Chapter Ten
"You know Black, I never really appreciated what a competent beater you were until now," Lily remarked.
Sirius was sitting two seats down from her, just on the other side of Remus with his head in his hands, pointedly not looking at the game. Peter was on Sirius' other side, little watery eyes wide and mouth open in a silent 'o' of horror as he watched the game. Tony Paglia's best friend Edward Lecinq was sitting on Lily's other side, Remus serving as a bridge between the two normally quite separate cliques.
Remus gave Sirius' shoulder a squeeze. "It's not that bad. We might be able to come back."
"We're being murdered..." Sirius groaned.
"Here's a thought," Edward chimed in. "Look at professor McGonagall."
"I'd have to look up thanks, and I can't show my face among Gryffindors."
Edward rolled his eyes. "So they're all this dramatic then, the Blacks?"
"I suppose so," Lily answered. Edward was in Slytherin and the same year as Sirius' younger brother. Which meant he was getting an awful lot of odd looks himself, sitting amongst the Gryffindors for something as divisive as a Quidditch match (even though the Slytherins weren't actually playing they were still showing enmity to their rivals).
"You know I am sitting here in Slytherin colors surrounded by a herd of Gryffindors, right?" Edward pointed out. "You're hardly less popular than I am at the moment."
"Shut it, I'm not looking up."
"I was just pointing out though, that McGonagall is greener than my scarf. You know how she feels about Quidditch. She might let up about you being banned just to keep this from happening again." As Edward finished speaking, James was hit by a bludger fired by his own team's beater, dropped the quaffle, and Hufflepuff scored again.
"I don't think we're coming back from this," Remus said with a sigh, after another few minutes and three more goals for Hufflepuff. "That's two hundred sixty to forty. Gideon ought to just catch the snitch and end this."
"Let's leave now before the team decides to cheer themselves up with a group lynching," Sirius suggested.
"Alright." Remus stood, but looked back at Lily and Edward. "I suppose you're both staying?"
"Yep. Tony has to be there the whole time so we do too," Lily said with a long suffering sigh. "Aren't you going to need to console James later though?"
"Yes, but as his first desire for consolation will involve reintroducing his knuckles to my face, I'd rather give someone else the first crack," Sirius said with mock cheerfulness. "Pete'll handle that for us, right?"
Peter grumpily crossed his arms. "As James isn't going to punch me, I reckon I'll have to."
"That's the spirit," Remus said, shooting Peter a grateful smile. He grabbed Sirius' hand and tugged him from the stands, nodding one last goodbye at his odd assortment of friends.
"I've got a peace offering you can give James," Remus said, once they were far enough away from the death glares of their fellow Gryffindors to speak freely.
"What's that?" Sirius asked.
"You can be the one to tell James that Lily's referring to him by his first name now."
Sirius smiled widely. "Oh, that'll drive it clear from his mind! Thanks Moony."
They weren't the only students heading back to the castle a little early. Quite a few mopey looking Gryffindors were heading towards the tower, thankfully with their heads down under the weight of their shame and therefore unable to notice Sirius, some with banners and flags trailing pathetically after them. Sirius started looking miserable again at the sight of the Gryffindor banners dragging on the ground and, wanting to comfort him any way possible, Remus reached to take his hand.
To his surprise, Sirius violently shrugged him off and started walking with more space between them. "Just what are you trying to do?" He hissed.
Remus stopped in his tracks, transparently hurt. "I was just...just...sorry." He put his hands in his pockets and started walking very quickly with his head down.
"Remus? Oi, wait up, Remus!" Sirius caught up to him and grabbed his arm. "We should probably talk about..." He trailed off as another group of dejected looking Gryffindors passed them. Sirius let Remus' arm drop and backed a respectful distance away from him.
Remus' insides gave a peculiar lurch, something similar to how he felt at the beginning of a transformation. He forced a shadow of his usual smile onto his face despite the peculiar feeling that was turning quickly to numbness. "It's alright. I just didn't realize you didn't want people to know. I'll...I'll stop touching you in public," he whispered.
Scowling, Sirius marched into the nearest classroom, clearly expecting Remus to follow. The trickle of students into the school was becoming more steady, meaning the match had probably ended and getting Sirius to budge from his hiding place would be an uphill battle at best, so Remus followed him in and spelled the door locked.
"I don't have that wrong, do I?" Remus asked. "You don't want anyone to know you're queer then?"
"That's not it at all. When have I ever given a rat's rear what people know about me?" Sirius snapped. "It's you I'm worried about. Remus, do you really want to do anything that'll single you out?"
Sirius was leaning against a desk, raking a hand nervously through his hair. "I'd love to hold hands with you and do all that soppy stuff, and you know how much I like having my arms around you, but I don't think it's a good idea for us to cuddle up in the common room or anything like that."
