AN: S. Meyer owns Twilight and its characters.

This one's the longest I've written so far :)

Thank-you to NTMREashleyXcore for the two reviews and also to LOVE IS A GIFT for reviewing last time. I'm glad my little story is receiving at least a tiny bit of love :)

Sorry for overlooked errors. Now onward with the story!

Happy reading!

Cheers x

"Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me"

Breathe Me - Sia

Ch 10 I Am Ready, Let Me All The Way In

EPOV

Today had been emotionally draining; being at a funeral is never an enjoyable experience. But being with Bella at a funeral, that was excruciating. I hated with a passion seeing her cry. When I held her hand after Seth's eulogy I could literally feel her pain seep through the pores of my skin. It felt as though her touch would burn me if I didn't let go, although I couldn't let go even if I wanted to, she needed me to ground her back to the earth. She gave bits of her strength and courage to those suffering around her, supporting them, so I gave her a piece of mine so she wouldn't fall.

She was so broken and Harry wasn't even related to her. I guess she formed somewhat of a bond with their family by association. Jacob. He looked like he'd definitely seen better days. He's still not my favourite person, but I feel for the guy. Death is never easy. I knew that if I wanted to follow my dad's career path it was something unavoidable that I'd come across; I'd have to be stoic like my father.

The funeral made me appreciate my dad more, and for that matter Charlie. He's a father figure to me too since he's basically witnessed me grow up. It was getting near 6 at night as Bella and I had motioned to leave the Clearwater's home. I ended up hanging out with Seth most of the time when Bella was flitting about the place assuming the position as a hostess of sorts since Leah was elsewhere and Sue was quite in a despondent mood. I could tell it was all finally sinking in with her, you could just see it on her face. Her husband would never walk through that door anymore, drop his boots by the staircase which she told him time and time again not to do and greet her with a kiss on the cheek. That would never happen again, it was gone – just like that. Even I could understand the magnitude of a loss such as this, I could only imagine how Bella felt. She does this crazy thing where she swears she can just feel what's going on with other people, looking at her sleeping form that night after the hospital incident I was starting to believe her more. She's just too sensitive, always has been. I recovered from my inner monologue when I registered Seth talking to me.

"So you better come visit La Push more often. You're a pretty cool guy. You actually let me hang out with you even if I'm way younger than you."

"Of course man! I'll come hang when I can. You should come visit Forks sometime too." I was being sincere, I had always wanted a younger brother, but instead I got stuck with Emmett.

"Yeah maybe, well if Leah could drop me off." He said sheepishly.

"I could always pick you up, it wouldn't be any trouble. Doesn't Jacob let you hang out with him? He's kind of close to your age."

"Nah he usually spends time with my sister, it would kinda make me a third wheel."

"I'm pretty sure whatever they'd be doing when hanging out wouldn't constitute that feeling, it's not like Leah's his girlfriend or anything, so I doubt you'd ever be around anything remotely awkward or inappropriate."

"Yeah I guess, but what would I know. I don't even have a girlfriend."

"There isn't any rush man, honestly either you'll find her when the time's right or she'll find you. It always happens when you're not looking for it. Anyway, I think Bella and I are ready to leave pretty soon." I motioned towards her while getting up from my position on one of the couches in the living room. She was still covering dishes with foil and placing them in the fridge. I had never seen so many casseroles in the one place in my life.

"I know I probably shouldn't say this and all since she's Jacob's girl, but if he wasn't in the picture you guys look like you could work ya'know."

I laughed at this. "No Seth I don't know. Seriously that girl is like the oldest friend I have and my best one at that." I shook my head at the suggestion, looking at him like he had grown an extra head in the span of seconds.

"Anyway Seth, it was a pleasure to meet you, despite the circumstances. Just give me a ring if you need anything okay or just want to hang out?"

"Thanks man, for getting my mind off stuff and everything." We did that handshake, man hug, clap to the shoulder thing and I set off to see if Bella was ready.

"Bells you ready to leave yet?"

"Yeah just a second, I'm tryna work out where to fit this last casserole, the fridge is so fucking full, and the freezer for that matter."

