Author's Note: Hello, dear readers! The reason for this little author's note is that this chapter is going to be a bit different from these previous chapters; for this very special installment of Arthur's Fables, we're going to have a guest storyteller! That's right, today's story is going to be told not by Iggy but by one of the other nations – who exactly that would be, you may ask? Well, I assure you that you'll find out very soon. ;)

Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoy!

Peace out,

~silentwolf111

.oOo.

~ Gilbert and Ludwig ~

.oOo.

Okay, how the heck do these things start off?

...Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3…?

Yeah, see, I'm not gonna use "Once upon a time", 'cause that's just way too cliché and princessy – and, besides, it totally sounds like something England would use, and nobody wants to sound like an old man, right?

You know what, I'll be honest here: I've never really told fairytales before. That's always been a thing I've left to England since he's the one who's into that kind of stuff. So cut me some slack, will ya?

Anyway, hi, howdy, how's it going, and all that jazz. I'm America! But you can totally call me The Hero, Mr. Awesomer-than-Prussia, Super Epic Man, Alfred F. Jones – or America. That's cool, too!

You might be wondering why I'm here instead of old Iggy-pants. Well, dudes that are reading this, that's because I've got an awesome story to tell you that I know Iggy would totally not want me to tell, so I secretly went and hijacked his little book! And, not to sound like France, but I know you all like some good old juicy gossip, so I just couldn't resist.

(Oh, and don't worry about me; if he finds out, I'll just blame Canada later.)

Anywho, I'm here to tell you the story of Gilbert and Ludwig! It's actually kind of a popular story; I've heard there's versions published of it that changed their names to "Hansel" and "Gretel", but that version's all wrong! Trust me, what I'm about to tell you is the real deal.

Okay, gather 'round, children, 'cause this is gonna be a good one!

All right, so, there were these two kids named Gilbert and Ludwig (duh!) – oh, and just so you know, the older one was Gilbert, and the younger one was Ludwig. Anyway! They lived with their super poor family in this old beaten-down shack. And, because they were so poor, their family had a hard time finding enough food for everyone to eat.

One day, their mom came up with a genius idea to solve their food problem, so she went up to her husband and told him her plan.

She said, "Hey, dude! Guess what? I've come up with this totally sweet way for us to have more food!"

And her husband was just like, "Really? How?"

So the mom smiled and said, "Let's just get rid of the kids! That way, we'd only have two mouths to feed instead of four!"

Of course, the dad thought this idea was kind of crazy. He didn't want to get rid of his kids! He'd raised them, and he loved them.

So he said, "Are you sure we can do that?"

But the mom was totally convinced that her idea would work, so she was all like, "Come on, bro, of course we can! Besides, what's more important? Kids, or FOOD?"

Yeah, the dad couldn't argue with that logic.

So then they agreed that, the next morning, they'd tell the kids that they were taking them for a walk in the forest, and then, when their backs were turned, they'd just leave them there!

But what they didn't know was that Gilbert and Ludwig had heard everything they just said, and they knew all about their parents' mean plan to get rid of them. So they came up with a plan of their own! After his parents went to bed, Gilbert snuck outside, grabbed a bunch of rocks, and stuffed them into his coat pocket. When his parents tried to lead them to the forest, he'd just keep dropping rocks on the ground as they went and make a trail for him and Ludwig to follow so they could get back home!

The next day, just like they thought, the mom and dad told Gilbert and Ludwig to get their coats, since they'd be going on a family walk together to the forest. But Gilbert and Ludwig knew that they weren't really going on a family walk; their parents were going to try to get rid of them! Hey, but at least their parents gave them some wurst... Apparently it was supposed to be their dinner since they weren't going to be back in time.

You know, now that I think about it, that's actually hilarious. The parents were just like, "Bye, kids! Hope to never see you again! Oh and by the way here's some wurst."

Ha. Must be a German thing.

Anyway, back to the story! As they all walked to the forest, Gilbert made sure to drop rocks on the ground every once in a while, just like they'd planned last night. And, sure enough, when their parents left them in the forest all alone, Gilbert and Ludwig were able to follow the trail of rocks until they were back home!

When their mom opened the door to find them standing there, she was totally surprised.

She was all like, "What the heck? What are you dudes doing here? I thought we'd finally gotten rid of you once and for all– uh, I mean, welcome back, kids!"

