"So...What're you gonna do?"

I'd just poured out all my concerns and the entire problem with going to see Jacob and my dumping him and just...the shit I'd caused. I told Maria all this hoping she'd have some advice. While my best friend may not be the most innocent of senior girls, she's pretty good at telling me what to do. Has been since we met our freshman year. But what is her only reply to my venting and troubles being dumped in front of her?

She fucking asked me what I was going to do.

I gave her this incredulous look, wondering if she'd been dropped on her head as a child. "That's it? That's your big hunk of advice?" I snapped impatiently.

She shrugged. "I don't know what you're supposed to do. If I did, I would've told you."

"And you couldn't even take a guess? Kind of point me in some general direction?"

Maria shook her head and started eating a pudding cup she'd brought for lunch. Part of me hoped the thing would randomly explode in her hands so I could storm off dramatically while pudding dripped from her hair. But instead she just finished it off happily and I glared at the table we were sitting at in the cafeteria.

Well, I'm back to square one, I thought tiredly, letting out a sad sigh. Now what?

Maybe I could explain. Try to get Jacob to understand exactly how fucked up my head is and that I just have commitment issues. And maybe I'd get lucky and Jacob would understand. And then we'd just skip off happily into the sunset or whatever the hell happy couples do when they get back together.

I snorted at the thought of either me or Jacob skipping off into the sunset. But the idea of seeing Jacob again, even if it would be painful or he would reject me, gave me this warm feeling inside. Not uncomfortable, but...nice. It was a nice feeling. Until I thought about what

I'd do if Jacob didn't want me. Then everything began to turn cold and I could feel that dark cloud of depression creeping back over me. I forced the pessimistic thoughts away and focused on the task at hand.

After school I would visit Jacob.

*V*V*V*V*V*V*V*V*V*V*

With the windows on both sides of the car rolled down, I cruised through Forks and towards La Push with the radio's volume cranked up high. The singer was singing about how their ex-boyfriend had cheated on them and that they were glad he's gone. But I couldn't help but think that it was all bullshit. If your boyfriend/girlfriend cheats on you, you're not going to feel empowered and self-righteous. You'll feel like shit. Like it's your fault they cheated because you were less than satisfactory as a spouse.

I shook my head at mainstream musicians' ridiculous lies and continued driving, tapping my thumbs on the steering wheel to the beat. Nervously, I glanced down at my outfit. Was it appropriate for begging on your knees for forgiveness? I decided yes. Beat up skinny jeans, black T-shirt, Converse, and a jean jacket. My hair was pulled back and the sleeves of the jacket were rolled up to my elbows. Around noon it'd gotten a little warm, but the constant cloud cover refused to budge. A little heat wouldn't make it leave, sadly.

As I navigated my way to Jacob's house, I tried not to act nervous. You are strong, I chanted mentally. You can do this. If only I actually believed the mantra.

When a familiar red house came into view, my heart rate sped up. My breathing was a little quicker than usual and sweat beaded on my forehead even though it wasn't that hot. I tried to remind myself this was just Jacob. The Jacob who I'd shared so much with, who I felt I could trust with anything-including my heart, evidently.

I parked and got out, walking quickly and quietly towards the house. Just as I was about to get to the house, the front door burst open and two boys came jogging out, laughing and carrying on. I stopped and stared at them for a second. They noticed me and stopped playing around, watching me with uneasy expressions. They were the boys I'd seen with Jacob the day...the day that I didn't want to think about.

Clearing my throat, I said, "I came to see Jacob. Is he home?"

One of them was about to answer in what seemed to be a friendly, if not neutral, manner. But his friend quickly cut him off and sneered with a disgusted expression, "He's busy. What're you doing here anyway? Here to hurt Jacob once again?"

I flinched at his words, but stayed calm. "No, I just want to talk."

"Well, what good has that done? Every time you two 'talk' he ends up getting hurt by you. Every fucking time." The boy spat at me.

I glared. "What happens between Jacob and I is our business not yours."

"He's my friend and I care about him! Of course it's my business! Especially when some girl walks all over him and no one else dares to say anything!" He hissed. The boy and I scowled at each other menacingly, neither one of us backing down. His friend tried to step between us, murmuring something quietly to the other.

