Chapter 10

The trip back home to District 12 feels like it's taking so long I may as well be trying to walk home. We've stopped at least a half dozen times. And each stop feels longer than the one before. I'm growing more and more impatient by the minute. All I want is to be home, in Gale's arms. I sigh and stare out the window by my bed as the districts blur past. I still haven't let myself fall apart yet. I'm still to scared that I'm being watched. It isn't as likely now that I'm on a standard train but with the Capitol you never really know so I play it safe and keep all my feelings bottled up as best I can manage. I do wish that we would just get there already. At the rate we're going, I'll be lucky to be home by Thursday night. The only positive thing about not getting home until evening time is that Gale will be either off work or about to get off work. It would be awful to get home in the morning and have to wait all day for him to come out of the mines before I could see him.

I've been holed up in my bedroom for the majority of the trip home, only leaving for meals in the dining car. I did have one of the attendants bring me a book so it would seem as if I was simply relaxing and enjoying some literature on the ride home. So far I haven't read a single page. All I can think about is Gale and getting home to him. I hope he hasn't completely lost it being unable to talk to me, not knowing what's going on. He doesn't even know I'm on my way home right now. For all he knows, I may not be coming home. I can hope all I want that's he's held it together but who am I kidding? He's a mess right now and I know it.

When I feel the train stop for the umpteenth time I audibly groan in annoyance. How can one train possibly need to stop this many times? Odds are that this is just another Capitol tactic. One to keep me trapped, alone with my thoughts as I mull over the consequences of my decision. My choice of the lesser evil of two possible fates. As if either one of my options was a lesser evil. President Snow said he felt the fair thing was to give me a choice, to let me have control over what would happen. What a crock. So I can choose to go into the games where I most likely, almost assuredly will die or I can marry a man who's sheer glance repels me which would prevent me from ever marrying my one true love. I'd die of a broken heart. I know it. That's why the choice, if you can even call it a choice, was clear cut for me. I'll take my chances in the games. My heart, my love, belongs to Gale.

At some point, I fall asleep and am woken only when the train lurches to a stop. I sit up, face pressed to the window to see where we are. It's pouring rain and I have to squint to see the sign on the station so I can find out where we are. And there it is, the sign that reads District 12. Home! We're home! I jump up, not even bothering to look in the mirror or collect my things and hurry out of my bedroom and off the train. Neither Mabel or my father await me at the train station platform which lets me know that nobody knows I was coming home yet. The massive antique clock that hangs on the wall in the station tells me I have less than half an hour before Gale comes up from the mines. That gives me just enough time to get over there and meet him. My heart beats faster as I walk, quickly as I can without running, over to the entrance of the mines. The rain has already drenched me, soaking me clear to the bone but I don't care. I find the boulder I always sit on and I wait for Gale to come out. I ring my hands together and bite my lip, willing him to come out of the mines. I need to see him and I feel like I couldn't possibly wait another minute to be in his arms. My wishing must work because as soon as the whistle blows and the men start piling out of the mines, there's Gale, right out front. Our eyes meet and even through the rain, I swear I feel our connection, our love, in this one look alone. Tears pouring from my eyes blend in with the rain. We both run to each other and for the first time in days I feel safe as his strong arms wrap around me. My face against his chest makes the rest of the world fade away. Neither of us talk. We just cling to one another, holding on desperately, drowning in the relief of being reunited.

"Come with me." I whisper needing to go somewhere where I can talk to him privately.

He nods and we walk, hands clutched together, in the rain back to my house. My house is dark and I can tell no one is home. My father must still be in the Capitol and Mabel already home for the day. Once inside, we go up to my room, peel away the layers of rain soaked clothing and we kiss. We kiss as if it's the first kiss, as if it's the last kiss we'll ever have, as if it's the only kiss that matters. In my bathroom we cling to one another as the steamy shower water rinses away the coal and the grime that covered us. Gale's hands never leave me, not for one second. They stay with me, touching me softly but with a firmness that lets me know he's here. We stay silent until we're curled up on my bed, both wrapped in fluffy white bath towels. Only then do we brave the conversation we both dread but need to have.

"I was so scared Madge. I didn't know if they'd bring you back." He whispers.

"We were wrong Gale. We were so very wrong. I wasn't free of my contract. Mr. Crane's death only altered the contract, it didn't void it. They still own my future."

He closes his eyes, tightens his embrace and kisses my temple. I'm uncertain if the kiss is meant to comfort me or him, perhaps both of us.

"President Snow gave me a choice. Marry his First Advisor or have my name put into the reaping 500 times. I took the reaping Gale."

