Author note: Being poor sucks. Since he's an unmotivated collage student and I'm a tiny fish with writing dreams my boyfriend and I have decided to drop our internet/cable bill. Neither of us is on the computer nor watches enough TV to justify it when we have car payments and bills we need like water. This will not affect my schedule for updates or my responding to reviews. My PM's might be affected as it won't be so soon I respond to them anymore. Free wifi at the coffee shop, isn't it wonderful?

Beautyofsunlight: I was always told never to be a cover reader and to dig so I like being able to layer my characters nicely and it's nice to hear I'm doing it succesfully! Amber was a little hard. I wanted to leave her superficial something fierce! In the end I ouldn't because Nathaniel needs someone in his corner even if she ends up being a cause for some of his beatings. She never means to though. I think she does love her brother greatly in the game. Heehee I knew people would be curious about what she mouthed! I'll let that stew a spell. My family teased me too when I tried to play with words. It's a family thing I guess!

Germandelights: We really did go off topic didn't we? This chapter is loaded with feels. Get a kerchief ready! No, kidding. I'm not into that emotional depth of writing that I can make people cry yet. Nathaniel has some shining moments here in this chapter. As I write him I fall more into pixel crush with him. Gotta wonder what this means for my Castiel/Lysander triangle... square time!

Darkangelanddarkstar:I love grammer freaks because I am not one. I might correct a mistake if I catch it but spell check, if it didn't exist... oh goodness. There goes that dream of publishing a book! But I'm glad you like this so far. It's great seeing people from Awakening come over to my new house. (story wise, not really my house)

Sparkfirebug: Hmm I wonder... it's possible, it depends on how attatched I grow to her character. She was kinda just... I dropped her in for convenience sake. If enough people like her I might do something with her. But whether she'll go with Ken or Castiel I don't know... gah, decisions hurt my fragile skull!

Owldistraction:Well my last story ran a while, longer than I originally intended. So who knows when anything concrete will happen for the two. I actually have a word wheel I use in school to increase my verbal skills. Michelle is... just a random drop in. So far I don't have any plans for her except random appearences maybe.

Disclaimer: Nope, nope, nope… Lizzie… yes.

Chapter start

"Nathaniel!" his mother was on him the moment he stepped through the door. He ignored her and stalked up the stairs, her voice trailing after him. "We got a call from your school. Where were you all day? Your father won't be happy about this!"

That made him pause on the stairs, his foot hanging in the air as he turned to look at her. He wondered how he looked in that moment. There was probably an absolute look of weary anger mixed with useless effort. It's all he could manage at the moment.

Yet now he felt a small sense of reckless abandon. He was a rubber band stretched too far. He had been pulled too loosely before Lizzie had skipped into his life. She had done a bang up job of pulling him apart, unraveling everything that he knew as Nathaniel, as himself. He finally just… snapped.

"And you care?" he demanded lowly. His mother froze and gaped at him, not used to her son having a challenging glint in his eyes or tone.

"Of course I do!"

"Then how about you don't tell him? Or even better… why not stand up for your only son?"

Nathaniel reversed and went to stand before her. It had never occurred to him that he was now taller than his mother, almost as tall as his father. She was delicate and fragile, almost like a china doll. It was insane to think when he was a child he had been in awe of the creature in front of him. She had seemed so big and his father giant.

This was the women who had held him after his father yelled. This was the women he had seen crying into the palms of her hands too many times to be happily married. This was also the women who had stopped holding him after Amber was born. The one who let him get beaten and never raised a hand to stop it or even her voice. She only cleaned the blood and lied through her teeth about her love for her kids.

"I'm your only son," he said. "Shouldn't that count for something in both of your books? I get perfect marks on my academics. I volunteer at functions. I learned everything that you and he thought were important. I'm not even picking my own colleges because of you two, because I can't decide for myself. I'm too stupid to do that!

"And… maybe I am. Maybe you two are right. I had something so good… and I couldn't see it. Because it was wrapped up in some crazy, asinine and insane package. It took me too long to figure out it was just another shell like I have."

"Nathaniel…?" He must have been confusing her. He had never spoken to her more than snatches.

"Even then it isn't okay for you two to do this. It isn't right for him to beat the hell out of me! It sure as hell isn't okay for you to just stand there like a statue and let him!"