"I didn't walk all over him! And what would you know about what is and isn't good for Jacob? Maybe I am good for him! Maybe you're just overreacting and need to calm the fuck down!" I snapped.

He rolled his eyes sardonically. "Please. I overreact? I'm not the one who got all pissy when their little boyfriend didn't introduce you to his friends."

My eyes widened. Jacob had told him? Who else had he told? Did he think I was as vain and ridiculous as his friend obviously did? Tears pricked at my eyes and I took a deep breath, attempting to keep the tears at bay.

The other boy punched his friend. "Shut the hell up, Embry." He whispered lowly. "Mind your own goddamn business!"

Embry rolled his eyes. "Oh, now I'm in trouble because I called her out on her bitchy behavior? We all know that she was being stupid and selfish, don't pretend I'm not the only one who-"

His rant was cut off by me slapping him. I could feel my anger boil over as his words pushed me to the edge. He didn't have to throw my mistakes, my idiocy in my face constantly. Embry was making me so mad with his self-righteous behavior and biting comments meant to drag my ego farther down in the mud than it already was. But evidently, slapping him wasn't the right way to go about this anger.

Embry began to shake, his body quaking as tremors racked his limbs. He was breathing in and out deeply as his eyes narrowed into slits. His nostrils flared and I could feel the anger seep out of me as my eyes widened. I took a step back from Embry, waiting for him to do something.

The other boy yelled, "Get back! Now!" While trying to pull Embry off into the secluded area of the woods where he could calm down. I jumped backwards and retreated back a few feet, watching the scene before me with a frightened expression. What had I done?

Just as I thought that, the tremors got worse. Embry's teeth were clenched tightly and his shoulders moved dramatically as the breaths dragged in and out of him. The air was thick with tension.

"Embry, calm-" But his friend didn't get to finish. Because it was too late.

I've felt like I was going to explode from anger before. But Embry literally did that. He exploded and this huge wolf took his place. This wolf was different from my wolf. For one, I was pretty sure that it was Embry. And two, my wolf didn't make me feel the need to run. The wolf let out a loud growl and scowled at me in a way that definitely communicated the message, "I hate you."

"Oh my God," I whispered, terrified as I stared up at the wolf. His fur was sleek and grey with black spots on it. Another angry growl echoed from his chest and I stumbled back at the sound. I was sure I was going to die.

And then, another growl, a louder, even angier one, came from deep within the woods and I could hear fast foosteps pounding into the ground as someone bounded towards us. The trees rustled and branches cracked as the thing approaching got even closer. What now? I thought, wondering if someone else felt the need to kill me. But all my fears faded away as my wolf broke through the trees and let out a roar, charging at wolf-Embry.

Embry's friend grabbed my wrist and dragged me towards the house as we watched Embry and my wolf duke it out. Their bodies crashed together and then tumbled to the ground in a fumbling mess of biting and scratching. At first, I just watched with a horrified expression, wondering if I'd somehow hit my head and dreamt all this up. People just didn't burst into horse sized wolves and then duke it out with other over sized wolves! It was insane.

"Come on," the still unknown boy said, yanking me inside the house. I just tried to get a glimpse of the fight, making sure my wolf was OK. My worries were pushed back when I saw that my wolf was obviously going to win and I let out a sigh.
Once inside, the boy told me his name was Quil and ordered me to sit down while he made a phone call. Kind of numbed from the mind-fucking experience I'd just had, I merely nodded and sat in the living room, gaping at nothing.

What the hell was going on?

*V*V*V*V*V*V*V*V*V*

Apparently there was some sort of crew that handled this kind of thing. When someone was informed of this little gang's secret, the older members went about telling them and explaining the situation. This comittee of explainers included Sam Uley, Jared Cameron, and the forever wise Mr. Billy Black. The latter and Sam were taking the whole thing very seriously. Explaining everything slowly and calmly, but Jared was something else. He thought it was hilarious that I'd found out about the pack-that's what they called themselves apparently-by watching two best friends fight each other.

I found the situation less amusing.

Werewolves. They were fucking werewolves.

What was next? Unicorns? Fairies? Mermaids? It just didn't seem possible at all.

It was though. Because I'd seen the transformation right before my eyes when Embry exploded.

I'll give you the run down of this whole big secret.

