Chapter 9 Screamer

It wasn't just a game.

That was all Derek could think of as he laid in bed waiting for someone to come back and keep him company. His mom had gone over to his place to get him some clean clothes and to collect Nancy who was driving her mother up the wall with an insistence of visiting, Mark seemed to have disappeared and as for Dr Grey – Meredith, she seemed to be avoiding him since their earlier conversation.

It wasn't just a game.

Why he had said it was fun he didn't know. He wanted to date her, care for her...and of course other things...lots of other things, that he was really trying not to think about because that would raise his blood pressure and he would never get out of here!, but he wasn't chasing her to prove a point or to just get one thing. He liked her. It was a strange feeling, like an instant attraction, and the more he lay alone in the hospital room the greater the attraction grew. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her and heard that mesmerizing giggle that she had. She really was beautiful, yet he got the impression she didn't have a clue just how much. The way her hair wisped around her face whether it was loose or up in a pony tail...the strands always escaped and framed her face beautifully. And her eyes, they took his breath away, which wasn't good when you were suffering from smoke inhalation, but their colouring was like nothing he had ever seen before, a light green that sparkled in the light, eyes that held a thousand stories he was sure.

She really was breath taking.

He really wanted her to agree to a date but she was making it pretty obvious that she couldn't date her patient, so he really did need to be able to get up and out of the bed and be discharged! She wouldn't have an excuse then she would have to say yes, wouldn't she?

He had never been the sort of person who chased, who put up a fight to win a girls heart, his last girlfriend had fallen into his lap (literally) and they had kind of just fell into some kind of routine...until she got bored...but he hadn't tried to rescue it not really, his moms famous thump factor story hadn't come true...he had been ready to dismiss the whole theory until meredith had started barking orders above his bed a few hours ago...and then he had been conscious that his heart might actually be visible beating through his chest...maybe his mom wasn't so delusional after all!

He thought of his mom's stories of meeting his dad all those years ago, how her face lit up when she shared stories of how beautiful their love was, how it will always be that way. He remembered back to the anniversary dinners after his death (one just days ago), his mother always making the same promises – that nothing would ever come close to her love for Michael, so why bother looking. She was happy to grow old on her own with her children around her and hold onto her precious memories of her marriage. Every year one of the sisters broached the topic of her loneliness but every year their fears were rebuffed 'she would never be alone with such beautiful memories.'

He wanted that, he wanted to feel the same way about someone in 50 years time as he did today, everyone deserved a happy ending, and he was going to fight like hell for his.

Meredith sat in the tunnels in her familiar quiet spot, ever since she was an intern she had taken solace hiding out down there, of course Alex and Cristina used the space too, but no one else really ever seemed to latch on to it, so it always gave her a chance to escape when she needed to. When she had got down there a few minutes earlier she had been relieved to find it empty, as much as she loved her friends she just needed a few minutes to herself.

Why was he so adamant on asking her out?

Why wouldn't he let it drop?

What was he trying to prove?

She had so many questions running through her head that she actually felt like her head might explode. She needed surgery – anything – to get her mind off Derek, lieutenant shepherd, Mr. shepherd...urgh why did they all sound so porny all of a sudden...every time she said one of the names she pictured his rippling six pack, the beautiful, dazzling blue orbs sparkling at her, his hands cupping her face...

She couldn't shift the thoughts from her head...and she had to! It couldn't happen!

If she was honest though she was surprised he was single, she wasn't blind and the wetness that began to pool between her legs every time she looked at him told her that he was attractive. So how could he be single? Surely lots of girls had fantasies of fire fighters...his amazing body and strong arms carrying them to the bedroom before personal demonstrations of his hose...or poles...or whatever!

Surely she wasn't the only one who thought that...

There was no way he could be single?

'Hey Mer you ok?' Alex asked as he walked up to the gurney she currently occupied.

'What? .' she half smiled as she moved the notes over to make room for Alex to sit.

'Anything good?' he asked motioning to the files.

'Ha I wish, no surgery in almost 5 days, I'm detoxing involuntarily, I'm scalpel deprived I need to cut!'

'What have you got then?'

'Smoke inhalation, Derek, you know the fire fighter who risked his life to save someone else, for the other person to die anyway...he doesn't know yet, Derek, he doesn't know.'

'Derek? First name terms, what is he hot?

Meredith blushed at the way she had mentioned his name, in front of Alex too, this was bad! 'No he isn't hot, he is my patient...and patients can't be hot, because it's against the rules or whatever, so no, he isn't hot, he is a fire-fighter with these amazing arms...crap...but no..Not hot, definitely not.'

'Meredith Grey you like him!'

'Shut up Alex I don't!' she snapped as she hit her friend with his file.

'She who protests too much...'

'Alex I do not like Derek Shepherd!'

'Oh Mer give it up, you talk about him, and he talks about you' Cristina laughed as she joined the rowing pair 'he asked Sloan if you were single, he asked you out...'

'How the hell do you know that?'

'I have my ways. And besides his mother is chatty...'

'You spoke to Mrs Shepherd about me?'

'No...Not technically, she spoke to me about how the beautiful doctor could be her son's soul mate...and I listened, and drank the coffee she bought me!'

'And you said nothing?'

'Well I might have mentioned you had been single for as long as I'd known you and probably needed some!'

'What?'

'Relax I'm kidding, ha... Your face!'

'I hate you...But you had coffee?'

'Yes, just before she left she asked a few questions about you – she is plotting, I like her, she is the kind of the woman I want to be when I grow up, just without all the children invading my uterus!'

'Urgh! I hate this! I do not want to date Derek Shepherd! Just because he is dashingly handsome and has a glint in his eyes that makes me think he will make me scream all night long...does not mean I want to date him!'

