Alumina

Shit.

This can't be good.

"So, what did you have in mind for breakfast, Kairi?"

This definitely cannot be good.

"I'm not sure…I was thinking maybe some tamagoyaki* and a side of rice and toast?"

Am I even sure that it's what I think it is? I mean, it happened so fucking suddenly!

"Roxas?"

Not to mention the fact that my brother still worships the ground she walks on! I could ask how he knew his feelings and see if I'm the same, but –

"Roooxaaas?"

"H-Huh?"

I snap out of my thoughts and blink once or twice. Was she just talking to me? I look over my shoulder and the back of the couch to find Kairi and Venii-san staring at me.

"Sorry about that…I kinda spaced…What's up?"

She giggles. It's adorable.

"I was going to start making breakfast. I wanted to know if you had anything in mind."

"Oh…Uhh…n-no, nothing comes to mind. Get creative."

I watch as Kairi goes into thought for a moment before making her way into the kitchen. My eyes follow her movement, observing the way she moves when she walks. Her curves flow so fluidly and smoothly, I can't believe she's only now gotten my attention. Then again, I was in a fit of stubborn bastardry, trying to close my eyes to what I was afraid of not knowing; or, maybe, what I did know and just didn't want to accept.

I feel somebody watching me.

Kairi has her back turned to me, so the only other person is…my brother. My gaze leaves the girl's smallish figure and turns to face Venii-san. Our eyes lock. I blink. The expression on his face is so blank, so indifferent. If anyone who didn't know him saw him like this, they'd think he was spacing out.

But I know him, and he is not spacing out. As blank as his face may seem, it's his eyes that give him away. The lack of emotion on his face drastically contrasts the gleam in his eyes. They're so bright, shiny, alive, like daggers of icy blue. They only look like this when he's pissed; right now, he's fucking livid. He seemed so calm just a moment ago…which means that whatever's pushed his buttons has happened very, very recently…perhaps as recently as a certain girl walking into the kitchen…and a certain boy failing to keep his eyes off of her as she moved. He saw…He saw.

I blink. His eyes stay focused on me, burning into my very essence.

He takes a step towards me. The muscles in my shoulders tense up. Should I stay where I am? Should I run?

Shit!

He's so close now!

A hand raises, and I shut my eyes tightly, bracing myself for the inevitable. What to do, what to do –

It pets the top of my head.

I gasp slightly at the touch, jumping a little after being brought out of the thoughts I've managed to get myself lost in. My eyelids shoot wide open, and I blink once or twice before looking up at my big brother.

Oh fu– his eyes are so god-damn bright! There no way that just my staring at some girl he likes could get him this pissed.

He smiles toothily at me.

It's so fucking fake. I know it is. He's acting like he doesn't want me to know, but he knows that I do, and he wants to rub my face in it.

"Thanks for coming out and putting me back in my place. I needed it."

"U-U-Uh…..s-sure…" I gulp.

That grin, that lie he's trying to pass off as gratefulness, grows wider. His hand drops from my head, and he turns to join Kairi in making our breakfast.

My heart resumes beating, and suddenly I feel like I can breathe again. I snap my head and watch my brother and Kairi indulge in idle chatter, laughing, smiling, as if nothing's wrong. A chill slivers through my spine.

Oh my God.

He knows.

I poke at my tamagoyaki with my chopsticks, not saying a single word as I listen to their conversation.

"This is delicious, Kairi! I thought you said you weren't good at cooking!"

"I'm not! And besides, you helped me, Ven!"

"You honestly think I could make something edible? You've never seen me cooking with Roxas, then."

Another shiver trails through my being. He said my name with such coldness, such a stabbing hint of poison. Any appetite I've had up until this point is gone. Kaput. Ceases to exist. I'm dead…I'm so dead.

"Roxas, are you okay?"

I glance up at her, my eyeballs rolling to the top of my sockets since my head wants to keep hanging heavily.

"You haven't touched anything on your plate…are you sick?"

Oh yes, I'm sick. I feel like someone just struck me in the gut with a meat hammer.

"No…I'm fine. I just…have something on my mind. That's all."

"Oh…what is it?"

My eyes dart to my brother for a split second. I can read his thoughts exactly.

Go ahead. Tell her she's on your mind. She'll only break your heart just as she broke mine. Tell her.

I dare you.

"Well…"

My attention returns to the untouched food on my plate.

"…tomorrow's Christmas. Do you really want to spend it here with us, instead of with your dad?"

Uh oh. I hope I didn't just blow it there.

"I see what you mean…If you want, I can go back home. It's not that big of a deal."

