Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight and probably every one of my swoons.

Thanks to my pre-reader, deb24601, and my beta, rinabina. Words can't express my giddiness at your swoons.

Chapter 9 ~ Nurture

Flared colors sparkled off her awestruck face and her eyes shined liked dark rubies. She was marveling at the beautiful dance of twisting billows in the sky and I was marveling at her.

"Oh God."

She couldn't stop saying that. I understood, since there were few places on Earth that looked like heaven opened its doors to show you a glimpse of what you were missing.

Bella stood in the middle of the wide, snow-covered clearing with her jaw dropped and her hands clutched to her chest. It was the best place to see the light show without the forest nearby to obstruct the view.

"Edward come here," she said hurriedly. I wasn't far but she reached out one hand and motioned for me to get closer. "Come stand next to me for this. Look!"

Her wonderment was infectious. She hadn't looked my way but kept wiggling her fingers at me until I grabbed them.

"This couldn't be more magnificent," she whispered as if her voice would disturb the phenomena. "Just look."

Tearing my eyes from her face, I looked up.

Willowy streams of green danced in the sky. The colors flickered between shades - brilliantly fluorescent at the core and deep, jeweled greens that fluttered along the edges. Despite the countless times I'd seen them they still left me awestruck. The lights were exceptional tonight, stretching low enough that I felt we were enveloped in its shimmering curtain.

"It never fails to stun me," I said as faint reds and violets spiraled with the green. The human eye wouldn't have been able to detect those colors tonight.

Bella gasped by my side and when I turned to look at her, she was finally looking at me. Her fingers stroked my hair away and trailed down my cheek. Her eyes darted from her hands to my face

"How are we sparkling?"

I reached for her hand and twisted it in the light, causing the effect to glimmer rapidly. "The aurora borealis is basically light caused by the sun. The magnetic-"

She pinched my lips together and kissed them lightly. "You can seduce me with your brain later. I just want to look at you."

I smiled. "I know the feeling."

I returned the gentle strokes to her face and settled us on the soft, blanket of arctic snow.

"It looks like someone crushed emeralds and diamonds and embedded them in our skin. This plus our eyes and we'd be a hit at a Christmas party."

I loved her humor. "I'll find us one to attend in the Northern hemisphere."

"We can host our own. A party for two. I want a home here now. Right here where we're sitting."

"I do have a cabin nearby-"

She glared at me. "Don't even mention that Yukon cabin."

I held in my laughter. "I told you no one's-"

Bella cut me off again with her lips. The heat she raised within me should have melted the snow. I pushed us down and pinned her legs with mine. She sucked on my lower lip slightly before pulling back. "We will build our own, Edward."

"Sounds good to me."

"Now hold me. I want to watch the lights more."

Bella snuggled against my shoulder and I hugged her close to my side while we watched the lights collide and combine.

"I've never seen so many shades of green. The blue and red are faint but the green is so…" She trailed off but I understood.

"It's hard to describe."

"It's not just that. I don't think these colors have a name."

"That's possible. Humans don't see what we're seeing. They wouldn't know to name colors that don't exist for them. They can barely travel this far north to see the lights at this climate."

She turned towards me and kissed my cheek tenderly. "The beauty of our existence."

"Yes," I breathed.

We were silent for a while, enjoying the display, when she spoke again.

"Green is most definitely my favorite color now."

An old memory flashed through my mind. I didn't usually enjoy reflecting on my human past but Bella was irrevocably changing me every day we were together. She was still embracing her humanity and I wanted to relate to her.

"My eyes were green," I said shyly.

She sat up to look at me and I already missed holding her. "Literally or figuratively?"

"Literally." I could see how she needed the clarity.

"Green eyes on this face," she said as she traced my eyebrows with a light touch. "I bet the girls were tearing down your door."

"That wouldn't have been socially acceptable during-"

She leaned in to brush my lips and muttered, "Figuratively."

"Oh," I replied.

