How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable
So condescending, unnecessarily critical
I have the tendency of getting very physical
So watch your step, 'cause if I do you'll need a miracle
You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This double vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to funkin' tread the ground I'm walking on

Blair had been doing well so far for her first month home. She was eating normally and nobody talked about "the incident". Blair had already been back to school and everything was getting back to normal. Chuck was with her every waking moment and was always just a phone call away at night. Blair couldn't be happier then she was that first month. Slowly that all started to change. She didn't tell anyone but she was starting to slip again. She had lost so much weight when she was sick it was making her crazy to have it coming back on. She felt horrible knowing what she was doing to her body but she didn't care. Blair was standing in front of her mirror getting ready for school checking her self over just to make sure her "fat" wasn't sticking out anywhere. Before she pulled on her dress shirt she ran her fingers over the mark on her collarbone.

Flashback

"Chuck what are you doing her?" it was past midnight and Blair was already in bed.

"What you're moms not here to bust me." He pulled her into his arms and gave her a deep kiss.

"Ok but that doesn't tell me what you are doing here." She was trying her best to keep a straight face and not smile.

"Well you are never going to believe this but I missed you." Blair couldn't help but smile at him now.

"I missed you to but you could have called."

"But I wanted a kiss." Blair knew where he was going with this.

"Just a kiss well then you already got it so you can leave." Chuck just held her tighter and grinned into her neck.

"I want to kiss you in other places too." Before Blair could answer Chucks lips were back on hers and he was pulling at her clothes. The next thing Blair felt was her bed hitting the backs on her legs which she more then willingly let give out. Chuck was lying on top of her looking down and smiling.

"Do you know how beautiful you are?" Blair just blushed at his kind words. Slowly Chuck made his way down her neck sucking hard and smiling at the mark he left. It didn't take Blair long to take off his clothes so they were both fully naked. That night for the first time in a while they made love.

End Flashback

It had been a few days ago and the mark was starting to fade but it still brought a smile to her face. Pulling on her last shirt she ran for the stairs because she was going to be late. The first part of her day went by just like every other one boring as hell. When the lunch bell rang Blair had never been happier to hear it. Getting her normal small tray of food to pick at so Serena wouldn't as questions she headed out to the courtyard to sit with the non-judging breakfast club plus Brooklyn. Putting her tray on the table she slid into the spot next to Chuck. Feeling her beside him he kissed her cheek and pulled her closer to him.

"Hey B what took you so long." Serena was picking through her salad pulling out the stuff she didn't like.

"I don't S am I timed now." Everyone could hear the edge in her voice.

"Holy bitchy batman I was just asking." Before the girls could start yelling at each other Nate cut in.

"Vanessa has this thing at the art gallery and she wanted to know if you guys wanted to go?" Since the incident the group had gotten closer to Dan and Vanessa. Well as close as they could get with them.

"Sure." The two girls answered at the same time which made them smile. Blair and Serena could never stay mad at each other for long. The group started back up their conversations when Chuck pulled Blair closer so he could whisper in her ear.

"You feeling ok today?" She was starting to look pale from what she was doing to herself again.

"Ya just tired." She turned to face him and smiled hoping to god that he was fooled. Once the bell ran the group headed their different ways and went to class.

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster
That lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there?
'Cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
What you are doing is
Screwing things up inside my head
You should know better
You never listened to a word I said
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did...

Blair was at home in her room trying to do her homework. Her throat and body was killing her from throwing up as many times as she had today. She hated herself for what she was doing but she couldn't help it. She had told her consoler how she was feeling but she did nothing about it. Blair laid on her back rubbing her hands over her stomach and pinching the fat at her side. She was about to look in the mirror again when Dorota called her for dinner.

"Ms Blair it's time to eat." Blair really didn't want to but Dorota was under strict instructions to call Serena if Blair put up a fight.

"Coming." Sighing she threw open her door and went down the stairs. Since she had been out of the hospital it was like she was on lockdown. Everyone was always calling to see how she was or watching her to make sure she didn't lose it again and it was really starting to get to her. Sitting at the table she started to eat and watch Dorota "cleaning" the dinning room and watch Blair at the same time.

"I'm done now thank you." She handed her plate back to Dorota and went back to her room. Blair was trying her best to keep her food down and she lasted about an hour before she gave in. getting up from her bed she ran into her bathroom, shut the door and got on her knees just like she always did. Before she even brought her fingers to her mouth she was already crying. Through her tears and the running water she didn't hear someone come into her room until it was too late. She was bent over the toilet about to throw up when she felt a pair of strong arms go around her body.

"Blair what the hell are you doing." Chuck was pissed about what he just saw but he was also worried.

"I'm sorry." Was all Blair could get out before she threw up. Chuck couldn't stand to leave her there alone so he pulled her hair back and rubbed her back. once she was done she flushed away the evidence and fell back against the tub crying.

"Blair why are you doing that again? You were doing so good." Blair could see the hurt in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry I told you I was damaged."Chuck was starting to get pissed.

"Enough with the damaged thing already Blair. We are all damaged but you don't see us all killing ourselves slowly do you?" Chuck knew he was being harsh with her but he had no choice.

"I'm sorry I am such a horrible person." Blair was preparing for the fight she knew was coming.

"Nobody said you were horrible I just don't know why you hurt yourself the way you do." Chuck tired to brush the hair off her face but she pulled away.

"You think I like this? Do you think I like being fat or making myself sick I hate it I just can't stop." Blair pulled her knees up to her chest and cried. Chuck tried to pull her into a hug when she snapped. "Don't touch me. I can tell by the look ok your face I make you sick." Chuck just looked on her in shock.

"Baby don't say that." Chuck tried again but she slapped him across the face.

"Get out."

"Blair I'm not leaving you like this." He was so confused by what she was doing.

"Get out I don't want you here." Chuck hung his head and gave in.

"Fine but when you come out of this don't call me. If I walk out that door I'm done." Chuck waited to see if she would say anything but she just stayed there staring at her feet. Chuck got up and left the bathroom stopping at the door to take a second look. He couldn't believe it after everything they went through that she would just give up like that. After she didn't say anything or move he left and slammed her bedroom door for affect. Once Blair heard the door slam she snapped out of it and realized what had just happened. Jumping up off the floor she ran into her room but it was empty. Looking over at her bed she saw a bouquet of cream roses lying there with a note. She picked up the note and read it.

I am so proud of you. I know this has been hard but you're doing good. I love you

Chuck xoxo.

Holding the note close to her chest she broke down again. How could she let the man she loved just walk out like that? Crawling into her bed she pulled the roses up so they were flush with her body and smelled them. They smelt amazing and clamed her down. Before she knew it she was fast into an anything but peaceful sleep.

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love
You'll understand what I mean when I say
There's no way we're gonna give up
And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster
That lives in her dreams
Is there anyone out there?
'Cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Does it kill?
Does it burn?
Is it painful to learn
That it's me that has all the control?
Does it thrill?
Does it sting
When you feel what I bring
And you wish that you had me to hold?