Hai y'all. This chapter is kinda an insight into my Magnus. Its not the best *sigh* and im kinda upset with how it turned out :,(
Oh. Have you guys ever wandered what happened during the 2 weeks Alec stretched out on Magnus's couch and they talked? Well if you have go check out my new story Couches and Sunlight that should be up starting on the 9th.
It's basically 14 chapters about everyday that Magnus's and Alec meet.
Hope you like that one too
~ A slightly disappointed in herself L.C & a frustrated Sam
_xxXxx_
Magnus low chuckle woke me up and I pushed my hand into his back and asked, "What's funny." In answer a just warm enough coffee was pushed into my hand.
"Just your sister." I sagged back into the hospital sheets and tried to relax all my stiff muscles. Though I didn't want to even think about moving I still felt .. useless. A floating ember not strong enough to cause a fire but merely just annoying to everyone around and I hated the feeling. For the millionth time I wondered if Magnus was psychic because when he said, "I need a favor," in a husky whisper next to me I, almost too perky, shook my head yes.
"Could you sing?" It was a small meaningless task that wasn't really a purpose but I grabbed on to it and held tightly.
"What do you want me to sing?" My voice was still a little raspy and it wouldn't earn me any street cred on American Idol but I would do it for Magnus. Slowly tentatively I stretched my hand out across the mattress to where he sat on the edge and my hand slowly tentatively encased his. He gave me a quick squeeze and the beauty and sadness of the situation hit me all of a sudden. I was in a hospital after being beat up with a bunch of crap wrong with me. My dog was somewhere where I couldn't be no matter how hard I wanted to be and yet somehow I was just a little bit happy. I was happy because Magnus was here with me. He had kept me warm all night and I just didn't want this dream inside this room to end. I wasn't ready to face the world and all its uncertainties and ass wholes. Sucking in the drug like aroma of Woody Cologne and matches I knew I wanted to stay in this moment forever.
"Anything you want." My mind searched the millions of billions of songs I had memorized during my many hours behind the worn counter at the Guitar Center will costumers wondered around idly not wanting to ask for my help because they thought I would fumble and knock over something or hurt myself. The perfect song hit me and I latched onto it, the lyrics coming back a little slower than usual because of my concussion.
I tentatively started humming testing out the melody to make sure I had the right tune, meanwhile Magnus slowly laid back down next to me facing the ceiling. I had to adjust the lyrics a little bit to fit and sending a silent prayer that he would like my horrible rendition I sung, "You know I'd fall apart without you. I don't know how you do what you do. Cuz everything that don't make sense about me makes sense when I'm with you."
Taking a small breath I began the second verse. "Like everything that's green boy I need you." Magnus laughed slightly realizing my adjustment to the lyrics and I paused a moment before continuing with, "But it's more than one and one makes two. You put aside the math and the logic of it. You gotta know your wanted too."
I sucked in a bigger breath gathering the courage for the chorus. Magnus could take it on the surface as just a pretty song or something I pulled out of my ass or he could take it deeper, he could take it how I wanted him to take it. I realized I had paused for too long but I didn't try to rush when I did open my mouth to say, "I wanna wrap you up, wanna kiss your lips. I wanna make you feel wanted. And I wanna call you mine, wanna hold your hand forever and never let your forget it."
Magnus's slight intake of breath had me wanting so badly to see his face. Watch his eyebrow curl up .. Hell anything would have been better than this torturous blackness. My personal cage had never been such a problem until I had met Magnus and a tiny seed of doubt entered my brain and toke root. Why did Magnus like me? Why did he choose someone with so little in common? Why someone like me? But I couldn't stop now. I had to finish the song.. and plus, I would sound like a clingy insecure girl. The thought nagged at me as I finished the song and the room was silent except for Magnus's and my breathing and the hum of the machines on either side of us.
"Why me?" My voice was tiny. So miniscule I doubted he had heard me and if he had he probably didn't understand.
