Chapter 10 - Requiem for a Good Man
It was Sheriff Riley who woke them later that morning. He knew there were things they needed to talk about, decisions to be made. He prayed Cashie, whom he had affectionately begun to call "Missy," would be able to think clearly enough and be calm enough to help make those decisions. They had to bury Heyes, and soon. It would be a pure shame if his widow wasn't able to be there to say her final good-bye.
He knocked lightly on the door, even though he knew from what Reverend Finke had told him it wasn't completely shut. The sound roused the Kid, who got up and walked over to speak with the sheriff at the door, keeping their tones low so as not to disturb the sleeping Cashie.
"How is she?" the sheriff wanted to know. "And how are you?"
The Kid rubbed his head and wiped the tears and sleep from his eyes before answering.
"She slept most of the night, but woke up a few hours ago, I think. She didn't seem to remember what happened after the wedding, at least not at first. Then when she did, she set in to sobbin' again. Truth is, we both did."
He shook his head and looked up into the kindly sheriff's face. "Why couldn't it 'ave been me instead of him?"
The sheriff narrowed his eyes. "Don't talk like that, Son. It won't do no good. We cain't change what is. We just got to try to move on and make the best of it."
He put his hand on the man's shoulder to steady him. "I brought you some breakfast and some coffee. You've both got to eat, and then we've got some things to talk about. You understand that, right?"
The Kid nodded. He figured he knew what "things" the sheriff meant, but he wasn't eager to get to them. He opened the door and led the sheriff into the room, taking the bag of food and setting it down on the table. The sheriff sat two large cups of coffee down as well.
"You have to give her any more laudanum?" the sheriff asked.
The Kid shook his head. "Not yet. I hope I don't have to. I've heard that's nasty stuff, can get into your system and take you over."
"Yeah, well, that's why the doc wants to oversee the situation, just give her enough to get by and then wean her off it as soon as she's able."
Kid found a biscuit and some jam in the paper bag and forced himself to eat some. He knew if he didn't, Riley would be on his case like the night before. "Appreciate the food," he nodded to the man.
"No problem. The restaurant took all the food people had brought and is keeping it in the icebox until someone needs it. The whole town is behind you and Missy."
"And we do appreciate it. Never had so much kindness shown to us before."
"That's what I figured," Riley replied. "Get used to it." He managed a slight smile, as did the Kid in return.
They were interrupted by moans and low cries from Cashie, who seemed to be waking up. Kid immediately put down his food and went to her. "Hey, Cash," he said softly. "I'm here."
She opened her eyes, this time not dreaming or as confused. The laudanum was wearing off, and she seemed to be livid enough to know where she was and why Kid was there instead of her husband. She didn't say anything until she looked around the room and saw that Sheriff Riley was sitting at the table. "Sheriff?"
"Hey there, Missy. We've been quite worried about ya. Doc Martin gave you some medicine last night to help you sleep."
Cashie reached for the Kid to help her sit up. She looked down and saw she was wearing her new dress instead of her wedding gown. "Where's…" she began, but Kid answered, knowing exactly what she was wondering about.
"Mrs. Obermier and Becky came over last night and took it. She's going to clean it and get it back to you."
"Oh," was all she said, nodding.
"You need to eat a little somethin' and drink some coffee," Kid explained, "then we need to talk some things over with the sheriff."
Cashie seemed to understand what was said to her, but she had nothing to say in return. Kid pulled the quilt back, and helped her move her legs over the side of the bed.
"I need…" she began again, and he instinctively knew what she needed.
"Sheriff, could you give her a minute," he said and nodded toward the screen where the chamber pot was.
"Oh sure," the lawman said, catching his meaning and scrambling to his feet and out the door in no time.
The Kid helped Cashie stand, figuring she might be a bit wobbly after the laudanum. She was, so he helped her over to the screen. "You got it?" he asked, and she nodded. "Sure?" She nodded again, so he left the room and joined the sheriff in the hall.
"You're good with her," the sheriff had to admit. "And she needs you now more than ever."
