Chapter 10

(Three days later…early evening)

Keying into the loft, Hiei held the door open wide to allow Kurama to enter ahead of him. The, bloodshot eyed, still pale, red head shuffled in wheezing, already winded by the walk up the stairs from the car.

"Your choice." The black haired offered, gesturing. "The bed, the recliner, or the couch."

"Ba…" Kurama went to say, only to end in a raspy cough.

"No talkin'." Hiei said going over to place the red head's duffle bag and another smaller black bag on the island.

Kurama's green eyes rolled and sighing in annoyance, pointed towards a door.

"Okay." Hiei said then asked. "You hungry?"

Shaking his head in a definite 'no', the red head headed to the bathroom. Hiei watched the door close and shook his head going to the refrigerator. It didn't matter what Kurama said, or gestured, he knew the red head hadn't eaten in awhile and needed to try and eat something, unfortunately no matter what the man tried to eat, he said it tasted like a charcoal briquette.

Thinking soup might be a better choice. Hiei found a can and was opening it when he heard the toilet flush, followed by the shower.

"Hn." He smirked. He should have known Kurama would want a shower as soon as he got home. Hearing a clatter of noises, followed by coughing, Hiei rushed over and was thankful to find the door unlocked. Stepping into the steamed filled room, he turned on the light and found the red head in the shower, sitting bent over on the bench, hacking. Quickly stripping, the black haired stepped in just in time to hold Kurama as he fell to his hands and knees and threw up, what was, thankful or not, just bile. Brushing and holding wet hair away from his face, Hiei rubbed small circles on the red head's back as he dry heaved and shook.

"Th…is…get…in…ol-d…" Kurama managed to choke out.

"I know." Hiei whispered wishing he could do more to help.

It had taken Kurama almost 24 hours to regain consciousness, but even then he remained groggy, extremely nauseated, confused and still complained of a headache. His nose, throat and lungs had been burned by whatever was in that black smoke. After several inhaling treatments, he was still dealing with coughing fits which ranged from spitting up gray and black mucus to all out puking up bile and anything he'd managed to get down.

A few more minutes passed before Kurama seemed to regain control. Turning off the water, Hiei helped the red head out, sitting him on the toilet and quickly bundling him in towels as he was shivering.

"Sorry." Hiei said drying himself off and dressing.

Kurama just looked confusingly at him.

"Should have told you the steam might irritate." He told him.

Nodding in understanding, Kurama shakily stood and went to the sink. Quickly brushing his teeth, while trying not to gag, he then let Hiei help him out and over to the bed where he dressed in pajama pants before burrowing himself in blankets.

The cat, which had apparently been hiding somewhere, came running around a corner, leaped onto the piano bench, sprung off it and landed right in the middle of the bed.

"Hey you." Hiei said taking a seat on the edge of the bed so he could pet the cat, who knead the blanket before flopping down in the crevice between Kurama's bent knees and licking himself.

The cat proceeded to roll onto his back, allowing Hiei access to his belly. The cat increased his purring while kneading the air and the black haired found himself chuckling at the 'fur-ball's' current antics. Earlier, when he'd stopped by to pick up some clothes and things for Kurama, plus check on the cat, the cat had come running at the sound of the door, but then seemed disappointed when he saw only him walking in. Only blinking at him before walking off and giving him, what Hiei took as, the cold shoulder.

Assuming the cat had been mad at him for leaving for so long, then coming back, only to leave again, but then happy that he had returned and this time with Kurama, he said to the lump of fur. "I guess you're happy." Giving a scratch under the chin, he mumbled. "Still don't even know what to call you." Hearing something from the figure buried under the blankets, he said. "What?"

Kurama uncovered his head, croaking. "Re…my."

"Remy." Hiei repeated looking at the cat who looked back at him with his eyes slit in contentment.

"If you…" Kurama went to say.

"No." Hiei cut him off, shrugging. "I like it…and no more talking now." He scolded getting up. "Get some sleep then we'll see if you can get something to stay down."

a)a)a)a

It if hadn't been for the flood lights along the floor, he knew it would have been impossible to find his way. He'd not even made it six feet in the door before he was on his hands and knees, crawling through the thickening black smoke while trying to keep his mouth covered. The man had said Yomi was right behind him, so the blind man couldn't be too much further. It seemed like forever when he finally came upon him, the smoke was not that thick here, yet, but it was hot and dark.