So the parents acted like they were all excited that Gilbert and Ludwig came back, but, really, they were pretty mad. They wanted to get rid of them! They didn't want them to come back!

That night, after the kids went to bed, the parents decided that they were going to try it again the next morning. But, again, Gilbert and Ludwig heard their parents talking, and they got super scared.

Ludwig said, "Gilbert, I don't wanna get taken away!"

And Gilbert tried to calm him down by saying, "Don't worry, Luddy! The Awesome Me will just grab some awesome rocks like before and then we can come back home again! It'll be awesome!"

But, when Gilbert went to open the door to their room, he realized that his parents had locked it, so he couldn't go outside and get the rocks.

So, when they were taken to the forest again the next morning and their parents gave wurst to them, Gilbert decided to pick off little pieces of his wurst and drop them on the ground, making a trail just like he did last time with the rocks. That way, they'd still be able to find their way home.

But this time, when night came and they were left all alone again, they actually couldn't find their way back home, because the birds had eaten all the wurst and destroyed the trail!

Then, since the kids didn't really know what to do, they sort of hitchhiked around for a while until they found something in the middle of the forest that made them stop and stare at it.

It was a house. Made of food.

Of course they had to go closer to it and check it out! When they got closer, they noticed that the house looked a little… interesting. It had scones for roof shingles and crumpets for doorknobs and a tea moat. It had a freaking tea moat.

Gilbert took one look at it and was like, "I'm gonna eat this shit."

But then Ludwig told him to stop, since the house looked familiar to him.

He was like, "Dude, we can't eat that. That's the witch's house!"

Gilbert looked at him funny. "Witch?"

"Yeah," Ludwig said. "Haven't you heard? This is the home of the Great and Powerful Iggy, and rumor has it that he's mean and grumpy and hallucinates things that don't exist, like unicorns and flying bunnies and all that freaking fairytale crap. Bro, the dude's crazy. Who knows what he'd do to us if we ate his house?"

But of course Gilbert didn't care, and so he started digging into the house.

All of a sudden, he stopped eating and had this weird look in his eyes. Then he suddenly started spitting out the food and throwing up all over the place.

Ludwig was super confused for a second, but then he remembered.

He was like, "Oh, right… and he's also supposed to be a really bad cook."

Gilbert finished throwing up and said, "Yeah? Well, no kidding! This food is too disgusting and un-awesome for the Awesome Me! I wouldn't eat this stuff even if I were starving, and I am! Come on, Ludwig, let's go find something more awesome to eat than this trash."

But the kids didn't know where else to go; they were stuck in the middle of the forest, and there was no one around to help them!

Ludwig threw his head up to the sky, hoping that someone, anyone, was listening, and called out, "Oh, if only there was someone here who could save us!"

And then, out of nowhere, someone came flying in with super speed and landed in front of the kids. It was the hero, and his name was Alfred– Oh, hey! That's my name! I swear, it's just a coincidence.

"Don't worry, kids," Alfred said with a handsome grin as he flashed his perfect teeth, "the hero is here to save the day! And I've got some burgers and fries that will help cure that hunger in a flash!"

And, true to his word, Alfred used his super amazing powers to flash up a huge pile of burgers and fries right before the kids' very eyes!

"Oh, hero," Gilbert said gratefully, staring up in awe at the amazing man in front of him. "You're awesome, and you awesomely saved our lives! How can we ever repay your awesomeness?"

The hero laughed and reached out to the boy, patting his head and saying, "Don't worry about it; saving you youngsters from having disgusting English food contaminating your innocent tastebuds is what I do! All in a day's work, kid!"

And then, after he saved the day, the hero flew off heroically and the two kids lived happily ever after now that they never had to deal with the horrors of English food ever again!

The End!

And, yeah. That's it, I guess.

Oh, and the moral of the story? To never ever eat Iggy's cooking ever because it sucks so bad that your taste buds will totally explode and you'll die a slow, painful death! Yeah. That sounds about right.

But, don't worry; if you do ever accidentally eat English food and don't want to die, all you have to do is have some delicious and nutritious American food to turn that frown upside down! (I just totally saved your life, by the way. You're welcome.)

Anywho, dudes, this has been fun and all, but I think I just heard the door open, which means Iggy's back. And I don't want him to find me here, so that means I gotta sneak out the window before it's too late.

Until next time, this is the Hero, signing off!