"Well, we go back a long ways, me and her and…" He stopped, couldn't say the other name. It was as if a part of him were missing too. He scratched his neck and tried to cover.
"I know," Sheriff Riley said without any judgment in his voice.
Soon Cashie opened the door and let the two men back in the room. She sat down at the end of the bed, and the Kid sat back down at the table. He offered her a biscuit.
"Try to eat a little bit of this," he encouraged her.
She took the food, but didn't immediately do anything except hold it in her hands.
"You need some nourishment, Missy," the sheriff said to her.
Cashie looked into his eyes and then back at the biscuit. She didn't fight him or the Kid, just brought the biscuit to her mouth and took a bite. Her hands were shaking, but she managed about half of the biscuit before handing it back to the Kid.
"That's real good, Cash," he said. Then he took the cup of coffee and held it to her lips so she could take a sip. He figured her hands weren't steady enough to hold it on her own.
When he and the sheriff were satisfied she'd taken as much nourishment as she would, the sheriff said, "I need to know your wishes, about your husband, I mean."
Cashie's head perked up at the word "husband." She had barely had time to register that word in her psyche before he had been senselessly taken from her. She looked at the sheriff and then the Kid and then back to the sheriff.
"Where is he?" she wanted to know.
"We took real good care of him, I promise you. We cleaned him up, got him a new white shirt, and I told the undertaker to use his best...for him. Only the best."
Cashie looked away, not wanting to believe what she was hearing, yet understanding what the sheriff was trying to say to her: Only the best for her Hannibal. She nodded.
"I talked to Mr. Curry about burying him in the cemetery near the church. Would that be agreeable with you?"
Cashie remembered seeing the cemetery when she'd walked to the church before the wedding, never dreaming she'd have need of it so soon. "That's fine," she whispered.
"All right," the sheriff said. "Now, we need to set the time for this afternoon. Don't matter to me or anyone else. Whenever you feel like it."
Cashie didn't want to think about it. She didn't want to be having this conversation. She shouldn't be having this conversation. She and Hannibal should be waking up from their first night as husband and wife and be deliriously happy, having spent the night making love in every way and being completely one with each other at last. And why the hell didn't they go ahead and do that the night before the wedding because now they never would, never would have the children they'd wanted, never would grow old together, and it was all so unfair.
She broke down in sobs once more, and Kid wasted no time in surrounding her in his arms, trying to comfort her again before she got lost in her grief once more. He looked over at the sheriff then tipped his head toward the bottle and spoon the doctor had left the night before.
Sheriff Riley quickly got it and looked to the Kid for instruction. "Just one," he whispered, and the sheriff poured only one tablespoon into the spoon and then into the glass on the table. He handed it to the Kid.
"Drink this, Cash," he said softly as he brought the glass to her lips.
She didn't fight him this time, knowing now that the awful medicine would help bring some relief from the horrible pain she felt inside.
Once she'd drunk the small amount, Kid held her tightly. He looked up at the sheriff and said, "Four o'clock maybe. That sound all right with you?"
The sheriff nodded. He picked up his hat and stood to leave, then turned back with one more thought. "I believe Mrs. Obermier may be coming by with something for Missy."
"Thanks, Sheriff," the Kid said and turned his attention back to Cashie as the sheriff went out the door, closing it all the way this time.
Cashie didn't fall asleep this time, but the medicine did calm her down enough that she wasn't crying constantly. Mrs. Obermier showed up a few hours later with another dress for her. This time it was black, complete with a veil.
Both Cashie and the Kid were surprised by this gesture. They knew it was a tradition, but neither of them was ready to accept the reality it implied.
"No," Cashie told the German woman. "I won't wear it. I can't."
"I know how you feel," the seamstress said, sitting and taking the younger woman into her arms. "I too lost husband much too soon."
Cashie had no idea, but even that news did not make her any less adamant about not wearing a widow's garb this soon after wearing a wedding dress. It was unthinkable in her mind.
"He wouldn't want this!" she shouted at the woman. "He wouldn't." Then she looked at the Kid as if for advice. "Would he?"
