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October 2017

"Look at them."

Shiro did it, his little head rested against his father's chest. A great number of stars looked back down at him from the dark sky. They were lying on the old dormitory's roof, Shiro was happy because Dad had said that it was Mom's secret place. "Do you like them?"

The child nodded. "Yes, Dad. Did Mommy like the stars?"

Yukio sighed deeply placing a hand on his son's head. "Yes, little one."

We've conceived you under these stars.

"He used to talk to them because he was sure that your grandparents could hear him."

Shiro widened his eyes looking at his father's face. "Can I talk to him in this way?" He asked sitting up, Yukio could feel the hope in his tiny voice and in his gorgeous blue eyes. He smiled sadly brushing his fingertips against the child's soft cheek. "Yes, love…"

Shiro smiled happily, it was still strange to see his own smile on another little face but it was so sweet at the same time.

"A part of me and a part of you!"

Rin's voice said in his head and Yukio nodded absently staring at his little treasure's face. "Daddy?" Shiro called taking his hand between his smaller ones, the young man sighed. "You can talk to Mom tomorrow, okay?" He said gently standing up. "It's cold outside and it's late. Do you want to see our new house?"

Shiro tilted his head. "We've never had a real house…" He replied confused and Yukio smiled kneeling down to look at his son's eyes. "We have one, now. It's Dad and Mom's old house, Uncle Mephisto gave it to us before your birth. It was like a present for us and you."

Shiro smiled happily again, his little one didn't know how much he made him happy in that way. "House! House!" He grabbed his father's hand following him quietly. "Yes…" Yukio murmured looking up at the stars one last time. "A place where to come back."

"Are you sure you want to come back to that place?" Shiemi asked helping Yukio with his bags. The young man didn't answer immediately, he turned to look at his son. "You can stay here as long as you want, Yuki-chan. You can stay with Shi-chan in my old room in the warehouse, it's big enough for both of you."

Yukio smiled shaking his head slowly. "Thank you, Shiemi but I have to see that place again. I don't want to run away anymore and that house is the right place to begin a new life with Shiro. Can you keep a secret? Sometimes I feel like I'm running away from Rin, not from the Vatican or the demons."

Shiemi nodded lowering her gaze. "You need to find him again in a way or another, right?"

The young man nodded. "Yes, I need to do it for my son and for myself" He turned around. "Shiro, come here!"

The child stopped to play with Shiemi's little familiar and he came closer to his parent. "Let's button up this jacket!" Yukio said trying to be cheerful. "Can I ask you a favor, Shiemi?"

Shiemi nodded happily. "Sure, Yuki-chan."

"I…" Yukio took Shiro in his arms. "I'm going to work as an exorcist again."

"What…?" Shiemi held her breath for a while. "I mean… Are you sure, Yuki-chan? You said… You never…"

"I know..." Yukio forced a smile just to not make his son worry about him. "But it isn't for the Vatican anymore. It is for the humanity, for our world and for my son."

Shiemi smiled. "You're a great father, Yuki-chan."

Shiro smiled proudly. "Daddy is awesome!" he exclaimed wrapping his little arms around his father's neck. Yukio blushed a little holding his boy closer. "Well… I need someone to take of him during my absence, I know… you're an exorcist now but if you…"

Shiemi widened her green eyes then she smiled brightly. "I would be really happy to take care of Shi-chan!" She exclaimed. "Shi-chan… Would do you like to come to play with me, sometimes?" Shiro looked at her and then at his father, Yukio nodded caressing his hair. "Ye-Yes…" The child answered blushing a little and hiding his face against his parent's shoulder. Yukio laughed briefly, "Let's go, love."

The exorcist stared at the closed door for a while, Shiro was just next to him, he didn't understand why his father didn't open the door, yet but he decided to be calm and patient. Yukio was holding the keys in his right hand looking for the courage to use them.

"I can't let you two stay in that old and dusty place, you're having a child!"

"What's the house's color?"

"Why are you asking that, my little Rin?"

"I don't want to live in a Barbie-House, clown!"

But the house wasn't pink, it was white like any other ordinary house.

"This is my present for the future birth! Give me a beautiful princess!"

"I will give you nothing!"

"Daddy?" Yukio gulped and looked down to meet those big blue eyes, he smiled. "I'm sorry…" He murmured passing his fingers between his son's dark brown hair. "Are you ready?" Shiro nodded, Yukio sighed deeply. "Let's go!" The young man opened the door slowly revealing a little hall. "The shoes, love…"

Shiro nodded freeing himself from his little black boots, Yukio placed their bags on the pavement taking off his black jacket and his shoes. "Come here…" Yukio knelt down unbuttoning his son's jacket too, he let it on the clothes hook on the wall next to them. "Take Daddy's hand, Shiro" The child nodded, Yukio smiled down at him when he felt those little fingers against his palm. The living-room was a mess: there was dust everywhere, their pictures were on the floor with pieces of glass and of paper. Yukio picked Shiro up to not make him hurt with the fragments. "I don't like this house, Dad!" Shiro said, his father smiled looking at his child. "We can fix everything later, Shiro" He explained. "It's like an abandoned house…"

Shiro looked all around the room: he could see a garden over the great shattered window. "Dad! There is a swing!" Shiro exclaimed pointing at a great tree. Yukio looked outside.

