"Hey"

Lily was curled up in the window seat in the sitting room, staring out into the darkness beyond without seeming to see what she was looking at. She had a pillow hugged to her chest and seemed so much smaller than he had ever seen her look before, as if she was folding in on herself.

"Hey."

She barely spared him a glance until he crossed the otherwise empty room to join her in the window, and when her gaze finally turned to him it was with reluctance.

"Are you alright?" he asked, leaving her space but sitting back against the window so that she had no choice but to look at him. She raised an eyebrow and offered him one of her false smiles.

"Fine. Are you?"

He shrugged. Saying he was fine was too easy, too false. They had seen horrible things, yet it wasn't the first time and it certainly wouldn't be the last. He would be alright, but that didn't mean that he already was, or that the night hadn't changed them all in some way, making them harder, angrier, letting them know that they couldn't always win, that being a hero wasn't just a game. He pushed his fringe from his eyes, running his hand through his hair, and catching the first real smile that Lily had had for days.

"What?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Nothing."

"Uh huh…"

"I did miss you, you know" she informed him, surprising him. " I was happy to see you again. And the others too. " She caught his expression and shook her head again.

"But things have changed."

He considered this. "Yes, things have changed, but we haven't Lily. We haven't" he insisted as she gave him a look. "We're still us, the same people we were at the end of last year, and we still feel the same as we did last year, at least I do. I don't know what you think has changed really."

She was frowning, not meeting his eye.

"It's easier this way" she said softly. "We already have enough to lose. I don't think I could take…" she looked at him. "I'm sorry, James, I can't."

It was a final statement, and everything in her voice begged him to let it go, to let her go.

"You're afraid" he said.

"Aren't you?" she demanded defensively. " You want to know why I was so angry when you lot showed up?"

"You said-"

She cut him off. "Yes, I told you, but I don't think you heard the words James, I don't think you really understood."

"I…"

"I was okay here, getting by, learning what it was to fight, to never feel safe, to spend everyday looking over my shoulder, to never see my family or my friends because it was safer that way…."

She took a deep breath. He wanted to reach out and touch her but he was certain that she wouldn't allow it.

"You want to know what I think about when I'm overwhelmed or afraid?" she asked. He nodded but didn't say a word.

"I would picture you safe and happy and free to do as you pleased… Not just you…My family too. My parents, even my sister. All I wanted was for the people that I… that I loved to be safe, and that made everything that I was doing and missing out on… it made it all worth it. I can't picture you like that anymore, because you aren't safe, and who knows when…"

"I'm not gonna die Lily" he told her with a sigh. "Though your vote of confidence is touching."

She shrugged sadly, burying her head in her hands, tucking her knees farther into her chest, as though doing everything she could to block out the world.

He grabbed her hand and pulled it away from her face, revealing one shining green eye that glared at him furiously as he interrupted her private moment.

"We both know I'm not that person Lily. At least I hope you know it. I would never stick my head in the sand when other people need my help. I will never be safe and free while people that I care about are in danger, and that includes you. I'm not about to sit around in my parents house while others die, if that's what you were picturing, and maybe it made you feel better to think that, but it certainly doesn't make me feel better."

"I know" she said weakly, "But it was a happy thought. Worrying about people is exhausting and it was easier that way. You can't blame me either, you're guilty of the same."

She was right of course. For months he had managed to convince himself that Lily was safe at home with her parents, living a muggly life while the rest of the world burned. He should have known better. Normalcy no longer existed, and if it did it had become fear and death and loss.

"Yeah" he finally admitted.

"It doesn't matter anymore" Lily said in a defeated voice. " Let's not talk about it."

He looked at her, and she gazed back at him solidly.

"Lily, I'm still in love with you" he said.

"I know." She looked away.

"And I think that you're still in love with me, but you're too afraid to admit it or give it another go."

"And why aren't you afraid?" she asked, still avoiding his gaze.

"I didn't say that" he told her. "I'm terrified. But I see it differently than you do. You want to have as little as possible to lose, just in case, while I figure we might as well make the most of whatever time and whatever love we've got left. If I'm gonna die I want it to be with no regrets, don't you?"

She didn't answer, but slid away from him and stood.

"I have to go to bed" she said, but he caught her hand as she moved away.

"Think about it" he said. " Cause I'm not going to give up."

She didn't quite manage to hide her smile.

"I'm sorry James" she said once more, pulling her hand away.

"At least let me take you to your sister's wedding" he said. "I know you want to go."

She shook her head. "It isn't safe."

"Sure it is" he said, "It'll be fine. The death eaters wouldn't bother with you, they probably have never heard of you and they don't know you're connected to the order in any case. And even if they did they wouldn't think you would show up to a muggle wedding right? Let me take you. I'm sure your parents would love to see you" he urged.

"I don't know" she said, hesitating at the mention of her parents.

"Well think about it" he said.

"I seem to have a lot to think about."

He smiled. "Yes. You do."

He watched her walk away. "I love you" he called to her as she reached the door. She waved a hand above her head without looking back, but he couldn't help but smile, because he knew that one way or another he was going to win.