It wasn't anything the Kid had ever thought of or anything he and Heyes had ever talked about that he could recall. So, all he had to go on was his own instincts.
"I don't know, Cash. Honestly, I don't. Whatever you want to do is fine by me, and I don't think Heyes would mind either. If you don't want to wear it, don't."
"Then I refuse," she said with her old sense of flair and determination. "This dress is fine. It's the one you first gave me, and Han loved it. I felt so special in it after all the sadness we'd gone through. He loved it, and I won't wear black just because somebody thinks I must. I've never done what other people wanted me to, and I won't start now!"
Mrs. Obermier couldn't help but admire Cashie's spitfire and independent streak, especially now in the time of her grief. She nodded and left, taking the black dress and veil with her.
The Kid smiled at his friend, his partner, the only family he had left.
"Now there's the Cashie Malone I know. The one who rode into Devil's Hole and turned our lives upside down. The woman Heyes fell so head over heels in love with." He cradled her in his arms and kissed the top of her head. Then he pulled back and considered her eyes, so blue like his own. "You wear whatever you want. I told the sheriff four o'clock. Is that good with you?"
She nodded, trying to hold things together at least until they could get through with this day and get the love of her life buried.
The Kid had one more question. "Do you want to see him? Before, I mean."
Cashie thought about it only briefly before replying, "Yes. I think I have to."
"Fine. We'll go as soon as you're ready. Maybe the sheriff will go as well."
Cashie nodded and pulled away. She looked at herself in the dresser mirror and saw how distraught and unkept she appeared.
"Hand me that brush," she asked Kid, and he did. She began to brush her untidy hair, taking down what little was left of the chignon from the day before. When her hands began to shake, Kid took the brush and finished it. When all the tangles were out, he laid the brush down and they both looked at themselves in the mirror.
Her hair was down, brushed out and simple, the way she usually wore it. The dress was clean, simple but lovely. She appeared the way she usually had during their years together, beautiful in such a simplistic way, just the way Heyes liked her. The way the Kid liked her, too.
All she would need to attend the burial would be a hat, her coat and some warm gloves. No widow's garb for Cashie Malone, the former outlaw. Not even the loss of her beloved could turn her nature that far around.
"You going to be all right long enough for me to go get my jacket?" the Kid asked. She nodded. "Then I'll be back in a few and we'll go see him," he whispered.
He left the room, but Cashie kept staring at the woman in the mirror, wondering who she would become now that Hannibal Heyes was gone from her life forever.
Soon the Kid came back into Cashie's room wearing the same suit he'd worn to the wedding the day before. It didn't bother her. She'd seen him in that same suit many times before. It didn't particularly scream wedding or funeral to her.
He helped her get her coat on, then her gloves and hat, and they walked out the door, heading for the undertaker's establishment. But first they dropped by the sheriff's office.
Riley was there and glad to see the two of them outside the hotel for the first time since the shooting the day before. He was more than willing to go with them for the viewing, knowing they both needed some support.
When they reached Mr. Mortimer's place, he greeted them sincerely and expressed sorrow for their loss. Then he took them to the room where he worked his magic. The fine wooden coffin lay on a long table with the cover off. He ushered them closer to see the body of their friend and be sure he had done a good job of making him look presentable.
Cashie and the Kid walked very slowly forward until they could see the likeness of their friend and partner and, for such a short time, Cashie's husband. He was wearing the same suit he had worn to the wedding, but now there was no blood on his shirt or anywhere on the suit. He still looked like himself, though his color was pale.
Cashie reached out her hand to touch him, but it trembled so much Kid had to help her. Together they placed her hand against his cheek. They could both feel he was cold to the touch. Cashie didn't care. She leaned in and kissed him for the last time, her tears running down onto his blue suit.
"I love you so, Han," she cried. "I always will."
The Kid placed his hand over Heyes' clasped hands and said, "Rest easy, partner. We'll never forget you."
They both knew they had to let him go, that in fact, he had already gone where they could not follow, at least for now. So, they turned away before either or both broke down entirely and left so that the undertaker could complete his tasks in time for the burial in just a few hours. The sheriff patted them both on the shoulders and steered them out the door.
