A/N Hey all sorry it took so long to update

Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight

Chapter 10

EPOV

I carefully picked up the half asleep child from the booster seat in the back seat of my car. Alice had put the booster seat in there this morning claiming that if he was going to be driving around with Nessie that he was going to need it. I had to agree with her it was useful and it did make me feel better about my daughters safety.

I was following Bella up to her apartment cradling Ness against my chest. She had her head tucked in against my neck. I loved being able to have her in my arms with her cuddling up to me. Bella opened the door to her apartment and motioned for me to follow her. She lead me down the hall towards their shared bedroom. Pulling the blankets back from the small toddler bed in the corner. I gently laid Nessie down and kissed the top of her head and whispered good night. Bella followed suit and kissed Ness good night then pulled the blankets back around the sleeping girl . Motioning for me to follow her out we headed towards her living room sitting on the love seat.

"So I had a great day today." Bella began. "I really liked being able to see your family again. Nessie seemed to like them a lot too. She's always wanted to meet you and your family. She always has me tell her stories about you all."

"I'm glad that you had a great day. And my family... OUR family." I corrected myself. "Yes ours, we have never stopped thinking of you as part of our family. We have all missed you greatly. Even Rosalie missed you. We are very happy to be able to have you in our lives again. We all love you and we all love Renesmee greatly too. She makes a great addition to our family."

I stopped as I remembered some of the thoughts of my family as they met their niece and granddaughter. They had been filled with wonder and love. Having Bella back in our lives had made us happy again. But having Renesmee in our lives was like a breath of fresh air. She was so full of life and energy that it flowed over into everyone around her. I even loved her thoughts they were so pure and innocent that it was a great change from the normal thoughts he heard.

"Thanks Edward it's really good to know that they aren't mad at me and really do want me around." I gave her a slight glare not liking that she had really thought that we were mad at her or that we could possibly hate her for the way that she was when we had left her again.

"Bella I'll say this to you again just like in the car. We were never mad at you or hated you. How can I get that through your head?"

"I guess it's because I hate myself for the way I acted and I'm mad at myself too. I can't really see how you guys are feeling the same way. I pushed you all away and it drove you guys to leave me again. I didn't try hard enough to find you guys when I was better or when I found out I was pregnant. I kept Renesmee from you guys for four years. I guess it's just I feel that if I was in your shoes I would hate me." Bella had such a sad look on her face and her voice was so filled with her emotions that if my heart had still been able to beat it would have stopped.

"None of us feel that way Bella. We do not feel as if you purposely pushed us away and you did not drive us away by the way you acted. We all understand that you were in a bad state after the fight. We left because we thought that it might help you get better. Maybe it might help you get over your guilt by telling me what you were going through and your feeling about what happened." I asked desperately hoping that she would tell me. I was very curious about what was going on with her after the fight.

"I'll try. I guess it all has to do with your not getting up right after Victoria knocked you into the tree. I kept staring at you waiting for you to get up but you wouldn't I was so scared that you were gone and that I would never get to hold you in my arms or be able to hear your voice ever again. And then Victoria was coming at me and I thought that for sure would make you get up but you still weren't moving. It was like all of my fears were coming to life and there was nothing I could do about it. My whole world was crumbling around me and I was doing nothing about it."

She paused searching my face to see what my emotions might be with what she was saying. I tried not to show my guilt about what I had put her through. I had lied there unmoving until I was sure that Victoria was distracted enough for me to be able to take her down. It had taken everything in me not to get right up when she had started for Bella but I knew that the time wasn't right so I had waited. By the time that the right moment had come around Bella had passed out.

"I'm so sorry Bella. I never meant to make you worry. I was just waiting for the right time to attack.." I couldn't help the guilt that I was feeling from leaking into my voice.

"It's okay Edward you have nothing to feel guilty about. I know now that was what you were doing. I should have known better to believe that you were dead. I know that you hitting the tree couldn't kill you. It was just my brain was in a panic." Bella reasoned with me. "Now do you want to hear the rest or is your curiosity filled?" She asked with a slight smile on her face. I nodded my head for her to continue.

"Well as you know I passed out. The whole time my mind just kept repeating the whole fight over and over again. It always stopped with you not getting up and Victoria coming for me. When I did wake up it was like I was physically awake but not mentally. I knew that you really had not died but my mind didn't really comprehend it. I could hear and feel you all around me but it was like I was trapped in my body and I couldn't pull myself to the surface to come back to you." She pause to take a deep breath before continuing on with her story. I just waited for her to be ready to continue. Giving her the time that she needed. After a few minutes of quiet she continued.

"After you left my heart broke all over again. You left again and this time I couldn't say anything about it because it was all my fault. I had drove you all away. About a week after you guys left Jake came by to tell me that I was messing up my life. That I needed to get over whatever it was that was making me that way. He started to come by each day to make me get out of the house and start living again. It was a month after that that I found out I was pregnant."

"Jake and our daughter are what put me back together again. Jake by making me get up and around. Our daughter because I knew that she needed someone whole to love and care for her. Not someone that was broken. She deserved better than that." She stopped to let that sink in for a minute.

"Jake is the one that talked me into going to college on my scholarship. He dropped everything to help me out and move here with me. He watched Renesmee for me so that I could go to school and work. When she was younger I didn't like to put her into daycare. I wanted her to have one on one with someone that way I knew that she was being taken care of. When Nessie turned two I encouraged Jake to take some classes at he local community college. He had already gotten his GED while staying home to care of Nessie for me. I felt that he deserved to get to go to college two I couldn't screw his whole life up for helping me care for Nessie. So anyways thats been my life in a nut shell for the last four years." She finished looking down at her feet as if she were embarrassed by what she had just told me.

I stared at her in stunned silence for a few minutes. My Bella had been through so much in her life sense I had left her again. Her strength and courage always seemed to amaze me. Being a single parent going to college full time plus working part time and still being able to take care of a child had to be one of the hardest things for her to do. I leaned in and gave her a kiss on her forehead.

"You have an amazing strength Bella. You always find new ways to show me how much strength and courage you have. I'll always regret leaving you again. I've missed out on so much with you and Renesmee. You've dealt with what you were given in life in an amazing way. When most would give up you didn't. You got up and carried on for our child and you so that you both had a good life."

She had become more and more pink as I went on. How I missed being able to see her blush. We sat in comfortable silence cuddling together on her love seat. I could feel her start to drift off to sleep. I began to hum her lullaby holding her tight against me. Picking her up I headed towards her room. I had almost reached her room when the front door opened and Jake walked in. He threw me a glare I just ignored it as I continued on my way to Bella's room. Lying her down on her bed. I headed back to the living room to have a talk with Jacob Black one of my sworn enemies.