Sam scrambled across the ground, heedless of the rocks and sticks digging into his hands and knees. He found that he was making a low keening noise and was unable to stop himself. He moved beside Sara and almost gave way to the tears that threatened. She was so still and pale in the early morning light.
He quickly ran his hands over her beloved face. He couldn't find any sign of injury, as he moved his hands over her skull; and then just behind her right ear he felt a sticky wetness in her hair. He pulled his hand away and saw that it was covered in blood.
Sam clamped down on the urge to panic; he knew from years of experience that head wounds bled, a lot. He continued moving his hands down her body, looking for any other sign of injury. As far as he could tell, there was just the cut on the back of her head. He allowed himself to breathe a little easier and turned towards Dean.
"Dean, get over here man. She's a nasty gash behind her ear." Sam saw Dean take two steps towards Sara and the stop and turn away, and then next Sam heard was Dean throwing up in the brush nearby. "Dean, man, come on get a hold of yourself." Sam heard himself snap.
Dean wiped a hand across his mouth and felt a sudden light headedness. He just couldn't seem to grasp what had happened. Sara had saved Sammy but had been somehow been stricken herself. Dean just couldn't manage to pull the pieces of his mind back together. As he looked at her prone body, he kept seeing different images flash through his mind. His Father, his brother, and even his Mom kept flashing through his mind images of them dead lying there in that forest, looking up at him through sightless eyes.
Dean's head suddenly snapped towards Sam as he saw his brother lift Sara into his arms and head for the house. Dean watched Sam as he carried her towards the house, towards the rising sun.
Sam was furious at what he understood to be Dean's stubborn refusal to admit he cared for someone. It should be Dean that had carried Sara into the house. It should have been Dean wiping the blood away from her injury and carefully cutting the surrounding hair to have access. Sam readily admitted that he loved the woman before him. But Dean, admit it or not was in love with her, and had been for awhile. And even though nothing would or should ever come from it, for Dean to ignore what should have been his responsibility infuriated Sam.
888
Sam stood once more to look out Sara's bedroom window; he could see Dean still sitting with his arms around his knees, by the hammock. He hadn't moved in at least an hour. Sam wanted to storm down there and physically shake some sense into his stupid stubborn brother but he didn't want to risk Sara waking up to find herself alone.
The cut on her head hadn't been that deep and Sam had quickly put in three stitches to make sure she didn't end up with too big of a scar. He had gotten her cleaned up and put her to bed. He felt guilty though because he hadn't stripped her down and washed her.
Sam moved back to his seat by the bed and sat down gingerly, his own shoulder still ached and stung from the scratches he had received. Sam shook his head and leaned back in the chair eyes resting on Sara's pale face.
888
Sara awoke to a blinding pain in her head, she quickly began breathing, slow and easy pushing away the bout of nausea that suddenly gripped her. She never threw up, not ever, it was the one thing she simply refused to do. She forced herself to continue breathing until she felt slightly better.
She carefully opened on eye and promptly shut it again. She heard herself moan and tried to clamp her teeth shut over the sound.
Sara heard someone come closer to the bed, and then she felt it move as someone sat on the edge. Sara edged her eyes open carefully expecting to see a pair of worried green eyes above her. Instead she saw a set of brown eyes, staring down at her in concern.
"Sara, honey can you hear me." Sam hovered over Sara waiting for her eyes to flick open again, waiting to see if she was going to be okay.
Sara opened her eyes again and managed to keep them open this time. "Sam?" Sara heard the croak in her voice and tried again "Sam, are they gone? Did we do it? Are you okay I thought I saw him get you?" Sara put a hand to her forehead and hoped the confusion would clear. Suddenly she shot up trying to get off the bed "Where's Dean? Is he okay? Oh, God please tell me he's okay." Sara got to her feet and almost hit the ground again.
Sam quickly reached out and wrapped his arms around Sara steadying her. "Shhhhh... Shhhh... its okay he's fine. He's just outside, look at me. Sara, look at me." Sam held Sara by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. "He's fine." Sam whispered urging Sara to hear the truth.
Sara finally looked at Sam really looked. She nodded and said "Alright Sam, okay. Let me go, I can manage." Sam gently released Sara, poised to catch her again if she faltered.
Sara took deep breath and stood tall on her own, other than being muscle sore and the spike of pain in her head, she felt pretty good. Sara took a step away from Sam and promptly fainted again.
Sam had seen Sara's eyes roll up in the back of her head this time, so he had managed to catch her before she hit the ground. He swung her into his arms again, cursing the pull on his shoulder and the blood he felt run down his back. He tucked her into bed, and left the room. He just wasn't willing to wait for Dean to get his shit together; it was time for Sam to interfere.
888
Dean sat on the hard ground and found that he was incapable of getting to his feet. He didn't know whether he'd ever be able to get up again. He sat staring hard at the hammock, the memories of the night he and Sara had lain on it talking left him slightly nauseous. He should have known better, he should have never have come here. He had done this; he had brought evil to this house.
