A building in front of Joe fell apart, when the dust cleared, Joe saw Chilla Gorilla, a enormous Gorilla that wore a bandana, and Jimmy Neutron, boy genius, floating in mid-air.
"You two really wanna go through this again? I slaughtered you both last time we ran into each other." Joe said.
"Ah, but we were separated last time. Taking us both on won't be so easy." Jimmy replied. The manpuppet opened his mouth and let out a stream of puke, it seemed to home in on Joe, but Joe slid under it and dodged it.
"That's all you have? Puke? That's all you had last time." Joe said.
"I didn't have assistance last time. Get him Chilla!" The manpuppet commanded. Chilla Gorilla charged at Joe in a rage, wildly swinging his arms and knocking down houses. Joe tried to run around him, but Chilla was too fast, he caught up with Joe and punched him, sending him flying through the air. Joe hit a telephone pole so hard that it cracked.
"Christ… how did I do this before?" Joe thought. Joe suddenly realized that last time he had faced Chilla Gorilla, he had his jetpack. Joe had left that at his house. While Joe was getting up, he was blasted by a stream of puke; it blinded him as if a Boomer had thrown up on him. Luckily, zombies didn't come running, but it did slightly burn. When he wiped the puke off of his eyes, he saw Chilla Gorilla raising his arms, ready to pound Joe into the ground. Suddenly, Chilla stopped, lowered his arms, and flipped onto his head. "Poor bastard must've forgotten what he was doing," Joe thought as he ran towards him. He was about to torch him with his flamethrower when he saw Jimmy swoop towards him out of the corner of his eye. He aimed the flamethrower towards Jimmy and lit him up. Neutron responded by firing more puke at Joe. Joe did a backflip and dodged the incoming puke. Joe looked at Chilla Gorilla and saw that his eyes were glowing red, after a second Chilla got back up on his feet.
"Shit, he remembers now. I'll have to take care of Neutron first if I hope to ever even get near Chilla," Joe thought. Chilla charged at him again, and Joe ran underneath his legs, hoping to confuse him. Chilla looked around.
"I'm gonna getcha! Where'd you go?" Chilla asked. Joe saw he was completely confused, he hoped Chilla would flip back on his head again, and indeed, it did look like Chilla was about to flip again when Joe heard Neutron scream, "He's behind you, you fool!" Chilla turned around and started charging for Joe.
"God damn manpuppet." Joe thought as he ran away from Chilla. Chilla stopped and flipped on his head again, Joe wasted no time; he ran over to Chilla and started burning his head. Chilla Gorilla growled and got back up. The bandana on Chilla's head had burned away to reveal a large, disgusting looking boil. The manpuppet came and swooped down again, Joe tried torching him, but he missed.
"I really wish I still had that jetpack…" Joe thought, "Maybe I'm doing this wrong. There's gotta be another way to bring these tools down." Joe searched his person for a Molotov or pipe bomb or Boomer bile or something. He then realized that he still had Kelly's katana. He looked at the large boil on Chilla's head and got an idea. Chilla started running towards Joe again, Joe didn't move, instead defiantly standing in Chilla's way.
"Chilla! Look! There's Joe Text!" Joe yelled as he pointed behind him. Chilla turned around and stared off in the distance.
"I don't seem him Joe." Chilla replied, still staring off.
"Oh he's there! Keep looking!" Joe called back. Joe then drew the katana and leaped onto Chilla Gorilla's back, using his fur as a makeshift ladder to make his way up to the top of his head. Jimmy Neutron puked on Joe and Chilla, it was painful, but Joe had to hold on.
"AIIIIEEEE! What'd you do that for!" Chilla Gorilla screamed.
"Joe is on your head! Knock him off!" The manpuppet yelled.
"But Joe told me that Joe went that way!" Chilla argued.
