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The Fire Chakra (Part I)

Zuko awoke early the next morning. He hadn't slept well the night before and found that he was eager to find Guru Pathik and get started opening the next chakra. It wasn't so much opening the chakra that appealed to him as much as getting away from camp. After his conversation with Katara back at the cavern the previous afternoon he found that he just wanted to be anywhere other than with her. When he had invited her for a walk he hadn't anticipated getting into an argument or feeling so rotten as a result. He had been trying to be nice. He wanted to make it up to her for everything that he had done in their past but he just messed things up again. Now he felt like any gains that they had made over the past few days were gone. He began to wonder if it was even worth the effort. If she couldn't trust him then they would never be able to have even the most civil of friendships.

He rolled over on his mat and started to get up when he noticed Katara was already awake and sitting up on her mat. She had a tea cup in her hand and was gazing into the fire. She looked as bad as he felt and he realized that he wasn't the only one that had a bad night.

Sitting up and facing her he asked, "Have you been awake long?"

She jumped slightly at the sound of his voice and dropped the tea cup onto the ground in front of her. In a startled voice she exclaimed, "I didn't realize that anyone was awake."

Moving over to where she sat he picked up her tea cup and wiped it off. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Here let me get you some more tea."

He sat back down and prepared her another cup. Handing it to her she smiled weakly and said simply, "Thank you."

Growing quiet again she sat and sipped her tea. Her silence was starting to make him feel anxious so he poured himself a cup of tea to keep himself busy. Finally unable to take the awkwardness anymore he said, "My uncle and I had a nice talk last night when I returned to camp."

Still staring into the fire she replied, "That's nice."

They sat in silence for a while longer before he attempted a conversation again. "So Katara, are you hungry?"

"Not really but there's still some fruit that I collected yesterday if you want something to eat."

He went to the basket and pulled out a few plums. The supply was getting low and he began to wonder what they would do for food when it was gone. Returning to his mat he asked, "So are there any fruit trees around here or do we need to scavenge somewhere else for food soon?"

Looking up at him she said, "Aang said that there used to be lots of trees with various fruits and nuts here when he was a boy. I figured that I would go looking today and see if I could find any of them."

"You know it's too bad that meat doesn't grow on trees." He said half jokingly. She gave him an odd look so he tried to clarify. "I mean you do a good job with what we have but I would give anything for something other than a vegetarian diet."

Suddenly a huge grin broke out across her face and she started to laugh. He wasn't sure if she was laughing with him or at him but he didn't really care. The sound of her laughter made it worth it either way,

After a minute she settled down and wiping the tears from her eyes said, "I'm sorry it's just that that sounded just like something Sokka would say. Of course if meat did grow on trees he would have a whole orchard full of them."

Her expression turned wistful at that statement and he knew that she was missing her family. Looking at her he said, "You'll see them again soon."

She looked at him and was quiet for a moment and then said, "Thank you."

That threw him off and he looked at her questioningly. She smiled and then said, "You've been very nice to me this morning when you really didn't have to be. I appreciate it."

He bowed his head at her comment and then looking back up said, "I don't want to fight with you Katara. I really don't."

She stared at him for a moment and then said, "I know and I'm sorry. This is all just very hard for me. I need time."

He simply replied, "I understand."

They sat in silence again but this time he didn't feel so uncomfortable. The sun began to make its way into the morning sky and it wasn't too long before he heard the familiar foot steps of the guru approaching. Rising to his feet he turned and bowed low to the old man.

"Good morning Guru Pathik."

The guru smiled pleasantly at him and returned his bow. "Good morning young prince. Are you ready for today?"

Zuko nodded his head in reply. The guru then looked to Katara and said, "I see you have company this morning. And how are you Katara?"

She smiled in return and said, "I'm fine."

"Ah good, good." The guru replied. "Do you have plans for today?"

"I'm just going to go looking for food."

"Oh there is much to choose from here, if Momo doesn't eat it all first." He joked.

She laughed and looking over at the sleeping lemur said, "You never know with Momo. He does have quite the appetite. But I think we'll be ok."

The guru smiled and then bowing to her said, "Well I don't mean to be rude but Zuko and I need to get going. There is much to discuss today."

She nodded her head in understanding. "I'll see you when you return."

Zuko gave her a quick smile and then left with Guru Pathik. They walked a short way from camp before the old man spoke. "I see that you and Katara are getting along better than when you first arrived."

"I don't know, yesterday we had an argument. She forgave me for what happened in Ba Sing Se but she doesn't trust me." He said and then sounding a little more dejected than he meant to he continued, "I don't know if she ever will."

"Ah, trust is a tricky thing. Once you have lost it, it can be very hard to get it back."

"But I apologized. I promised I wouldn't hurt her again but she doesn't believe me."

"Well if you betrayed her with your actions you cannot expect for her to believe you just by your words alone. You must show her that you mean it by how you act and what you do. Time will be your greatest ally. If you really want to gain back her trust you will need to give her time."

He thought about that and realized that the guru was right. In fact Katara had said it herself: your words are no good to me. Last night those words had wounded his pride but now he had a better understanding of them. Still he wondered if she would ever get over what happened back in Ba Sing Se.