No…I don't want you to leave…

Not after I've just realized something that was probably right in front of me the whole time. I still need to know if what I'm feeling is what I think I'm feeling and that I'm not just fooling myself, grasping at straws for something I never knew I needed.

Even more than that, I don't want to think I'm wrong, only for me to end up being right.

"Nah, I was just curious."

My chopsticks poke into the fried egg in front of me and I bring whatever it'll handle up to my lips. I consume it, chewing slowly. It's cold (my fault) and it has this strange flavor to it.

"How is it?" she looks at me with an unwavering gaze, waiting for my approval or rejection.

"…it's a little burnt. I think you left it on the stove too long," I grumble with dismay. I had high hopes from Venii-san's description. Did I get a bad part of the egg? No…theirs look exactly the same. Oh man, she wasn't kidding; she is not very good at cooking.

"Roxas, don't be rude. She worked very hard on it," Venii-san scolds.

"If you want, I can help you learn how to properly cook a few recipes," I ignore him, turning all of my attention to the red-haired girl sitting across from me and beside my brother.

"Aheh…Thanks…"

Even if, through some miraculous circumstance, this girl turns out to be the fucking love of my life, I will not eat what she cooks if it'll just have the same fate as this morning's tamagoyaki.

"So!" Venii-sans throws his hands in the air and folds his arms behind his head, leaning back in his chair. "What's on the agenda for today?"

"I dunno, but I think I should give Axel a call and wish him a merry Christmas," I reply, rising from my chair with only half of the tamagoyaki left on my plate. I'm really not all that hungry, not after that look my big brother gave me just before breakfast.

"Axel?" Kairi inquires.

"Yeah. He's our roommate. He's visiting family right now, though," I explain, picking up my dish to dispose of the leftovers. Huh. She did work really hard on it…it'd be a waste to just throw it away…Maybe I'll save it for later.

"Would…he happen to have bright red hair? Green eyes? Two tattoos on his face that look like tear drops?"

Venii-san and I both twist ourselves to look in her direction.

"Yyyyyyeah...Why? Do you know him?" Venii-san asks, raising an eyebrow. Kairi grins sheepishly.

"He's my uncle."

"…oh," we sigh.

Three.

Two.

One.

"WHAAAAAAAT!"

"Ehh? You didn't know?" she asks, surprised.

My thumbs are instantly dialing Axel's cell.

Riiiiiing.

Riiiiiing.

Riiii- *click*

"Y'ello?"

"AXEL, YOU GOD-DAMNED SON OF A BITCH! YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down just a fuggin' minute. What did I do wrong this time? Wait – you little shit, you found my stash didn't you!"

"Wha– no! Wait, stash? Nevermind that! Why didn't you tell us you were Kairi's uncle!"

"You never asked. When did she tell you?"

"ABOUT FIVE SECONDS AGO, YOU ASS-HOLE!"

"Chill with the language, man. Is this Ven?"

"No, it's ROXAS. I thought you had caller-fucking-ID."

"Uuuuuugh…Are you calling just to bitch to me, Rox?"

"WELL?"

"I don't see why you're getting your itty bitty panties all up in a bunch. Yeah, we're related. She's my niece. So?"

"SO, did you know about what was going on with her dad's girlfriend?"

"…"

"ANSWER ME."

"I might have known…"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP HER?"

"Roxas, I think you should calm down…" she says as a hand grabs my shoulder.

"Wait, is she there NOW?"

"YES. She's staying with us for a while until this gets resolved."

I inhale deeply. I really do need to calm down. After regaining my composure, I shrug off Kairi's hand and walk to our bedroom. I shut the door behind me before going over and collapsing onto my bed.

"You better now?"

"Yeah…sorry. How did you know?"

"She called me the other day asking for advice and explained the whole thing to me. Poor girl's just so confused. Y'know, her biological mother abandoned her and left Reno."

"I know."

"She's already lost one mother. I don't think she wants to lose another, but I also don't think she wants to have someone like that bitch as her mother, either."

"You don't like her either, eh?"

"Never met her."

"Ehh?"

"Yesterday, Kairi sent me the pictures she took of that woman and her boy-toy. She wanted to show Reno, but didn't get the chance to. All I know is that if a chick cheats on her god-damn boyfriend, she's considered a bitch in my book."

"Bad past experience?"

"Shut up."

I laugh half-heartedly. A hand runs fingers through my hair, my eyes staring up at the ceiling.

"You there?"

"Yeah…Hey, Axel. Does Kairi talk to you a lot?" I manage to breathe out, shaky and weak. This is it. When Venii-san broke down all those months ago, he said that he was "rejected". It's possible that maybe she's had her eye on someone else.