Once again, he had gotten someone hurt. Once again, he was unable to protect those he loved. He just didn't want to deal with it anymore. When they were in Oregon, he had admitted to Sam he was tired. Tired of the fight, tired of living, he had meant it then and he felt it to his bones now.
He had come to realize that no matter the number of people he saved it would never equal the ones he had lost. If it wasn't for Sam, he would have let himself go a long time ago. Sam, Dean knew he needed to get up to go to Sam. He knew that Sam was injured and needed help. He just couldn't force himself to move, not even for Sam.
Sam moved across, the lawn about to lay into Dean, his temper had grown and grown the closer he seemed to get to Dean. As Sam moved to face Dean though, the words that he had formed in his mind fled. Dean looked horrible. There was no other way to describe it. He sat with staring with hollow eyes, at the hammock that swung back and forth in the breeze. He didn't even acknowledge that Sam had arrived. Sam dropped down in the grass beside his brother.
"Dean, Dean answer me Dean what is it? Where are you hurt? Come on man answer me." Sam called to Dean over and over again trying to elicit a response. When Dean continued staring Sam finally became really scared. He lightly slapped Dean's waxen face.
Dean could feel more than hear Sam calling to him, Dean knew he needed to respond. For Sam, he needed to pull himself together he just didn't know if he could. Sam wouldn't stop though he kept pulling Dean to the surface forcing him to wake and acknowledge the world once again.
Sam watched as Dean blinked and finally focused on Sam. Dean's voice when he spoke was weak and barely a whisper "She's gone Sam, I've lost her, I lose everyone Sam. I don't think I can take it anymore."
"Dean, she's fine just a bump on the head. What are you talking about, Dean answer me." Sam shook Dean trying to get some type of response from him.
Dean shook his head, and looked down at the silver ring on his finger; he absentmindedly started to twist the ring, the small bit of motion helping to clear his thoughts. "Sam, she's as good as gone to me. I can never come back here knowing that I put her in danger. Knowing that she could be hurt again."
Sam shook his head in sadness, he should have suspected this. He knew that Dean worked so hard at keeping everyone at a distance to protect himself. And this time it hadn't worked, Sara had dug in and gotten inside the fence that Dean kept around himself.
"Dean, I know how you're feeling I do, it's the same reason that I hold myself back. But I'm learning Dean; I'm learning that we can't function alone. We need other people or what's the point. What's the point of saving humanity if we can't be a part of it?" Sam sighed and sank down next to his brother, leaning slightly against his shoulder.
"I can't Sam" said Dean shaking his head slightly. "I just can't, I feel like we bring sadness and chaos wherever we go. And God I'm tired Sam, so tired."
Sam just didn't know what words of comfort he could offer. He desperately wanted to keep the Powers family in his life, but really Dean was probably right. They were a danger to everyone around them.
"I know Dean, but you can't just decide to cut Sara out of your life. It's her life too, and you just can't make a decision like that. If she chooses to remain in our lives I don't see how we can cut her out." Sam said the words softly.
"Dear God, I had to traipse around the house three times, before I finally found you guys." Sara said as she stepped up beside them,practically dropping into Dean's lap, wiggling until she was wedged between the brothers. Sara leaned against them and sighed in relief. She was so tired, and she had panicked when she had woken to find herself alone. The panic had grown as she had searched the house on wobbly legs. She had only found herself breathing again when she saw the Impala still in the garage.
Sara closed her eyes, choosing to shut out the world that still teetered slightly. "Dean, I heard you." Sara said softly choosing her words carefully. She knew that she had only one chance to make them understand her or they would leave her. She could feel the tears coursing down her cheeks.
"You guys act as if you have a choice, as if you'll simply leave us all behind. Ride off down the road in your car never looking back. But if you two would look back just once you'd see us, standing there waiting for you to return. And we will wait; we'll wait as long as necessary, because you're a part of us." Sara stopped for a moment wiping a shaky hand across her eyes.
"The day you showed up here is the day you both stopped being free. You belong to my family now, you belong to me. And I need you; I need to know that someday, somehow you'll come back to me. And I swear to all that's holy I will not loose anymore of my family, not to anything."
Sara's face dissolved as the tears came harder and faster, causing her breath to hitch in her chest. Sara felt more than saw Sam move away. Then suddenly she was engulfed in the scent and feel of Dean's arms wrapping around her. His gentle murmur encouraging her to breathe, its funny Sara thought to herself it was the same way she comforted the kids when tears got the better of them.
Dean simply held Sara as she cried herself calm again. He knew that he should walk away now while he had the strength. He looked down into Sara's water logged eyes and acknowledged that it was too late. He didn't have the strength, maybe he never had.
He tried one last ditch effort at keeping her safe. "I can't watch the people I love get hurt anymore Sara. And you and your children, I love you. It's going to kill me.