"What are you doing, four-eyes?"

"Do you remember? We had one at monastery, Dad has made one for us."

"I've destroyed it when we were seven."

"Well… I will made another one every time our girl will destroy it!"

Shiro didn't have the time to destroy his swing. "Dad has made it for you before your birth…" Yukio murmured naturally and Shiro widened his blue eyes. "Is it true?"

"Yes…" Yukio forced a smile walking towards the stairs at his side. The second floor wasn't a mess like the first one, so Yukio decided to let his son on the pavement. "Don't broke anything, okay?" Shiro nodded smiling happily and running inside the first door of the corridor. My old study…Yukio thought walking along the little hallway, he stopped just three steps later: there was a door at his side, it was half-close like it used to be four years ago. The young man opened it gently…

"Can I open my eyes, now?"

"No!"

"And… now?"

"No!"

"I want to see!"

"Be patient."

"I can't be patient, I'm the contrary of patience!"

"Ok, breathe and… open your eyes!"

Everything was like Yukio remembered it. The light-green walls, the smiling pixies on the wallpaper and the wood crib near to the only window of the room. The blanket inside it was blue and white but before the baby's birth Yukio had chosen a pink and green one for their hypothetical little girl.

"We're lucky that you didn't paint everything pink and white, white and pink, Yukio!"

Yukio touched the crib's edge, he had spent entire nights staring at the little treasure inside there. When he came back to home very late, so late that Rin was already asleep, Yukio used to slid inside his son's room to look at his little sleeping demon for hours, after a while, Rin woke up joining him and eventually they spent the rest of the night making love until the baby didn't wake up.

"Welcome back…"

Yukio turned around deciding to let the memories go. "Sorry…" He forced a gently smile towards the door from where Rin used to stare at him and their son. "I didn't want to wake you up."

"You don't have to be sorry, I like to see you with him."

Yukio closed his eyes imaging his brother's arms around his neck and those soft lips on his ones. "I miss you…" Rin used to say sometimes, when their days were particularly full of duties. "You don't know how much I miss you right now…" Yukio murmured to the empty room. "Daddy?" Shiro's childish voice made him open his eyes again. The child looked up at him with his gorgeous blue eyes holding something against his chest, Yukio smiled quickly. "Love…" Shiro came closer and Yukio passed an hand between his dark brown rebel hair sweetly. "What did you find?"

Shiro handed to him a frame. "It was on the floor, but it wasn't broken."

Yukio looked at the photo under the glass and his heart skipped a beat: Rin and him were wearing their exorcist's uniforms, his brother was holding their six-months-old Shiro, Yukio was kissing his twin's cheek while Rin was smiling down at the baby boy. Shura had taken that photo secretly, Yukio hated it because of that but Rin love it literally, so he has forced him to have one copy in his study. Yukio bit his lower lip trying to breath in a normal way, he looked down at his son. "Do you like this photo, Shiro?" he asked gently, his child nodded smiling brightly. "Mommy is beautiful with that blue jacket…"

Yukio looked at Rin's image again: his jacket was just like every other exorcist's one but it was light-blue. It was a Mephisto's idea.

"Blue is Rin's color, so his uniform has to be blue like his flames!"

"Yes…" Yukio murmured with a sad smile on his face. "He's beautiful in his uniform."

"Daddy and Mommy's bed!" Shiro giggled curling under the blanket. "Daddy and Mommy's bed!"

Yukio smiled sweetly leaning down to kiss his son cheek. "Try to sleep, love."

Shiro looked up at him with an expression that was Rin's prefect reflection. "And you, Dad?" He asked. "Dad has to do something, but I'll come soon, I promise" Shiro nodded, Yukio placed another kiss between his hair and then he left the room. He decided to fix the mess in the living-room, he began with the photos picking them up. Yukio didn't want to look at them, it was hard enough to be in that house again, he didn't have time to hurt himself with his and Rin's memories. He couldn't… He really couldn't…

One of the frames fell on the ground again, Yukio placed the others on the sofa kneeling down to get it back. He couldn't help but look at the picture: Rin was wearing his blue-uniform again smiling brightly, Yukio was just next to him and the guys were around them. Yukio remembered it, he remembered that day very well: the day after the final test. Their first day as real exorcists. Shiro was there with them, but he was hiding very well under Rin's jacket. Their baby had always been small, so small that Rin had never had a huge belly like everyone had expected.

"She is too small…"

"Stop to make me upset, four-eyes!"

"But she is really too small!"

"Are you blind? I don't look like a giant!"

"But I…"

"Our daughter won't be taller than me so… she is little but she is perfect, okay?"

"But she is small…"

"Yukio stop to be a Paranoid-Daddy, our daughter isn't born, yet!"

