CHAPTER TEN

It was instinct for me to move closer to Edward and touch him, hold him, but instead I backed away, knowing I was only going to make it more difficult for him. His jaw twitched as he clenched his teeth harder and he dragged a hand through his hair.

"I can smell you," he moaned.

"Stop breathing. You'll be ok," I said firmly. A prickle of fear made its way down my spine and I shook it off determinedly. "It was worse than this for you the first time I came to you, when you were starving. You have more self-control than any of the others expected. Go into one of the other rooms while I check outside. Then when no one else is around, we'll get in the car."

Edward blurred through the doorway into the kitchen in a second.

"You'll have to leave me here, Jacob," he called back doubtfully.

"Baby, I can't drive and I'm not letting you go on your own. We only have to get out of town and past the first village and there's forest. Ten, fifteen minutes and you can hunt while I wait in the car."

"I can't just leave you at the side of the road!" Edward exclaimed in horror. "I could be hours! Just...go outside, get in the car and call home; get one of them to bring me something. They'll probably lock me up and throw away the key, but...I shouldn't have come here, putting you at risk like this when I'm not ready; putting everyone out there at risk too."

"Don't doubt yourself," I said firmly. "I know you. You're stronger than you think you are and you're right; the others will go mad if they have to come out here to help us, so let's fix it and get home." I opened the door and looked out, catching sight of a man walking his dog on the opposite side of the street. I closed the door again and leaned on it.

"Jacob, I could hurt you," Edward protested from the kitchen. "That first day I was weak; you could have fought me off and all the others were there to protect you."

"I trust you," I said.

"You shouldn't."

I opened the door again a minute later and looked both ways; no one was in sight and I pulled the door wider, lurched outside onto the step and moved to one side.

"Edward! It's clear, come on out."

He hesitated for a moment and then rushed past me to the car.

"You'll need to lock the door," I reminded him, pulling it closed. I swung myself up the driveway to the passenger door of the car and waited while he fumbled the key into the lock, turned it and then moved to the car again.

"God, I'm so sorry about this, so sorry," he muttered, pulling the driver's side door open.

"Don't talk; you'll breathe without meaning to," I said. "You'll be ok, I know you will." I opened my door and shoved my crutches awkwardly behind my seat before I fell into it. "Go. Let's get out of here."

The Neptune's engine roared and the car catapulted backwards off the driveway into the street, almost colliding with a small van coming from the left which swerved and honked angrily. Edward grimaced and turned the wheel, gripping so tight that his knuckles would have been white if he had any colour in him. He drove as fast as he dare and it was only a few minutes before we were leaving PA behind and heading back towards Forks.

"Ok?" I asked briefly, glancing at him as he hunched over the wheel, his body shivering slightly. He gave a half nod and pressed the gas pedal a little more, allowing the needle on the speedo to creep up towards a hundred.

"Edward...slow down a little, if we get pulled over..." I worried.

"I need to get us home."

He breathed in as he spoke and gulped, turning his black eyes from the road to me for a second. He looked almost feral and I found myself swallowing nervously.

"I'm sorry...I won't hurt you..." he said through his teeth.

"Babe, stop talking, you're making it worse."

I looked around us, noting the distant forest gradually creeping closer to the highway, the route ahead edged with a wide shoulder. Edward whimpered and bit into his lip so hard that the slightly softer flesh split. He licked it repeatedly until it began to close up again and gradually his foot eased up on the gas. The car shuddered slightly in response to his shaking hands on the wheel and I took another look around.

"Pull over," I said. "About half a mile ahead the trees are close enough for you to get there in a few seconds."

"I can't leave you at the roadside," he gasped.

"I'll be fine. Come on, slow down. It's still forty-five minutes until we get home and you know you don't want to show up there like this."

The steering wheel creaked under the pressure of his grip and I wouldn't have been at all surprised to see it break altogether, but he lifted his foot more, letting the speed reduce dramatically. The vehicle began to drift to the right, half on the shoulder, swerving a little as the wheels spun in the loose gravel and then suddenly Edward braked hard, skidding to a halt a few feet from the blacktop.

"Just go," I said urgently. "Don't worry about me; I'll be fine. As long as it takes."

Edward was out of the car and disappearing into the trees five hundred yards away almost before I could blink and I heaved a sigh of relief, slumping back into the seat, my heart pounding. I knew he was going to be completely mortified when he returned and I was annoyed with myself for letting even a tiny amount of fear show. He had picked up on it easily and would feel even worse about it; I only hoped this wasn't going to be a big set-back for him when up to now things had been going so well.