Neither of them had any appetite, so it was decided they would wait in the church until time for the burial. Reverend Finke spoke kindly to them and prayed the Lord's Prayer with them. Neither had much to say as they waited with dread for the moment when they would witness the laying of their loved one into the ground.
About ten minutes to four, Reverend Finke said it was time. He led them out the church, followed by Sheriff Riley, headed for the cemetery. A large crowd was already there, the hearse drawn by horse and buggy standing nearby. As they watched, several of the town's men brought the coffin to rest beside the grave. Cashie and the Kid moved closer to stand beside the burial site as Reverend Finke began speaking.
"Friends, we are gathered here today to say farewell to this, our friend, husband, partner and brother in Christ, Hannibal Heyes. He was not always a man who served on the right side of the law, but we know that over the years he had a change of heart that brought him to the side of goodness and rightness.
"Yes, he wanted to make a change in his life, and he did. But one thing he never sought to change was his love for his friend, cousin and partner, Mr. Jedediah Curry, and the woman who was the love of his life, Miss Cashie Malone. Only yesterday I had the immense pleasure of joining Mr. Heyes and Miss Malone in the holy bonds of matrimony. Many of you witnessed that happy occasion. They had such plans.
"But it was not meant to be. I will be the first to admit I do not always understand the mysterious ways our Lord works, and in this case, it seems a travesty that this good man's life was cut down so soon. My prayers are for his widow and his best friend that they may find acceptance and peace in their time of bereavement. I for one will be here to help them any way I can, and I feel sure many of you will do the same.
"Now I would like to share some scriptures that God has given us to provide hope in such times as these.
"In John 14:1-6, Jesus said, 'Let not your hearts be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.'
"Then in John 11, verses 25 and 26, 'Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die.'
"My friends, Jesus said to the multitude on the Mount of Olives, 'Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.' And in Psalm 46, Verse 1, King David wrote, 'God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble.' These are certainly times of trouble.
"In Romans 8:35-39, Paul says, 'Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor any powers, nor height nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.'
"Also, Timothy wrote in Chapter 4, verses 7-8, 'I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day-…'
King Solomon in the Book of Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3, said, 'To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away. A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.'
Jesus said, 'I died and behold I am alive for evermore.' (Revelation 1:18) 'Because I live, ye shall live also.' (John 14:19)
To those who have lost such a close loved one, I say to you, 'Now our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God, even our Father, which hath loved us, and hath given us everlasting consolation and good hope through grace, comfort your heart, and stablish you in every good word and work.' (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17)
"Now let us repeat the 23rd Psalm together. 'The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me lie down in green pastures for His name sake; He restoreth my soul. Yeah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Thou prepareth a table for me in the presence of mine enemies; Thou anointest my head with oil. My cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.'"
Cashie and the Kid listened to the scriptures the Reverend read and tried to find comfort in them. They barely knew the words to the 23rd Psalm, but did the best they could.
Reverend Finke came forward to shake their hands and offer a few private words of comfort before he was ready to turn the burial over to the undertaker and his crew.
Cashie had kept her eyes on the coffin during most of the eulogy. She knew Hannibal, or rather his body, was in there, and she held her breath off and on while the preacher said his words.
But when the undertaker's men started to take hold of the coffin to lower it into the ground, Cashie couldn't stand for it. She pulled away from the Kid and threw herself on top of it and began crying, "No, No, Han! I want to go with you! I want to go with you!"
Many in the crowd gathered around and wept as they saw and heard the heartbreak of the young widow; others gasped as they saw her fall atop the coffin.
The Kid reached down to try to pull her off, but she fought him and would not go. "Leave me, please, let me go with him!" she cried even louder.
By this time, it was beginning to get dark, and large snowflakes were falling.
The Kid knew he had to get Cashie away and let the men complete the burial service before it got dark and the weather became worse. He looked for support from the sheriff.
Sheriff Riley bent to help him with Cashie, him grabbing one arm while the Kid grabbed the other. She fought hard, but together they managed to pull her away. Kid wrapped her in his arms to comfort her but also so she couldn't get away from him again.