Ever since they can remember, a small-practically minute-percentage of Quileutes have had the ability to transform into wolves. The purpose? To protect the people of their "tribe" from other evils, of course! Anyway, these wolves have been around for God knows how long and are completely harmless-that one took me a while to accept-unless their temper flares up. You see, their transformations aren't effected by the full moon, but by hormones and rage. When a werewolf is pissy, take a few steps back because he could burst into a fur ball any second. The only time it's really dangerous to be around a werewolf is their first two or three weeks as a wolf because they will transform quickly and constantly. But there haven't been any new wolves lately, the newest ones being about two years ago, Collin and Brady.

I was still recovering from shock. My eyes darted around the room so I could avoid looking them in the eye and have to force myself to realize that yes, this was all very real. And Jacob was one of them-one of the wolves. He was my wolf. The wolf I'd claimed as mine.
Slowly, when everything had finally set in, I raised my eyes to meet theirs and fought to stay calm. "So," I murmured quietly. "Anything else I should know about? Any threatening mythical forces like evil pixies or demonic sirens or something?" Joking was my way of coping.
The rest of the pack, that was actually around, didn't find my joke very funny. In fact, they exchanged glances which only meant that yes, werewolves were not the only thing I had to worry about.

"Well, there's still a lot you don't know about us," Sam said finally. "But I think you've learned enough. We'll just let all we've told you sink in for a little while." And with that, he and Jared left the house, off to patrol or think of ways to get rid of me, no doubt.
Billy cleared his throat awkwardly and wheeled himself into the kitchen while Quil kept glancing outside. As soon as I started to get up to leave, the front door burst open and I could hear laughter of two boys floating through the air. My heart stopped for a second as one thought crossed my mind: Jacob...

The two boys had their arms around each other as they laughed about some unheard joke. I fidgeted nervously in my seat as I tried to figure out what to do. Embry continued chuckling and went to get some food out of the kitchen, but Jacob froze as soon as he saw me.

"Hey," I said quietly.

"Hey," Jacob replied.

I bit my lip. I might as well do what I came here to do in the first place. So I spoke as if this whole werewolf detour never came up. "Can I talk to you?" I asked. "It's important."

He nodded and motioned for us to go outside where it was more private. Another attribute to being a werwolf, you had awesome hearing.

We walked down the shoreline in silence, neither of us really knowing how to begin. Jacob no doubt thought that I was going to attack him with questions. And he was probably also hoping that I kept the secret to myself-not that anyone would believe me if I did tell them. What evidence did I have? My word? Please. I didn't even value my word.

Anyway, the silence was extremely awkward and I wasn't sure how I should go about breaking it. My arsonal of icebreakers was very limited-I had two or three at most.

Finally, I just said, "I'm sorry."

Jacob looked at me like I was crazy, which I may very well be. "What are you sorry for?" He asked, clearly contemplating having my head examined, but then again, he wouldn't be the first.

I shrugged. "A lot of stuff. Mainly for being extremely stupid and that you have to deal with my stupidity."

"You're not stupid, Katie."

I snorted. "Say that with any family member of mine in the room and you'll probably have to listen to them cackle for ten minutes at the thought of anyone thinking I was smart, or even merely thinking that I'm just not stupid."

Jacob smiled slightly. "Sounds like my family," he murmured.

"So," I said and nudged his arm with my shoulder because he was just that tall, "werewolf, huh?"

He looked unsure of how to answer, so he merely nodded in response.

"That's cool, I guess. Although, turning into a giant furball when you get pissed off doesn't exactly sound ideal." Jacob snorted at my analogy.

"Not exactly, but that's the basic concept." He said.

I kicked some rocks with my foot and sloshed some watery sand violently to the side even though, right now, I felt completely drained. Too drained to have the energy to kick stuff around. Having the existence of mythical creatures sprung on you does that sort of thing. But whatever. I would deal like I always do.

Now I just had to deal with the emotional mess I was over Jacob.

The wind whipped around us, chilling me to the bone. I bit my lip to keep my teeth from chattering, completely unprepared for the sudden change in weather. But Jacob, the human heater, strutted around like it was nothing. Then again, with the heat that was practically radiating off of him, that didn't really surprise me. Upon noticing that I was cold, Jacob stepped closer and I practically melted with delight when his heat spread around my body.