But what are the chances that it's me? Pfft.

"Yeah, she does, actually. I've always kind of been like a big brother to her. Why?"

"Does…" I gulp. "…does she, uhh…t-talk about someone?"

"Why?"

"Uhh…no reason. Just curious."

"…"

My heart pounds against my chest. I try my best to keep my breathing under control. C'mon, Axel…please respond…don't leave me in suspense for much longer…

"She does. And before you ask, I ain't saying who. Took an oath."

"That's alright. What does she say about them?"

"Just how amazing and wonderful he is, and how they're made for each other, and she knows it's love, blah blah blah; all that girly crap."

"Axel…"

"It's true. The thing that bugs me, though, is that she tells me that he doesn't know because he never wants to be near her. Ever."

"Oh…"

"It's like he's avoiding her on purpose, and she doesn't understand why. She didn't do anything wrong."

"I see…"

"Ahh, well. Must be just a phase these teenage girls go through. They like a guy and think they're destined to be together. He's probably just a selfish little bastard, too."

"..."

"Rox?"

"Sorry, Axel. I gotta go. Merry Christmas, okay?"

"Yeah. Merry Christmas to you, too. Take care of yourself, alright?"

"Alright. See ya when you get back."

"Yeah. Hey, Rox?"

"Hmm."

"Tell Kairi that I'm sorry she has to put up with a selfish little bastard like you, okay?"

I almost drop the phone. My mouth stays agape, and I think I make a really weird, squeaking noise from how tight my throat.

"Axel, are you saying that– "

"I ain't sayin' nothing."

I can practically feel the grin plastered onto his face.

"I'll see ya soon, little buddy. Have a happy holiday."

"Thanks…bye."

*click*

I don't know how long I just lay there, heavy. My mind needs time to straighten itself out. It's cluttered all over the place, just trying to attempt to get even remotely close to comprehend what just happened. That was a hint…Axel definitely gave me a hint – no, he practically told me the answer.

It's me.

...

It's me.

...

It's me.

I close my eyes, breathing deeply. I need to remain calm. Can't over think this. Let's review what I know:

Just twenty-four hours ago, I believed I had reason to grudge against her.

Just eighteen hours ago, I believed I had every right to hate her.

Just twelve hours ago, I was lying here. And she was lying here, pressed against me.

And I didn't mind. Not really.

What exactly happened in that short amount of time to make me change the way I see her?

"You two totally suck at this game!" Venii-san teases Kairi and me as we walk home. We just spent the afternoon playing in the park, making snow angels, building snow men, and having the most god-awful snowball fight in the almost-seventeen years I've been alive.

"Shut up! So sorry we're not as athletic as you are!" Kairi pouts. Her cheeks and nose are red, radiating because of the cold.

It was two against one…me and Kairi against Venii-san. He totally owned us. Badly.

It was okay, though.

Occasionally, I would manage to sneak a little bit of snow and shove it down his back when he was distracted. He would respond by shoving a ball of slush in my face. When I got the chance to, I would drop some snow down Kairi's back, as well. I don't know what kind of expression I had on my face when I watched her squirm and squeal and jump around in a pathetic attempt to get it out. I wonder how big my grin was when I saw her glare at me, her face so red with blush.

It was cute.

I laugh when I think back on the look she had.

"It's not funny, Roxas! I was on your team!" Kairi pouts some more. Before I can respond with whatever witty remark I just came up with, a stinging cold runs down the flesh on my back.

"Ajwhtkjwht!"

My lips let some incomprehensible nonsense escape as I dance and gallop around, arms bent down my back and hands claws desperately to either retrieve the snow or shake it out. I hear the two laugh at me.

"It's a good thing it's winter; revenge is a dish best served cold," my brother grins.

Finally, I manage to get the bits of snow to fall out from the bottom of my jacket. I sigh with relief, the cold gone for the most part. My eyes glare at him. I receive a cocky smile as a response. Revenge, huh…

Oh. I see how it is.

"You two are so immature," Kairi sighs, stepping toward a cross-walk. She waits by the pole for the signal that it's okay to cross the street. My brother and I move to approach her, only to have her walk away the second we do when the little white man on the other side of the street lights up.

"We're boys. What do you expect?" he asks, a slight jog in his step as he catches up. I chase after them, slipping a bit on the frozen slush that remained on the asphalt. I don't fall, but I do almost get hit by a car that screeches to a halt just a little too late.

"Asshole!" Venii-san yells at them as he pulls me onto the sidewalk. Kairi's gloved hands grab at my jacket.

"Are you okay?"