Yukio chuckled. Rin was right, he has been indifferent towards the child until that incident, when they had lost Rin-chan, the smaller twin. Yukio had forced himself to accept Rin's pregnancy but he had fallen in love with his child only during his first ultrasound, when he had heard his baby's heart for the first time. They still called the little thing Yuri, but it was Shiro's heartbeat. His little angel's heartbeat.

"You look like an old man, four-eyes!" Yukio gulped standing up quickly and turning around. "Do you want make me die?" He shouted when he recognized the half-naked woman near to the window. Shura snorted soundly. "You're still so loud!"

"And you're still so childish!" Yukio replied placing the last frame on the couch. Shura smiled gently, "You didn't change, Yukio…"

Yukio's face turned softer. "You're making a mistake…" He sat on the couch staring down at the pavement. "Why didn't you call me anymore?" Shura asked coldly. "We aren't married…" Yukio replied sarcastically. "Stop to joke!" The woman shouted. "Six months, Yukio… I've made a promise to Rin, you know?"

"Don't pronounce his name…"

Shura rolled her eyes but she sighed deeply trying to calm herself. "I don't care about you…"

"It isn't true", Yukio smiled sadly. "Maybe!" Shura exclaimed blushing a little. "But I really care about your child!"

"Shiro is fine."

Shura nodded. "Where is he, now?"

"He is sleeping in my and Rin's old bed…"

The exorcist nodded again. "I've talked with Shiemi…" She informed him. "Is it true?"

Yukio looked up at her. "About my work as an exorcist? Yes, it's all true."

"Are you sure?" Shura asked gently and sadly at the same time. "I didn't really stop to be an exorcist, I had to protect my son. You know that very well…" Yukio answered. "But I need to protect him better, now. I can't do it all alone."

Shura came closer sitting on the couch next to the young man. "I was really worry about you two, Yukio."

"And I'm sincerely sorry…" Yukio replied forcing a smile. "Shiro will be happy to see you."

Shura laughed. "My little demon is a real treasure! How is my little one?"

"Fine, he is still a little pest when he wants to be but he's the same sweet child. He is turning into a little copy of my brother…"

"Poor us!" Shura exclaimed smiling. "His teenage will be a real war."

Yukio laughed briefly. "I'm afraid of the same thing…" The young exorcist gulped when he felt five familiar fingers between his hair. "And you?" Shura asked coming closer. "How are you, Yukio?"

"Shura, please…" Yukio grabbed her hand as gently as he could, Shura stiffened but she nodded lowering her gaze. "Say to me that you want to merry Shiemi, please."

Yukio laughed briefly. "It isn't funny anymore, Shura."

"I didn't want to make you laugh, four-eyes!" Shura replied. "I know that our story is a way to punish Rin from your point of view and I pretend nothing but…"

"But my son needs two parents! He deserves two parents, I know that!"

"No, idiot!" Shura snorted. "You need someone by your side! Youdeserves someone to love!"

"Shura, we've already talked about it!" Yukio stood up walking all around the room. "Yukio…" Shura sighed deeply. "You're twenty-one! You're an awesome young man and a mature one. If I have to be honest I'm really happy to be your sex-friend and if I was a little youn… youn…!"

"Younger?"

"I'm young!" Shura shouted. "Well.. I'm a thirty-two-year-older wonderful woman and our relationship is a little complicated. You're alone with a child, I'm alone with myself, we're both young so… we warm up each other sometimes and it can be funny and I'm happy if it helps you to feel better. I cared about Ri… him!Really! And I love your beautiful little boy but I love freedom, too."

Yukio looked at her coldly. "We're not together, you're not my girlfriend and if you don't want to have sex with anymore, be clear and go away!"

Shura rolled her eyes. "I don't mind to have sex with, Yukio. I can have sex with you here and now if I want and if you want but… What I want to say is… It can't be enough for you! It's survival, you deserve a real life with a special person next to you."

Yukio stared at the pavement for a while: she wasn't tired of him, she just could see his broken heart. The same heart that she had tried to fix giving him a piece of love during the past years. He could understand it but… "I can just repeat myself, Shura…" He murmured turning around. "I'm not a good guy that has met a special a person and has lost it after a season of great happiness. I'm a young man that has committed incest, I'm the teenager that has made love with his twin brother, I'm the father of Rin's beautiful child. I'm Rin Okumura's twin brother, I'm Rin Okumura's lover, I'm the Dark Prince's mate."

A pause.

"I didn't lose a special person. I've lost my entire world, I've lost my entire life, I've lost my everything. Two lovers promise to each other to live together forever but they didn't know what it means really. My heart has begun to beat with Rin's one, I've begun to breathe with Rin. Rin has been with me before my birth, Rin has been with me since the very start… Nobody can know what it means.

Yukio bit his lower lip, he didn't want to cry, he has spent too much time to cry. "Life without my brother… without Rin… It's like a life without a heart in my chest." A sad smile. "Not even a demon can live without a heart in its chest."

No one can fall in love with someone else without a heart.