I selected some music to listen to while I waited and opened up the glovebox to see if there was anything in there of interest to read to pass the time. I found a service book for the Neptune and surprisingly, a bottle of cherry coke which Edward had apparently put there for me in case I should need a drink. I opened it gratefully and took a few mouthfuls, then tried to relax while I waited for him, hoping that he wouldn't have to travel too far to find prey.

An hour passed and then another. My stomach had begun to rumble with hunger and I had finished the cherry coke. There was still no sign of Edward and I hauled myself out of the car and hobbled to a nearby clump of bushes, shielding myself from the highway while I emptied my bladder and gazed around in the hopes that I might see my vampire returning. I knew he had his phone with him and so did I, but I wasn't going to call and potentially frighten away an animal he was after, or simply worry him if he had to travel further than he expected.

I got back into the car again and closed my eyes, trying to stay calm, but no longer able to quell my anxiety. The Cullens would probably all be worrying about us by now and may even be heading out to search for us. They were going to be furious with Edward, but nowhere near as furious as he would be with himself. In addition, I feared for Edward himself, out there alone, desperately thirsty, perhaps searching in vain for something to feed from while he began to weaken. I silently cursed my dormant genes, wishing for the hundredth time that my long lost wolf could have emerged. If I could phase, not only would my leg have healed within hours, but I would have been stronger for Edward and right now, when he really needed someone, I could have hunted with him.

My eyes flew open with a start as I heard a tap on the window and I quickly turned the music off, realising it had drowned out the sound of the cop car pulling up behind the Neptune. The officer was staring through the glass at me with concern and I suppressed a groan as I opened the window. What the hell could I say?

"Afternoon, officer."

"Afternoon. What's the problem here? I passed by maybe thirty minutes ago and saw you parked up here. You must be aware parking for any length of time on the shoulder here is illegal."

"I'm sorry, officer. We...uh...we ran out of gas," I said quickly. "The driver headed back towards PA to get some."

"So you're not alone? You didn't just stop and decide to take a nap?"

"No. I can't drive, my leg's in plaster." I pulled my knee up so he could see the colourfully decorated cast on my lower leg.

"What's your name?"

"Jacob Black, Sir."

"ID?"

I pulled out my wallet and showed him my licence, hoping he wasn't going to hang around too long. If Edward was on his way back, he wouldn't approach the car until the cop left.

"Who's the driver?"

"Edward Cullen. My husband."

"Hmm." He raised one eyebrow slightly. "And he headed back towards PA, you say? On foot?"

"Yes, although he was hoping to hitch a ride to the gas station and back."

"How long ago did he leave?"

"About an hour," I lied.

"Does he have a phone?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Perhaps you could call, find out where he is. I'll have to stay here for the moment."

'Fuck,' I thought. If the cop insisted on staying with me, he would have a long wait for Edward to appear along the road with a can of gas. I pulled out my phone and selected his number, hoping I wasn't about to ruin things for him, but he answered immediately and I could hear a rush of wind as if he were moving at speed.

"Jacob, I'm sorry I've been so long, I'm on my way back now, I'll be around ten minutes."

"It's alright," I said. "I wondered if you managed to get a ride to the gas station."

"What? Is someone there with you?"

"Yes, a police officer stopped to check I'm ok."

"I'm sorry," Edward repeated. "Can you get rid of him? Tell him I'm hitching back or something?"

"Yes, I will do. See you soon."

I hung up and looked at the cop again. "He's on his way back, he got a ride. He'll be here in a few minutes," I said. "There's no need for you to wait with me really."

"Well...by rights I should wait, but I was on my way to a call in PA." He rubbed his chin and then took a step back. "I'll take care of this job and then I'll be heading back this way again. If you're still here..."

"I won't be," I assured him.

I was relieved when he finally returned to his car and drove off, performing a u-turn and heading back towards PA. I immediately turned to look at the forest, watching for any sign of Edward and eventually I spotted him just a hundred yards away as he slowed to a regular jogging pace in case anyone should be passing on the highway. In another minute he was in the car, his eyes still black although he seemed better.

"God, Jacob, I'm so sorry," he groaned. "I shouldn't have put you in this position. I should have listened to the others. I could have hurt you."

"Well, you didn't, you stayed strong." I grabbed his hand and squeezed it firmly. "You're still thirsty, are you ok?"

"I couldn't find a damned thing, I must have gone a hundred miles. Had to make do with...a couple of rabbits." He grimaced and tugged his free hand through his hair. "Don't worry, I'll be ok for a while." He pulled his hand free of mine and started the engine. "I feel like I took a gigantic step backwards."

"No, you didn't, you just found your limit for the moment."

