A/N: Ah, yes, I feel angry pitchforks poking me. I DID warn you that you were going to want to strangle me for the secret keeping.

Chapter 10:

Window to the Soul

It took an additional three days before Emily's parents were able to bring themselves to give her the news. In the end, Pam's stubbornness won out over Wayne wanting to protect his daughter. She'd made a valid point that Emily deserved to choose how they should spend their remaining days together before everything went to hell. Wayne knew she was right. So they caught her one morning before school.

"Hey, Em, can you come in here for a second?" Her mom called from the kitchen as she was heading towards the front door. "We need to talk to you."

Emily didn't like her mother's tone of voice. Pam and Wayne glanced at one another. They had debated on telling her before or after school. Either way, they decided, there was no good time to tell her. At least she would have school and her friends for a distraction if they told her this morning.

Emily felt the tension when she walked into the room. It was never this quiet when her parents were around one another. She could hear her mother's uneven breaths. She could hear her dad tapping his middle finger against the table nervously. All habits she'd learned over the years. She knew exactly what it was about before either one of them spoke. They didn't have to say anything for Emily to know what they needed to talk to her about. She reached out to find the back of a chair at the kitchen table.

"When?" Emily sat down next to her father.

"I have to be on base in Texas in two weeks." Wayne put his hand on top of Emily's.

She pulled away, unable to deal with the emotional pain that came with losing time with her dad to his job, and the very real possibility that the little time she had with him before he was shipped off was the last time she'd get to see him.

"I'll be there for a few weeks for training and then I'll get my assignment," Wayne stated.

Emily didn't say anything. She just nodded in silence. She absentmindedly picked at her nail beds. She felt mother's soft hand land on top of hers and pull her fingers away before she could do any damage to her cuticles. Pam put her other hand against Emily's shoulder. Emily felt the tears burning her nose, but she refused to let them out.

"Emily…"

"I'm fine, mom." Emily pulled her shoulder away. Her tone told a different story. But she wasn't in the mood to cry. She knew it wouldn't change anything.

"Sweetie…"

"I said I'm fine." Emily bit back tears. She cleared her throat. "I'm not a little kid anymore. I know how this goes."

"The good news is that we'll be able to go out to the base to see him before…"

"I have to go." Emily interrupted her mom. "I'm going to be late for school." She felt around for Ace's lead and whistled for him and then stood up. She grabbed her cane.

A few seconds later they heard a knock at the front door. The door opened and Hanna shouted a "good morning!" to the Fields family.

"Good morning, Hanna." Wayne followed his daughter into the foyer.

Hanna saw that Emily was in a hurry. She noticed the tension. She could tell something was off. But before she could ask what was up Emily was already walking out of the house.

Her gaze met Mr. Fields solemn expression. Hanna knew something was really wrong. She suddenly felt like a little kid who was about to be told her cat had died.

"Is she okay?" Hanna questioned quietly, swallowing a nervous lump in her throat.

"She's just upset." Wayne sighed, looking at his daughter and her dog making her way down the driveway. "She just found out that I've got orders to be deployed again."

Hanna's heart sank. She didn't like it any more than Emily did when he was shipped off overseas. Emily and Pam constantly worried about him. Hanna remembered one time when he was deployed when she was little Emily cried herself to sleep every night for a month.

"What?" Her lower lip faltered. "But…you just got here."

She loved Emily's parents like they were her own. Wayne had always treated her like she was his child, and since her father was out of the picture Wayne was the closest thing she had to a dad.

Wayne saw the look on her face and sighed. His expression softened.

"I know. But it's my job, kiddo." He pulled her in for a hug.

Hanna felt her eyes suddenly get wet. The living room behind them was blurry. She blinked away the waterworks and pulled back, wiping her eyes before he could see that she'd started to cry. She turned and looked at Emily.

"I'll keep an eye on her today." Hanna promised.

"Thank you, Hanna." Wayne's eyes darted towards Emily and Ace again.

"Any time, Mr. Fields."

"Oh, come on. I've known you since you were in diapers, kid. You've known me long enough to call me Mr. Staff Sergeant Fields." He teased, and Hanna laughed. "Or just Wayne."

There was a beat of silence and she started to try and say it, but her brain just wouldn't allow it.

"Nope." She shook her head. "Can't do it. My Grandmother says it's impolite to call our elders by their first names."

"Elders." Wayne snorted. "Making me sound like a grandpappy with peppermints in his pockets and falling asleep watching the news."

"Don't you do that every Saturday?" Hanna lifted a brow in a teasing manner.

"Yeah, sure. You darn kids these days. Now get off my lawn!" He feigned being an angry old man.

Hanna laughed and then said goodbye. Wayne slowly closed the door. What he really wanted to do was dash outside and scoop his daughter up in a hug and never let her go. But she wasn't a baby anymore. She processed differently. And he was trying to respect that. He knew that Hanna and her other friends would make sure she was okay at school.

He walked back into the kitchen with his wife. She was underneath an open cabinet holding a can in her hands. She was just staring at the label. She was more or less staring off in to space. Wayne walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek. It snapped her out of her trance.

"What are you doing?" He questioned.

"I wanted to make Emily paella for dinner tonight. But the only cans of chicken broth I have are the high protein reduced fat kind. And Emily doesn't like the taste of those. She likes the fat-free low sodium, and I can't ever find it anywhere."

"Pam, Emmy and I both adore your cooking, but that's not going to fix this."

"Well, I have to do something!" Pam slammed the can down in irritation, tears stinging her eyes. "This isn't fair. Hasn't this family been through enough?"

"It's what we signed up for when I took the job."