Bella continued to sprinkle light kisses across my face. "I bet I would have torn down that door literally. Ripped it right off the hinges just to get to you. Fuck the era."

I flipped her and pressed us into the snow. "I would have liked that."

"My eyes were brown," she said wistfully.

I wanted to tell her they weren't just brown when I saw them. They were pools of velvety chocolate, rich with depth, but I kept the information to myself.

"You would have been my brown-eyed girl."

"I doubt it. I was a little to plain to attract someone like-"

I finally got to cut her off. "Bella, you're radiant. That's not something that happened during your transformation. It's a part of your being. I would have…" It was on the tip of my tongue but I couldn't say it. I expressed another sentiment that was just as heartfelt.

"I would have wanted you. Badly."

Her smile was sweet and true.

"The lights are going away."

I looked up and saw they were fainter. "Show's over."

"Can we stay until the next one?"

"Of course we can. It's hours away though. More than half a day until they return."

She smirked at me. "We have nothing but time, right?"

"Right. So what do you suppose we do in the meantime?" I asked suggestively.

She lifted her hips to arouse what was already awake.

"I think you know."

\\\

White light flashed and swirled in electrified strands against black. The late night air felt cool on my flaming skin. It wasn't like the balmy heat on sweaty human skin, but like dense glass that's been sitting in an oven. I hadn't experienced this before since transforming but I couldn't bring myself to care since the sensation was far from unpleasant.

Silk ran through my fingers and I tightened my hold. The snow felt like puffs of air against my back. A hot jolt curved my body upwards and causing me to open my eyes as I sucked in air.

"Oh Edward, the lights are back," I breathed heavily.

He merely hummed between my legs, the vibration coursing through me.

My eyes rolled back and I closed them again as he pulled at my thighs. I moaned wantonly when one hand left my thigh and found a different home.

I was going to be loud.

The lights we waited all day to see again weren't anywhere close to the heaven Edward was taking me to.

\\\

"Thank you."

I felt myself harden at the sound of Bella's husky voice, my body preparing for round fourteen. Our limbs were tangled as we watched the sky pink with morning light.

"What are you thanking me for?"

She shifted in my arms so she could peer up at me.

"Everything since you've brought me up here. The beauty of our existence. You saved me, you know. If you hadn't come after me..."

She didn't complete her thought and shook her head as she turned back to the sky.

"Don't I always come after you? In more ways than one?"

She clicked her tongue and smacked my chest making me laugh. "You can't be modest at this point, Bella. Look at us."

We didn't have a scrap of clothing on.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know," I said tenderly. "I was just teasing you."

"You took me out of the darkness and I only hope I can do that for you one day."

I wanted to tell her she did that for me every day but my words were caught in my throat. Instead of replying, I kissed the top of her head and held her impossibly closer.

We fell into silence as sun rose and I massaged her scalp gently. I was wrapped in tranquility until she spoke again.

"I remember I had sex in a bed when I was human."

My gentle caresses stopped and I frowned down at her.

"I don't have anything favorable to say about that."

She giggled and perched her chin on my chest.

"Our sexual escapades are beyond anything I could have ever imagined but have you realized we've never had sex at home?"

"It might have something to do with us not being able to sleep. Just a thought."

She wasn't amused by my sarcasm and ignored it. "I'd like us to have sex at home. In our bed. I don't want to forget that human memory."

"The bed sex?"

I was confused why this was important. I was a virgin as a human and having a woman in my bed at the time would have scandalized my family if she hadn't been my wife. When I became a vampire, beds were merely decoration for me. My family enjoyed them but without a mate, I found the furniture useless. Since I knew they would visit my various homes when I wasn't there, I included beds but it never occurred to me to have sex on them.

"Not that, Edward. A man pressed into me, making love to me, surrounded by rumpled sheets and a bouncy mattress."

"So to be clear, you want me to have sex with you in a bed so you can remember your past lovers?"