Voicing his doubts he said, "I don't know if all the time in the world will be enough for her to believe me."

The guru surprised him by chuckling and then saying, "Time is a tricky thing. For those with patience a hundred years can pass in the blink of an eye. But somehow I don't see Katara that way. She does not like to be in conflict with others. She may want to resolve this quicker than you think. Have faith in her."

He was amazed to realize how much he did desire to gain her trust. It was important for reasons that he couldn't begin to understand. Still he would do as the guru said; he would have faith in her and hope she could come to believe that he was sincere in his apology.

They walked on in silence. Occasionally Guru Pathik would remark about a particular sight or sound. After some time he led Zuko to a room inside the main building. On the walls were murals depicting life within the temple.

The guru stood in the center of the room and turning to Zuko said, "I have never found a place in all my years as happy and as peaceful as here at this temple. This was where the children would come when they were ready to begin their training. They would learn about their culture and the philosophies that made the Air Nomads such a great race."

Zuko looked at the images around him. He had never given much thought to life in an air temple. Of course all he had ever been taught about the air benders was that his great grandfather completely destroyed them in the victory that started the whole war a hundred years earlier. He had never pictured children at the temples. For some reason that was left out of the history books. It disgusted him to realize the magnitude of what had occurred here.

He was lost in his thoughts when Guru Pathik spoke again. "This temple is where Aang met Appa. He was schooled here until they both were ready to make the journey to the Southern Air Temple which would become his permanent home."

Zuko stared at him for a moment and then asked, "Why have you brought me here? Does the next chakra have to do with the element of air?"

"No, it actually deals with fire." The old man replied. "I just like this room. It makes me feel calm. My memories are all happy ones as I look at the various drawings on the walls."

The pictures didn't make Zuko feel happy. In fact they made him uneasy. His nation had destroyed the Air Nomads. This room just made the horror of it all very clear to him.

"Well enough said. Let us take a seat and begin." The guru stated as he sat in the familiar pose of the last few days.

Zuko followed suit and joined him on the floor. For the first time since this began he felt a sense of unease creep into his being and he wondered just what this next chakra was all about.

The guru looked at him and then said, "As I said earlier this chakra is known as the fire chakra. It deals with will power and is located in the stomach."

Zuko thought back over his training with Uncle. "My uncle says that the power from fire bending comes from the breath. The breath becomes energy in the body and that energy spreads out through the limbs and is released as fire."

"Very true." The guru replied. "This chakra deals with energy and breath. Not just the air we take in but the breath that is life itself." He paused again and then continued, "This will also mark a transition from base to higher emotions. The task ahead of you will become harder as you look deeper inside of yourself. You have much to do today if you are to unlock this chakra."

Zuko stared at him and then asked, "If it deals with will power then what is it blocked by?"

"The fire chakra is blocked by feelings of shame."

"But I don't understand. Didn't we just work through this yesterday? I don't see the point in going through things that I regret again." Zuko said a little irritably.

The guru sighed and said, "You misunderstand, guilt and shame are not the same thing. Guilt is a painful feeling of regret over something that you did; an action that went against your own internal values. You knew that it was wrong to betray your uncle because he loved and cared for you all these years. You felt regret for turning your back on what he taught you for a chance at restoring your honor and regaining your position within the Fire Nation.

But shame is different. It is a painful feeling about oneself as a person. It affects how we view ourselves and is caused more by a violation of social values. How others react to us can cause us shame until eventually we begin to become our own judges finding fault with the things that we do. Shame can be even more destructive than guilt. You must deal with your shame before you destroy everything that you are trying to achieve."

Zuko could feel himself becoming annoyed. Lashing out he said, "But I don't feel any shame. I am a prince of the Fire Nation. I am royalty. I have nothing to be ashamed of."

"I think that you are still not grasping what I am trying to tell you. You may be a prince and you may feel a great deal of pride because of your status but that does not mean that you don't feel shame. Pride is not the opposite of shame."

"That's what my uncle has told me." He replied bitterly.

"Well your uncle is a very wise man. Right now you are reacting to what I have said with anger. That anger is more a result of shame. Search your feelings. Anger, resentment, despair… these are all feelings that can be rooted in shame."

Zuko grew quiet and stared at the old man before him. He was feeling resentment all right. This exercise seemed pointless and he didn't see way he should have to waste his time going over things in his past that were better left there.

He started to rise saying, "I'm not going to do this!"

The guru replied in a harsh voice, "Then you will be throwing away all that you have accomplished so far. If you walk away you will never be able to fire bend with any real force."

Zuko glared at Guru Pathik and said, "I don't want to do this!"

"That is exactly why you need to do it."

He stared at the man for a long time and then slowly sat back down again. He could feel his heart beat start to accelerate and he tried to take deep breaths to calm himself.

The guru said softly, "Close your eyes and relax. Try not to focus on the task at this time. Just focus on your breathing."

Zuko did as he was told and soon he found himself relaxing. As calm settled over him he opened his eyes and looked at the guru.

The old man said simply, "Now you are ready to begin."