Though things had been dramatically different back then. It was before they'd had Emily. After she came along it got harder and harder for him to leave his girls. He knew how much it tore them up. He'd felt Emily's heartache. And he could feel Pam's distress. He rubbed her shoulder to try and calm her down.

Emily and her mother were a lot alike. Emily had a hot temper like Pam. And they both suppressed things to the point where it just took one little event to set them off and there would be a massive emotional explosion. Pam turned around to face her husband.

"But right before Thanksgiving?"

"If it hadn't happened before Thanksgiving it would have been something else. Christmas. Her birthday. Our anniversary. It's not a 9 to 5…"

"I know. But…" Pam tried to be rational, but her emotions were all over the place. "What about Emily? She still needs you."

"She's a tough kid. She'll be okay. And she understands how this works."

"Can't you ask for extended leave?"

"You know it doesn't work that way. And I've pretty much exhausted all my favors. I had to pull a lot of strings to get from Fort McPherson to Ellington Field. It didn't come without a cost."

"What if something happens when you're away?" Pam bit her lip. "What if…"

"Pam…" He stopped her from spiraling. She always lost it when it came to him leaving their family. "Everything will be fine." Wayne kissed the top of her head. "Rosewood is a good place. We have friends here. Family. Emily is fine. She's adjusting well. She has Hanna, Aria, and Toby. And she's even made some new friends."

"Who? That Alison girl?" Her face scrunched up into a frown.

"You don't like her?"

"No, it's not that. I just…I've heard things about that family."

"Through who? The rumor mill?" Wayne rolled his eyes. "You can't believe everything you hear from Marion. I love my sister. I do. But she's not the best person to get information from. After the whole Jenna and Jason break-up she soured on the whole family. Jenna really fueled that fire. You know how Marion gets about those kids." He took Pam's hands. "The woman loves to gossip, and sometimes that means creating her own content. If Emmy likes Alison there must be something to her. And let's face it, she's going to need support while I'm away."

"How am I going to do this without you?" Pam put her cheek against Wayne's chest.

"You'll be fine." He smiled down at her.

"How am I supposed to stay together without you around to keep me from falling apart?"

"I'll make sure the place is stocked with super glue and duct tape." Wayne kissed her knuckles. "Besides, everyone knows that you're the real rock of this family." He pulled her into a tight embrace. "Come on, why don't I take you out for breakfast?" He glanced at the can on the counter. "And on the way home we'll stop at the store to get the chicken broth…the kind that Emily likes."

Pam nodded and went to get changed out of her robe, grabbing her coffee on the way out. Wayne knew his girls were going to have a hard time with it. They always did. He knew Pam would cry and that Emily would shut down.

He knew his daughter well…so well that he knew that she hadn't said anything to Hanna other than a "hello" as they got Ace situated in the back of her car before they both climbed up front.

The second Hanna started the ignition, she turned to Emily. Emily felt her best friend's eyes on her.

"I don't want to talk about it." Emily mumbled.

"I know." Hanna didn't push her. Instead, she hooked her phone up to her stereo system and put on a playlist of Emily's favorite songs. "You want The Brew or Starbucks?"

"Whichever you want." Emily shrugged, sinking down in her seat.

It was so hard for Hanna to let Emily distance herself, but she'd known her since they were little and she knew there was nothing she could do but simply be her friend.

"It fucking sucks, Em." She put the car in drive. "I'm sorry. And I promise that's all I'll say about it."

"Thanks, Han."

Emily felt tears stinging her eyes, but she smiled weakly at her best friend. Hanna understood her and that was why they were best friends in the first place. Well, technically they were friends because Emily had saved Hanna's life when they were two.

Hanna had lost control of her tricycle one day on the playground and was careening towards a terrifying death over by the teeter-totters when Emily had run up beside her. She had simply grabbed the handlebars and brought the trike to a stop. Hanna had leaped off of the little vehicle and thrown her arms around Emily and exclaimed,

"You save-ed me! You're my best friend now!" She'd dragged Emily over to her mother, Ashley, and definitively told her, "This is my new best friend, mommy. Can we take her home with us forever and ever?"

Of course, Ashley and Pam knew one another so they let the girls continue their little playdate at Hanna's house.

They'd pretty much been inseparable ever since. They had been through thick and thin together. Hanna stuck with Emily the first time her dad had been deployed when she was four. And Emily stayed by Hanna's side when Hanna's parents got divorced when she was six.

Even when Emily moved they stayed in touch, spending weekends, summers, and holidays together. And when they weren't together they wrote, called, and texted each other all the time.

They knew everything about each other. So Hanna had learned pretty much everything there was to know about her best friend. She knew when she was in pain. And she knew the only thing she could do was let her drown her sorrows out with music and food.

And the fact that Hanna knew that is why Emily loved her. Neither one of them had any siblings. They'd grown up as sisters.

They pulled into the parking lot a few minutes late, but neither one of them cared. Hanna shut the car off and reached back to undo Ace's seatbelt harness. Then she turned to face Emily.

"It goes without saying, but if at any point you need me today…"

"It's not my first time dealing with it," Emily said quietly, lying through her smile. "I'll be fine."

Hanna knew she was lying. She didn't say anything. She knew it wouldn't do any good. Emily didn't like anyone to see her cry.

Emily tried her best to push it out of her mind. She made it almost halfway through her first class before she felt the first wave of emotions hit her with a ridiculous amount of weight. And of course, none of her friends shared the same first period class with her so she felt completely alone. She started to feel hot under her collar. She could hear the blood rushing through her head, pounding in her skull. She felt invisible walls tightening in around her. She asked to be excused to go to the bathroom and the teacher gave her permission. Emily scurried down the hallway with her cane, Ace leading the way.