"Yeah, I s'pose not. I...I actually hadn't thought of that."
"Really?" Sirius finally stopped looking so nervous, on account of the mocking grin he now wore. "I seem to remember you throwing a hissy fit last year when you made prefect. You said something about marching to Dumbledore's office, throwing the badge in his face, and demanding to know why he was trying to sabotage your attempts to blend mildly into the student body by making you an authority figure."
Remus could feel his face going red. "Yeah, well, it was stupid of me. You all said so. No one found me any more memorable for being a prefect."
"But if everyone knew you were half of the only gay couple in school then everyone would be talking about it. Remember that Ravenclaw bloke a few years back?"
Remus nodded. Aaron Esty had been a popular student up until he'd made an advance on the wrong student. Bertha Jorkins had made sure the whole school knew about his leanings within twenty four hours of him flirting with his team's Quidditch captain, and he'd been continuously harassed until he'd graduated. He'd also lost most of his friends. Remus remembered seeing him sitting alone in the library, trying to lose himself in books and wincing anytime he caught one of the vicious whispers about him. He'd wanted to talk to him, but at the same time he was too afraid of being made a pariah by association.
Remus felt a sudden surge of gratitude towards his friends, grateful that they were keeping yet another secret for him, and Sirius as well this time.
"I remember Esty," Remus murmured. "Once it got out that he was queer he was singled out. And if they're talking about me and noticing me, then someone might figure out the timing of my absences and realize I'm a werewolf-"
"And if you have to leave this school then I'll have to leave with you, and we'll both be miserable and poor. We'll still be together mind, but I'd much rather be able to graduate, get a really cool and impressive job, and shower you in luxuries." Sirius grinned at the indignant expression on Remus' face. "You'll make a lovely kept man."
"The hell I will! If anyone in this relationship is the trophy boyfriend it's you! You're the pretty one!"
"Oi, I am roguishly handsome, not pretty." Sirius spat the word like a curse, and self-consciously ran his hand through his long shiny black hair.
Remus laughed. "Sorry, but you're just too, well, the word I'm thinking of is 'manicured'-"
Sirius lunged for him and Remus darted out of the way. They were both laughing, and when Sirius finally managed to tackle Remus to the ground any annoyance either had felt for the other was gone. Sirius pinned Remus to the ground, smiling triumphantly. Remus wasn't inclined to break his hold.
"Take it back?" Sirius asked. "M'not manicured."
"Alright, manicured's not the word. But I do rather like thinking of you as my pretty boy," Remus admitted, feeling himself blushing a bit. "I'll drop it on one condition."
"Name it."
"No more jokes about me being your kept man. I do plan on making my own living you know, even if it's going to be a bit difficult." Remus had already had his career counseling. He knew how bleak his prospects were, and they were getting bleaker with every bit of legislation that got through as the war progressed and more and more werewolves were caught aiding death eaters. But for dignity's sake he was determined to find a way to support himself nonetheless. Otherwise all the risks Dumbledore had taken to get him into school were pointless.
Sirius stroked Remus' hair, and rubbed his thumb over his cheek. "Sorry Moony. I didn't realize I'd struck a nerve with that one. I just...I know it's going to be hard for you, and I don't want you to think you won't have any options. If you really need it, I want you to let me help you. I want to give you the world really, but a decent flat and three meals a day is probably all I'll manage."
"Sirius..." Remus didn't know how to voice what he was feeling, what that meant to him, so he tried to put it into a searing kiss. They were getting into a pretty good snog, when suddenly the door knob started to rattle.
Sirius broke the kiss, but his face was still very close to Remus'. "Is alohomora going to get that?" He whispered in an offhand sort of way.
"Shouldn't," Remus whispered back, but he carefully slid out of Sirius' arms and started straightening his robes. Sirius left his rumpled and gazed at the door, which was finally spelled open. James and Peter rushed in, James holding the map, and Peter kicked the door shut behind him.
James laughed when he saw them on the floor between a row of desks, with rumpled clothing and messy hair. "Interesting place for a snog lads. Why didn't you just go up to the dorm? Never mind, you'll never guess what's just happened!"
"You somehow won the match?" Sirius asked, noting that James didn't seem prepared to kill him.
"Oh Merlin's beard no, we got flattened. I mean you saw most of it, didn't you? No, we got killed so bad that Malcolm Lester was pretty much threatened into quitting as soon as his feet touched the ground again, and Kamala quit as well. Didn't appreciate the things people were saying about the Gryffindor beaters."
"Isn't that...bad?" Remus asked, confused as to why James was smiling.