She buried her face into my chest and groaned. "Not like that!"

With a frustrated sigh, she looked up at me and tried again. "It's just that I've made love before. I know I have. There's a different sense of adoration there. It would've been in a bedroom but I can't recall it well. I want to recall it. I feel like having sex in a bed will help me hold on to another memory I don't want to let go of."

She didn't think I adored her. I held onto her leg draped over my body and sat up so she was seated in my lap. She clasped her limbs around me as I began to kiss her slowly.

"If I make love to you," I mumbled against her lips. "You'll forget every lover you've had before me."

It was an arrogant thing to say but judging from how Bella pressed harder into me, the sentiment was arousing.

Suddenly she pushed back with mischief sparkling in her bright red eyes.

"Prove it."

She was gone in a flash. I could hear her laughter in the forest as clearly as if she was still grinding her hips down on my cock. I glanced at our shredded clothes and wasn't surprised she had left them behind. I picked through the scraps and pulled on my torn jeans. Running in the nude wasn't a comfortable feeling especially since I was still hard. I wasn't worried about her head start though.

I would catch her.

\\\

We were laughing hysterically when I burst into the cabin, Edward fast on my heels. He tackled me in the small hallway and started placing quick, wet kisses down the length of my body.

"Wait, wait," I said through giggles. "We're filthy. Let's get in the shower first."

I darted in the bathroom and my reflection in the mirror stopped me. My hair was tangled with leaves from when Edward would catch me during the run and roll us along the ground. I watched him glide behind me, smirking.

I shook my head in mock disapproval. "Really, Edward?" I started picking the leaves out of my hair. Edward turned on the shower and moved around to gather towels and the candles I liked. The scene was so domestic and a thought slipped into my mind.

"What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?" Edward was behind me helping to remove the leaves. I looked up at his locks and noticed just as much chaos.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"I do want to know. That's why I asked."

"Smartass." I turned to face him and picked the leaves out of his hair. "You'll think I'm silly."

"No, Bella," he said sincerely. "I won't think you're silly. Please share your thoughts?"

I couldn't deny those pleading eyes. "Okay," I dragged out dramatically. I turned back towards the mirror and resumed my leaf removal. "I was just getting a kick out of us not having to brush our teeth."

"Our teeth?"

"Yeah. It's such a human thing. A necessity for hygienic reasons but we don't require it. It didn't dawn on me until we were in here getting ready to clean up. Brushing our teeth would have been something natural to do." I paused and waited for him to respond but he just looked at me. A smile slowly crept up his face.

"I knew you'd think I was silly," I grumbled.

He grinned at me and leaned down to peck my cheek. "No I think you're cute."

It was ridiculous but I wanted to blush at his words. "I kind of miss it."

"You don't have to miss it." He curled his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. "If you want to brush your teeth, I'll go into town and get you the required experimental tools."

"You have them here."

That seemed to confuse him.

"How do you not know that?" I asked. I broke our comfortable embrace for a moment and grabbed the two brushes and toothpaste from the storage closet in the hallway. "See?"

"I didn't realize those were in there." He took one and frowned at it. He looked like he was working out an equation.

"It had to be my sister or mother," he mumbled. "They're the only ones that leave unnecessary supplies when they stay but I don't always check for what's been added. I've never needed anything they leave. How many are there?"

"Just these two."

"Hm." He was still looking at the toothbrush like it would attack him.

"So, you wanna do it?" I asked

His head snapped up and he stalked towards me. "Yeah, that sounds better."

"Our teeth, Edward!"

"Oh. You want me to brush my teeth with you?"

"Yes. Come on." I took his hand and moved us in front of the sink. He held out his brush and I squeezed some toothpaste on top. After I put some on my brush, I turned on the water and ran the brush underneath. Edward copied my gesture cautiously. I rolled my eyes at him and put the brush in my mouth slowly, watching him do the same. We started brushing.

It was terrible.

