"Yo yo yo RoLal and Eggmoney in the house!" Roxy strutted into the clearing with one arm thrown in the air and the other firmly wrapped around John's waist. John himself seemed slightly concerned, supporting her with one arm and holding a flask out of her reach in the other.
"We went and got some ice from a corner store and she seemed fine but she pulled this flask out of nowhere and started drinking to quote, 'dull the immeasurable pain'." John furrowed his eyebrows.
"Oh shush you I'm fineeeee." Roxy wobbled slightly, reaching across his chest for the flask.
John addressed the crowd sheepishly, "And now she's fine."
"Can you play like that?" Dirk stepped forward to look at Roxy skeptically.
"PSH I'm practically a drunken champ of shootin' stuff." Roxy swatted at the air nonchalantly. "Like Jackie Chan in that one movie. Or like uh, Bruce Lee. Or you know one of those dudes who is like mad sick at martial arts when he is hella drunk."
"I believe she is referring to the film Drunken Master starring Jackie Chan." Jake piped up enthusiastically. "It's quite fantastic!"
Roxy beamed at him, "Yeah what he said!"
Dirk sighed, "Please don't encourage her, Jake."
"Omfg he's such a cutie I can't handle it." Roxy whispered. Dirk only rolled his eyes in response.
Roxy stepped back and looked at everyone, "Fine fine I'll prove it ya non-believers." She beckoned to Nepeta who was standing next to a rack of spare weapons. "Yo Nep be a doll and throw me a rifle?"
Nepeta picked up a large gray gun and turned, "It's kind of heavy should I just walk it over?"
"Stridork'll catch it." Roxy waved cheerily. Nepeta tossed the weapon and Dirk caught it easily. He passed it to Roxy who rubbed her hands together and grinned before taking it.
"Mkay now somebody throw something." Roxy settled the weight of the weapon in her arms and looked around.
Eridan was sitting next to a pile of plates they used to eat lunch between matches. He grabbed three and glanced over at Roxy. "I got it. You ready?"
She nodded, looking down the barrel of her gun. He threw the plates with a quick snap of the wrist, sending them spinning through the air in irregular arcs. With three rapid shots she hit each one out of the air clean through the center.
Roxy dropped the gun and jumped excitedly. "BOOYEAH! Imma princess of the Drunken Arts!" She stumbled upon hitting the ground and fell backwards into John.
"Alright solid so Roxy is drunk out of her mind. Sounds like a party. Are we switching up the teams now that she and Eggbutt are back?" Dave leaned against the side of a car, looking at Equius to make the decision.
Equius wiped his increasingly moist face with a towel and spoke in a shaky yet authoritative voice. "I think it would be most fair to return both Miss Lalonde and Mr. Egbert to the red team and transfer Jake to blue as originally organized."
"FUCK YEAH!" Karkat high fived a girl next to him with two long braids in her hair. "We're going to kick your sorry excuse for an ass Dave!"
"Psh stop checking me out Karkat, jegus." Dave whipped his hair ironically. Karkat screamed incoherently as John joined his blonde friend and the two fist bumped.
"We will begin the second round in ten minutes!" Equius' voice cut through the chatter as each team regrouped and planned strategy.
"Alright chumps lets go." The girl with the braids began to lead her team toward the area where they would place the flag. She wore a black crop top with a fuchsia design over low slung black pants. Her body was littered with gold jewelry, rings hanging from her eyebrows and ears. Jake assumed she was Meenah, the girl Dirk had implied was the leader of the blue team. She interrupted his thinking as she pointed at him and spoke, "Hey green two pistols buoy."
"Jake." He replied
"Whatebber. You seem like a good shot imma put you on D. If anyfin comes through this area you shoot it, yeah? Strider's probubbly got somefin sneaky comin' up, his attack was reely direct last round I'm thinkin' he'll split his offense this time. You guard this side and ponyboy and cat chick will take the other."
"Equius and Nepeta."
