I do not own Bleach.

Alright, Moonshine. A visitation by the Kurosaki family it is. All that remains is the time. Do I develop Ichigo and Rukia's relationship a bit, or do I add it immediately and have crazy old Isshin jump to crazy conclusions before they really know one another? What should I do?

It was the fifth day in the house, and Ulquiorra was already bewildered. As usual, people and their damned, useless emotions were the cause. In this case, Ulquiorra couldn't understand the culprit's, two of them, by the way, bipolar tendencies. Did they simply change on a whim? Was this a contest to see who could manage to maintain their civil disposition the longest? He hadn't a clue. Of course, Ichigo and Rukia knew what was going on, but, being the wicked devils only they could manage to be, the rest of the house was left in the dark. They felt that their sudden change in behavior, and consequential decrease in hostility spoke for itself. If only they knew the torture poor, pitiful Ulquiorra suffered. If only they knew!

"I'm hungry. Cook something." It seemed this was all Rukia had heard for the past two days.

"Rangiku, if you're that hungry you'll make yourself something," Rukia replied for the umpteenth time.

"But I don't know how!" Rangiku whined rather shrilly, and it was grating on Rukia's nerves. "Besides, why should I cook if you're here?"

"Maybe, because I'm not your frickin slave!"

Rangiku pouted. "Don't you love me?"

"Rangiku, I barely know you!"

"You don't have to know me to love me!"

"What kind of messed up love is that?"

Thoroughly disrupted from his engrossing read, Ichigo watched the woman bicker with apprehension. If this were a manga (Which it isn't. It's fan fiction silly!) he would be sweat dropping right then. Why? Because the moment Rangiku knew that she couldn't get what she wanted from Rukia, she would turn to Ichigo, the second best cook in the house. And, let me just say, her efforts in persuasion were less than appealing and more than embarrassing for the dear, bashful young man.

"Ichigooo!" Shit! It was too late. Ichigo had to make a run for it. In a futile effort, he leaped from the couch, successfully dodged Rangiku and was almost home free when the whining nuisance tackled him to the ground. Rukia, had a laugh about that one, not to mention it was a moment she'd never let him forget.

While this was happening, Toshiro passed by, considering going into the library to find a book (What else would you do in a library?). However, at the sight of his friend, squashed pitifully to the ground by the menace Rangiku, he decided against entering the room. In fact, Toshiro figured he would manage quite well without the book. Nothing was worth facing Rangiku's wrath, ending in the same form of suffocation as Ichigo.

"Rangiku! Get off me! I'll suffocate!" Ichigo sort of cried, sort of huffed.

"Ichigo, I'm hungry! Cook me something!" Rangiku wailed, ignoring her prisoner.

"Why do I have to do it? Can't you do anything by yourself?"

"I won't get off unless you cook!"

"Don't threaten me, just make your own damn food!"

"Why don't you just give her what she wants Ichigo?" Rukia crowed from the couch, happily adding to his suffering. "I won't think any less of you for it." She grinned evilly, a challenge in disguise. Ichigo caught right on.

"You heartless monster!"

I'd like to be able to say that Ichigo won, that he didn't admit defeat, and thus lose his pride, honor, and manly dignity. I'd also like to be able to say that muffins are radioactive, and stone age cell phones can eat people, but, alas, such fairy tales are not to be! I've never been one to blatantly spout such BS. So, unless of course you'd like to hazard a different guess, it would be safe to say that our poor, tormented strawberry was in none other than the kitchen, giving into to Rangiku's demands. It'd also be pretty safe to bet that Rukia was enjoying every minute of it.

"Don't you have anything better to do?" Ichigo demanded, taking his anger out on the scrambled eggs no longer doing it for him, glaring at the petite, little woman perched on the counter beside him.

"Not really, no," Rukia replied, not that she would be doing something else anyways. This was much more fun.

"Well, the least you could do is help!"

"Nah. I'm not the wuss that gave in."

"I'm a doctor, not some professional wrestler or something."

"Well, you're one wimpy, weak willed doctor, that much is certain"

"I'm not supposed to be some brawny, Mr. Universe, or something," Ichigo replied and Rukia had to admit, he had a point. Besides, gigantic muscles sort of grossed her out. If if Ichigo had to have a rotten personality, the least he could do was be something nice to look at. And he was handsome, with his dangerous, chocolate eyes, and sharp features. Even his hair had an edgy, bold feel to it.

Realizing she'd been staring, Rukia averted her gaze, suddenly finding her hands quite fascinating in comparison. "Perhaps you're right," Rukia mumbled. "You're dumb enough as it is, you don't need the meathead body to go with it." There we go, cover up embarrassment with harassment instead.

Ichigo escaped Rangiku the moment an opening arrived, leaving before she had him do her laundry, or clean her room, or something of that nature. Now, his only issue was finding something to entertain himself with. Luckily for him, Toshiro had the same problem.

"I'm so bored," Ichigo groaned, stretching out lazily on the couch.

"Then find something to do," Toshiro replied, he himself sitting on the couch in a much more dignified manner than his friend.

"Don't act like you're having such a great time, Toshiro. You're just as bored as I am."

" Perhaps," Toshiro had to admit." But I'm not the one complaining."

"Shut up."

"But, Ichigo. I'm curious about something," Toshiro was serious in an instant.

Ichigo could tell he wasn't going to like this. "Curious about what?"

"You and Rukia."

"What's there to be curious about. Our relationship is pretty straight forward, isn't it. After all, it shouldn't take a genius to figure out that we aren't too fond of each other."

"Ichigo, you two bicker like an old married couple." Toshiro popped dear Ichigo's little bubble of delusional fantasy with fierce brutality.

"We don't bicker like that! Even old married couple or feuding friends don't want to bite one another's heads off!" Ichigo insisted.

"Ichigo, just think about it. Do you really despise Rukia? Is it really her you hate?"

"Sure it is! Or, at least, I think it is," Ichigo mumbled, quickly losing conviction. Damn Toshiro and his unwanted insight!

Now Toshiro had that smug look on his face, the smallest grin on his lips. Huffing, Ichigo turned away, determined to ignore his bad, unhelpful friend. Ichigo still wanted to remain oblivious. He was so much happier that way.

This one was a bit short, but I promise I'll make it up to you all in the next chapter. Trust me when I say that you'll definitely like what happens next!

Sallythedestoyerofworlds23- I hadn't actually planned on Renji and Byakuya, it just sort of happened on it's own. I had no control over that development, I swear. However, the major Ichiruki development you find in the next chapter is completely controlled. Hint, hint.

Falconrukichi- Yeah, though they may just love to argue, so I can't say the truce will last forever!

caps lock-nanao- You actually hate Ichigo? That's interesting, I didn't think there were many people that even mildly disliked Ichigo. That's alright, I actually like evil Aizen better than I did his original character.

AnuHit- That's just my insanity talking. It can't help but pair the two together.

Icyangel27- Ah, I was looking forward to the Pure Concentrated Evil. I was actually quite flattered. Ah well, on topic, you'll find HitsuHina in the next chapter.

Moonshine- I've noticed that he only turns into an insensitive idiot when he's in an argument. When he's actually fighting, he's the complete opposite.

BLEACHISAWESOMEANDIMAWESOME XP- I don't know about you, but I don't even really have to travel to Canada to play with Beavers. Besides, when Canada is half a day's trip away you don't really feel like you're missing too much!

Sharebearthedeathbear- I swear, something significant happens in the next chapter. In fact, the significance might be enough to change the world!