Seconds later Alison heard the rhythmic tapping of the walking stick. She heard Ace's collar jingling and when she looked out of her classroom she saw Emily walking by the partially open door.

She could tell by Emily's gait and her hurried pace that something was wrong. Alison's hand shot up while the teacher was mid-lecture.

"Um, can I go to the nurse?" She blurted out.

Her worried expression must have come off as queasiness because the teacher didn't even bat an eye. He looked more annoyed that she'd interrupted him than he was concerned for her. He told her to go ahead.

Emily disappeared into the bathroom just as Alison was leaving her classroom. She pushed open the handicapped stall and walked in. The door swung closed behind her. She sat back against the seat and pulled her sunglasses off. She'd been unable to stop the tears from dripping all over them. She clutched them in one hand and wiped her face with her other. She blew her nose. She felt around for the little garbage bin on the wall and then tossed the tissue into the trash.

She heard the bathroom door open and then close and heard footsteps approaching. She wanted to die of embarrassment. The last thing she'd wanted was to cause a scene. She froze, trying not to make any noise. Maybe the person would just pee and leave.

The footsteps got closer, and she recognized the scent of her perfume. Her heart sank.

"Em?" It was Alison's voice. "Are you okay?"

Why had it been her? Alison had already seen her break down once when she was telling her about the tattoo she'd gotten in honor of Maya. She didn't want Alison to think that she couldn't keep her shit together. So she didn't answer.

"Emily? I saw you come in here." Alison stood at the stall. She could see that it wasn't locked, but she wasn't just going to barge in on her. "I can literally see four paws underneath the crack. So unless someone at this school is a werewolf I know it's you and Ace in there. What's going on?"

Emily sighed and reached for the door, pushing it forward slowly to give Alison time to move away so she didn't get hit by it swinging outward.

"I just had kind of a shitty morning." Emily cleared her throat, reaching to put her sunglasses back on.

But it wasn't in time to hide her tears. Alison saw her red-rimmed eyes and the streaks her tears had left on her cheeks. All kinds of alarms went off in her head. Had someone done something to her? Said something to her? Who had upset her like this? She would rip their throats out.

"What's wrong?" Alison asked, kneeling in front of her, gently touching her knees with her fingertips.

Emily didn't answer her at first, which just heightened Alison's anger and anxiety. She had the desire to punch something because she didn't like seeing her girl so upset. Emily drew in a stuffy breath through her nose and pushed herself to her feet. Alison stood with her, gently cupping the underside of her forearms to help her get balanced on her feet.

Alison saw her inch forward and she backed up so they could walk out of the stall. Emily grasped the sink. She reached up and wiped away some of the wetness still coating her cheek, knowing that more tears would accumulate. They always did.

Alison watched her, not knowing what to do, not knowing how to help…because Emily still hadn't said what had happened. And it was starting to scare her. But she waited. Because whatever it was seemed really difficult for Emily to address.

Emily clenched and unclenched her jaw and then exhaled a heavy sigh. She released her grip on the sink.

"My dad is being deployed."

Saying it out loud made her want to start crying again. Instead, she decided to shut down and bury it inside. It was easier than dealing with reality.

Alison stiffened her stance. Seeing Emily's heartbreak made Alison want to overthrow the entire fucking army. She didn't want Emily's dad to be taken away from her. She didn't want to see Emily hurting. She felt murderous. Normally she knew what to do to get her way. But she couldn't do anything about this. And it killed her.

"He's leaving in two weeks," Emily said quietly.

"I'm-so-sorry." It came out so fast that it sounded like it was all one word. She wrapped her arms around Emily and engulfed her in a hug. "I'm so sorry," she said again, holding her, her hot breath blowing against the back of Emily's neck.

She felt Emily reach up with one arm to hug her back. Emily took a shaky breath. Alison felt it against her chest. She held her tighter and rubbed her back soothingly. Emily got lost in the motions for a moment. It didn't take away her pain, but it was strangely relaxing. She lowered her chin against Alison's shoulder and just let her hold her. She took in several steady breaths, inhaling Alison's aroma with each slow inhale. She reached up and cupped the back of Alison's head, holding her in place. Alison didn't move until she felt Emily drop her hand.

"Em, what can I do?" Alison pulled back to look at her.

Alison reached over to get a piece of tissue and pulled her sunglasses down and started dabbing the tears from underneath her eyes.

"Nothing. There's nothing anyone can do."

"Not about him leaving. For you. What can I do for you?" She touched her cheek with her thumb to wipe away a stray eyelash.

"This is just part of it." Emily shrugged with a sigh. "When someone you love is in the military, your whole family is in it."

Alison wasn't sure how to respond. She couldn't even imagine having a parent away for so long. Her parents traveled a ton and they were barely home, but this was on a completely different level. At least she knew her parents were safe in some bougie hotel when they were gone, not in some active combat zone.

She imagined she'd feel heartbroken and scared to think of them in that situation, even though she didn't get along with her mom and dad. She still loved them in her own fucked up way. And she'd be very afraid for them if they were fighting overseas. How the hell did Emily and her mom deal with it?

"This is just the life of a military brat. I've been dealing with it since I was little," she said, her emotions settling some. "Still doesn't make it suck any less."

Her gaze drifted off for a few seconds before she was able to gauge the area of where Alison's eyes might be. Somehow, her eyes found Alison's. And even though Emily couldn't see her, Alison still felt like Emily was looking into her soul. It was a part of her that Alison didn't let anyone see. But she wanted to bare it all for Emily. And looking back at her, she could see that Emily wanted the same thing. But there was something holding her back. Still, she could see the part of herself that Emily was trying to hide. She could see her trembling beneath the mask she had put on. And she could see that it was wearing her out.

"Maybe you should sit down for a minute." Alison suggested.

