AN: Hey guys! Okay, I'm really sorry that this took so long to write. Seriously, I'm almost done with chapter 11, as apparently that chapter wanted to write itself, and this one absolutely DID NOT! Haha, and also, I apologize in advance for the language that Max uses.

I just want this out there. I don't swear, really like ever. And really, neither does Deeks, if you've noticed in the show. But, he's undercover. And I think Max is who Deeks would've become if he hadn't decided to be Deeks, so that's why Martin Brandel is referred to as Max, though he's not actually under as Max. Make sense? Well, it does to me, so… ;)

Also, let me know what you think of the name for Baby Deeks here… ;)

Anywho, as always, please review! This chapter is short, but chapter 11 is longer and hopefully coming much sooner!

Blessings,

bookdiva

Deeks stripped off his clothes, and began pulling on his undercover outfit. As he started to pull his jeans on, his hands began to shake.

He stopped and took a deep breath, trying to steady his shaking hands by running them through his hair.

Why am I scared? I never get scared. Never. I used to be fearless. I just…

Images of the different ways he could possibly break his promise to Kensi suddenly assaulted him, and he closed his eyes tightly against the attack. Only now it wouldn't just be Kensi he'd be leaving behind.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair again. Pulling on his jeans, he buckled the belt and slid Max's t-shirt over his head. He'd have to stop at home to get the detested leather jacket that absolutely defined his Max persona.

"You good?" Kensi voice came from behind him, startling him out of his thoughts and causing him to jump.

"Yeah," he said automatically. "I'm—"

"I swear to God, if you say you're good, you'll be sleeping on the couch for eternity," Kensi interrupted him. Deeks chuckled, trying to steady his shaking hands.

"That's your new favorite threat, huh?" Deeks joked, hoping he could get a smile out of her. Kensi just shrugged. "It's not very threatening, you know," he continued to keep his voice light. "You could never sleep without me."

He waited for the inevitable denial, but Kensi just shrugged again. "Touché."

Deeks laughed—hearing her use that word correctly was a major turn on, he had to admit—but he still couldn't manage to keep himself still. He fidgeted with his shirt, scratched his neck, and ran his hands through his hair.

"Talk to me, Deeks," she whispered, coming up to stand directly in front of him. She took his hands into hers. "Talk to me," she repeated.

As if I can refuse her when she looks at me like that.

"It's just…" Deeks took a deep breath, and then the words came flowing out of his mouth at top speed. "I'm scared," he admitted, startled to hear the words aloud. "And I know it's not like we don't do this on a regular basis—and really, we've had worse—" he rationalized, much worse, "but I just feel like we've got so much more to lose this time, and what if I never come back? And I never get to meet our son? And he has to grow up knowing his dad… knowing his dad let him down? And what if I can't turn off Max, and I—"

He was so caught up in his thoughts of worst case scenarios that he didn't have any warning of Kensi's actions. Before he knew what she was doing, she had pulled him tightly to her, effectively cutting him off, mid-sentence.

"Your Max persona has saved a lot of lives—more than you think he's ruined—and you've made the world safer for our son. But you are not Max. Do you understand me?" Kensi said, pulling back slightly to look into his eyes.

Do I? He wondered to himself. I know I want to.

"Do you?" she repeated when he didn't respond. Deeks forced a reluctant nod. "Hey," she said, cupping his jaw. "No matter what happens, you will never let our son down. And you're gonna come back from this, Deeks." Deeks started to shake his head and opened his mouth to qualify that he absolutely wouldn't leave her voluntarily, but Kensi didn't let him interrupt her. "Yes you are. Because you said that you wanted to marry me."

Surprise coursed through Deeks's whole body, causing him to look up at her face only to see calm assurance and love shining in her mismatched eyes.

"You said you wanted to marry me, if I would let you, right?" Kensi demanded, placing both of her hands on his face. He tried forming a response a few times before he just nodded, swallowing hard and placing his hands on top of hers.