"Yomi!" He called out, immediately coughing. The smoke he'd come through was bitter tasting, acidity, burning his lungs and nose.

The blind man was on his knees, desperately, franticly pushing at a mound of boxes. "There's a door here, I know it!" He yelled back.

"No." Kurama said reaching up to grab him by a shoulder. "You… (cough)…need to (cough)…come with me…back this way." The red head buried his head in his shoulder as a bout of coughing took over.

"There's… (cough)…no time." Yomi croaked back, pushing the red head away to continue moving boxes, though he was weakening fast.

Kurama could feel, and smell, the smoke thickening. He went to reach out again, to insist, but Yomi was panicking and pushed him away again, but then he collapsed in a coughing fit.

Kurama struggled to his feet and grabbing Yomi by the arm pits, managed to drag him several yards, but another round of coughing took him and he let go, falling to his knees. With his vision blurring, the red head still tried in desperation to pull Yomi with him, scooting along the floor, trying, in vain, to follow the flood lights that were getting darker, not only by the smoke, but by his vision fading.

Darkness took him…

Green eyes blinked in an attempt to focus on the blinding white light and the source of a voice, apparently scolding him.

"Look at you." The voice said. "That runt of an EMT must of rubbed off on you."

Looking around in confusion, he finally made out he was in a white, baron room, laying naked, with only a thin white sheet covering him, on a hospital bed. A figure came into view and green eyes went wide. He tried to move, to get away as the figure approached, but he remained paralyzed.

"What were you thinking…hmm…that you could be a big hero?" Karasu mused stepping closer. Leaning over him face to face, he smirked. "It doesn't suit you.

"What do you want?" Kurama asked wondering why this man was in his room.

The man stepped back, ignoring him and continuing his musing. "Did you think he would come back to you if you saved someone?" He let out a chuckle. "Looks like your plan didn't go quite as…plan."

Kurama closed his eyes in sadness, Yukina had told Yomi hadn't made it and he'd just about died as well, and would have, if it hadn't been for Touya and Hiei.

"If you had stayed with me, you wouldn't have to worry your pretty little head over him so much." Karasu said walking back and forth across the foot of the bed. "You wouldn't have to fear that oh so dreaded phone call telling you he won't be coming home…"

"Enough!" Kurama yelled.

"Hmm." Karasu hummed stopping to stare right at him. "But why…isn't that your worse fear?"

"This is just a dream." Kurama told him forcing himself to sit up and stare right back. "I'm tired of you invading my dreams."

"I would prefer nightmares, my pet." Karasu whisperingly mused but then took off his shirt and said. "Speaking of which, what would your 'little' friend think if he found out you were fantasizing about me and not him?"

The red head didn't fall for the diversion. "I prayed every day that Hiei wouldn't get hurt…or worse, but then I realized…he is who he is…unlike you…he cares and helps people and if he were to die helping someone then that's the way he would want it…"

Karasu had crossed his arms, but was now tapping a finger against in lips. "Touching speech, but he didn't almost die saving someone…he was bushing a broom…or did you forget that?"

Green eyes lowered and a pale hand clinched the sheet. "I know." He whispered. He'd hoped every day since finding out it was Rando who'd hit Hiei that the man would suffer through hell for what he'd done.

"You need to face the truth, my pet." Karasu said coming back over to the side of the bed. Using a finger to pull Kurama's chin up, he told him. "You will lose him, just like your father, my brother…your mother…one way or another...he's already left you…what…twice?"

"Get out." Kurama hissed, jerking his head away.

Karasu let out a chuckle. "Tisk, tisk…oh you poor thing, you couldn't even save Yomi." He hissed. "So remember…guilt is a heavy burden." He let out a mocking laugh. "Though I wouldn't know." Before he'd even finished the statement, the man lunged at Kurama, managing to get his hands around the red head's neck and squeezing hard. "You should have been the one to die." He continued to laugh. "Because there's no one left who'd care…"

Kurama fought, pushing back hard and even managed to punch Karasu in the chest, getting him to let go.