"What darling? Oh and that was beautiful, really." My hand received another small reassuring squeeze.
"Why me? Why do you like me I guess is what I'm asking." Another sharp intake of breath to my left and then,
"Can I tell you a story first?" I nodded my head before giving a quick "Yes."
"There was once a boy who lived in a bad neighborhood. And this boy had nothing to his name but a couple of tattered outfits, a pair of ugly converse from Walmart, and an edition of fashion vogue, but he didn't need anything more because he had his momma. His momma was his whole world." I feel Magnus's arms move and I guessed he was making a big sweeping gesture and I got the sinking suspicion that I knew who this boy was.
"His momma was the most beautiful women in the world. She had long black hair that she always braided it back and pinned it up in a bun that made her look like an elegant Grecian queen. This boy's momma loved him so much and worked very hard for every night's dinner but sometimes it wasn't enough. Sometimes there was enough and some days there wasn't but the boy and his momma never complained because they had each other. They went like this for a while until the boy, at this point a stupid teenager, started roaming around and slowly he got involved with the wrong people and slowly he learned how to steal and fight and just be a bad person." A shaking and quietly sniffling Magnus made my heart break but I didn't stop his story, I should have, Damn it! I should have stopped him right there and just hugged him but I just lay there.
"Somehow this boys beautiful mama still loved him and she warned him he needed to fix this before he was in too deep. But did he listen to her? No he didn't until it was too late. Coming to his senses he grabbed his momma and all they had and they ran. He asked his momma because he was selfish and so stupid to come with him because he had screwed up and what did she do? She went with him because she loved him very much."
"The boy and his momma got out of the ghetto and they were safe for a long time. The boy, a young man of 18 now, graduated and his momma cheered so loud that she got kicked out of the high school gym. The boy, even a screwed up as he was, got a full scholarship to an amazing college. He couldn't take his momma with him and even though he didn't want to he left her behind. He left her behind and everyday he missed her so much that his heart hurt and everyday he called her before he went to bed and before he left his house for the day. One day his momma didn't answer. The boy worries a little but he goes to class and half way through fashion and the economy when he got a call. He ignored it and was embarrassed by it interrupting the class. When the boy goes home he gets another call. He answers it and he finds out his momma has been shot in the street and that she had died. The police offer says that it was random but the boy knows it's his fault. It's all his fault that he will never get to talk to his momma again. It's all his fault that his momma doesn't get to sing again because oh man could his momma sing beautifully. Like angels strumming the harp. It's all his fault that his momma's dead." Magnus' shoulders were shaking uncontrollably at this point and he had stopped trying to control his sniffles. My cheeks were wet with Magnus's and my tears running together. I had no right to cry but my heart ached for Magnus so I had let one tiny tear fall feeling it mingle before pooling with the drips from Magnus's chin on my forehead. I had nothing to say. I didn't know what to say. I had no way with words and I had no idea what to tell Magnus that wouldn't be horrible and so fake it was ridiculous. Finally I did the only thing I knew how to do. I sang.
Sorry, I've never told you, all I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away
Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feelin' and knowing you, hear me
It keeps me alive, alive
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day
Eventually I'll see you in Heaven
Darling, I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
I, I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared
I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day
Picture a little scene from Heaven
Although, the sun will never shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day
Yeah, Lord, I know, when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day
And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day
Sorry, I never told you
All I wanted to say
My voice drifted off and Magnus's shaking and tears were slower now, more controlled and I rubbed slow circles on the thin fabric of his shirt, letting him feel what he wanted to without my uncomforting gaze. His story was sad and his voice had been so broken as he was telling it that I wanted to whisper things like "it'll be ok" and "Oh Mags it's not your fault." But really who was I to tell Magnus what he was supposed to believe. I didn't know anything. I wasn't god and I couldn't make everything better with the snap of my fingers. Magnus's chest rose underneath me and he whispered in a choked voice,
"Thank you."