Chapter Ten

Having completed their task, Miss Williams travelled to 221B The Esplanade and Senior Constable Collins to City South to report separately to their respective colleagues; the story they carried was mildly entertaining and bore at least some resemblance to their spouse's account in the telling.

"It was awful, Miss."

"It was pretty hilarious, Sir."

"He ate his pie from the cart for lunch, and got it all over his face and his shirt."

"He scarfed down his pie in five seconds flat and took off like a dingo with a scent of a rabbit."

"Then he hurried off to one of the department stores in Collins Street."

"Never seen anyone dive through the door to Lawless & Co so fast. You'd have thought they were having a closing down sale."

"We struggled to keep up."

"Dottie had to get her elbows out in the perfumery. I think there's a lady wearing most of a bottle of something pretty rank right now who got in her way. That's Mrs Collins for you."

"The crush was dreadful on the ground floor, and people were rather rude."

"So he had a bit of a lead on us to get to the first floor."

"I don't know if you remember the layout of the store, Miss? There's a big staircase with a turn in it. Hugh took them two at a time."

"I couldn't see the bloke at first."

"It wasn't until I caught up, though, that we saw him in the lingerie section."

"Then Dottie spotted him in the ladies' undies. No, sir, not like that, haha, he was just in the department, y'know, where they sell the stuff."

"He was talking to an assistant, so I went a bit closer to see if I could hear what they were saying."

"I didn't like to go in there, in my uniform and all, so I sent Dot to see what she could see."

"I couldn't believe it, Miss."

"Dot was really upset, sir, I could tell."

"She looked like a nice lady."

"I mean, I dunno what they usually talk about in there. But they seemed to be laughing a lot."

"But she showed him something in a really fine silk, lovely work. Hand stitching in the lace, I think. It was a box she had under the counter, and all wrapped up in tissue paper."

"She showed him some knickers, sir!"

There was one point on which both Mr and Mrs Collins were, however, unanimous.

"Then he pinched her bum!"

Miss Fisher was, by this time, weeping with laughter. The Inspector, in his office, had his hand over his mouth trying to retain a semblance of solemnity. The telephone on his desk rang and he reached for it automatically. "Jack Robinson."

"Jack, it's me. Have you heard?"

"I have received Constable Collins' report on the surveillance of Len Cooper, yes."

He could hear the grin down the telephone. "I bet he didn't mention lace stitching once."

He grinned back. "No, but I bet an upset with a perfume bottle was edited out of your version."

An unladylike snort was the response.

"So, do we take it that Slimeball Cooper is guilty of nothing more than mild indecencies in Ladies' Underwear?" she asked.

"I believe Miss Williams was able to confirm his presence on the day in question, yes."

"She should get an award for acting, Jack. Apparently she professed admiration that Laverne in Lingerie had a beau who never missed a day of coming to visit her and pinch her bottom so assiduously."

"I will see if those new Academy Awards are being offered to Australian detectives, Miss Fisher."

"Failing that, check with the Pope, Jack. She's put up with me for so long now that she should probably be beatified."

"Agreed, Miss Fisher. And I'm interested. Given that Dot and I both met you on the same day ...?"

"Sorry, Jack, you married me. The Catholic Church doesn't approve of reckless gamblers."

"Unanswerable. Will I see you when I come home to change for the dinner?"

"I will personally tie your bow tie, Inspector."

"That's welcome news, though I would remind you that the dinner starts at seven."

"I don't know what you mean. Why should me standing in front of you messing with beautiful silk around your neck delay you in any way at all?"

The line was silent for a few moments.

"Jack?"

"I'll come home early from the reception. Give myself a bit more time to change."

"Excellent idea, Inspector. See you later."