"Nathaniel cal-"

"You don't get to tell me to calm down!" She flinched back. "You've never been a mother, let alone mine! So don't you dare try and act like you care. Your only concern isn't why I missed school it's the fact the neighbors will talk, that dad will be mad. I'm sick of it! A mother is supposed to care about her children; she's supposed to keep them from harm no matter who it is hurting them!

"I was a bad kid I know. I was mean, I was cruel, and I didn't listen. So you just let him beat that out of me. What else could you do? You were at your ropes end with me I guess so that makes it just fine that you let him put a six year old in the hospital three times. That now you don't even bother to take me to the hospital. Would you two even care if I bled out in the floor? Or would you be fucking relieved?"

She was crying now, her eyes swimming with tears. Nathaniel felt sick. A pit was inside him and with a throb he recognized it for what it was. Loneliness. He couldn't even care that she was crying and that she was a tragedy.

This creature that had once been so bright to him was nothing. She was dim, she wasn't a fairy anymore. His father had done that. He had chipped away at her until she was nothing more than a shadow, a wraith that haunted the house, trying desperately to cling to some normalcy because she couldn't admit her family wasn't real. And Nathaniel had just used her for an emotional punching bag. Just like his father would have.

There had always been that kernel of fear. What if he was just like his dad on the inside… he had once been such a horrible little kid that was prone to fits, to breaking things and not caring. He had used to scream like this at her and his dad.

Sure he was good now. He held it in; he stayed calm in almost every situation. He was the perfect student and the perfect seeming son. But then even his dad wasn't just an abusive fuck. He was well liked by everyone outside of the family. He was brilliant, a true scholar. Nathaniel counted himself lucky to have inherited that brain even as he despised the man for making him lie, for making him afraid.

But he was lonelier than anything. Because he had been so scared he was like that, that he could be as violent as his dad he had refused to get close to anyone. Nathaniel had rationalized it in his head that it would be better to keep everyone at an arms length. To protect them and himself from that moment when he snapped.

Until a fluffy headed slip of a tornado had come barreling into his walls and merrily dug a hole for herself, a nest in his very being, before flying away now.

"Idiot," the word was harsh because it was covered in the thickness in his throat.

It hadn't been directed at anyone in particular. Maybe himself or Lizzie. Maybe even his mother.

"I'm so… s-sorry Nathaniel!"

With some form of regret he rubbed his mothers shoulder. He wasn't sorry. It had needed to be said. But he didn't want to hurt the women who had given him life.

Nathaniel pushed her gently and guided her to a chair in the living room. As she sobbed hysterically into her hands he set about making some tea and adding liberal amounts to scotch to it. His mother's cure all, and part of the Sterling family secret. His father was abusive and his mother was borderline alcoholic.

Once she was settled he retreated to his room, unable to think in more than small snatches. The clock moved at a steady pace as he flopped onto his bed and stared at the ceiling with churning gut and a headache.

He ignored the call for dinner. He ignored his father knocking on his door, of his mother pleading softly for him to be left alone. He knew that Amber was the reason he didn't get his door broken down. She had come up and diverted their father from him with talk of the school play.

Minutes turned into hours. Nathaniel was aware he had homework. He was also aware that Melody was waiting for a call from him. He knew it all in that moment but he didn't even want to move an inch to cover his face or body with the comforter.

He didn't know how long he laid there in a kind of stupor. All he knew was when he finally managed to gather the strength to get from the bed the clock said it was after midnight.

If Nathaniel had any sense he would have pulled the covers down and went to bed, maybe pleaded off school and faked an illness for a few days. But he knew deep in his soul there wouldn't be any sleep tonight. That and hanging out with Lizzie had probably knocked a few of his brain cells off circuit.

Without any sound he slipped his thick coat on and went downstairs with the certainty the rest of the house was asleep. There was no way in hell he was going to get halted by his father who would undoubtedly have a fist waiting. Though Nathaniel had decided and knew he would follow through with it that he wouldn't allow his father to strike him any more he had no idea how to stop it. He wasn't ready to figure it out yet either.

Nathaniel stole out of the house almost like a thief. The night air was chilly and startling despite the heavy coat, telling him that the falls mild weather was fading to be replaced by winters grasp. Before he totally left the yard he turned and glanced up at the house. It was plainly elegant, with a tree in the front yard that had once had a tire swing on it. Flowers blossomed in the gardens along the front; the bushes lining the sidewalk were neat and trimmed. A trellis was under his window and he knew that was how Lizzie had once gotten up into his room.