"I'm so sorry, Cashie," he whispered, "but we've got to let him go. He's not there anymore, and it's not your time to go."
He could feel her give way even before she began to drop towards the ground. He barely caught her in time. The Sheriff stepped over to help, but Kid lifted her in both arms and began to carry her back to the hotel.
"Doc!" the sheriff called, and the two men followed closely behind.
Kid hurried up the stairs of the hotel and into Cashie's room, placing her gently on the bed. He called her name but got no answer. By that time, the sheriff and Doc Martin were at the door.
"What's wrong with her?" the Kid barked at them.
Doc Martin came forward with his bag. He listened to her heart, felt her pulse and her forehead. This wasn't the first time he'd encountered a fainting widow.
"She'll be fine," he turned to Kid and said. "She's most likely dehydrated from lack of food today and last night, and obviously overcome with grief. Give her some time to rest, and then try to get as much fluids and food into her as you can."
The Kid nodded, knowing she had eaten very little for two days, and he was sure the stress of seeing Heyes in the coffin and then thinking of that coffin being lowered into the ground was hard for her to bear. Heck, it was even hard for him to think about!
"Just stay with her, and we'll check back as soon as the burial is over with," the sheriff said. "And we'll bring you both some food and somethin' to drink. All right?"
"Yeah, thanks, Sheriff, Doc," Kid answered without looking away from Cashie.
He took her hand in his and held it, gently rubbing, trying to get her to wake up. He was tired himself, but he had to be strong for her, had to get her through this. And he hoped she could help him as well.
It wasn't too long before Cashie began to slowly open her eyes. She was confused at first, but once she saw where she was and her eyes met Kid's, the horrible memory came back. She began to cry softly, but didn't speak.
Kid didn't know what to say either. All he wanted to do was hold her, and for her to hold him. She needed him, sure, but he needed her as well. He needed her so much.
He reached down and tried to wipe away her tears, but she brushed him off and turned on her side. She wasn't crying as much, but she obviously didn't want him to touch her, hold her or even look at her. It broke his heart that she would push him away. Didn't she realize he was hurting too, and he didn't have anyone else to turn to but her?
Kid got up and sat down in the rocking chair he'd sat in the night before when he and Sheriff Riley had talked. He could sure use the man's insight right now.
No, what he could really use was his partner's advice and words of wisdom and understanding. But that fool Wentworth had gone and killed his partner, his best friend, his cousin, and Cashie's husband. Damn that man! The Kid wanted so much to get his gun and go shoot the life out of that son-of-a-bitch just like he'd done to Heyes.
Thankfully, it wasn't long before the sheriff returned with a plate of food for him and a bowl of soup for Cashie. The man was an angel!
"She wake up?" he asked.
The Kid nodded slightly. He got up and took the soup from the sheriff's hands, and together they put the food on the table.
Kid looked over at Cashie, but couldn't tell if her eyes were open or shut. He motioned to Riley to follow him to the hallway. Once outside the room, he pulled the door to and then let out a very deep sigh.
"What now?" the sheriff asked, seeing how tired and low the young man seemed.
It was all the Kid could do to hold himself together, but he had to talk to someone.
"She woke up, didn't say a word. Started cryin' again. I tried to comfort her…"
He swallowed hard, having difficulty finishing his sentence. "She…she turned away from me."
Sheriff Riley understood what the man was trying to say and how he must be feeling. He put his hand on the Kid's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Son. I know that must have…been hard for ya."
Kid sniffed back his tears, but a few had already fallen. He shook his head, and wiped his face with his hand. "I don't know…I've tried to…it's just so hard…"
He couldn't continue and bent over in such horrible emotional pain. Riley caught him and let the man lean on him, get his hurt out.
The sheriff thought how this man might have been an outlaw once. He might be a fast draw. He might be or have been a lot of things. But right now, he was simply a man in a lot of pain. Like the preacher had said the night before, "just a kid."