"You retard! Must I take care of everything?" The manpuppet asked. Jimmy Neutron then used his magical floating powers to charge towards Joe. As he was about to ram into Joe and knock him off of Chilla, Joe leaped into the air over the manpuppet's head, used Kelly's katana to slice off the foul manpuppet's legs, and Jimmy Neutron went crashing to the ground. While Joe was still in the air, he pointed the katana downwards as he fell, driving the blade in Chilla's boil. The boil popped and blasted Joe with pus, knocking him off Chilla.
"My beautiful boil!" Chilla screamed as he collapsed on the ground. Joe got up and walked over to the manpuppet of destiny, who was still alive, coughing on the ground. Joe put his flamethrower to his head.
"Where are they?" Joe demanded.
"I don't know what you're talking about…" The manpuppet pleaded.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about Neutron! Where did they go?" Joe barked.
"I don't know… I thought you sent them back to the Joemobile…" Neutron said as he coughed. Joe decided that Jimmy wasn't lying; he didn't know about Chris and Kelly.
"What's Flathead up to? What's with the nanomachines?" Joe asked. Then Jimmy Neutron, the manpuppet of destiny, started cackling like a hyena.
"Boss has a nasty surprise for you, Joe Text. Far worse than you could ever imagine… those nanomachines are affecting your life more than zombies ever could…"
"You mean the nanomachines aren't causing the infection?" Joe asked.
"Of course not. Boss isn't out to destroy the world. All he wants is you." Jimmy Neutron said.
"Yeah! He's got a real great surprise!" Chilla Gorilla chimed in, "You know those people that…"
"Chilla! No! Don't tell him! Joe needs to figure it out for himself…" Neutron said. He began coughing violently before dying. Joe started walking away; he still needed to find Chris and Kelly.
"Joe!" Chilla called out. Joe turned around. "You free Thursday?"
"Sorry Chilla, I'm not sure what I'm doing then. We can make plans when I return." Joe replied.
"Sounds good! See you then!" Chilla called back, still collapsed on the ground. Joe started walking back to CEDA tent, looking for a sign of Chris or Kelly. Perhaps there would be a clue as to where they were. While walking back from the town square, thoughts raced through Joe's mind. The nanomachines weren't causing the infection, but they were greatly affecting Joe's life right now. What could that mean? And what could the nanomachines possibly do? Chilla's comment concerned Joe as well. "Those people that…" that what? Have been helping Joe? That have been infected? Who was he talking about?
Joe reached the CEDA tent and saw, to his surprise, a car. But it was not the Joemobile, and it wasn't Fred, it was a blue car with white stripes on it. It looked a lot like a racecar. Joe walked up to the window to see Ellis sitting there.
"Well howdy Joe!" Ellis said.
"Ellis? What are you doing here? I thought I told you guys to get out of here." Joe said.
"I came to getcha! We all saw how Fred gone an' fucked everythin' up before, so Coach told me to take Jimmy Gibbs and come get you!" Ellis replied. "Get in!"
Joe walked around to the other side of the car, and was greeted by two familiar faces sitting next to Ellis.
"Look who we done found at the gas station!" Ellis exclaimed. Joe was simultaneously relieved and pissed. He squished himself in the car and Ellis started driving.
"How you feeling?" Joe asked Chris.
"Super." Chris replied. Joe handed him the clothes he got him at the department store.
"These are for you; you can put them on once we get out. I'd rather not have your armpits up in my face." Joe joked. He then glared at Kelly.
"What?" Kelly said.
"I hope you realize how much time and effort you just made me waste." Joe said.
"Hey Joe, bite me. Chris was awake, there was a huge ass gorilla and Jimmy Motherfuckin' Neutron outside, we had no clue where you guys were, and we didn't feel like getting smashed to a pulp by King Kong. What would you have done in that situation?" Kelly said.
Joe sighed, at least they were OK.
"Hey Joe," Kelly asked, "Do you still have my katana?"
Joe stood at the front of his group and looked at their fellow survivors, who were all back at the gas station they met at.
"So I guess this is goodbye for real this time." Coach said.
"Remember what I said earlier Coach." Joe replied.
"I've been meaning to ask you guys, but why do you have a Smoker tied to your bumper?" Nick asked. Joe laughed, he had completely forgotten about Ted.