"What flavor is this?" he asked. He was trying to hide his revulsion. I couldn't hide it though.

"Crap." I increased the speed and Edward followed. I wanted this to be over with.

"Okay, this is really nasty," I said with the thick paste coating my teeth and tongue.

"It really is," he garbled. "Can we stop?"

"Yes." We both leaned down to spit out the sour foam. I almost rinsed with water but noticed Edward used his venom. I let my own pool in my mouth to clean the lingering foulness.

I smacked my mouth a little. "Still tastes disgusting."

"That's hard to believe. Let me check." Edward tilted my head up and lightly licked my lower lip. "Yeah, it's a little gross."

I hit him playfully but before I could move away, he pulled me closer for a proper kiss. "I can taste you now." In the next kiss, he let his tongue stroke mine tantalizingly. "There you are," he groaned and deepened what was already drowning me.

I let my hand trail down to his jeans and I unbuttoned them, reaching in to find him thick and ready.

"There you are."

We were frantic. I tried to rip off his jeans while he tried to kick out of them. We didn't want to break apart and didn't have enough hands to touch all the places where we wanted. Edward shoved us into the shower and his fingers started teasing the part of me that was already wet. When two of his fingers eased inside of me, both of our moans echoed against the tiles.

He was making me feel drunk and I clung to his shoulders as my head hung back. "Thank you for brushing with me," I panted. My clouded mind had me speaking nonsense.

"It was fun," he breathed against my neck. I couldn't hold myself up and was bent back with his arm bracing me from behind. He continued to thumb my clit and pump his fingers deeper. My legs were shaking and I was getting so close so fast. He sucked roughly on my nipple and made me cry out. He knew it was from pleasure but still switched to light and rapid flicks.

"Edward," I gasped.

"That feel good?" he strained.

All I could do was fist his hair and grunt like an animal. I was a mess and I was coming.

"Fuck. I can feel you. God, Bella." He crashed his lips against mine and swallowed my screams as I pulsed against his plunging fingers.

I was in full rapture and the intensity must have fried my brain because I killed the mood with my next words. I whispered into his mouth but his reaction made me wish I had kept silent.

"I love you, Edward."

His lips froze. His fingers froze. His body became the immoveable, marble mass that we resembled. He caused me to freeze too. I wondered if we looked like two lovers caught in a blissful embrace or two broken souls sinking into hell.

He finally shifted to look at me and his expression was frustratingly impossible to read. His blank face did nothing to shut me up.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to say that. Well, I did mean to say that but I didn't mean to say that right now. I would have said it later but I don't know when. Just not now. I know it's not good to say something like that during sex. That's tacky. Even though we weren't having sex. We were going to. It was heading that way. Except now you aren't hard. I killed your hard-on. That's understandable because you aren't supposed to tell someone for the first time that you love them when you're riding out your orgasm. You should probably feel good about that though. You're that good."

I fell silent.

Finally.

Edward was still frozen and unreadable.

The sadness of the moment settled around me and I had to get out of his arms. I felt stupid and humiliated and couldn't look at his face anymore. When I pushed away, he let me go and I turned off the water in the shower. I left him there and headed into the bedroom, grabbing the robe on the door as I went. I plopped face first onto the bed and let the silence of the room overtake me.

The bed. The place we were supposed to be making love. The place he was supposed to be wiping all previous sexual encounters from my mind. I groaned into the pillow feeling like a foolish girl and very human.

I felt him enter the room.

"Please just forget it, Edward."

"I can't forget it."

I snorted bitterly at his reply. I remembered complaining about forgetting things before I was a vampire and didn't realize how valuable that trait was in life.

He sat down on the bed and tried to get me to look at him. "You know what I mean."

"Not really."

I was being petulant. I hated that but my emotions were getting the best of me. I glanced at his face and his eyes were a red sea of worry and uncertainty. He was back in his jeans and looking painfully beautiful. I wanted to move quickly to try and hide my embarrassment, so I grabbed one of his shirts from the closet and went into the bathroom to change. I almost slammed the door but the dramatics of it felt misplaced at this stage for us.