As the red head gasp for air, Karasu faded, but not before giving him one final shot. "You've got some fight in you after all my pet…but you can't get rid of me that easy."

a)a)a)a

Sitting in the recliner, petting Remy, who was on his lap, red eyes kept finding themselves glancing up from the opened book on the arm rest, to the clock, to the sleeping red head. Looking back down at the book, Hiei realized he hadn't even turned a page in almost an hour. Sighing heavily, he closed it.

Looking at the clock again, he stifled a yawn, rubbing his tired eyes at what time it was. Gods he needed to get some sleep, but he refused to until he knew the red head was going to be okay. Even in his sleep, Kurama would wheeze and cough, toss and turn, seemingly more restless than when he was confined to the hospital bed. Every noise made the black haired want to jump up and rush over, but he managed to contain himself. When the sun had set, he'd thought about getting in bed, but didn't know if Kurama would want that right now, they were still on a 'complicated' path of sorts with their relationship. He still really needed to talk to the red head, but it would have to wait. At least until he knew Kurama was well enough, and seemed ready, for what he needed to hear.

Still watching the sleeping red head, his thoughts went back over the last three days. It had been the longest 24 hours of his life, waiting for Kurama to wake up. Seeing the red head laying in a hospital bed with the breathing tube still in helping him breathe made his heart hurt and he couldn't help but wonder if that had been how Kurama had felt when it had been him laying there.

'Damn those doctors'. Hiei cursed, he hadn't even been able to see Kurama till later the next morning. All he could do till then was worry about the red head waking up and him not being there. They just kept telling him he wasn't family, even after he'd told them, several times, that 'Shuiichi Minamino' had no living relatives that he knew of and that he was his partner. To which they replied that 'that' didn't count, he had to be family. Yukina had even stepped in, to no avail, but when Shizuru got Dr. Kamiya (who had been his doctor) to vouch for him, they finally backed off.

Guilt was weighing heavily on him, he could only hope Kurama hadn't had that kind of trouble, but Yukina reassured him that she had made sure the red head had been there and kept informed about everything that happened. She even admitted to consulting him several times when she felt she was losing control.

The black haired was jerked out of his thoughts by the sounds of short, gurgling, gasps. Managing not to tumble Remy off his lap, he put him down and hurried over to the bed. As he listened to the labored breathing, he fumbled with the small black bag he'd carried in earlier. It was a portable oxygen/nebulizer unit. Cursing himself for not getting it ready sooner, he tried talking to the red head as he zipped opened the unit and began hooking up the tubing.

"Hey…wake up…concentrate on your breathing." He told him ripping open the mask.

Clawing at his throat, Kurama went to roll into a fetal position, but Hiei managed to get the tubing hooked to the mask and placed it against the red head's face.

"Hey." He tried again when Kurama went to push it away. With one hand on the controls, he pressed the mask harder against the red head's mouth/nose, keeping it in place as it filled with pure oxygen. "It's okay…deep breaths."

Kurama stopped his struggles and a shaky hand even came up to cover his as he sucked in the oxygen as best as he could.

When green, hollow, eyes finally opened, Hiei asked. "You with me?"

Kurama blinked, looking at him in confusion for a moment before nodding. Moving to sit up, he pushed the mask away as he coughed and the blacked haired offered a box of tissues from the nightstand so the red head could spit out the grayish saliva and mucus.

"Here." Hiei said moving to sit on the edge of the bed so he could lean in and secure the strap that would help hold the mask in place.

Hiei didn't say anything as he noticed Kurama shaking, staring down at his lap, clearly disturbed. Pulling the blankets up around him, he bent down to grab the mouth piece attachment, telling him. "I was going to wake you soon anyways. It's time for a treatment." Adding the medicine to the nebulizer cup, he then rechecked the setting before sitting back up.

Kurama's head had snapped up at his voice, but he nodded again, holding still as Hiei took off the mask and held the mouth piece to his lips. When Kurama's hand reached up to hold it, Hiei reached back over to turn on the device and grab a stethoscope. Standing, he proceeded to listen to the red head's chest. "Try and take as deep of breaths as you can." He told him.

Doing as he had been taught in the hospital, Kurama placed the tip of the mouth piece between his teeth. Sealing his lips around it, he began taking in deep wheezing breaths, holding them for two to three seconds, before letting them out slowly.

