Then what happened?"
Horatio sighed deeply, "I'll never forget what happened after that for the rest of my life"
Thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing, I'm not sure when I'll be able to post the next chapter due to family and work commitments over Christmas. I can assure everyone that there is still plenty more to come and I'd also like to take the time to wish everyone a very happy, healthy and peaceful holidays xxxx