The Ultimate Alliance Of Authors Episode 20(real episode 20, the other was a mistake) Who Can Help lulamaemobster?

The Ultimate Alliance Of Authors and Rose Tiger were at their wits end as lulamaemobster's favorite pastime of posting negative comments about "Twilight" on the internet and watching how many death threats he receives from white suburban teenage girls couldn't cheer him up.

"I don't know what else to do, guys," Rose Tiger said. "Wait, there maybe someone who could help us."

"Who?" Kage Bijuu said.

"Barack Obama?" asked ravercozy. "No, he can't help us."

"Yes, he can," Morristofoxes said.

"I bet it's Playa Fly," Adngo 714 said. "He's his favorite rapper."

"No, I bet its Morgan Freeman," Uzumakie said. "His favorite actor."

"Naw, Samuel L. Jackson's his favorite actor," Blame Truth said.

"I thought it was Christopher Walken."

"Would you guys shut the fuck up?" Rose Tiger asked. "I'm calling him now."

"Yes, ma'am," they all said obediently.

She made the call and he arrived within the hour.

"You?" ravercozy asked.

I DO NOT OWN NARUTO AND/OR THE CHARACTERS.

Love Triangle Of Death

Juugo, Kabuto, Karin, Sasuke and Suigetsu, were being trained in the ways of Lord Mode by the snakes of the Great Snake Valley.

"The key of Lord Mode is to take in the natural energy around you," Hada said. "Those despicable insect eaters prefer to sit and beg for the chakra while we take the chakra from nature."

"How are we supposed to do that?" asked Suigetsu.

"By giving in to your dark desires, as of now, you've only taken baby steps while that insolent troublemaker, Orochimaru, held your hands. If you want to complete the process, you must soak your minds in the brine of each of your desires in this world. Your desire for power, Kabuto, your desires for Sasuke, Karin, your desire for vengeance, Sasuke, and yours to inflict pain upon people, Suigetsu. Then and only then will you achieve the will to make the chakra of nature yours."

"What about Juugo?" Karin asked.

"He already gives into his darkness," Hada said. "Though he did not know it, he's always had the ability to enter Lord Mode. Let's get started."

He lead them to an area with a scattered with little snake statues on the ground in front of a pool of some black liquid.

"Those statues are those who have tried and failed, if you cannot take enough natural chakra, you will transform into one of these statues yourselves. Now, to begin, you have to let all of your wrath, greed, envy, lust, gluttony, pride, or fear, whatever motivates you, let it take you over. Indulge yourself in it and its power."

Meanwhile, Naruto was coming up with what he thought was a brilliant idea to settle his love triangle of death.

"I'll just get her to go back to the Hidden Mist Village," Naruto thought. "Perfect."

In the village, everything was progressing normally, except for two kunoichi. Hinata was training with her team and was unknowingly taking out her frustrations with her current situation on her teammates.

"Why can't she find someone her own age?" she thought with every bit of punishment she dished out to Kiba. "By the time Naruto's ready to have a family, she'll be too old. She's not even from the village. She's…"

Kurenai stopped her as she could see that Hinata was laying into Kiba more and more.

"What is your problem?" Kiba asked.

"Nothing," Hinata lied. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Kiba said. "I'm going to need to sit down for a while though."

"Let's call it a day," Kurenai said seeing that there was something clearly wrong with her pupil.

"Good call," Kiba said.

As Kiba and Shino left, Kurenai stopped Hinata to speak with her for a moment.

"So, are you and Naruto already on the rocks?"

"How did you…"

"Know?" Kurenai asked. "I've looked out for you since you were little, I know that the only thing that could get you this emotional is Naruto and it's no secret that you two are together now."

"How did you know there was a problem?" Hinata asked.

"I'm a woman too, I think I know man troubles when I see them. So, what's the problem?"

"Well, there's another girl," Hinata confessed.

"He's two timing you?" Kurenai asked. "Oh, I've got such a genjutsu for his ass."