'Oh you're so screwed' Cristina laughed

'Almost literally' Alex added as the realisation of what she had just said dawned on her!

'Crap! I need Joes...tonight? We need Joes! Please?' she begged her friends.

'Joes it is...8?' Alex asked as he ran off to the sound of his pager beeping.

'Yeah...I'll show you how much I do not need Derek Shepherd!' Meredith called after him as she gathered up her notes and started to make a move.

'You know if I killed someone you would be the person I'd call to help me drag the dead body across the floor?' Cristina smiled as she walked in unison with Meredith.

'Thanks...I think' Meredith laughed 'but what's your point?'

'my point is if you want to jump him then just give me the nod, go make out his SATS have dropped just so you have a reason to talk to him, I'll guard the door.' Cristina howled as she sprinted off up the corridor away from Meredith before Meredith could retaliate with any level of violence!

'I do not need a reason to talk to Lieutenant Shepherd, if I want to talk to Shepherd, I'll talk to Shep...' she stopped dead in her tracks as she noticed Mark cross her path with a glint in his eye that screamed he had heard it all...

Crap! What the hell was he doing down here!

'Hey dude.' Mark smiled as he walked into Derek's room, relieved to see him sitting up in the bed and looking a hell of a lot better than the last time he saw him.

'Nice of you to call in! I thought you had been chained to the OR table since you disappeared to operate! Must have been a monster surgery.'

'Oh...No...It wasn't.' Mark sighed, anxious of the conversation he was going to have to have with his brother. He walked up closer to the bed and cast an eye over the monitors, his STATS looked good, better, he could handle this...

'Mark what's wrong?'

'I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner, I had a meeting in the tunnels with the new scrub nurse...flexible...' he half smiled as he perched himself on his brothers bed and began to twist his watch in circles around his wrist.

'Trust you.' Derek sighed, eager to know what else was on marks friend, he knew he wasn't here to moan about the fun he had just had that was for sure! And for a man who just got laid he sure looked miserable.

'You're doing better.' Mark half smiled as he pointed to the screen and ran his pen over the chart that formed on the screen. 'Your o2 is up, if you play your cards right you could be out of here tonight.'

'I hope so, then I can work on getting Dr Grey to agree to a date' he laughed as he saw a small smile spread over marks face

'What?'

'Nothing, I will tell you in a minute, but I have to tell you something first.' He sighed as he turned to face his brother, the pain radiating from his eyes.

'Oh my god is it Ma?' He cried as he pushed himself further in the bed and tried to read his brothers face, his breath catching in the back of his throat.

'Oh god man no, sorry, keep calm ok grab the oxygen, don't go backwards.'

'Mark your scaring me, what is it?'

'my patient last night...I lost him, 10 minutes into surgery and his body just gave up right there on the table in front of me...gone.'

'Man I'm sorry,'

'No I'm sorry Derek, you risked your life to save him, you did what you needed to do, and I couldn't keep him alive on the table surrounded by machines.'

'It...The man...in the fire...he...dead?' Derek struggled to say as the room began to suffocate him, the air seeming nonexistent as he battles for more oxygen.

'You've got to breathe Derek, breathe, please.'

Derek held onto his brother's hand as he gasped for air into the mask, his body shaking at the news.

'Deep breathes, slow, look at me man, please...that's it, slow.'

'I'm ok...I'm ok...' he whispered as his breathing began to regulate once again and the monitors began to show his body was calming down again.

'I'm so sorry Derek, I tried I promise you...the injuries were just too severe...'

'I no, I know, it's just so...cruel...this whole world is cruel. When I got him out of there he was breathing, he was alive. He was...alive'

'I no man I'm so sorry, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I needed your sats to have improved, I don't want you stuck in here longer then needs be...you have doctors to date.' He smiled eager to put his brother into a more comfortable place.

'Life is so unfair, he was someone's husband, father, grandfather for all we know...and in a split second all of their lives were changes forever...it's so unfair. If I had just got to him sooner...' He sighed as he lay back on the bed; his eyes closed no longer looking at mark.

Mark knew he would take this badly; he did every time he lost someone in a fire or a crash, and he went into the job to save lives...to give people a chance at the future...

'I know you're hurting, and I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say, but just so you know this wasn't your fault, none of this was your fault. You realised he was still unaccounted for, you got back in there before a doctor had to identify him from his dental x rays alone. As horrible as this is, you gave his family a chance to say goodbye...that was you...you gave them that.' He said as he placed his hand onto Derek's forearm and gave it a gentle squeeze.

'Thanks Mark...thanks...' as he opened his eyes and saw a look of worry rested across his face.

'They got to say goodbye?'

'They did, and that was on you, you're a hero in their eyes, mine too.'

The two brothers sat in silence a few moments, both sets of eyes fixed firmly on the monitors as levels began to level out once again, and his breathing became more stable.

'It's a good job Dr Grey didn't witness any of this, she would never discharge you later if she saw that slump.'

'Don't tell her, I need to get out of here.'

'Why because you want in her scrubs?'

'once a man whore, always a man whore...I do not want in her scrubs, not right away anyway...but I do want to take her out on a date, and that's not going to happen whilst I'm stuck in here...and she's stubborn, I have no clue if it will happen after either...but I'll try'

'Oh it will happen trust me' mark laughed as he stood up from the bed and walked towards the door as his pager began to beep.

'Trust you?'

'Yes Dr Grey protests too much, for this one thing trust me...' he smirked

'What do you know? Derek shouted as Mark continued his walk from the room.

'not now man, facelift to do...lives to change...but I promise you this...she thinks you will make her scream...' he laughed as he shot off down the corridor leaving Derek in a daze.

She was a screamer?