"I'm fine, Ali." Emily reached out until she felt Alison's arm.

Oh, baby. You are not fine. Alison could feel her shaking.

"You don't look fine," Alison replied softly.

"I will be. I just need a few minutes to get it together." Emily tried to clear her throat.

She gently gripped Alison's arm, like she had to in order to prove to her that she was okay, despite Alison knowing it wasn't true. Her fingers felt as light as feathers against Alison's skin. And despite her broken heart, Emily couldn't help but smile, because Alison was so warm and silky. Her skin was so delicate and felt so pliable.

Alison just let her hold her, to support her in any way that she could. She reached out and gently put her palm against Emily's waist. She saw another smile break through Emily's pained expression. She leaned forward until her forehead met Alison's. Being close to her helped. Feeling her sweet heated breath against her face made the rest of the world fall away for just a few moments.

Emily lifted her head and moved her hand down Alison's forearm and gripped her fingers. Alison brought their joined hands up to her lips and gently kissed her knuckles. She moved her other hand up and cupped Emily's cheek.

"You want to get out of here? I can take you home if you…"

"No." Emily cut her off, her voice strained. "No. I can't let my mom and dad see me like this."

"You want to go somewhere else? The…the park? Or my place? My parents and brother are out of town. You could have privacy there."

"That's sweet." She had a wavering smile on her face. "But I have to keep moving forward." She couldn't fall apart. She couldn't afford an emotional breakdown. "I uh…everything has to be normal. It…it has to be routine."

Routine was familiar. She'd grown up with routine. And right now she needed familiar things to keep her grounded. It was one of the things she'd learned about control when she lost her vision. It was also the only thing that kept her sane when she felt like losing it.

"If I stop to think about it…" Her jaw trembled. "I need the distraction. I need stupid boring school work. I need to freak out over the SATs and laugh at stupid jokes and worry about whether or not I'm wearing matching socks."

Alison glanced down.

"You are."

Her comment had done the impossible: made her laugh when her heart was silently splitting in two.

Alison understood Emily's needs perfectly. She knew Emily had to think about the menial things in life or she'd never stop thinking about the worst case about her dad.

"I just need normalcy, Ali," Emily said softly. "I need m…"

She stopped short of what she was about to say. There was a pensive look on her face that was a mixture of confusion and sorrow. Alison had a sneaking suspicion she was thinking about Maya. Was Maya who she normally turned to in times like these? How could she even begin to replicate that? Obviously, the girl had meant a great deal to Emily. Alison wasn't sure how she could even begin to measure up. She saw Emily pause in thought before she continued,

"…my friends. And…" She licked her lips. "…you."

"I'm here. Just tell me what you want me to do," Alison said, rubbing her cheek.

"Just stay with me for a few minutes," Emily said, her breathing softening.

Alison thought about dancing with Emily at Noel's party. She'd felt so connected to her. And right now it's like she felt her pain. It made her irrationally angry. How dare the world upset her? Fuck the world. She'd take Emily somewhere safe and then she would blow it up. They didn't need the world. They just needed each other.

I'll stay with you forever. She thought.

"Come here." Alison gently tugged on her hand.

They sat down on a small little two-person bench near the entrance of the restroom. Emily leaned her cheek against Alison's shoulder. She could smell her shampoo. It was soothing. Neither one of them spoke.

The silence was unsettling to Alison. She felt like Emily was disappearing into her own mind.

"Do you need anything else?" Alison questioned, turning to brush a lock of her hair away from her cheek.

Emily jumped. She seemed startled, like she'd forgotten where they were and what they were doing. She'd completely zoned out. Alison pulled back, not having meant to upset her. But then Emily turned and smiled softly at her.

"Just time." Emily replied.

"Well, we have plenty of that." Alison chuckled softly.

"Yeah." Her response was quiet and sad.

The time she had with her dad was short. Time was such a strange thing. Because it was infinite. It kept moving despite what was happening around it. It was fixed. Something that couldn't be changed. You couldn't go back. You could only go forward. It was arguably the most powerful thing that existed. Because would the world be able to keep going forward if time didn't exist? Or would it just be frozen in a vast state of nothingness?

It was times like these that Emily realized how lucky she was to have parents who loved her, who cared about her no matter what. Not everyone had that. She thought about the girl sitting next to her, comforting her, holding her hand. And she realized just how much love Alison had to give. Yet, she also knew that the blonde had trouble accepting it in return. She knew that Alison had never really been around healthy relationships, so she had nothing to base them on. But she still somehow found it in her heart to care for Emily.

"You know, it takes a special person to risk detention because she bolted out of class to sit with a weepy sad sack in a grungy high school bathroom." Emily smiled sweetly at her.

"You're not a sad sack, Em," Alison said. If anything, she was the epitome of strength. Alison wouldn't have even been able to get out of bed if she had to say goodbye to someone she loved. "Besides, I've skipped for less. It's kind of my trademark."

"Well, the teachers may not come down on you, but I don't want you to get in trouble with your parents."

"They're not even here when they're here." Alison scoffed.

There was a beat of silent tension. Emily had always suspected that Alison's home life was less than stellar. It was oftentimes the people who pretended to have it all that were hiding the deepest dirtiest secrets. Emily got the vibe that things weren't great between Alison's mom and dad. Sometimes when they hung out Alison would get really quiet, like something was weighing on her mind. She let her bravado down around Emily and she had a certain inflection in her voice when she talked about them. She'd never mentioned anything specific, but Emily knew. She could sense it.

"Does it make you uncomfortable when they fight?" Emily asked softly.

"How…" Once again, the brunette had plucked her darkest secrets from the depths of her mind. "How did you know?"