"No. No, you can't. I won't let you! 500 times? Are you crazy? Don't you know that will be as bad as volunteering to go in? You'll be reaped for sure Madge!" He practically shouts as he pulls back to look at me, fear resonating all over his face.

"It's done. I already gave them my decision. If marrying Quinton or going into the reaping bowl 500 times are my choices then there isn't a choice. It has to be the reaping."

"You won't make it out of there. I'll lose you. Forever."

"Don't you get it Gale? You lose me either way. Either to death or to pre-arranged Capitol marriage. Either way, we lose."

Both of us are crying just holding on to one another because right now there isn't anything else we can do. The freedom and happiness we felt all these months thinking I was free of the contract were all false. I was never free. My whole life I've never been free. All of the emotion I've been holding in finally breaks free and I sob uncontrollably into the arms of the only person I love.

"I can't lose you. I need you. You have no idea how scared I was. When you didn't show up, when you weren't there, it was a whole new kind of fear."

"I'm so sorry. I tried to get them to let me say goodbye. They wouldn't even let me come home first. Just whisked me away. But Tripp, did he find you? Did he tell you where I was?"

"He did. He told me. I'm so thankful he was there, on the train. I don't even want to think about what it would have been like if I didn't know at all what was going on. I waited for you to call, waited to hear from you."

"I couldn't. I was watched the whole time. It took everything in me to keep my calm, to maintain the illusion that they weren't scaring the hell out of me. I couldn't let them see my fear. If I'd called you, I wouldn't have been able to hold it together."

"I know, I know." He whispers as he kisses the top of my head. "We'll figure it out Madge. We'll find a way, we have to."

"Please stay tonight Gale. I can't sleep here alone, not tonight."

"I'm not letting you out of my sight. Not for one second. Feeling like I've lost you, thinking I had-it's the worst feeling ever, I can't handle that again."

"Will they worry? Your family, I mean? If you don't come home?"

He sighs and says reluctantly "Yeah, I need to tell my mother. If I just don't come home from work she'll think there was an accident."

"Okay, let's go. I'll just stay with you tonight."

"Are you sure? There's no privacy."

"Gale, I'll go anywhere, stay anywhere. I just need to be with you. Where we are doesn't matter to me."

"No, let's stay here. The kids don't know what's going on and I'd rather keep it that way. It'd be too hard to explain why you're spending the night. And Posy would insist on you sleeping in her bed and trust me, you don't want that. She's a kicker." He says, giving his best effort at a half hearted smile. I know he's dying on the inside but trying to be brave for my sake so I offer my best smile in return though it's barely quantifiable as a smile.

"But I don't want your mom to think you were in an accident. Let's at least go tell her." I insist.

"It's pouring outside, you'll get soaked."

"I have rain boots and an umbrella. And I really don't care." I say, standing and pulling on the first thing I find in my closet and then tugging on my red rain boots. I look over at Gale and he hasn't moved yet.

"Gale, I can deal with the rain, let's just go already. The sooner we go, the sooner we can come back. Get dressed."

He gets dressed and stands, holding an outstretched hand towards me. We walk to the Seam, rain pelting us the whole way there. It hasn't rained this hard in a very long time. Huge gusts of wind blow the icy rain against us as we walk. My umbrella is pretty much useless though the rain boots are good given the sludge like mud of the path to the Seam. When we finally make it to the Hawthorne house and we stop on the porch.

"Gale, I'm so muddy, I can't go inside like this. Just go tell her and I'll wait here." I say, gesturing down to my rain boots, which are no longer visibly red. Just wet and mud covered.

He nods and opens the front door, poking his head in and gesturing for his mother to come to the door. She comes out and when she sees me her face lights up and she immediately embraces me, not seeming to care that I'm getting her all wet.

"Oh Madge, we were so worried! I'm so glad you're back!" She says with genuine warmth.

"It's good to be home, thank you." I reply, tears filling my eyes. The way she just welcomed me, the way she so obviously missed and worried about me makes me truly feel like part of her family. Part of Gale's family.

"Ma, I'm staying at Madge's house tonight with her. That's what I came to tell you. Her father's still not home and I don't want to leave her there all alone right now."

She nods in understanding and thanks us for coming to tell her so she wouldn't worry when he didn't come home from work. We leave and begin making our way back to my house. We're almost there when Gale steers us towards the café.

"You need to let Tripp know you're back. He was really worried about you and went out of his way to let me know where you where. You need to thank him."

I can't believe the words that just left his mouth. Gale despises Tripp. Hates him even. But just now, when he spoke, it was with a kindness I hadn't expected. When we get to the café, Gale tells me to go in alone, that he'll wait outside. I kick my rain boots off as best I can to try and clear some of the mud. It helps but I'm still going to track up their floors. The door chimes as I enter and Tripp's face appears from behind the kitchen door.