I laughed at the little conundrum she was in and just suggested that she could just pack it for Billy and Jacob since I doubt they felt like cooking anytime soon.

"That my friend is an excellent idea."

"What can I say I'm a genius." I said tapping my head knowingly.

"You're so full of shit Cullen."

"So where's Jacob at? I expected him to be by your side at all times."

"I don't know, he's off somewhere lost in his thoughts, he's been super silent lately. I'm just giving him some space you know? I think if that's what he needs then I'll give it to him." That was Bella; always putting others needs before hers.

"I'll just go and warm up the car."

As I reached my precious Volvo, I spotted movement from the corner of my eye. It was Jacob.

"Hey man, you guys heading off?"

"Yeah pretty soon, Bella's just packing some casseroles for you and your dad."

"I figured as much."

An awkward silence was starting to build so I made it to the driver's side so I could get the heat running.

"How you holding up man?" I was never one for small talk so I was kind of out of sorts since he and I have never really had a full conversation.

"Doing okay I guess, just hard ya'know. Hey I just wanna say thanks again."

"For …"

"For always looking out for Bella, and I just wanted to apologise for acting like an asshole in the past. You're actually a pretty good guy." I was kind of dumbfounded; I definitely didn't expect that to spout out from his mouth.

"Uhhh, thanks I guess? And I expect you to take care of her too, she's my best friend after all, just don't fuck it up."

"Yeah …" He sounded like he wanted to say more but we were interrupted by footsteps coming towards us.

"There you are! I was beginning to wonder where you had gotten to." Bella said as she reached up on her tiptoes to give him a kiss. He kind of looked pained but it was gone as fast as I had noticed it, and was replaced with a half smile.

"Yeah sorry about that I just needed …"

"Space, yeah I know." She finished off for him.

"Yeah space, but maybe I'll make it up to you and come and visit a bit later on."

I knew enough about their relationship to say that this was a pretty big step; he hardly made the effort to see her, which brought back my bitter thoughts towards him. He was still an asshole for only doing it now that her parents were away but the light in her eyes just made me push down the anger, because seeing her happy had an effect on me like no other. I thought I'd best leave them in their private moment and got in my car.

Bella must have been extremely exhausted because she fell asleep during the short ride home. I would be spending the week there with her while her parents were in Phoenix so in a way it was my home too. Growing up with Bella made her house feel like my home, we've shared many memories in that two storey white house together that I've honestly lost count.

I unlocked the front door then made my way back to the car to pick a sleeping Bella up. Her whole body just sagged in my arms, completely oblivious to the world around her. She looked so peaceful like this. Much like the little girl from my childhood. I wondered idly what would happen next year, where we would end up for college? My whole life, apart from my family, Bella has been a constant aspect. Every bruise, every broken bone, every secret shared, every birthday and every other important milestone she was there for it. I know that one day we'd be going away to study, eventually getting married and having families of our own someday; but it was slowly creeping up on us. It would be strange not having her living two doors up from me, only seeing her when we'd visit our families for the holidays. Life wouldn't be the same.

I gently put her in her bed and took her shoes off, putting them back in the box situated on the floor and lightly placing her blue blanket over her. Seeing Bella in a dress was kind of a rarity. She was more of a jeans, t-shirt and occasional shorts and skirt kind of girl. She dressed in her own individual style, kind of vintage rock inspired, bohemian, eclectic feel but managing to pull it off well.

I'm sure this would just be a nap since it was still early so I made my way downstairs to fetch my over night bag. I quietly walked back up to Bella's room laughing softly at the picture of her and I with matching grins that were missing a front tooth each on the hallway table. Mine of course fell out naturally; Bella's, being the clumsy girl she is came out when she fell on her face – mouth open. Priceless. After trying so hard not to wiggle it too much because she was determined "it will fall out when it's good and ready." Her clumsiness won out.

I walked over to the main bathroom to get changed, which is pretty much Bella's since Charlie and Renee have their own en suite. I was immediately assaulted with the familiar smell of Bella - strawberries, freesias and just girl. Once I was done I tiptoed back to her room and hung my blazer and dress shirt up in her closet, and changing into comfortable clothes. I then made my way back down stairs. She still hadn't woken up which was a good thing. She needed her rest, I could tell by the dark circles under her eyes that she wasn't getting enough of it this week.