"When you talk about them you get this weird strain in your voice. It's like a…" She tried to figure out the best way to describe it. She lifted her hands up and spoke as she moved them to accentuate what she was saying, "…this hesitation with a little bit of tension. It's because your breathing pattern changes." She explained. She reached down, putting her hand on top of Alison's, moving so that two fingers were over the pulse point on her wrist. "And your pulse jumps up."

Or maybe that's what you do to my heart. Alison could feel her heart jumping wildly in her chest. She blushed, knowing Emily felt it, too.

"It used to scare me when I was little." Alison didn't recognize the voice coming out of her mouth. She sounded so meek and young. "But not so much anymore. I got used to it over the years. Truth be told, I like it when they're away…"

She stopped harshly in the middle of her sentence. It was like a tether yanking her back into the reality of Emily's situation. It's almost like she could feel the snap of her body being flung into a totally different direction, a car skidding to a stop.

Her dad is being shipped off, you fuckwit. Alison felt like smacking herself.

"…and I feel like such an asshole saying that." Alison lowered her head with a dark laugh. "I mean, with your dad…"

"Hey, this goes both ways," Emily said, curling her fingers into Alison's, lacing them together. "I'm here for you, too."

Alison had known that the first day she'd met her. It bounced off of her like a bright beaming ray of sun. She knew she could trust her, confide in her. She knew she could be herself around her.

"Thanks." Alison squeezed her hand in appreciation. "But compared to what you have going on right now, it's not really important."

"Of course it is." Emily lowered her other hand until it was against Alison's thigh. But there was nothing sexual about the touch. Alison looked down and it's like she could see the love radiating out of Emily's fingers. "Your life is important to me. You're important to me, Ali. And I don't want you to think that just because I'm having a hard time that I can't be there for you, too."

"No one has ever done that for me before." Alison's face twisted into a perplexed look.

She was used to followers. She was used to people worshiping her. She wasn't used to people actually caring.

"Everyone deserves someone in their life who looks out for them." Emily replied.

Maybe I've just never deserved it.

"Is…" Alison hesitated, "…is that what we are?"

"We're whatever you want us to be."

There was a lingering silence between them, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was a silence that Alison somewhat appreciated. Because she was just there, in the moment. To her, it didn't matter what they labeled themselves. All she cared about was that they got to be together, in whatever way they possibly could.

"We should…uh…" Emily moved to stand. "We should get back to class." She held her grip on Alison's hand, pushing herself to her feet, bringing Alison with her. "I'll walk you."

Alison looked down at their joined hands and then back up at Emily. She always had an overwhelming desire to kiss her, but seeing her at her most honest and vulnerable opened something inside of Alison that she couldn't shut down. She leaned forward, ready to tackle her and mesh their lips together to make her try and forget her pain.

Then she looked around at the setting. She couldn't let their first real kiss be in the same place where Sara Harvey had given Noel head every Tuesday for a month. The bathroom was a convenient place for a hook-up, but that's not what Alison wanted for Emily. She wanted more. Emily deserved more.

So instead of kissing her she reached out with her other hand and ran her thumb across the top of Emily's cheekbone to get rid of the last remnant of her tears. She gently pecked her cheek and then put her sunglasses back on, knowing that if she was under the halogen lights too long without them she might get a headache.

"Thank you, Alison." Her words meant more than just one thing. The few precious minutes Alison had sat with her had meant more to her than she knew how to say.

But she didn't have to say it. Because Alison knew.

"Any time." Alison squeezed her hand. "Look, if you need anything…"

"I know." Emily nodded, an appreciative smile on her face.

Emily walked her back to class, their hands clutching at one another like a lifeline. Alison squeezed her hand one last time and then told her she'd see her at lunch.

But she didn't. When lunchtime rolled around the rest of the girls showed, but not Emily.

"Where's Emily?" Alison questioned when she saw Aria and Hanna walking up with Spencer.

Hanna had a solemn expression on her face and her body stiffened, but she didn't say anything.

She knows. Alison immediately thought to herself. Of course she knew.

"She went home early. She caught me after second period and asked me to get her assignments for the rest of the day. I don't think she was feeling well. Maybe an upset stomach or something," Aria said, sitting down at the table.

Or a broken fucking heart. Alison clenched her fork in her hand. Goddamn military. Taking my baby's dad away from her. I hate them.

Aria didn't mention anything about Mr. Fields being deployed, which meant Emily probably hadn't told her about it. Emily clearly wasn't ready to talk about it, so Alison didn't say a word. And Hanna kept her mouth shut, too, because she knew Emily would tell their friends when she was ready. Alison followed Hanna's lead at lunch. She knew Emily's best friend knew the truth. She could tell by the way Hanna was carrying herself.

Alison tried to call Emily numerous times that day, but she kept getting her voicemail. That night she tossed and turned, worried about her and how she was holding up. She sat up in bed, really wanting to text Emily, but it was four in the morning. And she didn't want to come off as clingy. She was just worried. Instead of bothering Emily, she texted Cece.

"How do I get a girl who has closed herself off to talk to me again?"

She didn't get a response until about an hour later,

"Show her your tits." She'd added two peach emojis to the message.

"Thanks. So very helpful." Alison replied, the response teeming with sarcasm.

"Jeeze, why so grumpy? Something happen with you and Americano?"

"I'm kinda in crisis-mode here."

"When aren't you?" Cece sent back an emoji rolling its eyes. "Hang in there, kid. Love is a Battlefield."

"You're seriously quoting Pat Benatar at me right now? Emily's dad is being deployed, Cece. What the hell can I do to help her through that?"

"Oh shit, Ali. I'm sorry. How is she holding up?"

"I don't know. Because she won't fucking talk to me."

"Just be there for her when she needs you."