"Come on," the sheriff said and pointed him in the direction of his and Heyes' room so they could have some privacy and not disturb Cashie in her own room. He opened the door and sat the suffering Kid on the bed. Then the sheriff sat down in one of the chairs.
"You're a good man, Jed Curry," Riley said and put his hand on the man's knee. "Whatever you may have done or been in the past, there's no doubt in my mind that you're a good man, and right now you're a very hurt man. You've lost your best friend, and now you've been left to take care of his widow, a woman you obviously care a great deal about yourself. But she don't want you. She wants him. God help you, Son. I truly feel for ya."
The Kid had been looking down at the floor, and he didn't look up. He just nodded. It felt good to hear someone tell him exactly what he was feeling, help him sort it all out. He'd felt like he'd been drowning, barely keeping his head above water, since Heyes was gunned down. He felt so alone, more alone than he'd ever felt since the day his family was massacred.
He slowly lifted his head to look the sheriff in the eyes. "Thank you," was all he could say.
The sheriff nodded. Then he got up and started toward the door. "I'm gonna bring that plate of food in here, and that bottle of whiskey from last night, and you're gonna eat and take care of yourself, mister."
There was a firmness in his voice that let the Kid know he meant what he said and he didn't want to hear any back talk. Still the Kid looked up and said, "What about…"
"I'll see to her after I get you took care of. You hear?"
The Kid nodded and let him go. Soon the sheriff was back just as he'd said. He put the food on the table, along with the bottle of whiskey and the shot glasses.
"Now get on up here and eat," he ordered.
The Kid did as he was told, actually glad for someone else to take charge. He thought how much like his partner the sheriff was being and how totally absurd this scene would have been less than a couple of months ago.
"I'm gonna go see what I can do for her," the sheriff said. "You need to refuel yourself 'fore you can help her anymore. And don't you dare feel guilty about it."
The faintest bit of a smile tugged at Kid's lips as the sheriff left the room. He hungrily wolfed down the food in front of him and poured himself a glass of whiskey too. He had to admit it felt good.
Across the hall, Sheriff Riley gave a soft knock before going into Cashie's room. She was lying on the bed, her face turned toward the wall, just as the Kid had said.
"You awake, Missy?" the sheriff asked in a low tone. When there was no answer, he sat down on the edge of the bed. "We need to talk a bit."
After a few more seconds of silence, she said, "Leave me alone. Please."
The sheriff let out a deep sigh. "Cain't do that, Missy." He waited for her to respond, and eventually she rolled over and looked at him. She seemed confused.
"Why are you here? Where's Kid?"
"He's across the hall in his own room takin' care of hisself. I told him to eat somethin' and get some rest. The boy's about gone his last mile tryin' to look after you. I know you're grievin', but he's grievin' too."
"What happened?" she asked.
"You fainted out at the cemetery. And that fella over there across the hall, he carried you back here just as fast as his legs would carry him, the doc and me following behind. We were all worried about you. Doc said it was a combination of grief and not eatin' the last couple of days."
She let out a sigh too. "I can't eat. There's no reason to eat."
"Oh yes, you can, and you will, young lady. Now take my hand and I'll help you sit up. I've got a nice bowl of chicken soup and noodles for you."
"I don't want it. Just go away."
He wasn't about to let it go. "Now you either take my hand, sit up and eat, or I'm gonna sit you up and pour this soup down your throat."
Cashie had a puzzled look on her face. "Why do you care?"
The sheriff made a "Hmmf" sound before saying, "In case you hadn't noticed, I've been caring about all of you since not long after you came into my jail. I cared about you before you and Heyes got married. I cared about him, and now I still care about the two of you left, and I'm gonna do whatever it takes to look after ya. Now git on up here and eat some soup."
Cashie didn't feel like arguing with the man, so she took his hand and let him help her sit up on the bed. He reached over to get the bowl of soup off the table and held it in front of her. Before she could take it from him, he'd dipped up a spoonful and held it out for her to sip. She was surprised, but his determined look made her feel she should comply. She opened her mouth, the spoon went in, and she swallowed.
"You can't know how I feel," she said without looking at this man who was feeding her like a child. "I had everything, and now…now I have nothing."