She sounds so worried, so protective, so caring. I smile and tell her I'm alright. How can I do anything else, but lie to her and tell her I'm okay when really, I'm not. Anything to get her to turn away. I don't want to get too close. I have to severe any romantic ties before they even come up.

It's easier to never start something and regret it than it is to break away once it has begun and regret letting it go.

Then again…she's caring because I almost got hit by a fucking car!

"Let's go back home. It's getting dark out," she warns the two of us. We nod and follow her, like little ducklings.

Ducklings don't hate their mother one day, then question their romantic feelings toward her the next. Ducklings don't want to experiment with those feelings on their mother. And ducklings, sure as hell, don't want go lusting after their mother.

Yet here we are, acting like god-damn animals.

A strange vibe creeps through my being. This place feels familiar. No, it is familiar. We've been here before. A little more sun and I don't think I would've recognized it.

'Course, having a certain posse standing under a certain streetlamp helped identify it as well.

"Hey, look – Blondie's back for more!"

I shudder. Oh, no. It's that man again…Braig, I think his name is. After going for two months of evading them, they now decide to show up?

Wait. They can't do anything to us. There are witnesses.

"Just keep walking," my brother murmurs to Kairi.

The closer we get to walking past the streetlamp, the closer my body moves towards hers, lightly pressing my arm to hers. Small, delicate fingers lace themselves with mine. My thumb gently massages her hand.

I squeeze tightly.

My eyes lock with Braig's, and I notice that the scars and eye patch on the man from Halloween are gone. So, it was just a costume. All too suddenly, that night flashes before my eyes.

How helpless we both were.

It wasn't real.

My eyes narrow into a glare.

How scared.

It was just a god-damn toy.

"Long time, no see! How've ya been?" he sneers. Dilan and Aeleus snicker.

How vulnerable.

We weren't in any real danger at all.

A large hand roughly grabs my wrist. It pulls me away from Kairi and my brother.

How weak.

It was all a fucking lie.

I let go.

How stupid.

We were almost ruined.

"Roxas!"

And it was for nothing.

I spin on the ball of my foot, my fist ramming into his face with force. The instant the two collide, some electric shock surges through the nerves in my arm. I hear something crack. I see him fall. I feel his hand let go of me. I smell blood running from his broken nose. My hand grabs hers.

And we start running.

Those guys start shouting things I can't hear. They're too far away at this point. I don't even realize how much faster than her I'm running; I'm practically dragging her behind me, and yet she still makes an honest effort to keep up. My legs hurt. My body is on fire.

But we don't stop running. Not until we reach home.

"Thanks, for, ditching, me, Roxas!" Venii-san keels over, bent down with his hands on his knees for support, panting between each word. It might have been unnecessary to punch the guy in the face, but I couldn't help it.

I was done being weak, and he deserved it.

"Sorry, Ven. I didn't want to risk something like that happening again," I look away, unlocking our door with my key. I'm worn out, but I don't want to collapse until we are safe inside.

"Like what happening? What was that all about?" Kairi asks, still catching her breath. She hasn't let go of my hand this whole time. I hope I didn't accidentally break it.

"Nothing you need to worry about."

I open the door and lead the other two inside. My brother shuts the door behind us before announcing that he'll be taking a shower to warm himself up, kicking off his shoes and making his way to the bathroom. Kari removes her shoes as well, setting them aside for later use, and lets go of my hand.

It's only after this that I begin to feel the pain that was probably there all along.

"Shhhhiiii – Fuuuuuuu – Agh!" I hiss, grasping my right hand with my left.

"Roxas? Are you okay?"

I look up to find my eyes meeting hers. Worry befalls her face yet again. I force a grin onto my face through the pain.

"Yeah…totally fin– " I'm interrupted by my own grunt, gripping my hand tighter.

"Let me see."

Her hands gingerly, kindly, take mine. She examines the injured hand carefully, poking at it once or twice in the hopes that I wouldn't react negatively. When she hears me wince, a soft apology escapes her lips.

"It doesn't look broken…but you probably bruised the knuckle," she concludes, dropping my hand from her grasp.

"Well, isn't that just fine and dandy," I laugh a little to cope with the throbbing pain in my hand. If it is, in fact, a bruise, it should go away eventually. Nothing to worry about, I guess.

Kairi moves toward the couch, plopping down lazily onto it. She must be worn out from our afternoon shenanigans. I bite my lower lip, debating with myself whether or not to join her and finally find out what it is I'm feeling at this point.

I have to know.

"Hey, Kairi," I gulp, following her motion to our leathery piece of furniture. She looks up, acknowledging me. I sit on the end of the couch as she sits up to make room for me.