"But I want to be there for her NOW."

"God, you're annoying when you care. You really love this girl, don't you?"

Alison didn't reply. Because she was too afraid of what the answer meant. Because she did love her. But she hadn't told her. She didn't know how. She put her phone down and sighed. She ended up falling asleep shortly afterwards.

After she still hadn't heard from Emily by breakfast the next day she finally caved and texted her,

"Just call me and let me know you're not dead in a ditch somewhere."

It was two hours later when she was standing at her locker in between classes that she got a response,

"Ace has steered me clear of all ditches. I'm fine."

"Oh, you can voice-to-text, but can't talk to me?" Alison muttered in irritation at her phone.

Her phone vibrated in her hand two seconds later when Emily sent a follow up text,

"I'll call you later. I promise. Just been getting in time with my dad while I can."

How could Alison be mad at that? She read the rest of the message,

"I know you're worried, Ali. But I'm okay."

"How does she always fucking know?" Alison shook her head in disbelief and slammed her locker shut.

She looked down the hallway, which was clearing as students made their way to their next class. She saw Hanna standing at her locker and she walked over to her.

"Hey, Hanna, got a second?" Alison asked.

"Me?" Hanna's brows angled down in confusion as she closed her locker door.

Alison never wanted to talk to her when Emily wasn't around. The only reason the two of them hung out was because of Emily.

"You're the only one standing here." Alison motioned to the empty hallway.

"Uh…yeah, I've got a few minutes. What's up?"

"You're Emily's best friend…"

There was a little bit of bite in her tone. She would probably always be jealous of all the years of friendship Hanna and Emily had to look back on. They had a whole lifetime of memories together. Alison wanted that. She wanted a lifetime with Emily.

"Yeah…" Hanna looked at her in uncertainty.

"What's something that is always guaranteed to make her happy?"

"Ah." Hanna nodded, her eyes brightening like she'd just found the key to a really complicated lock. "You know about her dad."

"I assumed you did, too." Alison admitted.

"I found out when I picked her up for school yesterday morning."

"So, what do we do? I mean…how do we make her feel better?"

"Not much. She turns inward. She internalizes. There's not much that can reach her when she's hurt. She puts up a wall that not even Eastern and Western Germany could knock down."

A historical reference. Hmm, she's not as dumb as she looks. Alison was a little shocked at her intelligence.

"Don't look so surprised. You know better than anyone that the blonde jokes are all a crock of shit. We're more than pretty little bimbos." Hanna saw the look on Alison's face.

She does that same freaky thing Emily does. She didn't like it when people could read her. It annoyed her.

"Hanna, there has to be something we can do for her. Something she likes to do. Somewhere we can take her?"

Hanna watched Alison precariously. It's not like she didn't know that Alison had some kind of fixation on Emily. She was nicer with her. Softer. Hanna was not used to being on the receiving end of Alison being like that. She didn't trust it. But as Alison stood before her looking for a way to help heal Emily's broken heart she saw a side of her that she'd never really seen. A side that cared. She was showing her underbelly, something she didn't do for anyone.

"Listen, she shuts down when she's hurting like this. Closing herself off is how she deals," Hanna explained.

"So, how do I get her to open back up?"

God, was she really asking Hanna Marin for advice on how to win over Emily Fields?

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

"You don't. You let her come to you."

Well, she didn't want to do that. She was too impatient for that. She wanted to help Emily now. Hanna could see the concern in Alison's eyes. She saw something blossoming in Alison.

It was at that point that Hanna realized that it wasn't just a fixation. It wasn't a crush or some conquest to Alison. Emily was wrong. It wasn't just harmless flirting. Alison cared about her. She loved her. And part of Hanna suddenly felt guilty, because she knew the truth and Alison didn't. She knew that if Alison fell in love with Emily and Emily reciprocated that love things were going to get messy.

The bell jingled, echoing throughout the hallway. Hanna and Alison said goodbye and headed towards their next classes. Hanna stopped before she rounded the corner. She felt a gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knew things about Emily that no one else knew. And she'd always been fine with keeping her secrets.

Until now.

Because Alison DiLaurentis loved her best friend. And she didn't know what she was getting into. The feeling ate away at her all day. Every time she saw Alison in the hallway she ducked behind a bigger student. She was quiet at lunch when all the girls got together. At one point she pulled Caleb into a broom closet when she saw Alison coming down the hall. They'd stayed there for a little while and made out. So the day wasn't a total loss.

But that feeling of unease crept back into Hanna's mind that afternoon when she went with Emily to get her eyes checked by her ophthalmologist.

Emily noticed that Hanna wasn't her normal chatty self. At first she chalked it up to Hanna letting her process her father's deployment, and processing it herself, too. Wayne had always been a big part of Hanna's life, too. Hanna's own father wasn't around, so Hanna had always looked up to him as her surrogate dad.

Emily assumed Hanna's silence was just part of her trying to deal with what she was feeling. But the longer the silence went on the more she got a feeling…a vibe…that something else was going on.

"Han, you know I'm not going to completely crumble if you talk to me, right?" Emily asked, walking next to her best friend, her cane extended as they headed for the door. "I mean, I appreciate you letting me mope, but this feels a little extreme. You're not trying out for mime school are you?"

"Sorry." Hanna reached for the door, putting her hand on Emily's arm to slow her pace down as she pushed it open. "I've been a little preoccupato today."

"You smell like shame, pine sol, and Caleb's aftershave. Did you two go at it in the broom closet again?"

"No," Hanna said, almost defensively. She was mad that Emily was right. "Maybe. Shut up."

Emily laughed. Hanna smiled. They walked out of the building.

"So what's with the attitude?" Emily asked.