Sara lifted Dean's head to look into his eyes. She smiled softly and said "We don't have a choice in who we love; it's the worst and the best thing about us. We simply love, and we hold on. Dean I want you to look at me, really look at me. I can take care of myself and anyone else that's with me. I'm not running at you with blind eyes. I know that for all the danger that you and Sam bring with you, you also bring light, never ending light. And it's the light that I want; it's the light that I'm not willing to go without." Sara's voice dropped even lower "Don't leave me Dean, not willingly. Please."
That was it for Dean, he knew it was over. "I won't Sara, never willingly." He leaned down and kissed her softly.
888
Dean looked around the room once again, making sure that he hadn't left anything behind. As his eyes swept the walls, he took in the pictures that were hanging all over. Some were addressed to Dean and some to Sam, some of them were photos of them and others were drawings. Some clear depictions and some were simply scribbles. He smiled at them all, and felt a little better.
Normally, when he and Sam left a room, there was no sign that they had ever been there. This time though, this time the room didn't look abandoned it simply looked like it was waiting for him to come back. And he finally allowed himself to admit that he would come back. One way or another he would make it back here. Back home.
Dean turned and left the room.
Epilogue
Sam sat huddled in the car, looking out the window at the town's Christmas lights. A few minutes later he noticed Dean walking through the snow towards him. Dean had gone into the post office to check the mail box they kept there. Sam stared in puzzlement though at the box that was in Dean's hands.
Dean held the box in his hands, feeling his heart race. There had been no return address on the box, but he had clearly recognized the handwriting on the label. He had been so tempted to open it in the shop, but felt it wouldn't be fair to Sam.
"What's in the box?" Sam asked shifting to look at the package as Dean entered the car. Dean simply ignored the question and pulled out his knife. He quickly sliced through the tape that was holding the box shut and opened it. He pulled out the letter that lay on top, again recognizing the handwriting.
Dean read the letter slowly out loud. "Sam and Dean, I hope this package finds you well. We've all missed you terribly. I'm not sure if you'll get this package in time, but I hope. I promised the kids that I would send you an invitation to Christmas dinner, here at the house. Bobby's coming and my family will be there. No need to call just show up if possible. I have told the kids that you can't so they won't be disappointed. Just in case we don't see you I sent you a couple of things. Please take care of each other and stay safe. Know that we love and miss both of you." It was signed simply The Powers Family.
Sam cleared his throat noisily and wiped a hand across his face. "What's in the box?"
Dean opened the box wider and saw two wrapped packages, the Christmas paper sparkled and shined in the waning light. Dean removed the packages and noted the names on the tags, he carefully pulled out the heavier item and handed it to Sam.
Sam held the package in his hand as if it was the most precious thing ever. He tried to remember the last time he had gotten a Christmas gift from someone other than Dean. He guessed it had been the last Christmas he had spent with Jess. He looked at the label and a grin spread across his face it read To Sam, From Santa Clause.
Sam opened the paper carefully, inside was a copy of Sara's book, the one that she had asked Sam to proofread for her. He opened it carefully, and a check fell out. It was written to Sam, and was for more money than Dean could hustle in a month. There was a small yellow sticky attached to it. He read: Sam, this is what I pay Bobby to edit for me. I appreciate you're hard work and loved the changes you made. Love ya S. P.S. check the dedication page.
Sam opened the book carefully and found that he was unable to read what it said out loud. He simply showed the page to Dean, carefully avoiding Dean's probing eyes. The dedication read simply:
This book is dedicated to two special brothers. Who are loved, missed and never forgotten.
The Powers Family
Dean read the page carefully, and closed the cover of the book. He found that his hands were shaking slightly as he unwrapped his own gift. He found a burned DVD inside with a hand drawn picture of Sara's family. Dean opened the DVD and handed it to Sam who was already booting up his laptop.
Dean and Sam watched as the movie opened. It started with a title page, it was a picture of Sara's family with Sam and Dean. Dean could remember that day as clearly as if it was happening all over again.
It had been hot and sunny out, It was Sam and Dean's last day with Sara's family. Jack had been there moving gingerly on his sore leg, and so had Sara's family. It had been her brother that had taken the picture. Sara had stood between Sam and Dean, Dean held Jessie in his arms and Sam held Michael, Sara's hands rested on Jimmy's tall shoulders and Jack had sat by his side.
As Dean watched a slide show began, he watched countless photos slide by. Some were taken in the two weeks that the boys had stayed at Sara's and some had taken since. Dean was shocked to see one of Jimmy's gap tooth grin. "Look, Jim's teeth are coming in." Dean pointed out to Sam.
Sam nodded and laughed out loud at a picture of Jessie's naked rear as she jumped up from a child's potty a serious look on her face. The brother's sat in the car and watched the pictures fly by. As they neared the end an actual movie clip started. Dean and Sam watched as Sara and the kids came into focus. "Hey Sam and Dean, Merry Christmas. We just wanted to let you know that we miss and love you. We hope to see you soon." At this all four members of the Powers family blew a kiss at the camera. As the disc went black, Sam was surprised to hear the rumble of the Impala's engine.
He brought his eyes to focus on Dean and said "Where we headed?" Dean simply turned and looked into his eyes. "We're going home, Sam home for Christmas."
The End