"Evans volunteered to play beater!" James actually jumped in the air and clicked his heels, which was quite the feat considering he was still wearing his Quidditch things. "Which means I'll have an excuse to spend time with her! Loads more time! This would never have happened if you hadn't been booted off the team Pads. I mean, she's only doing it because her boyfriend asked her to, but, but...well I'm happy and I don't want any of you spoiling my moment with your horrible 'logic' or 'rationality'."
Sirius laughed. "If it makes you less murderous towards me then by all means, keep your delusions."
"Thank you Mr. Padfoot, I fully intend to," James answered. "So, anyone fancy a celebratory excursion to Hogsmeade? We, er, might not want to go to the tower just yet. The rest of the house still isn't very cheerful about that match."
"And they don't all know Lester's off the team yet," Peter added.
"Don't you still have to find a second beater to replace Kamala though?" Remus asked.
James waved a hand, like that was an insignificant thing. "We've got loads of time before the match against Ravenclaw. And as long as we do spectacularly in that, we've actually still got a shot for the cup. Remember in the fall? We killed against Slytherin."
Sirius grinned. It was a particularly fond memory of his, getting to chase his brother around the pitch with a bat and a couple of bludgers. He'd been in top form for that match.
"So, you blokes in for Hogsmeade, or are you going to stay here and snog under these old desks with the spiders?" James asked again.
"Yeah, Hogsmeade sounds good. I'll just nip up to the dorm and get the cloak and a change of clothes for you since no one blames me for the Quidditch disaster," Remus volunteered. Conveniently enough, running up to the tower also gave him the chance to avoid the first of several long winded rants of James' plans to turn Quidditch practices into seduction and romantic fantasy.
In private, Sirius, Remus and Peter would all agree that James might want to rethink his strategies before Lily was armed with a bat and a couple bludgers.
To no one's surprise but James', his attempts to flirt with Lily during practice only served to further alienate him from her. "He'd been doing so well too," Remus sighed. "First name basis and everything."
"She's already got a boyfriend though. He really ought to lay off at least until she breaks up with Paglia," Sirius chimed in.
They were in the dorm, fresh from escorting James to the hospital wing to have some rather impressive tentacles removed from his face, a result of some not-quite-captainly remarks he'd made to Lily during the team's latest practice. Peter had stayed behind in the hospital wing to keep James company, while Sirius and Remus had made an eager exit, Sirius joking about the lewd things they'd be up to alone in the dormitory just to watch the discomfited expressions on Peter's and James' faces ("Oi, you nances keep to your own beds, you got that?").
Much to Sirius' annoyance, Remus was taking advantage of the quiet to go over his Potions notes. He was lying on his bed on his stomach with his book and notes open in front of him, thumbing through them while Sirius sprawled against his back, distracting him with whining and conversation and generally getting very little response.
Remus had learned something in the two weeks he'd been dating Sirius: he required a monumental amount of attention. If James had thought he'd had it bad responding to Sirius' whims and abating his boredom as his best friend, it was nothing compared to what Sirius expected of his significant other. If this kept up, Remus wouldn't have to worry about having to leave Hogwarts if someone discovered he was a werewolf; they'd chuck him out for horrendous grades before anyone ever noticed.
"Tony's not so bad. What makes you think Lily's going to break up with him?" Remus asked.
"Wishful thinking, I suppose. As Prongs' best friend I am required to at least superficially hope for it, but yeah…I guess they are a rather good couple, aren't they?"
"They're certainly functional," Remus agreed. "I like Tony. He's very clever, and rather nice once you get to know him. I think Lily's done rather well for herself. Don't ever tell James I said that though."
"I wouldn't want to hear him whine about it anymore than you, trust me. So…you like Paglia then?"
"I've just said, didn't I?" Remus asked, pointedly turning a page and trying to ignore the fact that Sirius was now leaning so close his breath ghosted over Remus' ear.
"Was it him then? He's only been dating Evans for, what is it, four months? Five maybe?"
"Was what him?" Remus asked, giving himself a little shake. He went back to the previous page, suddenly realizing he hadn't taken in anything he'd read for at least five minutes.
"Was he the one you…you know, messed about with?" Sirius asked.
How did he always manage to do that? Remus had had every intention of only paying token attention to Sirius' presence, he'd really meant to focus on his studies…but he couldn't ignore a comment like that. Sighing, he shut the text book and sat up, Sirius sliding off to lie on his side facing Remus.
"Can't you ever just cuddle nicely while I revise?" Remus snapped, tiredly rubbing at his eyes.
"Where's the fun in that? Besides, I really am curious."
"And I have no idea what in the hell you're talking about."
Sirius' brow wrinkled. "Really?"