His first objective was to get to her house and to talk some sense into her. Even if she was sleeping he would shake her until she was good and wide awake and then… what? What would he say to her? All he knew was his own feelings and that he didn't want her to keep up with this running. He wanted… no, he needed her to really live.

Before he thought of anything he was at her house. The lights were still on. Nathaniel was surprised but pleased that he wouldn't have to go throwing bricks into windows to get some attention.

The doorbell rang and a moment later Lizzie's aunt dressed in a vest and shorts peered sleepily from inside. The TV was running and the sound of canned laughter came from the set.

"Excuse me, I'd like to talk to Lizzie," Nathaniel spoke with more confidence than he felt, giving no excuse for the lateness or apologizing for the time.

"Lizzie?" her aunt leaned on the door and scratched her belly. "I don't know where she is," she shrugged.

Nathaniel unconsciously drew a sharp breath.

"She... she hasn't come home yet?" It was already late and all the schools would be closed by now. Nathaniel quickly pushed the apprehension out of his mind. There was no need to be worried. Who would be worried about that idiot anyway? Duh… he knew of one person who was.

"Staying out all night isn't unusual for her," she shrugged again. "God knows what that girl does all day."

"Well maybe you should find out," Nathaniel replied tersely.

"What's that?" she blinked lazily, hardly listening.

Nathaniel glared at her. Never so badly had he wanted to hit someone, not even Castiel.

"You're her aunt, aren't you? You should know these things! Her favorite food, her song…do you know anything about her at all?" Nathaniel demanded angrily.

Her aunt looked thoroughly bored "Look, Lizzie doesn't have a problem with how I raise her. I give her freedom and let her do whatever she wants and she's fine with that."

"You're two strangers living in the same house!" Nathaniel yelled in frustration. Before he stalked off, Nathaniel looked back and snapped at her, "And for your information, Lizzie's favorite food is gummi bear sandwiches! Her favorite kind of pets are cats, though she has a soft spot for dogs with floppy ears, she can't sing worth a damn but she's always bellowing songs she hears off of musicals from the roof, she laughs at the stupidest things and when she smiles - "

Nathaniel stopped and breathed in a small breath. What was he doing? Since her uncle was staring at me, Nathaniel decided that he might as well finish since his pride was already tattered.

"When she's really, sincerely smiling, she looks sort of cute," Nathaniel grumbled and took off into the night.

"I don't like Bus's very much. You stand there alone on a crowded platform amongst all those strangers," she said ruefully. "I always think that someone will suddenly appear. Wouldn't it be kinda nice if someone showed up unexpectedly when you're feeling lonely?"

Lizzie had said that. Now Nathaniel sort of understood what she meant.

The bus couldn't arrive fast enough. Nathaniel boarded impatiently and muttered his undying hate to the bus for being so slow as it crawled its way through the stations.

There was no idea where Lizzie could have been. For all Nathaniel knew she was hanging by the river back home, but his gut insisted otherwise.

Finally, the bus pulled into the right station. He ran off, wondering where to go next. If he took a shortcut through the park next to the station, he could be at Saint Peter's academy's gates in twenty minutes, but why would the moron still hang around that school?

Still, it was better than standing on a deserted platform all night.

The park was already shut. He had to climb over the gates to get in, which was no difficult task really. He was relatively muscled underneath his stable and boring clothes and he was diligent in remaining healthy and fit. Not that he ever thought his fitness regiment would be used to trespass in a closed park ever.

The trees were lined up in neat rows which wound through large squares of grass fields. Their shadows were all dark and ominous as the wind blew. The path was illuminated by the crescent moon that hung over head. It didn't do anything but make the shadows longer and more sinister.

It wasn't his fault he almost missed it. But he was thankful that something told him to look back swiftly. His golden eyes pierced into the darkness to try and locate whatever had him tensed.

The trees were thick and he tried to figure out the shadows there, an odd dark mass curled up at the base of one. It took him a second as he got closer to see it was Lizzie. He had found her finally.

She was curled up at the base with her back pressed to the rough bark, her head down against her drawn up knees. Nathaniel sighed a bit.

It didn't surprise him one single bit that she was here and that was annoying. It was perfectly natural for Lizzie to just be somewhere casually no matter the time of the day.

"Lizzie."

His voice went unheard and a small kernel of worry bit him until he got close enough to realize she was sleeping, her body moving with her deep breaths. Sleeping and shivering from the cold. Only she would be so… there wasn't a word for it… idiot had stopped covering the range of her actions. But only she would be in a park after hours and sleeping peacefully.