"I know your names ya weirdos I'm just messin' witcha." Meenah laughed and slapped Equius on the back. "Okay and then offense. I'll take Serket and go up the left, Karkat and Pyrope'll go up the right. Hopefully we'll crush 'em between the two groups or one'll act as a distraction for their defense. Any questions?"
She looked around at her team, bright eyes full of mischief. "No? Good. Let's fuckin wreck 'em."
Meenah ran to go hang their flag before the call marking the beginning of the game rang loudly through the forest. The two offensive teams took off in the direction of the other side, leaving Jake with Equius and Nepeta. Nepeta high-fived Jake with her huge cat-like smile before they both jogged over to guard the other side of the flag.
"Alright then." Jake was suddenly alone in the woods, waiting for someone to come by so he could ambush them. That wasn't very gentlemanly now was it? He scaled a tree and drew his pistols, waiting. A few minutes passed as Jake controlled his breathing, becoming completely still and blending into the trees around him. He was at home in the forest, the sound of the wind rustling through the leaves and feeling of bark against his skin. His ears picked up the sounds of birds going about their business and various insects, he catalogued each one as he got used to the indigenous species. He heard no sounds of conflict between human players; the offensive teams were out of his reach.
A few more minutes passed before he heard a small snap. His eyes darted toward the direction the sound had come from. Someone was coming, and very quietly.
Jake took a breath, wielding one pistol with both hands for maximum stability. After a few heartbeats a familiar form walked slowly into the clearing, katana raised in a wary stance. Jake let out the breath, steadied his hands, and pulled the trigger.
Dirk froze, eyes wide. He turned his head slowly to look at a dark green shot on a tree directly behind him, one that had missed his chest by a centimeter at most.
"I did that on purpose. I didn't have to miss." Dirk looked in the direction of the voice he knew all too well. Jake was perched in a tree directly to his right, blending into the foliage masterfully. Dirk hadn't even seen him. Damn. He held his katana tightly as he watched Jake's stupidly handsome grin.
"I believe you. What happens now?" Dirk smirked as Jake's face lit up, realizing he was playing along.
Jake stood up on the branch, "We face each other like God intended. No tricks, no weapons. Skill against skill."
"So you'll put down your guns and I'll put down my sword and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people?" Dirk grinned at Jake, katana still raised.
Jake jumped down from his hiding spot, smiling ear to ear. He sheathed his pistols and Dirk stuck his katana into the ground. "That's one of my favorite movies."
Dirk chuckled, "Every movie is your favorite movie."
"Also true." Jake grinned even wider. After a moment he paused, "Although how did you know th-"
"Alright let's do this, I've got a flag to capture." Dirk cut him off hurriedly. Shit. I have a supercomputer copy of myself who is super into you and knows everything about you. Like that isn't creepy as fuck.
Thankfully Jake let that go and crouched into a fighting position. Dirk did the same, and the two began to circle each other. Jake took a test swing with his right arm and Dirk dodged it effortlessly. Hm. He tried a classic one-two but again Dirk saw through his move easily. Hmmm. It had been a while since Jake had a decent opponent for some good old-fashioned fisticuffs. He hoped he wasn't terribly out of practice. He didn't have time to think for long before Dirk's hand shot out with ridiculous speed; Jake blocked the attack with his arm and blinked in surprise. Dirk took the opportunity to sweep one of his legs under Jake's smoothly, knocking him to the ground.
Oh no you don't! Jake kicked out forcefully causing Dirk to topple over as well. They both scrambled to right themselves but Dirk was faster, rolling over and pinning Jake's arms down. Jake shook him off with brute force and the two continued to wrestle, neither able to gain an advantage. In the struggle both of their glasses were lost in the dirt, and Dirk was stunned for a split second at the loss of his shades. Jake took the opportunity to roll on top of him, pinning the blonde between his knees and holding his arms down.