"Good," Kensi said, nodding her head. "Because I want to have the same last name as our baby, Deeks." She took his hands and placed them on her stomach. His gaze followed their hands, his mind racing to wrap around her unexpected words, but she took one hand and gently tilted his head back up to look at her. "You'll come back, because I know that you want that too."

Finally, a smile stretched across his face, and he pulled her into his arms.

"I do, Fern," he said, planting a promising kiss on her waiting lips. "More than anything."

He pulled her in close again, savoring the feeling of her body pressed against his.

"I think we should name him Andrew."

The comment came out of nowhere, causing Deeks to laugh.

"Hmmm," Deeks sobered and looked down at her, finally understanding her meaning. "My middle name?" Kensi nodded. "I like that. Andrew Donald Deeks."

"Andrew Donald Deeks…" Kensi mused aloud as tears filled her eyes. She wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you. I love it."

"Me too, Fern," Deeks said, pulling her even close. "Me too."

"You do realize that if we name him that," Kensi said, pulling back so that she could look into his eyes, "his initials will be ADD."

Deeks just shrugged, unable to keep the amused smirk off his face. "So he'll be fantastic at math. There's no shame in that. You know, I think I heard Sam was a Mathlete."

Kensi laughed. "Or he'll be hyperactive."

"Kens," Deeks said, shooting her a proud smirk, "with us for parents, it won't matter what we name him. He's gonna be hyperactive either way."

"Touché."

"Damn, I love it when you use that word correctly," Deeks said, stepping away from her with a soft laugh. Kensi's expression immediately turned indignant.

"What are you talking about?" she demanded playfully, crossing her arms across her chest. "I always use it correctly." Deeks just laughed, but Kensi continued before he could respond. "Oh! Touché!"

Deeks just groaned and shook his head.

"And back down the hill we slide," he said, chuckling. Then he sobered and pulled her to him tightly. "Thanks, Fern," he whispered into her hair. He felt her grip tighten in response, and they stayed like that for a long moment before he pulled back and sighed. "C'mon, partner," he said, taking her hand and leading her away from wardrobe. "It's gotta be about time for me to head out."

"You're good?" she asked again, but this time her eyes conveyed just how serious she was.

Deeks kept his eyes serious and nodded, somewhat surprised to find that it was actually the truth. Then he allowed a smirk to cross his face.

"Don't worry, Fern," he said slowly. He saw recognition flash in her eyes.

"I'll be back," they finished together.

"You good?" Sam asked as they drove through the lighted streets of LA on their way to Deeks's apartment for a quick stop before heading directly to the meet. Deeks pulled his head out of his thoughts to answer his temporary partner.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, avoiding Sam's piercing gaze. Sam just laughed.

"You know we all know what that means, right?" Sam said. "Not just you."

Deeks shrugged, but he finally turned to look at the Senior Agent.

"You know, I was overseas when Michelle found out about Rose," Sam continued after a moment. "I'd only been there for two months, and it was a ten month tour, so she had to tell me on one of our rare Skype sessions."

"Okaaaay…" Deeks said slowly, unsure how that was supposed to help him.

"I was so excited when she told me," Sam continued as if Deeks hadn't spoken. "I mean, it was unexpected, but still… you know?"

Now Sam did look over at him, and Deeks nodded, because hell, he did understand.

"I was literally walking on air when I got off that call," Sam continued, his expression suddenly seeming far away. "Then the next day, our team caught an op. Relatively simple. By SEAL standards, anyway. And I was terrified."

It took Deeks more than a second to process that last sentence, and by the time he had, Sam had pulled himself out of the memory and was looking over at him.

"You were terrified?" Deeks repeated incredulously, unable to keep the shock out of his voice. Sam smiled slightly.

"The idea of never getting to meet that little person… it was my greatest fear," he admitted. "And it changed the way I did things."

"How so?" Deeks asked quietly, wishing he couldn't hear the desperation in his own voice.

"I thought it would make me weaker," Sam said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I thought I'd hesitate in the heat of the moment. But I didn't."

"You… didn't?" Deeks repeated, still unsure how that could be.