"It's a little more complicated than that, you see, he got involved with her before he and I got together. He thought that it'd been just a one time thing but he didn't realize that it turned into a relationship for her until he got back to the village and we got together. I confronted him and he told me what I just told you then he said that he'd fix it because I told him that I wasn't giving him up."

"And you believed that?" Kurenai asked.

"Well, he is Naruto."

"Right," Kurenai said. "For a shinobi, he doesn't lie a whole lot. Well, good for you, Hinata, that's how you stick up for yourself."

As she was about to leave, Kurenai thought about something.

"You two haven't, you know, have you?"

Embarrassed, Hinata just looked down with a blush on her face.

"So you waited until you and your overbearing father got back on good terms to have sex?"

"He's making Naruto pay for it ever since he found out," Hinata said.

"That's just bad timing is was that is."

Elsewhere, Mei Terumi, the Mizukage, was wrestling with herself.

"I really shouldn't be getting tangled up in a love triangle with two teenagers," Mei thought. "But he makes me feel like I haven't felt in so long, don't I deserve some happiness? I mean, everyone loves me and leaves me. I should just step aside, he could have a future with that girl but I'm not that old, I'd still be young enough to start a family with him when he's ready."

A few days went by in the Snake Valley and Sasuke and company's training was in full swing, though they gave it their best, they couldn't reach their worst.

"It seems that none of you have enough aggression," Hada said.

"Well, what are we supposed to do?" Karin asked in frustration. "It's not like we aren't trying."

"You see that pool of black liquid behind you?" Hada asked. "That is snake oil."

"So?" Suigetsu asked. "Is that going to be on the test?"

"Quiet, insolent worm!" Hada snapped. "Drink it and it will help you get started."

They were hesitant at first, not knowing it's effects, except for Sasuke who stepped right up.

"If it will help me get my vengeance," Sasuke said. "I don't care what it is."

He was soon followed by Suigetsu who wouldn't allow Sasuke to outdo him then by Kabuto and Karin who both had the same thought in their heads.

"I've swallowed worse."

They drank the oil and a feeling overcame them, there was one thing on each of their minds.

"Yes, the world is mine," Kabuto said seeing a vision of himself sitting on a throne as countless people kneeled before him.

"Mm, that's right, Sasuke. Give me all you've got," Karin said as her head was filled with a vision of Sasuke coming in her mouth as two more Sasukes were giving it to her in both holes and she stroked two other Sasukes members as an army of Sasukes were waiting for their turn."

"Shut up and bleed, you motherfucker," Suigetsu said seeing himself slowly dismembering someone with a dull blade.

"Die! Die! DIE!" Sasuke shouted as he could see visions of him ending Itachi's life within his head.

Suddenly, the visions disappeared and they were back to reality.

"Remember that feeling," Hada said. "Want it, strive for it."

A couple of days later, Naruto, Gaara, and Jiraiya made it back to the Leaf Village, that's when Gaara stopped Naruto and held up one finger.

"I've got it figured out," Naruto said. "I'll just get Mei to go back to the Mist Village and then avoid going to that village at all costs, sound's good?"

"It's better than nothing," Jiraiya said as he left to start his search for their next targets in the Akatsuki.

Gaara just held up one finger as he went in search of Ino.

"To hell with you guys" Naruto said in frustration. "It's a good plan."

He knew better than to approach Hinata before he settled the situation with Mei and he knew that she'd find him anyway so he just went about his business. Gaara found his target, Ino, at her family's shop.

"Welcome to Yamanaka's Flower Shop," she said with a distinct hint of listlessness in her voice not even looking at what might've been a customer. "My name is Ino, how may I help you?"

"You can start by letting me hold you," Gaara said.

"Gaara?" she asked as she finally picked her head up to look at the person. "It is you."

She jumped over the counter and immediately hugged and kissed him.

"I've missed you," he said.

"I missed you more," she said competitively. "I pleasured myself at least five times a day thinking about you."

