Chapter 10

I woke up about an hour ago, but my body couldn't bring itself to get up from the bed trying to make Randy get off my mind. It makes me even sadder when I'm suppose to be thinking about John instead. Ugh! I never should have started this. Maybe if I let right now and moved I can avoid all this drama. Plus save John from a bad heartache. I don't want to get John hurt, but knowing Randy thats the last thing on his mind. Not mine thoughm

Some part of me wants to just cry until i get sick, but the other part wants to just walk away from everything. Being alone is worth more than trying to be happy. I think that it's really the best choice in the matter. Only my heart won't let me walk away from both John and Randy. It's crazy and it makes no sense, but I want to be here for both of them. I can see Randy on a daily bases without letting Randy know about that. Plus I can see John. I don't know anymore about anything.

Without even a command my hands moved the cover off my legs and moved out of bed softly grabbing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt throwing them on. My legs walked quietly out of the bedroom and into the living room moving over to a window overlooking the street down below us. For once, I want a relationship with no drama involved. Is that so hard to ask for? How can I even let myself be here? I'm losing my mind slowly.

A small knock came at the door making my head turn around to the door letting my nervousness set in quickly. What if it's Randy? What do I say? What do I do? Hopefully my body won't freeze like it did yesterday. I can still remember John's face before he left and came back. It's burned into my memory. Plus how i let my i love you slip to Randy. I'm stupid.

Another small knock came on the door a little louder now as I moved my legs over quietly trying to hide my nervousness from the entire world. I don't even have the courage to look into the peephole, so I just opened the door taking a deep breath.

Randy.

He stood there with a sweet smile on his face standing his basketball shorts and a white wife beater. Along with sweet on his face and chest clearing this man has been to the gym. A small blue box big enough for a ring held his in right hand before he grabbed my hand with his free one bringing me out in the middle of the hall. I grabbed the door knob pulling the door closed quietly, before turning my attention and attitude toward him trying to show that I'm not interested. Even though I clearly am. Which makes me a very bad person. I should just go back inside and forget him. Yes. That's the right thing to do. I'm the person that does the right thing.

Only my heart leaped for what's inside the box. For him to ask me the question that I needed to hear before everything went crazy and we ended. This is what I also want. To be able to say that I'm Mrs. Orton. That would make everything perfect. John though. I can't bear to see him hurt or I can't stand the thought of Randy and his wife fighting. I guess the answer is no.

"I've missed you." Randy said in a soft whisper.

My voice almost whispered that I missed him also back, but it's better to keep things to myself around him. I can't really afford to let another thing slip like eariler. That's something that shouldn't have been let out. Ever. In some ways that might have helped me in the long run. Since he knows that I love him and I do. Then he might not try to make my life a living hell. But then I have a feeling as long as John's in the picture, he'll make everything a mess.

"I have get back Randy." I said slowly turning around to the door letting a tear fall quickly down my cheek, before dropping to the maroon carpet in the hall.

Only something holds me back not wanting to walk away from him. I never have since we met. That's what kept me around even though I knew we couldnt have a real relationship, still though being with him was enough for me. It still might be. I don't know about that right now. I do know that I still want him no matter what. All things come must come to an end though. Here's me walking away.

"I can't do this anymore. Before I would have just been cool with how things were, but now things are different. You've got a wife and a kid. That should have warned me off right there, but no. I let your charm in knowing that things couldn't ever be the same as a real relationship. It wasn't a normal relationship that I wanted. I wanted the relationship where we could have walked through the park holding hands, laughing in the movie theatre together, having a nice dinner at a nice resturant together and maybe running into someone we both knew. Did you ever think that or was your mind set on how far you get with the lies? Was the day of the wedding when you could have finally told me you couldn't get married? You only think about the ones that need it the most. I know that and half of me knows that, but the other half is jealous of that fact. I can't offer you all the things that Sam can offer you. So goodbye bye Randy." I said looking straight at him now.

"Wait what you mean offer me things you can't? He asked puzzled.

"Well, I thought I was pregnant one time and I went to the doctor. If I ever become pregnant that's a very high chance I won't make it through the deliever. I'd rather have the baby be born than you pick me. Knowing you that's not going to happen." I said sighing.

He waited a few moments looking up at the ceiling processing and mumbling something that I couldn't understand. Then he turned pissed within an instant, I can understand why he's mad really. I didn't really tell him the truth, but when did I have the time. It was like a routine. One thing he wanted even though he doesn't want to admit.

"When were you ever going to tell me?" He asked finally looking down at me.

"I don't know. We never really had time to sit and talk." I said shrugging my shoulders.

This time he shook his head while placing his hands on both sides of his hips. I don't know if he's still mad or getting madder. There's a huge difference there, the last time he got to the point where he couldn't control his anger a hotel room got jacked up. He called me from John's phone instead of calling his wife. That's what John said. John wouldn't lie.

"Do you understand that I could have gotten you pregnant?" He asked still pissed.

I nodded slowly looking down at the hall to my left avoiding his eye contact because I know it's going to make me feel even worse than I do now. That's all I need to crumble right in front of him. This is just getting even worser every minute I stand here, but I can't seem to move.

"Yes, but you didn't." I said coolly.

Then suddenly his hands came off his hip to ball in fists as his lip curled back trying to control his anger and words at the moment with every ounce in him. Me and my big fat mouth. Ugh!

"That's not the point you lied to me." He said through his teeth.

"News flash Orton you have to me more times than I can count." I said getting mad.

"Have you told John?" He said quickly.

I stayed quietly letting the silence answer my question as my eyes dropped to the carpet trying to keep myself in control of my emotions at the moment. I can't cry in front of him. I won't cry in front of him.

"Well have you slept with him?" He asked blankly.

"That's not of your business." I said even madder this time.

"Damn it, Carolina!" He said getting almost in my face.

"Stay away from me." I said tiredly.

I turned my body back around to go in the door and away from Randy, but his hand came on my wrist pulling me gently back to him. I faced him head on this time as his lips dropped down to mine almost leaving an inch apart. I felt his hot breath lips as well and that's when my body froze completely. It feels like it's been frozen forever. Dang it. Beofre I knew my lips met his in a passionate kiss dragging my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me this time as his hands landed on my hips to keep me from falling.

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I'm so sorry for the late chapter and for it being a little to short. Its been super crazy at my house, but I'll try to make it longer next time.