"It made me stronger, Deeks," Sam said, looking over and meeting the detective's gaze firmly. "It gave me something to survive for that was more important than any mission."

Deeks nodded, having already had that particular revelation, but Sam hadn't finished.

"It makes it that much more necessary to do whatever it takes," Sam said. And Deeks finally understood. He felt that understanding literally fill his brain—saturate his neurons—and settle deep in his soul. Now he not only had something to live for, but it was absolutely necessary that he return.

"Sam," Deeks said, cautiously weighing his words. "I've been running this meet over in my head, and…"

"Something's off," Sam finished. Deeks just nodded.

"I don't wanna jinx it," Deeks continued, "but I've just… gotta gut feeling. A meet like this… it's not really Ortega's style."

"So what are you thinking?" Sam asked. Deeks smiled, grateful that Sam was willing to listen and not insisting he be immediately pulled off.

Deeks sighed.

"It's too open," Deeks finally said. Sam nodded. "And it's possible that he'll try a knock and grab."

Sam's face contorted comically in confusion, and Deeks couldn't help but laugh.

"Sorry," Deeks continued when he'd gotten his laughter under control. "It's undercover slang. It means he may knock me out and take me to another location. He'd have men watching the area for signs of law enforcement reaction. It happened all the time when I was with LAPD, but back then I didn't have any backup. Now… well, I know they'll be watching, even if they're not expecting to see anything. That's just how these guys roll."

"So what's the play?" Sam asked. Deeks clenched his jaw.

"Well," Deeks said slowly, "if that's the case, my gut says let it go. Let me go."

"You know Kensi's not going to be okay with that," Sam protested immediately. Deeks nodded.

"I know," he agreed. "Which is why I'm asking you for a favor." Sam immediately nodded. "I need you to keep her calm, no matter what. And I'm gonna be back, but if I'm not—"

"You don't even have to ask that, Deeks," Sam cut him off, and Deeks couldn't help but let out a relieved sigh. He nodded in appreciation, not trusting himself with words to express his gratitude.

"There's no reason to even suspect that my cover is anything but rock solid," Deeks continued. "And if what Ray said is true—and I trust that it is—then James thinks of Ray as a brother. And Ray talked highly of me on several occasions. Since Ray died a hero's death to this cartel, I have a feeling James'll be more than happy to take me in."

"Here we are," Sam said as he pulled the Challenger up to the curb about a block from the meeting place. "You're gonna be fine."

"Fine?" Deeks repeated with a smirk. Sam just shook his head with a chuckle, but he let it go.

Deeks looked over at Sam once more and then at the jacket in his hands. With a sigh, he slipped on the uncomfortably familiar leather jacket and hardened his features. Without another word, he exited the car with Max-like confidence.

"Screw off, Drey," he snapped, using Sam's cover name. "I'll see ya later."

With that, Deeks slammed the door of the Challenger, getting a brief satisfaction as he imagined the look on Sam's face as the door made a not-so-pleasant sound. He turned and sauntered into the dark, completely isolated alley as if he owned the place.

"Coms are good," Sam's voice came through his ear. "And you'll pay for that door slam."

Deeks held back a laugh, because Martin Brandel—who was essentially Max Gentry—didn't have anything to genuinely laugh about. He didn't have a family, or even a reason to come home, so Brandel smirked, and Brandel laughed hard and humorlessly. Marty Deeks was the one with the smile, and Marty Deeks was the one who was going to make it home.

"We're with you, partner," Kensi's voice comes through the coms from OPS. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I'm here, and I've got your back. Even if you can't see me, I'm here."

Deeks felt a warm strength course through him at her words, and he cleared his throat softly to let her know he understood. He stood in the alley for no longer than a few seconds when he sensed he wasn't alone.

"Martin Brandel."

The voice came from behind him, but Deeks had been expecting it, so he didn't startle. He immediately took extra care to school his features into Max's hard smile, pushing down his instinctual reaction to that name.

"James Or—"

A blinding flash of pain hit him on the side of the head, and everything went dark.

His last conscious thought was, Fern…