We stopped and sat on a large, fallen branch, the wood cracking and crunching as it adjusted to our combined weight. I took in a deep breath and looked at Jacob. He was staring at me, searching my face for any sign of fear. I'd confessed I was (possibly) in love with him and he thought the werewolf thing would phase me?

"I actually came here for a reason before your friend burst into a horse sized wolf and decided to scare the crap out of me." He growled at the mention of Embry phasing in front of me. I ignored him and continued. "I had to tell you something. But then again, every time I try to tell you this something goes wrong. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something." I paused to think for a moment before smirking and adding, "And Embry was there every single time. Hmm...good to know."

Jacob chuckled, but then gave me a curious glance. "So, what were you going to tell me?"

I sighed and stretched my legs out in front of me, staring at the horizon, refusing to look Jacob in the eye because, honestly, I was embarassed by my parents' story. Part of me was kind of humiliated that I was linked to that disaster of a marriage.

"The story that explains why I have commitment issues and why I...broke up with you," I said. "Though I'm not proud to admit either of those things."

"What?" Jacob asked.

My tongue darted out to wet my lips before I continued on. You can do this, I chanted in my head over and over. Maybe if I thought it enough I would actually start believing it.

"My parents had a shotgun wedding. In college, my dad got my mom knocked up her freshman year. They weren't even in a relationship when they slept together. Both had gotten drunk at some frat party and locked lips with the first thing that walked by. Luckily, or unluckily depending the way you look at it, they ran into each other. Anyway, when Mom found out she was pregnant, Dad did the responsible thing to do; he married her.

"Mom had to drop out of college, but Dad stuck through it since it was his last year. And nine months later, there's my brother Dean. After things had settled and they were all happy again, not frantically worrying about the future, I came along. And Mom was convinced that life would just be a breeze from now on. Filled with joy and love and all that crap that cheesy Chick Flicks advertise for.

"But, turns out, Dad was less than satisfied with the marriage. Apparently he'd been going out to this strip club downtown after work, claiming long hours to get away with it. And he fell for the ever charming Ashley, stripper extraordinaire. So, when I was two, Dad left me, Mom, and Dean for Little Miss Busty-I'm not joking that really was her stripper name-and a huge house in Florida.

"After Dad left my mom kind of lost it. Crazy depressed for months and when she finally started to get better, her solution for the loneliness was to sleep with guys she'd probably never see again and moving constantly. Her cover up for this was saying that every time we moved that she was trying to find her new artistic muse." I snorted at the shitty excuse. "Anyway, my dad dropped off the face of the earth, just sending birthday and Christmas presents. Maybe an occasional phone call here and there. He claimed he was going into an

extremely early retirement because of the big bucks he made working as a CEO. What he didn't expect was how much a greedy stripper can spend when given full access to every account he has except my college funds. So, he had to start working again. And that's when he decided that he had some sort of right to annoy me constantly after ignoring me for years."

Throughout my long winded story/rant, Jacob had said nothing. He gave me the occasional eyebrow raise or widen his eyes, but other than that, he remained perfectly stoic. So, once I was done, I'd expected for him to fling the nitty gritty questions at me. The who's, what's, when's, where's, and why's. But no, he just sat there and stared at me.

"That still doesn't really explain why, though," Jacob murmured quietly, so quietly I barely heard him. But I did.

I sighed and shook my head sadly. "When you grow up with that marriage as an example of love and a mother who is so broken and fragile because of it, you tend to shy away from relationships in general. I became a pessimist and that was the end of my childhood. No more fairytales for me, I didn't believe in happily ever afters anymore." A few tears slid down my cheeks and I let out an airy, sardonic laugh. "I mean, if my mother, the most wonderful woman I've ever met, doesn't get a happy ending, why would anyone else? Especially me!"

This whole revelation made a sort of sadness seep into Jacob's expression. He reached out and wiped my cheek with his hand. Subconciously, I leaned into his touch, feeling that spark that I always felt whenever we touched. The electric current buzzed beneath my skin, clouding my mind from any thoughts other than Jacob. He looked kind of shocked by the action, but didn't pull away.