"Ha…Have you ever been confused about the way you felt toward someone?"

There. I said it. Now to await her answer and –

"Yes, I have, actually."

Oh. So we're not so different, after all.

"And h-how did you manage to sort them out?" I can't make eye contact with her. God, it's so awkward talking about this with her. When she smiles, it calms my nerves a little.

"Well…I guess it's the way my heart speeds up every time we touch that lets me know what it is I feel toward that person."

That blush gracing her face is a really nice shade of pink.

"Oh? Like, with holding hands, and…and hugging, and…k-kissing?"

"Not quite. We don't make a lot of physical contact, and we've never kissed…"

I can change that.

"Oh…" I scoot myself onto the cushion beside her, twisting my body to face her.

"…uhh…D-Do you mind…if I try something?"

Oh, damn. I hope I'm not going too far with this.

"No, I don't mind. What is it?" she looks at me with a small, innocent, naive smile. She has no idea – or, if she does, she's doing a damn good job hiding it.

"…can you c-close your eyes?"

Oh, oh damn. I really hope I'm not going too far with this.

But she complies, concealing those glassy, blue eyes of hers behind pale eyelids. She just sits there, patiently waiting. And I just sit here, making her wait while I argue with myself about the consequences of what I might – or might not – go through.

She's waiting. But only because she doesn't know what's in store for her.

She's given me her heart. But I don't know if I want to give her mine.

She wants to give herself to me. But she's not mine to take.

She's ready. But I'm not.

Too much time passes before I tell myself to shut the hell up so I can proceed and get this over with. Holding my breath, I prop myself up with my left hand on the couch as I slowly, cautiously, lean in. I take one last look at her small, perfectly shaped and healed lips. After this, I might not be able to look at her face the same way.

The tips of our noses are only three inches apart.

I gulp nervously, trying to keep my breath steady. I've already failed at holding it; might as well try to keep it under control. If I held it any longer, my lungs would've exploded, granted I would've been able to hold it long enough for my lungs to explode. But I can't hold it in.

Two inches apart.

I can't stop shaking. Why does this have to be more nerve-wracking than it needs to be? It's just physical contact. Everyone will go through it at least a hundred times in their life – just once is not enough. I mean, hasn't it been proven by now that touching is one of the most necessary and basic aspects of life? That's all this is: a part of life, one that I need to get through so I can get on with the rest of mine.

One inch apart.

There's no turning back now. I can't wuss out after going so far and have it crash and burn right in front of me. My right hand clenches, and I ignore the pain of the bruising bone forced against the inner layers of skin and muscle. I inhale once. My head tilts a little (this is what I've happened to see in my brother's manga). I close my eyes.

I let my lips ghost over hers.

That wasn't so bad, was it? It was over and done with so quickly, so easily. And here I was, worrying. I guess it would be no big deal.

Except, I felt my heart skip a beat.

My eyes open and I pull away hastily, sitting myself upright. Her eyelids flutter open, and she stares into my soul, surprised, unsure of what to say. That light pink turns deep. I look away, somewhat ashamed.

What am I doing…I'm screwing myself over, that's what I'm doing. There's no possible way that you can let go of hatred that's long run dry, realize you have romantic feelings for that grudge in the same hour, then expect your first kiss – intended to be a god-damn experiment – to be some sort of cosmic force that binds you two together for fucking eternity because it told you that you were in love. There's just no way in hell.

Then I must be in heaven.

Because she manages to steal one from me while my guard is down, and I don't protest.

I'm shocked, yes. My eyes widen and I blink in surprise. It dissolves away quickly, however. I melt into it. It just feels natural, it feels right. My heart starts speeding like a drunk on the run from the cops after robbing a bank. My eyes close, and I inhale through my nose as she presses her mouth just a little more against mine. Of course I allow it.

We're like this for a moment, and the entire time, I feel like I'm being watched. It gets to the point where it actually starts to bug me. I open one eyelid to peek at the girl in front of me. Her eyes are closed. Ven is still in the shower – I can hear it running. So, the only other person who could be watching is God. I close my eyelid, laughing internally at that thought.

Right. Like God would be watching two kids doing something like this.

It must be my imagination.

Author's Note:

Hurrah! Done with chapter 10 already! Hopefully all you readers are enjoying this story so far. Probably two or three more chapters (maybe more) until the climax!

And before anyone accuses this of turning from a RokuVen into a Roxiri: be patient. Things are not always set in place for long. :D

*Tamagoyaki = basically fried egg omlette. Typical dish in Japanese breakfasts. Look it up.

PLEASE REVIEW! D: