Chapter 10 – Visions
Merle was carving deep notches into the floorboards with her claws. The wood splintered. It bit into the skin of her fingertips but she didn't care.
There was nothing else she could do. The room she was locked in was small and empty. There were no windows. She didn't know what time if day it was. She must have spent hours in that room, the night had probably passed.
She lay on the ground, curled in a corner, her cheek against the boards. The only noise was the scraping of her fingernails across the boards.
She was tired of thinking of ways to hurt Van. If he hadn't refused to teach her how to fight with a sword, she wouldn't be in this situation. The minute she laid eyes on him again he was in for the tongue-lashing of his life. She hoped he was worried sick and deprived of sleep due to blaming himself.
But somehow, knowing that he was didn't bring the desired effect. She wanted to hold him. She wanted to smooth his brows and tell him his face would carry that expression forever if he kept frowning so much. It always made him smile. She wanted to make him smile.
Not liking the pricking sensation at the back of here eyes, she angrily blinked, willing the tears away. She couldn't remember the last time she had cried. She didn't cry and she wouldn't start now. She had never given up.
She wouldn't disappoint Van.
She wondered what he was doing, if he was already searching for her. That annoying girl, Hitomi, was probably with him, latching onto his arm. The hair on Merle's tail stood on end. She didn't know what it was that aggravated her about Hitomi, didn't know why she felt threatened by her. There was no need to feel threatened. Merle wasn't naïve, she knew the effect she had on men - and women. And she knew Hitomi felt it too. She saw it in Hitomi's eyes.
But she still set Merle on edge. And she wasn't even pretty. She was tall and lanky and lacked Merle's curves. Her hair was too short and she was wearing men's clothes all the time. She was nothing like the women Merle usually had to fend off.
Maybe it was the way Van looked at her when he thought nobody was watching that unnerved Merle. She groaned and rolled on her back. She couldn't believe she was comparing herself to that girl in this situation. She shook her head.
She wondered how Van would save her and realized that there was no way he could possibly know where she was. She had burned the only thing that could've helped him. Her throat tightened and she could taste her own tears.
She would find a way out even if she didn't know what time of the day it was. She was hungry, that she knew. Her stomach growled into the darkness. She was cranky when she was hungry. And she had no idea what was going to happen. After she had burned the map, the red-eyed intruder had taken her to his ship. She had been locked up again and that was where she had been ever since.
The creaking of boards woke her and she shook the drowsiness from her mind. She hadn't realized she had fallen asleep. She was on her feet in an instant.
She squeezed her eyes shut when the door opened and light fell through the doorframe that blinded her. It came from the hallway where lamps lined the wall, the shadows swaying softly with the movements of the ship. Blinking, she discerned two silhouettes against the light and her eyes widened when she saw that they were cat-women.
She went ashore every time the crew of the Black Lady went. Sometimes she went by herself. There had only been a few occasions when she had met one of her kin.
The two women were beautiful, one silver, one gold. Twins. They walked with the feline grace their kin were gifted with. Merle was torn. Her first reaction was hesitance and mistrust but something about them made her relax, just barely, against her will.
Narrowing her eyes, she moved her feet apart and hunched her shoulders slightly, a stance she had copied from Van. She hadn't watched him fight for all these years without picking up one or two things. Her claws glinted in the light.
She would not back down.
"Hello." Both women smiled. "Merle."
She was thrown off balance and retracted her claws. "You know who I am."
"We do." It was the golden cat who spoke. Her voice was soft and melodic and Merle tried not to get lost in the spell it seemed to cast over her. "And we know much more than just that. We know the secrets you have kept. We know your past and your future."
Merle was ready to pounce, her muscles coiled in anticipation. Her mistrust had grown with every word. And suddenly, it made sense. They were seers. She had heard about them in bars, whispers on the street. She had imagined them as old women who offered to tell the future to all those who sought answers and had enough money to pay for it. The more money, the brighter the future. Many charlatans. Just a few who really had the second sight.
"We saw your little friends." Now, the silver cat spoke and her voice had no echo in the almost empty room. "We knew you were coming for us. We didn't see you were going to burn the maps. Smart girl."
Merle's eyes widened. So, this was how they had found Allen's ship. For a while she had even thought that they had been betrayed, that one of the crew members had sold his soul. She had doubted almost everyone on the ship and had felt the pain stabbing harder with each crew member she had accused in the darkness of her prison.
"Why are you telling me that? Why are you here?"
They were confusing her. Her head still spun from the events that had taken place a few hours ago, spun from the realization of what she had done. She had risked her life for one of Allen's obsessions. She wished she could say she had done it solely to preserve her life. But while she had watched the maps burn, she had pondered the possibility of finding the third part. She was close now but what would she do if she had the map? There were at least a good three days of water in every direction.
And now the two seers told her that they knew her every step.
"You must know a few things." Their voices were soft, luring her, promising impossible things.
Merle felt her shoulders relax almost against her will and she shook her head, trying to break through the haze that surrounded her thoughts. She frowned. "You gonna tell me my future now or what? You see something and it is going to happen? I have no choice? Why didn't you see what I would do?"
"We see one of many possibilities. They are quite likely to happen but there is always an unknown element. Like you." Their voices seemed to spin a net around her thoughts, like a melody that distracted her. "Your future is very unstable. It changes frequently. You are not sure about what you will do."
Whatever she chose to do about her situation, they would know. They would stop her. She would set out, knowing she would fail. The magnitude of that knowledge almost overwhelmed her. It made her dizzy and she had to reach out and hold onto the wall. Her claws sunk into the wood. "You'll stop me."
"We mustn't. This is the burden of the seer. We see but we don't interfere. It is our duty to preserve the balance." The silver cat took a step toward Merle. The room seemed smaller all of a sudden and Merle felt that she was breathing faster. "It is important that you know."
Merle retreated further into a corner of the room. "But by helping those monsters you are taking sides."
The golden cat shook her head softly and stepped back, sensing Merle's discomfort. The spell broke and Merle shook her head, clearing her thoughts. "No, we're not helping, we're merely telling. What people do with the information we provide is beyond us."
Merle stepped out of the shadows and looked at the cat-women. She knew she was missing something. They were trying to tell her something she didn't understand. She was frustrated. "Why are you telling me that?"
The golden cat finally touched her arm but Merle didn't pull back. It wouldn't make a difference. They had virtually told her they knew her every step before she even knew it. She looked up and there was something in the seer's eyes that sent a chill down her spine. It was a foreboding feeling.
"You will understand later. Now, you have to come with us. The captain wishes to see you."
There was no need to protest, no need to fight. She knew she had no choice. This time.
Merle followed the two cat women out of the room and was surprised to find that the interior of the ship looked exactly like the Black Lady. The hallway was the same, same length, same number of doors in the same spot. The stairs were the same. It was just that everything looked much older. Some boards were broken and nobody had cared to mend them. In many spots the paint peeled off the walls. The ship looked less taken care of, less loved.
It was like Allen had said. She knew that the blueprint of this ship would fit the one of the Black Lady exactly. She knew how the red-eyed intruder had found them so quickly.
Merle had planned to memorize the ground plan of the ship so she would be able to escape more easily. It wasn't necessary anymore because she knew this ship like the back of her hand. She was hardly able to contain her excitement.
They passed a few members of the crew, loitering in doorways, watching her. Many of them were young, maybe Van's age. Some were older, more rugged looking.
The captain's cabin was dimly lit and shadows occupied every nook and cranny, even the deep wrinkles in the face of the man who stood hunched in the twilight. He looked older than anybody she had ever seen. Thin and fragile. He needed a wooden stick to support his weight, his muscles too weak to do so.
For a moment Merle wanted to laugh. This was the man Allen feared? He was no threat. And then Merle looked in his eyes and choked on her laugh. All the life and strength his body obviously lacked was channelled in his eyes. They were glowing wildly, fiercely, unwilling to let go of life just yet, ready to make every necessary sacrifice.
When he spoke his voice chilled her bones. "Smart girl. You did the only thing that would save your life."
Merle stood rigid, her hands fisted at her side.
"Well, I hope for your sake that you remember what you burned." He jerked his head briefly to the side and the hairs at the back of her neck stood when she felt the shadows beside her move.
The red-eyed intruder stepped up to her and grabbed her arm so tightly that she knew he would leave a bruise. She hissed at him and he hit her squarely across the face. Merle bit down the tears and bared her teeth when he pushed her into a chair.
She met the eyes of the two cat women across the room and remembered their words. They were not going to interfere.
The old captain stepped beside her. "You may want to tell us now what was on the two maps that you burned."
Merle shook with a rage that even drowned her fear. She wanted to jump across the table and sink her claws into his wrinkled skin.
But it had been bound to happen. She had known it the moment she set the maps on fire. She did not want to betray Allen yet she knew it was the only way for her to survive.
"Well?"
Through the window beyond his shoulder she could see dawn breaking through the clouds at the horizon. The light was growing stronger with every passing minute, dispersing the shadows. Her voice was calm when inside a storm was raging. "What tells me you're not going to get rid of me as soon as you know?"
Dornkirk chuckled hollowly. It seemed he didn't laugh often. Maybe he had never learned to laugh at all. "We have to make sure you are saying the truth, have we not? You will accompany us to our destination. You have my word that you will live at least until then."
Dilandau grinned. A white flash of teeth in the shadows. A promise of what would happen to her if she didn't comply.
Merle bit her lip. Her thoughts were racing, weighing her option. Only one seemed to offer the chance of a way out. She was completely at their mercy on the ship with no way to escape. She had to bring them to call at a port, had to bring them to land.
The image of Allen's map was burned into her memory. It was clear in front of her inner eye. It showed a coastline and numbers down its side, coordinates of latitude, she had learned that much. Dryden's map held a clutter of islands, at least a hundred of them. One of them was marked with red ink as well as the way through the reef.
Dornkirk's map had to contain the coordinates of longitude or else the other parts were useless. None of the pieces of the map was useful itself, only combined they showed the way to the island.
She was startled out of her thoughts when a tall man with aqua-blue hair and familiar features entered. Merle's breath caught in her throat and her eyes widened. She tried to hide the million different emotions that whirled across her features but it was too late. Their eyes met and she saw that he knew she had recognized him.
She bent her head over the table and two tears fell onto the paper. Her hands fisted. She knew what she had to do.
His dreams were more frequent now and the face of the familiar stranger haunted him. It didn't let him rest at night and followed him even when he fell asleep during the day. The memory hovered at the edge of his consciousness. It was blurred when he was awake. It was clear when he dreamed. Every time he tried to grasp it, it slipped from his mind. And the more he tried, the more impatient he grew the further the memory retreated.
He had to find out how the stranger was connected with his past. He had been waiting for so long for a clue, something, anything that would trigger his memory. He had to know. He needed to know. And he hated it.
It was as if he couldn't accept who he was until he knew, as if he didn't have a shape yet. He didn't want to believe that his past determined who he was and yet there he was, consumed by a restlessness that wouldn't let him sleep until he knew.
"Van, stop that."
Van looked up at Allen and looked back down at his fingers that had been drumming on the table for a while, judging by the annoyed expression on Allen's face. He flexed his fingers and stared at the scarred surface of the table. He was sick of waiting. Their time was running out. He had to find her.
"We'll find her, don't worry."
Van balled his hand into a fist and his anger only grew. As if he were a child that needed consolation. He didn't need that. He didn't need Allen and his useless words.
He had survived on the streets for years, providing for Merle and himself before Allen had felt inclined to take them in. Nobody had helped them, nobody had cared. They hadn't needed anybody else.
He still remembered the day he had met Allen, the way Allen's expensive watch had sparkled in the sunlight. It was the first time someone had caught him pickpocketing and he had resented Allen for it. He had spat at him and Allen had merely smiled. It was ironic that the first feeling he had ever associated with Allen was cold fury.
He spoke without looking up, his voice flat. "You have a lot of confidence in someone you don't know. Why are you so trustful all of a sudden? What if she lied?"
"Why would she lie?" Allen pushed himself off the wall and crossed the room. He caught Anne Flint's eyes and wondered what was going through her mind. Her expression gave away nothing, she was perfectly guarded. How he envied her.
"Why would anybody voluntarily admit to be a seer? She didn't seem so happy when the princess blurted it out. She's probably afraid she'll be burned at the stake. You should learn to trust my decisions."
Van's head snapped up and red hot anger flooded his veins. All-consuming. Blinding. It made his fingers curl into his palms. "Like your last decision when you left three men behind to guard an entire ship?" He snarled and his eyes were cold when he glared at Allen. "The decision that is the reason for this situation?"
"I told you once before and will tell you again that I do not regret this decision. More men would not have changed anything." His voice was controlled but there was an underlying threat of imminent danger. Van was threading on thin ice. "Stop doubting me."
Van slammed his hands flat on the table. He didn't notice that Gaddes was getting ready to interfere. He didn't notice that there were other people in the room.
The air was charged, telling of an incoming storm. "How do you know? How can you possibly tell that –- "
"It was meant to happen!" Allen yelled across the table and as if to emphasize his point he rammed a dagger into the wooden surface.
Van stood up so forcefully that his chair clattered to the ground into the silence behind him. "Suddenly it was meant to happen just because you made a mistake!"
Gaddes took a step toward him. He had seen more than enough of Van's outbursts to know the signs. "Van…"
Allen held out a hand to stop Gaddes, eyes hard, and Van knew he had crossed the line yet again. He was beyond caring. "Watch your tongue, boy. You might say things that you will regret later on. I promised you that we will get her back."
Anne Flint stood by the door, her legs crossed at her ankles, arms crossed in front of her chest. An amused smiled tugged at the corners of her lips as she watched the scene. She didn't make an attempt to interfere.
In one fluent motion Van had rounded the table and grabbed Allen by the collar. With a dull thud he slammed the captain against the wall. Their noses almost touched. "You just want to find Merle because of that stupid map. You don't care about her at all. All you want is that piece of paper."
The room was too small for his anger. He didn't know where it came from but it filled him to the tips of his fingers that were curled tightly into the collar of Allen's shirt. His blood roared in his ears and the corners of his vision blurred. All he saw was Allen's face and the arrogance that lay at the corners of his eyes and all of a sudden he wasn't sure if he would be able to control himself any longer. He wasn't sure if he wanted to.
The captain had made a mistake and he refused to admit it. Van's hands shook and it wasn't only from holding onto Allen's collar so hard that his knuckles had turned white. He respected Allen. The captain had given him food, shelter and some kind of a perspective. He had never pitied Van. But Van's loyalty for Merle was far stronger than his loyalty for Allen. It shouldn't but it always would be.
It was his weakness and he had tried to hide it, had tried to hide his emotions whenever they were about to overwhelm him but he was sure Allen could see right through him. Allen knew that Van was weak.
Allen's eyes had hardened. "So what if I do? It will get her back all the same, won't it? My motivation shouldn't matter to you as long as we have the same goal in mind."
Van snarled. "You are a selfish bastard, Allen."
Allen smiled a smile that did not reach his eyes. He did not fight Van's grip. "And you are absolutely selfless in your actions. Let me give you some well-meant advice: You care too much."
It wasn't the first time he was told that and it wasn't the first time it angered him even more. "And you don't care at all."
"I care to a certain degree. Don't mistake the stupid desire to risk your life for loyalty. You let your emotions take over, Van. I see it all the time. Just like now." With a flick of his wrist he pulled a dagger from his belt and held it to Van's throat. Van's eyes narrowed and he leaned into the blade until it drew blood.
"It could cost your life one day."
And suddenly the storm within him calmed when he realized that Allen was right and that he had long ago accepted it. "I am aware of that. At least I have something worth dying for."
The expression on Allen's face was unreadable and unfamiliar. Van tried to place it and failed but knew that without meaning to he had found something that Allen had never wanted anybody to find.
"If this is an inconvenient moment for you, we can come back later."
All eyes but Van and Allen turned to where Millerna stood in the doorway. Even in torn and dirty clothes she carried an air that allowed no doubt as to who she was. Pushing through the doorway, the princess entered the room as if she owned it. She looked at Van and Allen and merely raised a brow.
Allen did not break eye contact with Van when he replied. "No, we're done here. For now."
With a growl, Van shoved him into the wall one last time and let go. He withdrew into the shadows loitering in the corners of the room, watching Allen straighten his collar.
"Ladies, I am glad you could join us." The captain bowed and motioned to the chairs as if nothing had happened.
Van glowered at the obvious dismissal and turned his attention from Allen to Hitomi who had quietly followed Millerna. She hadn't lost any of her haughtiness although he was sure she would rather be anywhere else than in this very room. He saw her hands fisted at her sides and he was reluctant to admit that he needed her. If he knew just one way to find Merle by himself, he would set out immediately. But he didn't. He was absolutely helpless.
He was dependent on her.
He realized with a start that for the first time in his life he was dependent on someone. Not when he had lived on the streets with Merle, not after joining Allen's crew. He had always had a choice. He had always had the choice to turn around and leave. He did not have that choice now and the feeling was foreign and disconcerting.
"I'm curious, Hitomi, what can you see if you're a seer?" Allen put his face in his hands and watched her when she moved to sit down.
Wearily, she hesitated, her hand on the backrest of the chair. Mistrust sparkled in her eyes. "I can see where things and people are situated in this very moment, like Merle for example. I can see the future..." She inhaled and glanced at Van. She didn't move her head, just a flicker of her eyes but he noticed. "And the past."
Van's eyes widened. She could see the past.
Her eyes fleetingly found him again in the shadows and she bit her lip at the realization that dawned on his face. "Why do you want to know?"
Allen waved his hand dismissively as if it wasn't important at all. It was anything but and everybody knew it. "I was just wondering. You can locate Merle, you say. Could you locate, let's see, the destination that is on the map we're out to get?"
"Allen…" Dryden warned, sensing where this was going.
Van moved noiselessly out of the shadows. His fingers were curled tightly around the hilt of his sword. His voice was low, heavy with controlled anger. "You would set out for the treasure without finding Merle first?"
"No, Van." Allen turned to face him and wasn't surprised at the look of utter betrayal that crossed Van's features. He was disappointed the boy had so little faith in him. He wondered why he had never gained Van's complete trust, what he had done to push him away. It saddened him. "You don't give me enough credit. I do have a heart and feel the slightest bit of loyalty toward her."
Van relaxed and Hitomi spoke before he had the time to force down his pride and apologize. Her voice was icy. Even Van felt the chill through his own anger. "I can only see it if I know what it is. Do you know what that treasure looks like? Heaps of gold and jewels?"
"Forget that I asked you." Allen sighed and rubbed his forehead. He was tired and frustrated. "It doesn't matter."
Hitomi sat down. Anger radiating off her. "Do you still want me to find her?"
"Of course." Allen shook his head as if clearing it from his thoughts. "Do you need anything?"
"No, just the maps. And silence." Hitomi spread the maps out in front of her that Dryden handed her. She was angry. Van could tell by her movements and her slightly knitted brows. It wasn't nervousness or concentration, it was anger.
"This may take a while. Don't expect immediate results." Letting out a long breath, Hitomi took off her necklace and let it dangle from her outstretched hand above the map. Everyone watched when she closed her eyes and started to move her hand slowly across the map.
Van looked at her furrowed brows, the line down her forehead, her lips that were pressed firmly together. She wasn't anything like the women he knew and he would never tell anyone. Her hair was too short and she wore men's clothes. She had the strongest urge to prove herself he had ever seen. It was as if she thought he was judging her every time he looked at her and she had to prove him wrong.
It irked him that he would owe her should she be successful. She didn't make sense. She seemed to despise him with a passion yet she was here, helping them.
Her hand moved steadily across the map, the pendent motionless. It seemed as if nobody dared to breathe, the silence charged with anticipation. She never wavered and the sun dragged the shadows across the floor as minutes turned into hours.
Sweat was glistening at her temple. Suddenly she opened her eyes, exhaling deeply. Van tensed. His legs were stiff and his back hurt but he had refused to sit down.
"I can't see her," Hitomi said quietly and shook her head. "I...I think they are too far away and my feelings are not strong enough to reach her."
"Is there anything we can do about that?" Dryden was at her side and placed both hands flat on the table.
Hitomi stared at the map. "I need something that belongs to her. Something that means a lot to her. I need something with a connection."
She raised her head and immediately found Van in the shadows. Their gazes locked and his heart jumped a beat. He knew what she was asking and he wordlessly pushed himself off the wall to join Hitomi's side. She looked up at him through her bangs and her eyes were brighter than he had ever seen them. Her eyes were so deep they seemed to have no bottom, no end and no beginning. They were old eyes and had seen more than was possible for her age. He momentarily forgot what he wanted to say.
Upon realizing it, the faintest blush tinted his cheeks. "What do I do?"
"Sit." She pointed at the seat across from her and he obliged. "Now, give me your hand. Without the glove."
Taking off the glove, he put his right hand in her open palm. Her skin was soft and warm. He stared at their joined hands.
Hitomi's voice woke him from his thoughts. "Now, close your eyes and concentrate on Merle. Concentrate hard on only her. Picture her in your mind. Her pink hair. Her pointed ears. Her obnoxious personality." Her fingers tightened around his. "And do not let go."
He ignored the warmth of her hand in his palm and imagined Merle's face. A smile twitched at his lips at the angry expression he was looking at. He saw her smile, her laughing eyes. He saw her when she tried to steal his sword, when he chased her across the deck, when she soaked him with dirty water. He saw her head on his shoulder, her eyes closed. He saw her in a dark room, curled in a corner.
He gasped and opened his eyes. Hitomi was looking at him and he had difficulties focusing on his surroundings.
"Did you see her?" Her voice was soft and anchored him. He reached for it like a drowning man for driftwood. He clung to it. Desperate.
He nodded and swallowed. His heart was beating fast against his ribcage and his breath was labored as if he had just been in a swordfight.
Hitomi bent over the map and pointed at a spot in the vast expanse of the Western Ocean. The pendant was glowing in her hand, circling the spot. "She's here."
Allen and Dryden looked over her shoulder. "That's one and a half days away from here. They're fast."
"If we don't know where they're headed we still have no chance to catch up with them." Allen rubbed his chin and looked at Hitomi. "Do you know where they're headed?"
"No, but we can find out." Her eyes found Van's. "Are you ready to try again?"
He nodded and her fingers tightened around his hand. Closing his eyes, he pictured Merle again and something grabbed the front of his shirt and everything that tied him to the present tore when he was pulled into the vision.
Water stretched beneath his feet and he was moving fast. He could feel the wind in his face and the sun on his skin. A black ship ploughed through sea, spray covered the hull. A coast peeled out of the clouds at the horizon. He saw a harbor, a city snuggled against the ocean. He saw a palace, a statue up front, he saw a familiar crest.
His eyes opened and he felt himself fall against the backrest of the chair as if he had been hit hard in the chest. All the air left his lungs. Hitomi had her hand still wrapped around his fingers and her knuckles were white.
Colors whirled at the corners of his vision, reaching for his consciousness. He felt himself sinking back into the vision, sinking back into a world that hadn't yet happened, his feet slipping off the edge of reality. The only thing that held him was Hitomi's grip on his hand. She pulled him back.
"Van?" Dryden's voice drifted through the fog and he shook his head.
"Godashim." Van breathed. The pendant had swung again. "They're heading to Freid."
Allen leaned over the map and furrowed his brows. He looked at Van out of the corners of his eyes. "Are you sure it's Godashim?"
Van nodded and let his head fall against the backrest. He couldn't remember his heart ever beating that fast. He couldn't remember his arms and legs ever feeling that heavy. He was completely drained.
He felt Hitomi's grip loosen around his hand and opened his eyes. Looking at the map, she withdrew her hand into her lap but her warmth remained on his skin. A blush tinted her cheeks.
He wondered if her heart was racing as well. He wondered if she was used to the feeling.
"Godashim's a good five days away from our current position. I can't remember it being on my part of the map." Allen braced one hand on the table and looked up at Dryden. "Was it on yours?"
Dryden shook his head no and pushed his glasses up his nose. He looked at Allen. "I have an idea though."
"Well, there are two possibilities: either it was on the third part or Merle is pulling a stunt."
Dryden ran a hand through his hair and exhaled loudly. "You really think she made that up?"
Allen shrugged. "I wouldn't put it past her. She's trying to save her skin."
Gaddes joined them at the table and faced his captain's profile. "Cap'n, remember that Freid is an ally of Asturia. If you get caught, they are going to hand you over to the royal fleet on a silver platter to be hung."
"So I simply won't get caught." He looked up and his eyes sparkled. "Anne, you with us?"
"No, Schezar." She touched her hat in a gesture of goodbye. "This is yer journey not mine. I'll stay 'til the ship's repaired. I 'ave me own family tee take care of."
"Then I'll try to contact Ruhm. We need another ship."
The air on deck was hot and sticky, heavy with humidity. It made breathing difficult. Every breath felt as if she was inhaling water.
Perched on a spar high above the deck, Hitomi gathered parts of a black sail around her, trying to find the spot where it had been torn. She had never had to mend any piece of fabric before. There had always been someone to do it for her. But after a few attempts on trial and error, pricking her thumb and sewing her pants into the sail, she found that it was a manageable task. She didn't look like a professional but she didn't look like an idiot either.
Hitomi looked out across the sea and inhaled the salty air. She thought of her father. He was somewhere beyond that horizon, worrying and blaming himself. It was all her fault. She wished she could have been the daughter he wanted, the one who wanted to be taught how to behave like a lady, the one who wouldn't embarrass him in front of his guests by appearing in torn and dirty clothes but would make him smile by being an amiable host, the one who made him proud instead of ashamed. She wished she could stop disappointing him.
She sighed and turned back to her work. They had wasted more than one day already in pursuit of Merle and they would lose even more time if they didn't finish mending the sails soon. The red-eyed intruder had done his job well.
A shadow fell on her and she looked up. She couldn't see his face but she knew it was Van. He towered over her, the sun behind him. The light cast a halo around his head and his face in shadows.
Wordlessly, he sat down on the spar beside her. He moved as if standing on firm ground instead of a narrow piece of wood some 12 meters above the deck. She envied him for his casual grace.
He reached for the sail she had been working on. "You're too slow."
Too surprised that he had actually sought her out on his own accord, she let the comment slide without reacting to it. Van noticed and raised one dark brow at her but when she still did not respond he shrugged and started working on the sail.
After the reading he had left without another word. No thank you. No I appreciate it. Not even a nod of acknowledgement. It surely wouldn't have hurt his pride to thank her. She couldn't remember why she had wanted to help him in the first place.
He loosened the seam she had just finished and Hitomi watched the muscles in his forearms work. She realized that she was staring and blushed, noticing what he was actually doing.
"Hey, I just spent half an hour working on that!" she cried indignantly and grabbed the sail with the intention to take it away from him.