"Lean forward." Hiei told him, so he could listen from the back.

After a few moments, Hiei finally stepped back. "Good." He said smiling. "Much better…not as rattle-ee." He told him, trying to sound cheerful and his effort paid off when he saw the red head's lips half heartily curve up around the mouth piece.

a)a)a)a

Over the next few days, Hiei watched Kurama get stronger. The red head was able to make loops around the apartment without wheezing, shower and do things on his own, though he would still tire easily and have to sit often. Hiei made sure he did his inhaling treatments and would usually get him to take a nap afterwards. Even though he was able to sleep through the night without too much disturbance, he still tossed and turned restlessly. He was glad when the red head became less nauseated making him able to keep more and more food down, and the headache had seemed to subside.

But Kurama was still visibly restless, though Hiei knew it was most likely guilt over Yomi's death. He wished Yukina hadn't told him when she did, but there was nothing he could do about it now, only hope the red head would talk to him, or someone, when he was ready.

He'd been present when Kurama gave his statement to Yusuke. The chief then told them that there had been a door where Kurama had found Yomi. Yomi had apparently been walked through the hotel several times by someone on staff, which allowed him to learn his way around. But what the blind man didn't know, and wasn't told, was that it was custom for the nightshift to leave that particular door unlocked and propped so someone wouldn't have to be there, waiting around, for the nighttime deliveries. After the last delivery, the door would be closed and the supplies left for the morning shift to put away. That was against the law since the door was marked as an emergency exit. Even after being told, by just about everyone, that there was nothing more he could have done, and that it wasn't his fault, Kurama was still having a hard time accepting it.

a)a)a)a

(Almost a week later…)

Early one morning, Hiei was awakened, from where he'd been sleeping in the recliner, to the sound of his cell phone ringing. Fumbling around with the rising sun coming through the windows, he answered it with an irritated. "What."

"Oh, hi Robert." He said softly when he heard the voice.

…

"Sorry, bad habit." He apologized, rubbing his eyes.

…

"No, I was awake." He lied.

…

"He's doing good, getting better every day."

…

"Yeah, it was." He agreed at the mentioning of Yomi's passing.

…

"No…I haven't told him yet."

…

"I know I need to, but with what happened, there's not been a good time." Red eyes looked over to the still sleeping red head. "He's still not well." He said more to himself.

…

"No I haven't lost my nerve." He said irately.

…

More calmly. "No, you have nothing to worry about… yes, I'm still sure it's what I want."

…

Soft chuckle. "Hn…commitment…no it's not a hard word to say, it's just what it implies."

…

"I know I'm lucky…I just don't know if he's going to feel the same way when he learns…"

…

Trying to sound reassuring. "No…I don't think he'll be too mad at you."

…

"No, I'm not mad at you either…it happened…it wasn't just all you, I take blame, I didn't stop."

…

"What about the phone call?"

…

"You only did what you felt was right."

…

"Yes, I'll tell him."

…

"He knows you wouldn't do it deliberately…"

…

"I know that." He hissed. "But you were different." He whispered. "We were different."

…

"I don't know… maybe if things had worked out…different." 'If you hadn't changed.' He thought.

…

"I don't know if I can ever repay you…thank you, for everything."

…

"No, I'm not going to answer that."

…

"How about…I don't know when I'll be able to stop by."

…

"I still care about you too…bye."

Hanging up the phone, Hiei looked back over to the bed to see Kurama sitting up looking at him.

"Hey." He said walking over, wondering if he'd been heard. Taking in the look on the head's face, he was sure he had. "Sorry if I woke you."

But Kurama just shook his head. Though he'd actually woken at the sound of the phone, he found he couldn't move, only lay there and listen to Hiei talk. 'Who was Robert?' He wondered and why was Hiei talking to him, about him? What was it Hiei needed to tell him? Did he actually hear the word commitment? What was he taking blame for?

"You hungry?" Hiei asked taking him out of his thoughts. "I could make you something while you do your last treatment."

The red head only shrugged as he leaned over to grab the nebulizer and medicine. He'd been setting it up himself since the second day. When he was settled, Remy jumped on the bed and wormed his way onto his lap, as he had done every time Kurama did his morning treatment. The red head would pet him as he batted the tubing with a paw.

Hiei didn't say anything, only watched for a moment incase Kurama needed help. When the red head seemed settled, petting the cat, he went about making them something to eat.

By the time he finished, Kurama was putting away the mouth piece and placing Remy off to his side. "Bet you're glad to have that over." He said. At least for the time being, he knew. The red head had a doctor's appointment the next morning, where they would take a chest x-ray to determine if he needed to continue more treatments.

Kurama only nodded as a plate was placed on his lap.

Hiei went over to the other side of the bed and settled in with his back against the headboard.

The two ate in silence.

When they finished, Hiei put the dishes in the dishwasher. Coming back over, he asked. "Do you want to try and go for a walk later…maybe go down to the pier?"

Kurama didn't look up from playing with the cat. "You don…t… need to…stay any-more." He said softly though as firmly as he could. He was in the laryngitis stage, where his voice was soft, still hoarsely, but now the 'hitch' he'd still sometimes get didn't always trigger a coughing fit, which usually led to puking.

Hiei arched an eyebrow at the apparent bluntness of the statement, but then sighed realizing that, maybe, the time had come to talk. Going over and taking a sit on the bed next to the red head, he said. "About that…I think we need to talk first…about what happened…"

Kurama cut him off. "I'm fine."

"I know." Hiei said softly.

"I know there….was nothing more… I could have done." The red head continued, only pausing at times so he could clear his throat or swallow. "I tried to get him…to come with me, but he was panicking…I should have just…helped him get to the door."

"No…you tried to do the right thing, but with the circumstances, there was nothing more you could have done..." Hiei tried to reassure him. "Guilt is a heavy burden." Green eyes went wide at the remark, but what he heard next made them blink in confusion. "And I know a lot about that."

Hiei thought back to what felt like a life time ago, recalling a memory he thought no longer haunted him. "Back when I was a rookie...before I became an EMT." He began. "We got called to an office building fire. The place was well involved by the time we got there. Getting the order to go in with hose blazing." He had to smirk when he said. "Me, and my new partner Kuwabara, battled our way up to the second floor." He let a soft smile cross his lips at the memory." I still can't recall the details of how or why, but it was after that day I got the name 'hot-shot'.

Kurama gave a soft smile as well.

The black haired lost his as he continued. "We came upon someone laying in a hallway, a young guy. He…he would later die. He ended up being one of the reasons why I decided to become an EMT. Anyways, I managed to grab him first and get him over my shoulder. Back then, being teased about my size, I felt like I had to prove to everyone that I was capable of doing the job. By the time we got out, the building was falling apart around us and I had somehow broken my left collar bone. I was taken to the hospital where I was told it would need six to eight weeks to heal and that I would have some…'discomfort'. As a daredevil child, doing martial arts and with all the other jobs I had had, I had yet to break a bone. When the doctor gave me pain meds, I assumed he knew what he was talking about. Later that night when I was at home, not just the shoulder was bothering me." The red head knew he was referring to the death. "I was having a hard time trying to get to sleep…then I thought 'what the hell', he gave them to me for a reason…so I took one." He paused to let what he'd just said sink in.

The way Hiei was talking, Kurama began having a flood of memories. Like the time the black haired had been injured a few years ago, in an apartment fire, and had told him then that he didn't like taking anything. Then there had been the way he'd been acting before he left, not to mention the half empty pill bottle. The red head was beginning to piece together what Hiei was getting at.

"You…became addicted." He said.

Hiei nodded. "Yeah." Taking a deep breath, he continued. "I was living with Robert at the time…you know him better as Miyuki."

Kurama bit the inside of his bottom lip, trying not to show any reaction to that news.

"I hadn't been living with him long…met him at the club and one day I mentioned I was looking for a place to stay, he offered…we ended up." He softly smiled at the memories. "Growing close during that time." Letting out a huffed breath, he continued. "To make a long story short, in six months I had almost lost my job, Kuwabara was ready to request a new partner." He chuckled. "Or kill me…I can't remember which." He smirked. "Yukina was ready to disown me and I ruined…what I thought at the time…was a serious relationship. I had put him through hell…even though he tried every way he could to help me." The red head could clearly see and hear the guilt. "I pushed and pushed until there was no hope saving it…I ended up moving out."

When Hiei paused, Kurama asked. "What…happened?"

"I managed to quit obviously." Hiei told him then gave him a smug smile. "And, as you've no doubt witnessed over the years, my sister and the oaf still put up with me."

Kurama again showed a soft smile. "And you…became a…EMT." He said.

"Yep." Hiei sighed rubbing his hands on his pants. This was going easier than he thought. "When I realized it was happening again though, I knew I needed to get away from you."

"But…" Kurama went to say.

"I know." Hiei said, cutting him off. "I know you're going to say you could have helped, but I already had it in my head that it wouldn't work. I was already to the point where I was taking them because I wanted to, not because I needed to. I knew it was happening all over again."

"But." Kurama said again. "I was…watching you."

Hiei shook his head, saying somberly. "Yeah…so was Robert."

The red head thought for a moment. "Yukina." He said more in thought.

Hiei just looked at him.

"When she…came and got your clothes…I gave her…the pills." He admitted.

"I know." Hiei nodded. "She made me watch as she put them down the disposal."

"Why didn't…she tell me?" The red head wanted to know.

The black haired wondered as well. "That…I don't know, but what she…and you…didn't know, was when I realized I had left them here. I stopped by the doctor's office after one of my physical therapy sessions and got a new prescription." He paused and began rubbing his bad leg in nervous restlessness.

Kurama remained silent as Hiei seemed to be thinking of how to continue, he finally said. "I knew I just needed, at least to me at the time, a reasonable excuse to push you away…and I got it when you did what you did with the hospital, Rando…and the bank."

The red head nodded somberly, he'd been wondering when he'd find out about that.

Hiei continued. "When I left here, I went to the beach then to the club. I needed to think…needed to convince myself I was doing the right thing." He looked at the red head. "I didn't want you to go through the same thing Robert did…I didn't want to see the hurt on your face." His voice softened to almost a whispered. "At least more than you already had."

As he listened, Kurama's head lowered in shame for not realizing sooner, for not trying to help more and for what he'd done.

"Hey." Hiei said grabbing the red head's hand. "I know now why you did what you did. I'm not mad. I just couldn't understand…or accept it, at the time…I've…I never thought someone could care about me like that to do something like that for me."

Kurama gently turned his head away. "I…am sorry." He barely whispered.

"I know." Hiei said giving the hand a soft squeeze before pulling away and looking at the floor. "When I left the club that night, I didn't know where to go. So I went to Yukina, but she took one look at me and knew. Later, not wanting her to find out what I had done to get more pills…not wanting to see the disappointment on her face, I kept going out…to the club and well, Miyuki was always there, as usual. I was feeling guilty for leaving, the lies…he…she had offered earlier to listen, to talk." He sighed. "She ended up helping me a lot…made me realize a lot and accept a lot…was right there at my side as I went through the withdrawals…telling me I could get through it…that I had to… because I had someone waiting for me."

Kurama now understood Miyuki's phone call.

Hiei bit his bottom lip. "But something else happened." He began. "Something you have the right to know." Sighing, he looked up at the ceiling and huffed. "Damn…" Here we go. He'd had this conversation numerous times in his head, but now he was clamming up. "During one of those times…" He mumbled. "God…I can't even remember who started it." He rubbed his face, trying to recall. "I do remember having a few beers, but I'm not using that as an excuse." He'd come to the hard part, the trying to explain, to find the words. He thought he could just spill it, but the guilt was getting heavier and he wondered if this was the right time after all. He tried again. "All I know for sure is that the talking stopped and…one thing led to another…" He stopped when Kurama looked up at him with wide eyes.

When Hiei wouldn't say anything more or even look directly at him, the red head had to ask. "Did…did you sleep…with her?"

Biting his lip again, the black haired closed his eyes and mentally groaned. This was going to hurt, but the red head needed to know everything, the truth, from him. He'd already caused enough damage and if he didn't tell Kurama all of it, he knew it would only come back to haunt them later, if there was a later. Licking his lips, he swallowed before opening his eyes. Looking right at the red head, he admitted softly. "Yes."

End Chapter 10