"I went way past it and I scared you. Don't try to say I didn't; I could feel it and I'm sick with myself over it."

"Edward, I felt nervous, but I'm ok," I said firmly. "It's still only been a few months. You're doing amazingly well; so much better than anyone expected."

"Today isn't exactly proof of that," he grumbled.

"Isn't it? You were at the point where you feared you were a danger to me; you certainly would have been a risk to those people in PA, but you didn't go after them, did you? You didn't touch me? As hard as it was for you, you controlled yourself and I'm proud of you. You're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for."

"I don't deserve you." Edward sighed heavily and took one hand off the wheel, reaching out to take my hand again. "Ever since that first day you came to me, you've never had one single doubt, have you? Even today when I freaked you out, you still trusted me; you were still positive I'd be ok."

"You are ok," I smiled. "Look at it as a kind of test. You know how far you can go before it becomes difficult. Next time we take a trip to the house, hunt right before and we'll take supplies with us so you won't have to be in this position again."

"You actually want to risk going there with me again after today?"

"You mean...do I want to go to our home with you? Have our own space to be with you? Touch each other the way we did, or maybe more?" I smirked. "Hell, yes. So long as we go prepared for a horny vampire getting thirsty quicker."

Edward smiled at last. "Assuming Carlisle ever lets me out of the house again when he finds out about this."

"We don't have to tell him."

"Yeah, we do. It'll be in your mind, what happened and Zara will pick it up. I fucked up, I'm just going to have to tell them that."

"You didn't fuck up, just miscalculated a little," I corrected. "It's bound to happen occasionally."

"I love you." Edward shot me another smile. "Where would I be without you, huh?"

"You're never going to find out," I said.

"Not yet."

The rest of the journey passed without mishap, but by the time we reached the house, all of the Cullens, including Carlisle who had been called home from the hospital, were waiting for us.

"Where the hell have you been?" demanded Jasper from the porch before Edward had even helped me out of the car. "We were about to go out searching for you! You don't seem to realise how dangerous this is, Edward!"

"Alright, Jasper, that'll do," Carlisle said coolly. "Let's all go inside and sit down, shall we?"

"I'm fine," Edward told him as he assisted me up the steps. "Nothing happened."

Zara's eyes shot from Edward to me and back again and she bit her lip, but didn't say anything.

"You're thirsty, Edward," Carlisle observed. "Get something from the surgery."

Edward vanished without a word and I accompanied the others into the main lounge and sank onto one of the couches, my stomach rumbling loudly.

"Sorry, I'm starving," I grimaced.

"I'll get you a snack." Charlotte headed for the kitchen quickly and I glanced around the other vampires, who were looking worried rather than pissed.

"It was my idea, not Edward's," I said. "I wanted us to see our house. I didn't voice it, but he picked my thoughts up. He's been doing so well lately and we thought it would be ok to go there for a while."

"You were gone hours," Esme sighed. "When Emmett told us you'd gone out in the car, we didn't know what to think. It's far too soon for Edward to be anywhere near a populated area."

"I was fine." Edward spoke from the doorway and then quickly came to sit beside me. "Well, not fine exactly. I...miscalculated, but I didn't put anyone in danger." He eyed Zara at this point and it was clear he was asking her not to speak up. She shook her head slightly and looked at Emmett, raising her eyebrows, then turned back to face the rest of us.

"That's not quite true, Edward; why don't you tell them what really happened? I'm sorry, but staying quiet isn't helping you in the long run."

Carlisle's brow wrinkled and he turned his gaze on Edward again.

"Like I said, I miscalculated," my vampire repeated. "I got thirsty, much faster than I expected. We were at the house and when we opened the door there were some people in the street; I could smell them..."

Esme and Jasper both gasped at this point. Charlotte appeared with a plate of sandwiches and placed it on the table in front of me, but I ignored it for the present.

"I closed the door again and kept my distance from Jacob until the street was clear, then we left," Edward went on. "We stopped twenty minutes out of PA so I could hunt."

"He was in control the whole time," I averred. "Shaky, but ok."

"I wouldn't have hurt Jacob, or the other people. I did learn I have limits, though." Edward leaned back with a heavy sigh. "Go on, say what you have to say. I over-estimate myself; I could have killed someone; it won't happen again because I'll be incarcerated for the next..."

"Edward, no one's going to lock you up," Jasper said. "Remember after Alice died and I went crazy for a while and changed Alexa? Esme took us to Alaska to keep us away from humans until we were ready."

"What are you saying? You're going to exile me to Prudhoe Bay for the duration?" Edward jerked upright again. "I'd rather you did lock me up; at least I'd still be here!"