Walking into the kitchen towards the fridge I spotted a hot pink note held by a giant love heart magnet, undoubtedly from Renee.

Bella & Edward,

I've left dessert for you since I know you'll be home after dinnertime.

Cheer up honey! Your dad and I miss you already (and of course you too Edward).

Love you,

Mom xoxo

I opened the fridge with much trepidation since there was no telling what concoction disguised as dessert Renee left. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw a store bought Boston mud cake from Bella's favourite bakery. Renee really did know how to cheer her up. I decided I would wait till Bella was awake to eat it. So I just grabbed the fixings for a sandwich and made one for Bella for when she woke up.

Turning on the T.V. softly, I flicked through the channels finding not much interesting and settled on a music channel, which just played video clips. Outside, thunder started rumbling and I was glad the storm held off until we were back home. The weather today was bleak and gave off a foreboding feeling I couldn't shake off. Like something huge was expected. I was half anticipating a call from Alice telling me one of her 'feelings', that little pixie was kind of crazy sometimes.

Bella came down after about an hours worth of napping and I saw that she had changed into her sleep shorts and her favourite what-used-to-be-white-but-is-now-bordering-on-see-through shirt she wouldn't let go of.

"I made you a sandwich, it's in the fridge next to the dessert your mom left."

"Fuck my mom made something? I didn't smell anything burning this morning."

"Give your mom some credit Bells, she tries." I could hear the fridge door opening then shut loudly.

"Thank fuck, it's my favourite and it's from Laurent's! I can't wait to get a huge piece of that in my mouth."

"That's what she said!"

"Fuck off! And thanks for the sandwich by the way." She said between bites.

"Someone's hungry."

"Well I could only handle so much casserole in one day."

Just then three sharp raps sounded from the front door.

"You want me to get it?"

"Could you? I think I've got like rocket stuck in my teeth or something, I can feel it." I left her examining her teeth using the toaster as a makeshift mirror.

I walked to the front door and opened it slightly. By the look on Jacob's face I could tell he was surprised to see me there. A look of anger flashed on his face before it was replaced with a look I interpreted as trying to be a yeah-that's-cool-I-don't-give-a-shit-you're-here one. I guess I should've left my car on the driveway rather than putting in Charlie's garage, kind of ease the element of surprise somewhat.

"Hey Cullen, didn't know you'd be here."

"Yeah, her parents asked me to help mind the house while they were gone." I said shrugging. Just then Bella ran into his arms. I just walked back into the living room.

"Wow, you really did come to visit. How'd you get here?"

"Dad let me use the car."

It was getting awkward now, I didn't really want to become a third wheel so I figured I'd give them time together and give Tanya a visit too. I recall her telling me her parents had a date tonight so her and her sisters Kate and Irina would be home. This sounded like a good idea since Jasper and Alice would no doubt be reuniting. Although, I didn't want to leave Bella alone with him, but then essentially she is his girlfriend so I'm sure she'd appreciate the space, so my mind was made up and I'd go see Tanya. We did need to have a discussion about our relationship after all.

"Hey Bella, I'm just gonna head out to see Tanya for a bit okay, I'll be back in a bit."

"You don't have to go."

"I know, but I want to go see her."

"Oh of course! Tell her hi for me?"

"Will do. Take care."

"Catch ya later Jacob, I'm off to see my girl for a bit."

"Later Cullen."

On the drive to Tanya's I used the time to reflect on our relationship. The words I had exchanged with Seth made me realise that maybe I rushed into a relationship with her. We had just met through mutual friends and things kind of went from there. Looking back now, it doesn't seem like we know each other that well at all. That's kind of why I was hoping her transfer to Forks High would be successful so we could learn more about each other and be around one another more regularly. Could this thing we have work? Would it go somewhere? Could it lead to love and possibly a more permanent future together? I guess I should give it a shot; I could feel my heart slowly begin to open up to her. Everyone around me was already paired off so maybe I was ready to finally let her in. I would never know if she was 'The One' if I didn't give her a chance. I think maybe I'm ready.