"When Hidan of the Akatsuki had me on the verge of certain death," he lied knowing that he wasn't anywhere close to it. "The only thing that got me through was the fear of leaving you behind."

"Okay, you win," she said. "Now, shut up and kiss me."

While they kissed, she put on the closed sign that said "Back in 15 Minutes, he saw the sign and corrected it so that it said "Back in 2 Hours." Not wanting to wait another minute, she lied back on a nearby table and spread her legs causing her already very short and very tight skirt to ride up. He came over and slid her panties to the side allowing him to enter her, he slid in and out of her making her moan so loud that it could be heard outside. He pushed her to the center of the table and climbed on top allowing him to place his lips on her to muffle the moans. They continued to go at it until they both came.

"I may have overestimated myself with that sign," Gaara said.

"Or you may have just underestimated how good it feels to be inside of me," Ino said conceitedly.

Just then, the door opened and the last person they could ever want to see them in the position they were in walked in.

"What the fuck?!"

"Dad?!" Ino asked in fear. "Get out of here, Gaara. There's a back way out."

Taking the hint, Gaara gave her one last kiss then took off for the back way out of the shop as Inoichi chased him after grabbing a handful of ninja's wolf's bane.

"He should be okay," Ino thought. "That sand did protect him really well against Lee and he's gotten better since then. He'll be okay but Dad is going to kill me."

Meanwhile, Naruto just went home after eating a few bowls of ramen to wait for Mei to come to his apartment, night set in and a knock came at his door.

"She's early, I guess she couldn't wait," he thought. "I must be better than I thought."

He smiled at this thought as he headed for the door, he was surprised to find Hinata waiting on the other side. Without warning, she jumped on him and started kissing him, he locked the door and took her to his bed. They undressed each other and started going at it, they did it all night and his original thought of being really good caused him to forget about Mei coming to his apartment, which was Hinata's plan as she knew that the only point Naruto would've gotten across to her was the one in his pants. As they lied in bed, that's when Mei walked it and found them.

"What is this?" she asked with fire in her eyes.

"Shit, I forgot about her," he thought. "Mei, baby."
"Baby?" Hinata asked.

"I meant Lady," Naruto corrected. "Mei, Lady Mei."

"Why are you correcting yourself?" Mei asked. "Don't even answer 'cuz right now, I'm going to kill you both. Now, hold still, Lava Style…"

"Hey, don't do that," Naruto said leaping out of bed as quickly as he could and stopping her hand signs. "Let's talk about this."

"Fine," Mei said closing the door. "Let's talk about this, you said she was just a friend of yours and now I find you in bed with her, explain yourself."

"Well, you know how good it is," Naruto said. "Can you blame her for wanting some more of it?"

"Well, no, but why did you even giver her some of what's mine anyway?"

"Hey, well, you know," Naruto babbled incoherently.

After about ten minutes of hearing Naruto continuing to babble as Mei threatened him and threw some insults her way, Hinata had enough and got out of the bed to face her still in the nude.

"Naruto doesn't want you because you're old and bi-polar," she said with a smile. "He wants me because I'm sweet and innocent."

Hinata's smile soon turned into a malicious as she had death in her eyes.

"So fuck off!" Hinata shouted at Mei.

Mei was so angry that she really could've killed one of them until her reason miraculously got the better of her and she decided that it wouldn't be in the best interest of her village to cause a war with the Leaf, especially with Akatsuki still at large.

"Okay," she said. "I'll leave, but know this, Naruto. I was your first and I know everything you like, the second you step foot in the Land of Mist, I'm going to fuck your brains out. I tell you, I'm going to ruin you for any other woman."

With those final words, she gave Naruto one last deep kiss with her tongue deep in his mouth then pushed him down, she left while staring at Hinata."

"Well, I'm glad I handled that," Naruto said causing Hinata to just stare at him.

"You know, I never noticed it before but you are pretty stupid," she said. "Thank god for that ass."