He wondered which the bigger fool was. Her for being the way she was or him for not minding. He guessed it didn't matter in the end. Because Nathaniel had decided. He had decided that he was going to protect this girl for the rest of the time they were together. It was what he wanted to do and it was the first thing he started because he wanted to, not because his father had told him to or it was a way to keep his image in place.

He said her name louder this time. He waited patiently until she shifted a little and pushed from her knees. She regarded him with hazy blue eyes for a second covered in sleep.

He wondered how he looked to her as she slowly woke up, him standing there in a brown button up coat and what he imagined was a solemn look in his eyes.

"N-natty…?" Lizzie's voice was soft as he held out a hand and she took it absently and let him tug her to her feet. They regarded each other for a second.

Then her eyes widened. He wasn't sure if she was just startled now that her mind had woken up too or if she really didn't want to see him. But she suddenly was all action, shoving him away from her and bolting down the path.

Naturally Nathaniel followed after her as she ran through the parks grassy landscape, kicking leaves up with every step.

"Why are you running?" He bellowed after her.

"Because you're chasing me!" she yelled it over her shoulder.

"Stop running!"

"Stop chasing me!"

"Do I look that dumb?"

"Shall I be truthful or tactful?"

"As if you could ever be tactful!" Nathaniel yelled back before he made a calculated lunge. He careened into her legs and sent them both into a child's made up leaf pile with a muffled "ow!" from him and a yelp from her as she crashed.

He was panting from the running he had done. So was Lizzie. Her chest was heaving up and down, up and down, her hair in disarray against the cushion of leaves, her mouth parted to drink the sweet air.

Nathaniel grunted, crawled beside her and rolled onto his back, breathing heavily. His arms were damp with droplets of rain that had probably clung to the leaves and his coat smelt of the wet earth.

"You idiot!" Nathaniel managed to hiss. "What do you think you're doing here? You like making people worry, don't you?"

She waited until she had recovered enough to speak without wheezing and then smiled a little bitterly, turning her head sideways.

"Heh, sorry, Natty-catty."

Lizzie sat up, made to stand and walk away but Nathaniel grabbed her before she could even get to her feet. She was pinned underneath him quickly and held firmly by her shoulders so she sank into the leaves.

Part of Nathaniel, somewhere, somehow, briefly worried over how incriminating it must have looked and demanded to know why he was so adamant about this, but he largely ignored that trivial part of his brain. He didn't want to think that he was being stupid. He wouldn't believe that he was being clingy or childish. One had to take a firm hand when dealing with elusive idiots such as the one he'd managed to pin down.

"Don't look at me like that," he seethed. "Be serious! I'm not letting you go until you are."

Lizzie's eyes were closed to him, almost glazed over so that neither of them could see deep into the other's eyes. A smile curled her lips that failed to go anywhere, her mouth parted but she didn't laugh.

"So you came all this way to find me?" she asked.

Though her voice was unassuming it had a sharpness hidden underneath it that made his grip tighten. Lizzie's smile widened and still, somehow, failed to look authentic. "You shouldn't have. You didn't have to go out of your way…doing something so troublesome."

"If I thought it was troublesome, I wouldn't have bothered. Why the hell do you think I'm out here anyway?" Nathaniel snapped.

"Because you've decided to embrace the spirit of a true delinquent?"

"Idiot! It's because I wanted to!"

Her expression was priceless, as if she had just discovered the sun.

Nathaniel growled at her and went on. "I know that you don't want to be attached to anyone, you don't want to be obligated to do things that you don't want to. But if you like someone, you won't mind having to do things for them."

His heart was pounding but he couldn't discern the reason why. There was something tingling in his chest, something hard and horrible that made his stomach squirm.

What was it? Fear? Hope? Anger? Apprehension? There was no name for this feeling. It infested his stomach and wormed its way through his system, taking over every rational.

Nathaniel held his breath, feeling like a fool.

Lizzie's fingers reached. They latched onto the second button of his coat and brushed it as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. "So does this mean that you like me?" her voice murmured, thick with fatigue.

"What?"

Lizzie remained absorbed by the button.

Caught dangerously close to admitting something other than reluctant friendship, Nathaniel hesitantly replied, "you're…tolerable."

"I suppose so," she agreed then said, "I was really lonely before you came."

Somehow, Nathaniel got the impression that she wasn't talking about when she was wandering by herself a few hours ago.