"Hah!" They both panted heavily for a moment, Jake relishing in his victory. He started to say something but the words died in his throat as he looked down into Dirk's eyes.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Dirk panicked. He could sense the weak spot in Jake's hold but didn't act on it as his mind spun in turmoil. Fuck he saw my eyes he's looking right at them he's going to think I'm a freak oh fu-
All thoughts in Dirk's head came to a screeching halt as he felt a pair of soft lips press against his own. The sensation was gentle and impossibly warm. Dirk closed his eyes as his mind was wiped clean and then consumed by the thought of Jake's body pressing against his own, his broad hands pushing lightly on his wrists, his hopelessly soft lips lightly brushing gently against his. A warm heat spread from his mouth down to the pit of his stomach, and then suddenly it all went away.
Jake let go of Dirk's arms and shot upright, sputtering unintelligibly. "Ah, uh, err, um – I am so so sorry I don't know what came over me." His face flushed a furious red and his eyes widened in panic. "Dirk, I-"
Dirk cut him off again, flash stepping to his feet and pushing Jake backwards. His back arched against the trunk of a large tree as Dirk stepped toward him, one arm snaking around his waist and the other bent and pressed above his head. They locked eyes for a moment, Jake holding his breath as he stared into the bright orange irises that had mesmerized him seconds before.
Dirk leaned in and pressed their lips together again, this time more forcefully and moving faster. Jake's heart pounded a mile a minute in his chest, he returned the kiss with as much fervor as his arms reached upward to wrap around Dirk's neck. He ran his fingers through the soft hair at the base of Dirk's neck, living the fantasies he had dreamed ever since he first saw Dirk on that damn train.
Dirk growled slightly as Jake tugged on his hair and good Lord Jake didn't think he could get any hotter. Dirk brought his other arm down to wrap tightly around Jake's waist, pushing their bodies together more tightly, never breaking the fierce kiss.
After a few moments Dirk pulled back, keeping his face inches away from Jake's. The two stared at each other, panting heavily. "See a movie with me." Dirk said in a low voice, eyes searching for a reaction in Jake's face. Jake only nodded, not saying a word, staring dumbly into those beautiful beautiful eyes.
Suddenly the moment shattered as Jake heard the pop of a paintball being fired and Dirk let go of him with a low "oof." Jake pulled his arms back from around Dirk's neck regretfully and peered out from over Dirk's shoulder at the bright pink paint that marked his back. A head of cropped blonde hair popped up from behind a bush and Dirk narrowed his eyes murderously. Roxy giggled as Dirk turned toward her, mouth pressed into a hard line.
"Hey there boooooys." Roxy looked at them both with a wide smile. She wiggled her fingers at Jake in a wave, "Sorry to interrupt." Jake waved back halfheartedly, cheeks red with embarrassment.
Dirk rolled his eyes, "Roxy why did you shoot me? We're on the same team."
Roxy pouted, "Well I was aimin' for Jakey there but you were kind of all over him." She struggled to keep up the act of being sorry, covering her smile with a hand.
Dirk responded with only an angry look. Roxy raised her gun haphazardly and shot Jake in the chest. "There. Look, now I shot the both a ya."
"Hey!" Jake rubbed his chest, that wasn't very fair.
Dirk didn't have time to respond before a loud call spread through the woods again, this time followed by a "FUCK YEAH EAT THAT FOR YOUR MISERABLE BREAKFAST STRIDER! HIGH IN NUTRIENTS AND SHAME!" in a voice that was inarguably Karkat.
"Oh cool we won!" Jake perked up and grinned.
Roxy wiggled her eyebrows, "Yeah that's because you distracted our most valua-"
She was cut off as Dirk hit her hard in the stomach with his katana.
"Ow! Yeesh was that necessary?"
"Yes." Dirk said curtly before picking up his shades and starting to walk back toward the clearing. Roxy shot Jake a wink (and possibly said "wonk" under her breath if he wasn't mistaken) before turning to follow Dirk. Jake's face flushed red as he grabbed his own glasses and jogged to keep up.
For those of you who don't know they were quoting a scene from The Princess Bride. Its a classic if you haven't seen it! As always, so much love to reviewers and thanks for reading!