CHAPTER TEN: Lord Voldemort does not suck dick.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Anyone victim of a myspace bulletin virus? Know anyone who posts bulletins that they didn't post themselves? That's what this chapter's about. So if you don't know what I'm talking about you may not get it, but I'm out of ideas. Anyways, sorry for the lack of update-age…I just moved into my college dorm August 23rd and been pretty distracted with various things…I'm back, though. So yes, just letting you know.
DISCLAIMER: If I owned it, I wouldn't need to include one of these. But since one of these is included it's safe to say I own pretty much nothing.

Lord Voldemort does not suck dick. In fact, Lord Voldemort was utterly repulsed by the mere concept of doing so. Yet he was staring at a bulletin, which he did not post, entitled "I suck dick..8i3492!" He restarted his computer after running a quick Norton Anti-virus scan. It was still there. What is the purpose of this and how did it get here? Surely nobody had put him under the imperious curse. Such fool wouldn't have lived much longer afterwards.

He consulted Wormtail who merely shrugged and suggested he write to maintenance. Voldemort was not satisfied with this answer. Perhaps it was that wretched Myspace Tom behind this again. He was beginning to get frustrated with his Myspace.

Another "I suck dick" bulletin appeared.

Again, he did not post this.

"Change your password, Master" Suggested Mr. Goyle.

Relatively intelligent thought, I'm impressed.

Too bad the Dark Lord had no idea how to do that.

He sat at his compute for five unproductive minutes before deciding he'd decide what to do about this later. It was time to destroy the Order of the Phoenix headquarters – how you ask? Bear traps, that's how. Invisible bear traps set up in their safe-house which really isn't all that safe because Voldemort's clever antics figured out a way to infiltrate the system. He laughed to himself as he summoned his followers.

He refreshed the page one more time, just incase he had another profile view or blog comment.

"I suck dick….8i3492!" appeared in his bulletin list, posted by none other then himself.

"I DO NOT SUCK DICK!" Voldemort hissed, as a few Death Eaters shot him an astonished look.

"Master, we never claimed you did, " Narcissa said, half scared out of her wits. "but if you did, we'd still respect…"

"If you would listen to reason, " interjected Snape "I believe your account has been hacked."

Blank stare.

"If you're not posting these, by all means, someone else has."

"…or it could be a virus." Voldemort mused. He hated viruses. Myspace was a bad idea.

Voldemort contemplated deleting his account, but cringed at the actual thought of doing so.

An anxious Lucius Malfoy hovered over his shoulder "Can we go set those bear traps yet?"

"NO!"

His exclamatory response was greeted with a blank stare.

"Okkk, then." Lucius retreated with a look of displeasure. Lucius liked bear traps.

Voldemort sought the Help FAQ section on myspace and changed his password. He then retreated into the darkness, understandably irritated.

---

Author's note: It's nice to be back on fanfiction --- if you have any fun Dark Lord on Myspace ideas let me know.