However, thinking about that brought an unwelcome subject to mind.

"How was your enrolment?" Nathaniel asked, forcing the question out.

"I didn't enroll," she said bluntly.

Her smile plummeted but his heart soared.

"I haven't officially left our old school either so…"

"What?" was becoming Nathaniel's favorite one-word phrase.

She looked almost pained. Although she tried to keep the wavering smile plastered it was failing miserably. Her face scrunched up in a vain attempt to hold it there but eventually, with grave finality, she let it flutter uselessly.

The smile gone, she looked up at Nathaniel with eyes that were full of optimism and fear, pain and hope. Her mouth remained slightly parted. She looked different, open and vulnerable, confused and lost. She was like a butterfly that had just broken from its cocoon and was struggling to fly.

"I got to the school and then I started having doubts," she whispered, her voice trembling in the moist air. "I was confused. I've never doubted myself before. I always cut through life, moving faster than my doubts and sadness could catch up to me. It didn't make any sense. All these thoughts kept going through my mind. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't go through with it. Why do I doubt myself now?"

Nathaniel stayed silent, staring down at her body lying beneath him. She didn't look like she was going to run but he kept the position, fearing that the slightest shift in the atmosphere would shatter this fragile moment.

Lizzie clenched her teeth in an internal battle, fighting something inside. Nathaniel watched as she struggled and realized that she had been stubbornly holding back tears.

"I hate you, Natty-catty!" she spat as they spilled onto her cheeks. She stared at him accusingly with all the energy that she could muster.

"If you didn't always get in my way I wouldn't be feeling so miserable right now!" she cried.

There was nothing. Nathaniel was so calm that it surprised even himself. A smile took over his lips, curling warmly as he nodded. Maybe he was feeling nothing at all. Or he was feeling everything at once. In the end it didn't matter.

"Yeah, I know."

Her fists moved to hurriedly wipe away the tears, looking obstinate and defiant even as they escaped her. She tried to look away, tried to hide them. Had the circumstances been different, she would have blamed it on being sleepy or hay fever but Nathaniel wouldn't buy such excuses now and she gave none.

"If you weren't there, I could just keep running! If you weren't so insistent, I would never have had to doubt myself. I would never have had to wonder if I was just pretending to be happy!" She lifted his arms up. Nathaniel thought she was going to try and strangle him from below but instead her hands became fists, pounding half-heartedly at his chest.

"I hate you!"

"Yeah."

"I'll hate you 'til you die!"

"Okay."

"I'll never forgive you!"

"That's fine," Nathaniel agreed, "But, since you'll hate my guts for a long time, would you mind coming back home?"

Nathaniel wasn't sure if she was shocked. He thought that he felt her draw a sharp breath but that could have been imagination.

Her hands flattened against his coat and then they went up and wrapped around his neck, her hands were cold as ice and he was jolted by it, remembering it was cold out and Lizzie was in wet leaves and had no jacket on, nothing to give her warmth. He cleared his throat guiltily.

"Why?" Lizzie whispered as she finally gained control over her tears. "What is it about you that makes me unable to run away? Why do I always have to face up to life when you're with me?"

Nathaniel looked away, turning his attention to the brown and golden leaves.

"I could ask you the same question. What is it about you that makes me unable to run away?"

There weren't any answers they could possibly give each other. In the darkness of the night Nathaniel closed his eyes and shifted so he lay against her lightly and she tightened her arms, sighing softly when he kissed her throat absently and breathed in her scent.

It was as if there was nothing else in the universe, as if the world only existed for this moment. It was too perfect to be real. It did not feel real. Lizzie laying there on the wet leaves, her hair in disarray and her cheeks dashed with red, and Nathaniel, on top of her in such complete calmness.

He wondered if the world would end soon.

Lizzie shifted more so she could press her forehead against his and he felt her breath against his face, it caused tingles to cross him from the warmth of it. Her eyes were closed to him still but he saw the small smile on her tear stained face.

Then she sighed and he climbed off of her when she pushed him gently. She stood up first and stretched. The world remained.

"Let's go home," she said and offered him a hand to get him to his feet. She smiled like a child and her breath tickled his ear when she wrapped herself back in his arms. "Let's go home, Natty."

End chapter

Author note: Aw situation resolved yaaay! How'd you guys like this ones length? I was in a mood I guess. My fingers are still itching actually! See you guys next time. Hope you liked!