And then that current begged me for more, to be able to touch more of Jacob. So I slid over towards him slowly and press my face against his chest while his big, strong arms wrapped around me and held me tightly. And that dull ache I'd felt for so long faded away and I felt whole again. But I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve his forgiveness that he provided so willingly. He should've asked me to leave as soon as I crossed the boarder line into La Push area.

That thought was enough to snap me out of it and I jumped back from Jacob like he was on fire. Jacob's expression was one of hurt; I guess he assumed this meant that I didn't want him back. I jumped up and started pacing back and forth. I could feel his eyes burning into my form, but I didn't stop.

"I don't deserve this," I murmured finally.

He was confused. "What?"

I didn't answer and abruptly turned the conversation in a different direction. I stopped to stare at that face that I had mapped out in my mind, forever imprinted in my brain. "Can I be completely honest with you, no holding back, for like ten minutes?"

He rolled his eyes at me, smiling softly. "Katie, I'd rather you be completely honest with me for the rest of your life."

I sighed. "Well, baby steps," I muttered before getting on with what I was about to say. "In case you haven't noticed, I don't think very highly of myself. My ego is basically nonexistant when it comes to us. And I dumped you because I'd convined myself that you would leave me in the end so it was better to break things off early on."

"That's ridiculous!" Jacob burst out. I held a hand up to silence any other outbursts so I could finish.

"There's this quote I heard once: 'A smart woman kisses, but doesn't love. Leaves before she gets left. And forgets before she gets forgotten.' So I did that. Followed through with those steps and was being smart." I let out a shaky breath. "But I didn't follow those simple rules."

"What do you mean?" He asked cautiously.

"I broke two out of three of those rules or whatever you would call them." I said. "I never forgot. And..." I met his eyes, my heart stuck in my throat, "...I-I still loved."

Jacob seemed to understand what I meant and leaned closer to me, pressing his forehead to mine. My eyes fluttered close and I just let myself enjoy this small moment for a little while. The feeling of his breath splaying across my face, the sandalwood scent of his skin, that spark humming as it traveled between us. Slowly, I leaned in closer, greedily wanting more of him. But the moment was broken as Jacob pulled away from me.

Stay positive, I thought. Don't jump to conclusions, that's what got you in this mess in the first place.
"I need to tell you something, something more about the who werewolf thing," Jacob murmured. "There's this thing called imprinting. After we turn into a werewolf and we meet our soulmate, we imprint on them. Form this sort of attachment." He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "The best way I can get you to understand imprinting is to describe it like this: Before, gravity used to hold you to the earth. But now they do, your imprint. Every decision you make revolves around them-your entire world revolves around them! They hurt, you hurt. They're happy, so are you.

"And I'm not saying that every imprint is romantic, though most do evolve into that. You can imprint on someone young; Quil imprinted on a four year-old girl named Claire. But the point is after you meet them, you become whatever they need you to be. If it's a brother or protector-though you'll always protect them-then that's what you become. If it's a partner or spouse, that's what you become." He stopped to watch me carefully. "Does that make sense?"

Slowly, I nodded, still a little shocked by the whole announcement. The way Jacob spoke, though. It was like he knew. He had imprinted, obviously. And I forced myself to not immediately assume it was me, though the idea of someone else being his soulmate after I'd announced that I was in love with him killed me inside. I had to be supportive no matter what.

Finally, I asked, "Have you imprinted?"

Jacob nodded in response.

"On who?"

He looked at me hesitantly. Oh God, it is someone else! A panicked little part of me thought. But then he uttered the small little word, "You."

My world was complete. I was blissfully happy. Insanely, even. I couldn't help it, a wide grin spread across my face and I flung my arms around Jacob's neck, flinging myself into his lap while I pressed my face into his chest.

"Does this mean you don't hate me?" I asked, my voice muffled by his chest.

He chuckled, the sound vibrating through his chest and he pulled away from me slightly to give me a reassuring grin. "I could never hate you, Katie," Jacob said. "I love you."

"Say it again." I pleaded desperately.

"I love you." He whispered in my ear, his breath tickling me. "I love you," he kissed my ear. "I love you." My neck. "I." Cheek. "Love." Nose. "You." Forehead.

Jacob didn't get to say much after that, I had otherwise occupied his mouth with other activities.

A/N: Well, I don't really have much to say in this author's note. So, all I'll say is Happy Holidays!

- HBTC