"Hi." I say, lifting my hand to wave. I stop just inside the door so that I don't make any more a mess of his floor than I already am.

"Madge! You're back!" His face lights up and he rushes over to me, throwing his arms around me.

"Just got back about a little while ago. Tripp, listen, I want to thank you for being there for me on the train and for giving my message to Gale so he wouldn't have to wonder where I was at."

"It was nothing Madge, really." He says shaking his head.

"No, I mean it. You being there on the train, it made a big difference for me. If you hadn't been there I don't think I would've been able to pull myself together enough to get through the past few days. And I know Gale isn't your favorite person so it meant a lot to me that you would go out off your way to speak to him for me."

"It was nothing. That's what friends do for one another right? Help them when they need it? But, hey, are you alright? What was that all about?"

I sigh, not wanting to think about it. "It's a long, complicated story. I'm not really okay but I will be, hopefully."

He nods, able to see from the look on my face that I can't handle talking about this right now. He reaches out and squeezes my hand briefly and says "Anytime you want to talk, if you ever need anything, I hope you remember you can come to me."

"I will. Thank you Tripp." I say as I squeeze his hand back. He nods, with a look of sadness in his eyes. I say goodnight and go back out to where Gale is waiting for me under the narrow café awning. The sadness in Tripp's eyes stings me a little. He still has feelings for me and has accepted that we will only ever be friends, but I know him helping me had to have caused the sadness I just saw in his eyes.

Back outside, Gale presses his lips to my forehead and we walk back to my house. I appreciate what he just did. He allowed Tripp and I to talk privately. In times past, he couldn't let Tripp get within two feet of me without feeling the need to be all over me in an obvious display of proving that I belong to him. Him standing outside and letting me go in to talk to Tripp alone was a big deal for him. A niceness towards Tripp out of gratitude for what he'd done. I had a feeling Gale was finished with being territorial over me when it came to Tripp Krull.

Back at my house, we enter from the back so we can leave our muddied shoes on the porch. Mabel would kill me if we tracked any more mess in the house than we already had earlier. Upstairs, we retreat to my room again. The only time I ever like this room is when I have Gale here with me. When he's here, the room feels warm and cozy like a bedroom should be. I take his hands and lead him to my bathroom, filling the oversized bathtub with warm water and lavender bath oil. I tug his shirt up over his head, letting my fingertips brush over his chest as I do. His hands clutch at my waist and pull me up against him as he captures me in a kiss. I allow his hands to peel away my clothing as our kiss continues and deepens. We step into the bath tub and lower ourselves into the warm, inviting water. I lean back, resting against his chest and he wraps his arms around me, trailing his lips along my neck. I close my eyes and savor the feelings that surge through my body, my mind as he touches me. If moments could be frozen, this is one I would keep. In this moment I feel loved and wanted. I feel safe.

"I love you so much." I whisper.

"Love you." He whispers back, his breath tickling my ear. "Don't ever leave again."

"Never wanted to. I only want to be with you. Here. Now. Forever."

"Forever." He echos as his lips move down to my collarbone. Our words and whispers cease as we lose ourselves in each other, dissolving the ache that filled our hearts and burdened us while I was gone. It's only later, when we find ourselves tangled in the soft linens of my bed that we speak again.

"Madge, I can't let you go into the games. I can't let you put your name in the reaping that many times."

"I don't have a choice Gale. Would you rather I agree to a prearranged marriage to some scary Capitol man? Because I'd prefer to marry you." I say, my voice ebbing with frustration.

"Madge, if you go into the reaping 500 times you know they'll pull your name. You and I both know that. They'll kill you on national television. They'll throw you into the arena where you'll be hunted down and slaughtered for the mere entertainment of it all. And where does that leave me? Sitting here in 12, watching it on the projection screen in the town square? You think I'll be able to handle that? Because I won't."

"What am I supposed to do? Tell me, because I don't know what to do." Hot tears fall from my eyes.

He pulls me closer to him. "You don't pick either one of them Madge. You don't do either one of them. We leave. We get the hell out of here and we never come back."

"And your family? Who will take care of them? They need you. Running away isn't a solution Gale. It's just a way to bring more problems on everyone else."

"I don't know what to do Madge. Don't know how to protect you from this. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He apologizes as tears slip down his cheeks.

"Stop Gale. You have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I had no idea my life would be so complicated and if I had, I never would have fallen in love with you and made you a part of this mess."

He takes his fingers and tilts my chin up to look me in the eyes. "No. No regrets on us Madge. I love you, complications and all. Loving you is the only good thing I've ever done. Whatever happens, whatever becomes of us, I'll never regret falling in love with you."