BPOV

After Edward left to go to Tanya's house Jacob and I moved toward the kitchen where I offered to make him something to eat.

"This looks cosy." His voice laced with venom. I turned to see him glare at mom's note on the fridge

"Don't." I said in a warning tone.

"I'm sorry, its just … old habits die hard you know? I can see he's a good guy."

"He is, what's your problem with him anyway?"

"So how's that sandwich coming along?"

We ended up on the couch after eating and I decided to pop a movie in. Jacob was acting kind of distant and I could tell he still had a lot on his mind. He wasn't even watching what was on the screen he just sat there pensively. I wasn't really watching it either, I had my eyes on him, he didn't even feel me staring.

We were at the end of the movie when he finally turned toward me with a pained look in his face. I instinctively reached my hand out to cup his face; he leant towards my palm then quickly pulled back.

"Hey, what's wrong? You know you can tell me anything. No secrets remember?" I looked at him, trying to convey my sincerity with my gaze.

"I… Bella … I …"

"Take your time, take as long as you need." I put my hand on top of his, only for him to pull his from under mine.

"God Bella! Fuck! Why … Why do you have to be like this? You're too good. You're too good for me!" He all but yelled. I had no idea where this was coming from, or where it was going to lead.

"What's going on? What do you mean?" I said in a calm voice, there wasn't a reason to panic right? He's just in a bad place at the moment.

"I just … I just can't do this Bella."

"You can't do what?"

"I can't do this." He said motioning his hand between the two of us.

"You don't mean that, I know you don't. Look at me Jacob! You don't mean it. I know you just need space, some time and I'm more than willing to give it to you. I know everything just seems so ... out of place this past week, but we can get through this, I'm here to help you. Just let me in."

"No! You don't understand. I'm not good for you. This week … I just … Bella … No … I can't do this! It's wrong. You don't need me."

He just left and I was left trying to process what just happened. What the fuck just happened? All I managed to understand was that he thought I was wrong for him and he couldn't be in this relationship anymore. I just sat there; confused at the situation I was in. Everything was fine between us this morning throughout the funeral and even afterwards at the Clearwater's. What the hell happened that made him pull away from me? I would wait. I would give him time. So I just sat there, vaguely aware of the draught seeping into the house, the thunder clapping outside and the smell of summer rain.

EPOV

I was now at home, I didn't stay long at Tanya's. I don't know if I'd ever go back there again. It was too much. So here I am punching the shit out of my punching bag in the work out room. I needed to cool off, and Jacob's car was still parked at Bella's. If I didn't control my anger I could've possibly taken it out on him, and the guy may be an ass sometimes but he doesn't deserve that today of all days. I was in such a rage I fucking forgot to wrap my hands. I'd pay for it later. But right now the burn felt good. I kept hitting that bag, picturing that motherfucker. This is why you don't put yourself out there. I can't believe I even fucking entertained the thought of lo… someone. Fuck I can't even think about the word.

"Fuck!"

I continued beating up the bag, letting it all out. I kicked the shit out of it too. It felt good. I could feel my muscles burn with every hit. A couple jabs here, and a couple right hooks there. Fuck it felt good to just hit something. But the anger just kept festering as I thought back to the events that unfurled tonight.

I was sitting in my car parked outside of Tanya's house. The lights were on so I knew her and her sister's were home. I was just sitting there thinking about how I would tell her what she wanted to hear, tell her that I'm ready to take the next step in our relationship. I was a fucking nervous wreck. Yeah confident Cullen looked like the biggest pussy out. I need to man up and just tell her.

I exhaled a huge breath and pumped myself up. This would be good. This would make her so happy. I was ready. I finally grew the balls to get out of my car and walk up the driveway, but I decided to buy some time and lit a cigarette. I noticed another guy approach. He was slightly shorter than me, stocky in a borderline fat sort of way with blond hair. He looked older than me, a year or two maybe.

He acknowledged me with a very guy nod. "Sup." Seriously? Who the fuck still says that!

"Hey." He pulled out one of his own cigarettes and sparked up. Great! Company, just what I fucking need.