Hanna linked her arm with Emily's to help her down the stairs. When Emily didn't have Ace with her Hanna instinctively acted on his behalf.

"Alison cornered me at my locker today," Hanna said.

She expected Emily to react in surprise or tense up, but she didn't.

"I know. I talked to her about twenty minutes before you came to pick me up," Emily said, taking a step. "My parents want to pay for your gas by the way. Dad wanted to bring me, but I told him to stay with mom."

"I'm not taking their money." Hanna scoffed. She thought about something. "Their food, maybe." She nodded. Definitely Mrs. Fields' cooking. "So, you talked to Alison?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"And what?" Emily asked.

"Don't give me that shit, Emily. She's worried about you."

"Which is exactly what I don't need right now." Emily grumbled under her breath.

"I know. I get it. All rah-rah 'independent woman' and that shit, but I gotta ask…what are you doing with her? I mean, have you told her anything?"

"I'm going to. I…" She stumbled verbally, trying to justify her thought process. "I just want to see where it goes first."

"She really likes you," Hanna added, biting her lip. "And Alison DiLaurentis doesn't like anyone."

"She likes Spencer." Emily disagreed.

"Debatable." Hanna scoffed. "Besides, she's obligated to like her. Spencer is family." Hanna glared at Emily. Emily could always tell when Hanna was unhappy with her. Her eyes radiated a hatred that Emily could feel. "Not to mention, Spencer isn't the one lying to her."

"You are such a drama queen. I'm not lying. I just haven't told her everything yet. It's not something I go around blurting out to people." Emily tried to calm her friend. "I'm not ready to pull her into it. Right now I'm more interested in living in the moment than I am looking over my shoulder. It's my past." She sighed with a hopeless smile on her face. God help her, she loved the girl. "She's my future."

"Well, what does she know?" Hanna asked.

"She's already asking about the scars." Emily admitted, chewing the inside of her lip. "And I told her that Maya died."

"Did you tell her how?"

"No. Because if she knew it was my fault…"

"Emily Catherine Fields, it was not your fault." Hanna hissed angrily. "Step down." She guided Emily over the top of a stair.

"It was." She argued.

"I will smack you." Hanna threatened.

"She was his sister. He should have helped her. If I hadn't been there Maya would still be alive."

"And you would be dead!" Hanna snapped. "You can't play the 'what-if' game. Because the truth is we don't know what would have happened…"

"I do." Emily cut in sharply. Her face was hot. "There is only one reason he helped me instead. If it hadn't been for the fact that I…" She fought the fiery tears burning her nose. "It should have been me."

"Em, don't…"

"It doesn't matter now anyway."

"Maybe not to you. But it will matter to Alison. Everything you do matters to that girl. She doesn't just like you. She is smitten with you."

"Big word. Have you been reading your mother's romance novels again?"

"Damn it, I'm being serious here. She's in love with you!" Hanna exclaimed in exasperation.

"She's…no…she…" Emily stumbled and stuttered, wanting it desperately to be both true and untrue. "We don't know that for sure."

But she did know. And it killed her to know. Emily knew that Hanna was right. Alison was falling for her. She could feel it every time they touched. But the problem wasn't that Alison liked Emily. It was that Emily liked her back.

It would have been fine if they were friends, but that's not how things worked. Emily had never been able to ignore her heart. It was loud and annoying and so stupid. But at the same time it led her to some of the greatest things in her life. But that didn't mean she wasn't terrified.

"I just…I need…time. I'm still figuring things out. But I've got it, okay?"

"You know you're not going to be able to hide it from her, right? She's like a fucking Bloodhound."

"I've gotten pretty good at hiding things. No one else suspects."

"Yes, but no one else is interested in you like she is. And the longer you keep this from her the worse it's going to be. For everyone. You can't fall in love with her…"

Too late.

"…at least not without being honest with her. If you're serious about this you need to be up front about it. She is going to find out. It would be best if it came from you." Hanna warned.

"Hanna, I said I got it." Emily sniped.

"Don't you fucking snap at me. I'm just saying, you didn't exactly plan for this."

"Nothing in my life ever goes according to plan." Emily laughed sourly, letting go of Hanna's arm when she felt her walking stick bump up against her car.

She reached out and found the door handle and climbed in the passenger's seat. Hanna got in the driver's seat and turned the car on. It was silent for a few seconds and then Hanna sighed.

"Have you still been having nightmares?" Hanna questioned.

She saw Emily sink into her seat, clutching the seatbelt and gnawing on her lip.

"Not as much since we moved here," she said softly. "I mean, I still have some bad dreams, but it's gotten to a point where I wake up before it hits me full force. I still…" She swallowed hard, "…sometimes I still see her. But it's been a while since I've had a full blown night terror."

"Have you talked to him lately?"

"I've got a few missed calls in my log." Emily admitted. "He left a message a couple of days ago." A heavy sigh. "He says Lily has been asking about me."

She hated carrying around such a huge secret. She hated it even worse since Alison had warmed her way into her heart. Emily's life was a complicated mess and the last thing she wanted to do was drag Alison into it and hurt her. But the selfish part of her also couldn't keep her at a distance. Everything just felt right with Alison.

"How is he holding up with all of this?"

"I don't know." Emily sighed. "He doesn't really like to talk about it."

"Something you have in common." Hanna rolled her eyes. "When are you going back?"

"I haven't had a chance to talk to mom and dad about it. They've got a trip this weekend to see my dad's mom before he…" She stopped short and bit her lip when she felt the tears.

She hated that he was leaving. She admired his job, but at the same time, she resented it.

"Yeah, the timing really sucks. If there was such a thing as the reverse luck lottery you'd win every time," Hanna said bluntly, making Emily laugh.

It was completely in bad taste, but that's what she loved about Hanna so much.