"You guys went through some crazy shit with us, so I think you deserve to know. It's my brother Ted. He was cripplingly retarded even before he was infected. He doesn't attack us, so we just kind of drag him along. We don't have enough room in the car for him." Joe said.
"We didn't untie him because we figured he'd bother you guys." Chris added.
"Oh he couldn't have bothered us any more than you guys did on your own." Nick said.
"Get yo ass in the car Nick!" Coach scolded. Nick jumped into Jimmy Gibbs Jr. and Coach turned to Joe's group again. "So you folks never told us where y'alls headed."
"You first." Joe said.
"Vegas baby!" Coach said excitedly, "There's been rumors flyin' around that Vegas held out."
"We'll, I don't think you guys would even believe us if we…" Joe began.
"WE'RE GOING TO THE MOON!" Kelly shouted excitedly. Joe slapped his forehead.
"Oh… my… god… that is the coolest thing I've ever heard! Take me with you!" Ellis pleaded. Kelly turned to Coach.
"We'll give you Fred for Ellis." Kelly offered.
"ALRIGHT MAN! I'M GOING TO THE MOON!" Ellis yelled.
"WOOP WOOP!" Kelly hollered as she high fived Ellis. Joe buried his face in his hands.
"Settle down son, you need to come with us. I don't think we want Fred after all he's put us through." Coach chuckled. "We'll see y'all later." The survivors exchanged their goodbyes as they hopped into their vehicles. Joe and Fred got in the front seat while Chris and Kelly got in the back. They started driving down the road once again. For a good, long while there were no sounds coming from any of the survivors. Kelly was staring out the window.
"Someone's being uncharacteristically quiet." Chris remarked. Kelly sighed.
"You know… that Ellis guy was pretty cute…" Kelly said, still staring out the window. Joe and Chris looked at Fred for a brief moment. His face was red with rage. He rolled down the window and shook his fist to the sky.
"EEEEEENNNNNNGGGHH! I'LL STRANGLE THAT ELLIS!" Fred screamed.
Joe untied Ted as he looked at NASA headquarters.
"Well guys, looks like we're here. Let's get inside and steal a rocket." Joe said. Joe, Fred, Kelly, and Ted all started walking towards the building while Chris stood back.
"You coming Chris? We don't want you getting pounced again." Kelly joked.
"I think we have a problem guys." Chris said.
"What might that be?" Joe asked.
"Let's pretend that we managed to find a rocket that still worked, one that's completely ready for launch and everything." Chris said
"That's what we're hoping for." Fred said.
"I'm aware of that numbnuts. Have any of you flown a rocket before? Because I sure haven't." Chris said.
"So what?" Kelly asked.
"So we get five feet off the ground and explode, that's what." Chris said.
"Stop being such a Negative Nancy, Chris." Kelly said.
"I'm not being a "Negative Nancy"! I'm being realistic!" Chris shouted.
"I see his point. Unless one of us can properly fly a rocket, then we're not going anywhere." Joe said.
"Stairs?" Fred asked. Joe nodded as they started walking away from their car. Kelly and Ted followed them, while Chris stared at them in confusion. He then started running to catch up to them.
"Pardon me, but what's this about stairs? I heard you guys mention this back in L.A., and I still have no idea what you're talking about." Chris said.
"It's a staircase that leads to the moon. Don't worry, Joe and I have used it plenty of times." Fred said.
"You're hilarious Fred. Seriously Joe, what are these stairs and what do they do?" Chris asked.
"Fred's not kidding." Joe said.
"OK. I've seen some pretty weird shit while I've been with you guys. Gorillas as big as houses, friendly zombies, a talking car, Jimmy Fucking Neutron… but you don't seriously expect me to believe…" Chris stopped talking as soon as he saw the giant staircase that led straight into the sky. Joe, Fred, Ted, and Kelly started walking up it nonchalantly, while Chris stayed at the bottom for a few seconds slapping himself in the face.
"Nope. I'm awake." Chris sighed as he started following his friends up the stairway to heaven.