I reached for his hand and gripped it firmly. "You're not seriously suggesting taking him away, are you?" I directed at Carlisle.

"No, of course not," the doctor said at once. "But you do need to realise that we can't have Edward roaming about putting people at risk until he is in complete control. That means you won't be going anywhere without at least one of us present, Edward, and certainly not into a city."

"Yes, I know. I'm sorry I had you all worried," Edward said more meekly. "I guess I'm just impatient to get back to a normal life."

"It'll never be normal," Emmett put in.

"You know what I mean. Jacob and I want to be able to move into our house; I want to be able to work. I suppose I worry time will slip away from me. I know it's only been a few months, but every month that passes is one more where things are on hold..."

"Ed, you'll be around for hundreds of years, you'll have too much time," Emmett grinned.

"Not with Jacob. I just want to make the most of every minute we have. I guess I can do that without having to go to our house though."

'We could always soundproof our room like Emmett suggested,' I thought.

Edward's lips twitched and Zara lowered her head.

"Guys, I'm sorry," Edward continued. "I'm sorry I worried you all. I guess I went from having no confidence at all to having too much."

"It's easily done," Jasper nodded.

"It's alright, Edward, no harm has been done," Carlisle said quietly. "Give it a little more time. We'd all like to see your new home some time soon."

"As soon as you think I'm ready to be let loose," Edward smiled. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a shower."

He disappeared from the room quickly and Carlisle got to his feet.

"Are you alright, Jacob?" he asked. "Really?"

"Absolutely fine," I said with conviction. "Edward's doing a lot better than you probably think. As I said to him, he's stronger than he gives himself credit for. I don't mean to sound like I know better than you, but I was there - I could see how hard it was for him, but he just...kept himself in check."

"Well, we'll see; maybe a couple more weeks and we can all go somewhere and see how he handles things. I really need to get back to the hospital now."

He excused himself and the other vampires quickly dispersed, leaving only Zara behind. I picked up the plate of sandwiches quickly and took a huge bite.

"You know what I said to you when we talked before?" she asked.

I nodded and swallowed quickly. "Sorry, I'm starving."

"It's ok, carry on. Before, Edward was still thinking so negatively, but that's not the case any more. I just thought you might want to know that his thoughts are pretty much the same as what comes out of his mouth. I don't often pry, but occasionally I take a peek and he really does want to have a future with you and make it work."

"Thanks." I gulped another mouthful. "Obviously I can't read his mind, but I can see what's in his eyes; the way he behaves. I know we're going to be ok."

I didn't get any time alone with Edward for the rest of the day. When I went upstairs to make use of the shower myself, he wasn't in our room but I could hear his voice and Jasper's coming from the room Jasper and Charlotte shared, so I didn't interrupt. I languished under the hot water, going over the day's events in my head, in particular the time we shared in our house, Edward sitting on my lap and rubbing us both together, my imagination exciting him just as much as our kissing and touching. It seemed that any attempts to take things further were going to have to wait a while longer now and as desperate as I was to fuck him or have him fuck me, at least we could satisfy each other in different ways in the meantime.

When I finished the shower, I pulled on some cargo shorts and sprawled on the bed watching television, guessing Edward would come to find me when he was done talking. Esme brought me some hot food later and stayed to talk to me while I ate, clearly wanting to check how I was.

"You seem to be handling all of this so well," she commented.

"I love Edward," I said simply. "He needs me right now and it's not as if I never had to deal with this before. I mean, obviously he wasn't a newborn then, but I seem to be able to tell how he feels at any given time..."

"I'm glad you found each other again," Esme smiled. "However it happened, it was obviously intended. No one could have predicted he would become one of us for a second time, but you're a big help to him, Jacob."

It was late by the time Edward came into the room, his golden eyes glowing. I had let the room darken as dusk fell, leaving the lights off, but it remained lit by the TV screen. He closed the door and stretched out on the bed next to me, nestling close to my side.

"Sorry I deserted you. I just wanted to talk about everything with one of them. Jasper's a bit of a worrywart, but he doesn't turn everything into a joke like Emmett."

"Are you ok?" I asked.

"Yes, don't worry, I didn't regress or anything. It was just too much too soon. I didn't think things through properly. We're just going to have to try to be a bit quieter for a while."

I turned towards him with a grin. "I better get used to a red face for a bit longer then."

"Not too long. I'll just make sure I progress well enough that Carlisle will want to 'sign me off' so we can do what we want."

I slid my arms around him and tugged him closer, sliding my hand under the back of his shirt to feel his cold skin as we kissed. Despite what had happened that day he had taken another step forward; we were just going to have to be patient and hopefully by the time my cast was off, we would be able to move forward again.