"They wanted me to go with them, but I think they need some time to themselves." Emily licked her lips nervously.

As hard as it was for her to say goodbye to her father, it was even harder for her mother. Because he was the other half of her mother's heart. They spent all of their time together. They were a unit, and trying to function without a huge chunk of that unit was heart-wrenching. She didn't know how her mother did it – play the dutiful military wife when Emily knew she was dying inside.

She didn't know that when she was little her mother would cry in closets and in the shower so Emily wouldn't see her. She didn't know that Pam would lie awake at night staring at Wayne's empty side of the bed. She didn't know that she had to take anxiety medicine because she jumped every time she heard the doorbell or the phone ring. She didn't know that her mother had been hiding that part of herself for years.

"I told them to just go without me. I played it up like I really wanted to go to the field hockey game this weekend."

Staying home just seemed like the easier choice. Emily didn't know it at the time, but it was a decision that would change her life forever. She had no idea that something as small and insignificant as staying home one weekend would have an impact on her life that would create unimaginable waves that might inevitably drag her under.

"Do you actually want to go?" Hanna asked, raising her brows.

"It's your turn to pick our activity." Emily mindlessly played with the bracelet on her wrist.

Hanna didn't miss her subconscious motions.

"Damn straight it is." Hanna smiled.

And for the first time all day Hanna felt good, because she knew what Emily wanted…what she needed. She knew Emily wanted to go to that game so she could see Alison, and she knew that she needed this win. She needed something to go right in her life.

"We're going to that stupid game." Hanna put the car in drive.

More decisions. More little factors that would alter the course of destiny.

"Hanna, don't you dare pity-date me." Emily scowled at her.

"I'm not. You brought me a Caleb as a present on our last venture there. You know what I like. I know what you like. It's only fair."

"You're seriously going to sit through something you hate just to make me happy?"

"I'll even eat some of that nasty popcorn with the fake butter you like so much."

Emily laughed and shook her head. She never knew what she was going to get with Hanna. Despite their long history the girl was so unpredictable that it gave her whiplash sometimes.

When they got to Emily's house Hanna walked inside with Emily to feel out the temperature of the situation. Times were always tense before Wayne left, though some of the things they did were predictable. Wayne was always going over documents and going through his closet. He would check to make sure everything at their place was in order, that nothing needed to be fixed. Pam was usually obsessively cleaning to try and keep some kind of control in her mind.

They found her in the kitchen drying dishes that had been through the dishwater and were already mostly dry. She hated the spotting that was left on the otherwise pristine dishes, so she liked to get them as dry as possible.

Ace was on the floor lying down and watching her work. Pam heard them come in.

"Hey girls." She smiled. She grabbed two glasses from the dishwater and then dried them before filling them up with water, which Hanna thought was hilarious. She'd dried them specifically so she could get them wet again. "How did the appointment go?"

"Fine. No changes. They refilled my meds and set me up for my next recheck."

"Did they give you any more information about a possible referral?"

"They're still looking in to it." Emily replied. "Where's dad?"

"He's out checking the gutters to make sure they're in good condition for when the leaves start to come down. Then he's going to double check the heater." She gave each girl a glass of water. "We asked Toby to check in on you while we're gone this weekend."

"I'm not an invalid, mom." Emily scoffed.

"Of course not. But leaving you by yourself makes me nervous. It's more about me than you."

"That's what all parents who don't trust their kids say." Emily smarted back sarcastically.

"I'll be happy to look in on her, too, Mrs. F." Hanna grinned.

"Narc." Emily scoffed. "Now how will I throw that huge house party with you watching my every move?"

"You're always welcome, Hanna. The fridge is stocked with your favorites, dear." Pam smiled, unsurprised that Hanna was volunteering. Hanna liked to hang out at the Fields house even when she and Wayne were in town. "There's leftover paella in there, too."

"Not anymore." Hanna dashed to the fridge.

She hadn't been able to eat all day because of her nagging conscience. So she was famished. She unapologetically went for the leftovers.

"Geeze, Han. Slow down." Emily laughed. "This is my house we're talking about. One thing we're not going to run out of is food."

"Hey, mind your manners." Pam tapped Emily on the back of her head with a wooden spoon. "She can have whatever she wants."

"She loves you more than me," Emily frowned at Hanna.

"Because she eats my cooking and appreciates it and doesn't give me nearly as much attitude as you do." Pam squeezed her daughter's shoulder.

"Yeah, because she throws all her attitude at me." Emily snapped back. "Said with love." She added sarcastically.

Of course, she didn't have to throw that in there for Hanna to know that. She was lucky to have her as her best friend. And she knew that in the coming months she was going to need her more than ever.

But what she didn't know was that it was Alison who was going to be there for her in the biggest way. Because something had happened between them when they'd been sitting hand-in-hand on that bench in that grungy high school bathroom. Emily had opened a window to Alison's heart that no force on earth could close. Emily had showed Alison a kindness she'd never known, despite her own pain. It was a simple notion that would keep them there for each other, through everything and anything life could throw at them. They just didn't know it yet.

A/N: A little Fields fam representation, some Hannily, a little Emison fluff, and a whole bunch of "Omg, you sadistic fucking writer, please stop torturing us!" messages.

I do read my reviews when I can talk myself out of being neurotic, so I do see your questions. And a few of you asked about my hatred for Ben. As far as that goes, it's not so much that I hate Ben as I found him to be the most antagonistic person they went to high school with when it came to revolving around Emily's story. Ben was pretty insufferable in the books. And even though this is AU I wanted to stay within the realm of characters people knew rather than to create a new one. But his personality is drawn more from the books and he was very much an antagonist in that world. Or in layman's terms: He a bitch.