"Are you leaving?" he asked from the bedroom, his voice low and sad.

I couldn't act like I wasn't hurt but it sliced me more to hurt him in return. I stood in the door frame and waited for him to look up at me.

"I'd like to but I don't want to upset you. I know you would be hurt by me leaving right now."

"But you want to leave." I didn't like how he said it - as though he expected it.

"Not how you're thinking. I only want some time alone to sort through my thoughts."

"I can't read your thoughts. You can sort through them fine with me here."

"Edward, you know what I mean. I get distracted with you near. A little one-tracked, if you hadn't noticed."

He looked at me for a beat then moved to get dressed. "I'm sorry. I'll go."

"What? Go where?" I didn't like the idea of him running off in a blaze of brooding glory.

"Just into town. Only out of necessity. I need to check on the reports…"

He didn't complete the sentence but I knew what he meant. A wave of remorse ran over me as I remembered the men I killed. I really did need the time alone to write what had happened over the last couple of days in my journal.

"Right. You're right. I appreciate that and the time. I'm only going to write for a bit."

Edward moved in front of me and seemed to struggle with his next words. I knew what I wanted him to say but it would be wrong now. He tugged lightly on the shirt I was wearing and gave me a teasing smile.

"Are you going to keep this?"

I flirted back and started tracing his stomach muscles. "You know how I feel about your clothes."

He grabbed my rogue hand and brought it to his lips to kiss.

"How long do you need me to stay away?"

I laughed to myself. I didn't need him away. I needed him so close that our souls blended.

"A few hours. Just make sure you come back by the end of the day."

"I'll be back," he paused and I knew where he was going. "Bella-"

I cut him off immediately. "Don't. Please. I meant what I said. I do love you but it's fine if you don't-"

He cut me off swiftly. "It's not that at all."

"Then it's fine that you can't say-"

"Stop saying it's fine. It's not fine."

I stretched up to brush his lips lightly. "Okay."

He smiled at me awkwardly and didn't move to leave.

"You need to get going so you can hurry back." I struggled with my carefree tone but he didn't call me out on it. I went to the closet to grab him a shirt and tossed it to him. He slipped it on and I walked with him outside.

He paused on the steps and turned back, reaching for me to come closer. I thought he was going to kiss me chastely goodbye but his lips moved sensually against mine. I weaved my fingers together behind his neck and sagged into him. The kiss was full of love and made me scream inside. I didn't care anymore. I wanted him to say it even if the timing was all wrong.

I love you I love you I love you.

I chanted it in my mind.

He broke away first and I righted myself. "I'll be back as soon as I'm done."

"Okay." It was all I could say.

He disappeared.

Suddenly, journaling wasn't appealing anymore. All I wanted to do was sit on the steps and wait for him to return.

I decided to do just that.

Ten minutes had passed when I caught a scent that was foreign to everything I had come to recognize around our home. I was alarmed and shot into a crouch.

It had the similar fragrance associated with our kind – sweetness and earthiness. I couldn't hear anyone but could tell the approach wasn't fast. That might have been a nonthreatening sign but I couldn't help the low growl that escaped from me.

"I'm not here to hurt you," a clear, high-pitched voice rang out among the thick cover of trees that surrounded the property.

Female.

She sounded friendly but if it was one of Edward's Yukon sluts I wasn't going to be able to offer hospitality.

I finally saw her appear through the trees.

Her bright smile was disarming and I relaxed out of my defensive position. She looked genuinely happy to see me as if we had been friends for a lifetime. Wisely, she still stopped at the tree line even though her energy was rippling with excitement. I didn't feel unsafe but had I not looked at her warily, I was certain she would have leaped at me for a crushing hug. Her next words confirmed my suspicions.

"I couldn't be happier to finally meet you, Bella. I'm Alice. Edward's sister."