"You here to see Kate?" I asked. Kate was Tanya's older sister, who was still single.

"Nah, I'm here to see Tanya actually. She said she's got something to tell me." He said while taking a drag. Okay then. I didn't say anything. Just nodded. What the fuck do I say to that?

He thought my silence meant for him to continue. "Yeah I hope she's here to tell me she's broken up with that high school kid she's going out with, and is finally gonna consider dating a real man. Then I hope we get to fucking because Lord knows I haven't gotten my dick wet in a week, know what I'm sayin'?"

"Yeah."

"So who are you here for? Irina?"

"No one actually, I'm just their neighbour, using their driveway to smoke. I better get going." I just stubbed my cigarette out while he finished his own. I rushed to my car so I could avoid being seen by the Denali's. I took out my phone and decided I needed to call Tanya. For all I know that guy could be fucking around and bullshitting. Tanya's a pretty girl, I'm sure there would be guys desperate enough to think they had a chance.

She picked up on the 7th ring.

"Eddie! I wasn't expecting to hear from you? I thought you'd be busy with the funeral stuff and all. How's Bella doing?" I fucking hate being called Eddie, and hearing her say Bella's names felt dirty, I couldn't help but feel like anything that came out of her mouth was full of shit now.

"Yeah I just thought I'd see what you're up to. Any plans tonight?"

"No, no plans tonight. Just going to stay in my room maybe watch some T.V. - you know boring stuff."

Just then I saw the guy get up and motion for the door. He rang the doorbell. I could hear it in the background of the call.

"You guys expecting company?" I asked, anxious to see what her answer would be.

"No, no one, just the pizza guy. Kate and Irina decided to go out so I ordered in." I then saw the door open and Tanya wrapped her legs around the guy, while she was still on the fucking phone with me. Bitch.

"That's what I thought." I said under my breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Just do me a favour will you." I tried to say in my sweetest voice.

"Anything baby." I got out of my car and casually leaned on the side facing her house.

"Look out the front of your house." With that I hung up, gave her a big fucking wave and flipped them the double bird. She stood there shocked and the guy was completely confused. I got in my car and sped home, not caring if I got pulled over.

I stormed in to the house punching the first wall I saw, Esme just stood there gaping at me. She knew something was wrong.

"Edward honey, what's wrong? Is Bella okay? Why aren't you there with her? Did something happen at the funeral?"

"Bella's fine mom, her boyfriend's over right now. I went to go see Tanya. Fuck I … just drop it okay? I don't want to talk about it."

"Let me know if you need anything okay. Anything honey. I love you."

"Fuck!" I couldn't feel anything but anger even hearing it from my mom.

"Honey, just take it out on the punching bag. I'll have your father fix the wall in the morning."

"Sorry about the wall mom."

That lead me to where I am now. Punching the ever-living shit out of this fucking bag. I should've hit the cunt, he was right there. Tanya's such a bitch for fucking me over. Fuck! I treated her like a fucking princess, I know I didn't fuck her but its not like I didn't pleasure her in other ways. I made her come more than once time and time again. I was never selfish with her. I always put her needs first. I guess I just couldn't give her enough. But fuck I was going to give her everything. I was so fucking close! She wasn't who I thought she was when we first met.

After my knuckles were feeling a little raw I decided to go up to my room and dip into mine and Bella's stash of alcohol for a shot, just one – I didn't want to rock up to her's wasted. Then went out on my balcony to have a few cigarettes. I had been here for the past 3 hours and I decided I had cooled down enough to go back to Bella's. Jacob surely would have left by now. I just pulled my shirt back on and decided to just shower at her place since I left my toiletries in my overnight bag.

I walked the short way to Bella's house, not caring about the rain pouring down on me since I was already drenched; and noticed that Black's car was indeed gone and the front door was wide open. Jesus! Anyone could've just walked in. The house was eerily quiet and dark, the only light coming from the blue on the flat screen. I walked in cautiously and found Bella just sitting there facing the T.V. completely unaware of my presence. What the fuck happened?

"Bella, sweetheart. What's wrong?" I asked gently.

Nothing. She said nothing. Did nothing.

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