"You're being a bit cryptic. What makes you think I 'messed about' with Tony Paglia?"
Sirius shrugged. "You've just said you liked him. Made me wonder if that meant you fancied him at any point."
"Sirius, if you want to know if I've been with anyone else you can just ask."
"Alright. Who have you been with?" Sirius asked. "And what'd you do?"
Remus scrubbed a hand through his hair, wondering why he was so annoyed by this. Really, it wasn't that surprising that Sirius wanted to know about it…he supposed what bothered him was his way of 'asking'. If he'd actually been casual about it, mildly curious, it wouldn't have bothered Remus in the least. But this prying…and the way he said it, as though Remus were being sneaky or something.
"I don't know how you even realized I had been with someone else, but fine. Over the summer I had a…a bit of a thing with one of my neighbor's relatives. He was visiting for the summer, and it was very casual since we figured we probably weren't ever going to see each other again."
"What's his name?" Sirius asked, voice harsh and suspicious.
"Does it matter?" Remus snapped back.
Sirius sat up. "I think it does. You know everything about me Remus. Anything and everything that really matters, I tell you. So why does it always feel like you're keeping something from me?"
"Oh, so since we're dating I suddenly have to tell you absolutely everything that's ever happened to me or I'm somehow untrustworthy?"
"Not since we're dating, since we're friends! That's how it works you know!" Sirius yelled.
"No Sirius, that is completely your own misconception!"
When had they started shouting at each other? Sirius was red in the face, so Remus figured he must be as well.
Sirius' eyes narrowed. He crossed his arms haughtily over his chest and turned away, glancing disdainfully in the other direction. "If I'd been with anyone else I'd have told you."
"Sirius, it was over the summer. I hadn't even told you all that I liked boys yet," Remus said, a pleading edge creeping into his voice. It really did bother him to see Sirius go all cold like that.
"That would have been a good place to start."
"It's not like you told me either! Don't go pretending you've been perfectly straightforward and candid with me! Besides, this is probably the stupidest fight we're ever going to have. Can we please just stop? We were both too afraid to tell anyone, and now we both know and we're together and everything's alright…that's good enough, isn't it?"
Sirius still wasn't looking at him, but as Remus talked his expression shifted from cold indifference to open anxiety. "It really was just this one neighbor, right?"
Remus nodded, and Sirius relaxed. "His name is Jamie Travers and he's a muggle. I'm probably never going to see him again, but we did promise to write to each other and I'm going to do so when I've got access to muggle post again."
"…is he a better kisser than me? I've really got no idea what I'm doing you know. I've just been guessing as to where to put my hands," Sirius mumbled. Remus laughed, and he looked offended. "Oh, my insecurities are amusing you, are they?"
"Come on, it's a bit bizarre to see you insecure about anything," Remus pointed out. He leaned across the bed and pulled Sirius close for a slow, tender kiss. "I'd rather do that with you than anyone else in the world, I promise."
"Good, likewise. Is this Jamie Travers good looking?"
"Should I lie and say he was hideous?"
"Yes, of course."
Remus grinned. "Monstrously ugly then. All spotty, with yellowy skin and lank brown hair, same shade as mine actually. He was tremendously fat, and he only had three teeth."
Sirius erupted into a barking laugh. "Come on Remus, that's too much."
"What, you don't believe me? I swear, three teeth and he had a favorite one. He called his middle tooth his biting tooth."
Sirius laughed again and fell over holding his side. He landed with his head on Remus' lap, and Remus started petting his hair, thinking that this conversation might be worth the lost homework time. "He wasn't ugly, but he's not half as beautiful as you. Is that alright?"
"Works for me. Sorry…that was a bit stupid of me, wasn't it?"
"It's okay. Sirius…I don't try to keep secrets from you you know. It just…didn't seem that important at the time, and honestly I'd pretty much forgotten about Jamie by now." Which wasn't strictly true. He couldn't help but compare the lonely two snogs of his life, but he wasn't about to tell Sirius that lest he suffer an all out interrogation.
"I feel like a prat," Sirius whined. He waited, probably for Remus to reassure him that he hadn't been acting in any such way, but if that's what he was waiting for it was going to be awhile. "…is there something I can do to make it up to you?" he finally asked in a small voice.
"You could help me revise. Or at least not hinder me," Remus suggested.
"Damn. I was hoping you'd say snog."
"Like that's putting you out. I just have to look at you a certain way and you'll snog me. Getting you to behave yourself in the library on the other hand…"
"We don't really have to go to the library, do we?" Sirius whined.
Remus rolled his eyes.
"Fine, we'll go to the sodding library."
Remus smiled brightly, and happily started packing up his things. Sirius muttered darkly under his breath. "But I'm the high maintenance one."