"Shaw, girl! Don't give me that. You got a lot more than nothin' if you'd just open yer eyes."
He offered her another spoonful of soup, and surprisingly she took it. "What do I have?" she asked, resentment showing in her eyes.
"Well, for starters, you got a friend over there who loves you and wants to help you even though his own heart is breakin'. You got a whole town full of people that care about you and want to help you get through this. Now I know it's not what you wanted. I know it's not fair. But we both know life ain't always fair."
"No, I don't think life has ever been fair for me, or Han or Kid. I began to hope…and now…what is there to hope for?" Her voice broke and her eyes misted with tears.
The sheriff put down the soup and spoon. He looked at her and then held out his arms. He was both surprised and pleased when she came to him and let him surround her with his arms. As he'd told her before, he felt she was like a daughter to him. And she'd never had the love of a father, at least not for a very long time.
"I just wish I could die too," she cried, her tears falling hard now.
The sheriff laid his head on hers and said, "You cain't think like that, Missy. You know he wouldn't want you to feel that way. He'd want you to go on with yer life. You know he would."
She pulled away and shook her head. "I don't know anything except it hurts so bad. One minute we're married and the next…he's gone. He meant everything to me, sheriff. Everything. I don't know how to go on without him. I really don't."
He pulled her back to him and patted her on the back. "I know you don't. Believe it or not, but I was once young too. I had a wife I loved more than anything. But one day she died, and I thought I'd never get over it."
He pushed her back to look into her eyes. "But I did. And you will too."
"No," she said, shaking her head. "No, I won't. I can't." She wiped her eyes and looked at the sheriff almost defiantly.
"All right, let's say you can't. What about your friend, Jed? What's that goin' to do to him? What's he goin' to do without his best friend and now you? What's gonna happen to him?"
"I don't know," she whispered. "I don't know."
The sheriff looked intently at her, wondering how much he should say. He didn't want to push her too far.
"Look, I know he's not the one you wanted. Sure I do. But he's all you've got right now, and you're all he's got. You cain't just push him away. You hurt him somethin' bad tonight. He didn't want you to see, but he nearly fell apart when I got here. That's why I made him go get some rest and let me take care of you for a bit. The man's only human."
"I didn't mean to…"
"I know you didn't. He knows you didn't, but still…"
Cashie blinked a couple of times, then said, "Thank you. I think I'll finish the soup now."
Sheriff Riley's face lit up. "There you go." He reached over for the bowl of soup and the spoon, intending to continue to feed the young woman as before, but she took it from his hands and started feeding herself.
"I'm not a child," she said between sips.
"No, you're not, but sometimes we all need to be taken care of like when we were a child. Nothin' wrong with that."
He sat and watched until she'd finished every drop of the soup and handed him the bowl and spoon.
"Good," he said. "Now, I want you to take a tablespoon of your medicine so you can sleep tonight. Hopefully, your friend, Jed, can get some sleep too, and we'll see how you're both feelin' in the morning."
He poured the spoon full of laudanum and gave it to her. She didn't fuss at all, took it right down.
"Now, are you gonna be all right if I leave you alone?"
Cashie nodded, got up, pulled the covers back, and crawled under them. She had a faint memory of being tucked in as a child. She thought how funny it was that this man who had once been her jailer could bring out such feelings from long ago.
Sheriff Riley got up and patted her hand before saying "Night" and blowing out the lamp. He found his way to the door and closed it behind it. Then he knocked on the door on the other side of the hallway. His other "ward" opened the door with a look of askance.
"She's fine. I got her to eat the bowl of soup, and I gave her a spoonful of medicine to help her sleep. She said she'd be all right until the mornin'."
The Kid let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Sheriff. You're a life saver."
"No thanks needed. Now you get yerself some sleep. Hopefully both of you'll feel better tomorrow."
"I will. I promise."
"Night," the sheriff said and turned to walk down the hall.
Kid closed the door, poured himself one more drink, then got undressed. He got under the covers and stretched out for the first time in two days. It felt good. Soon he was fast asleep.