Van tugged it right back from her and his voice was so full of patience as if he were speaking with a six-year-old. "If you leave the seam like that, it will be torn apart in the first wind we catch. Look here, if you sew so close to the edge it'll fray out easily."
Hitomi leaned in to look what he meant. His skin smelled warm like sunshine.
"You don't have to stint with the yarn, we got more than enough." He showed her how to avoid the fraying out of the fabric with a few additional stitches.
She grunted and reached for the sail to work on another torn part, not looking at Van. She missed the briefest of smiles that flickered at the corners of his lips.
Hitomi pricked herself twice and bit down the curse so not to let Van know she wasn't exactly excelling at the task. He sewed with nimble fingers and somehow it angered her. It wasn't enough that he beat her in swordfight, he had to beat her in sewing of all things as well and rub it right in her face.
"If you hold the sail like this, you won't hurt yourself that much."
She gritted her teeth. She felt as if she were back home and everyone would belittle her for each and every tiny mistake. Van couldn't know he had hit a soft spot with the first act of chivalry since Hitomi had entered the ship, probably the first act of chivalry in the last five years.
"Who died and made you king?"
Hitomi didn't know how but he brought out the petulant child in her. She didn't deny that it was there, she could be a spoiled brat if she wanted to but lately it had been more difficult to tame that part of her.
His eyes were hard when he glared at her but his voice lacked anger when he spoke. It was as if he wanted to lash out at her but something held him back. Maybe he did remember what she had done for him after all. "I was just trying to help. We need to set out after Merle as soon as possible."
Almost against her will some of her annoyance melted away. His worry would be adorable if he wasn't such a prick to her in the same breath. She swallowed her reply. She would be lenient toward him until they had found Merle. She could do that.
They worked in silence and the sun made the skin at the back of her neck burn. She wiped sweat off her forehead and glanced at Van. She could feel his restlessness as if it were her own.
He was working quickly, skilfully, and she knew he wasn't doing it for the first time. His mind however was elsewhere. His inner battle was clearly written across his face, in the deep wrinkle between his narrowed brows, in his clenched jaw and his hunched shoulders. And she saw no need to put him out of his misery. He wanted to say something and she could wait all day, watching him squirm.
It took him another 15 stitches to gather the courage to speak his mind. "You're a seer." She could almost hear the frown in his voice. "This is why you're so quick. This is why you could parry my attacks. You knew my next step."
She blushed despite herself and avoided his piercing glare.
"You cheated." She could hear the definite hint of a smile in his voice, barely there, not even a whisper, hardly a breath. She wanted to see it. Looking up, she couldn't find it on his lips but in his eyes, faintly shimmering through mistrust and doubt. It was like a challenge.
Immediately, she felt the urge to justify herself. She prided herself thinking she always played fair, even in situations when she entertained a strong dislike toward her opponent. She did not cheat, at least not intentionally. "I don't do it voluntarily. It just happens. Sometimes I can't control it when..."
She stopped and bit her lip. He didn't believe her. She saw the scepticism curling around the corners of his mouth.
"I bet you'd use that gift if you had it," she spat angrily and crossed her arms in front of her chest, her eyes defiant.
He looked at her. She saw reflections of crimson in his eyes. "I would. There is a reason you have that gift. I wouldn't waste it."
Hitomi snorted and looked away. Of course he didn't know the price for the gift of second sight. He didn't know that nightmares could be so real that she would still feel the heat of the fires on her skin when she was awake. He didn't know that the guilt for not doing anything about it made her sick.
"It doesn't work that way. You can't choose what you see." She spoke quietly and looked out at the sea. Waves curled softly in a breeze. If she could choose, she would choose not to see.
Van frowned and put the sail down to focus completely on her. "But you chose just now. You chose to see Merle."
"Yes, I chose to see Merle but I didn't choose what I saw." She looked at him and was disappointed to see confusion on his face although she hadn't expected anything else. "You don't understand."
"I do understand." He watched a breeze ruffle her hair. Her eyes were distant. "Why do you wish to choose?"
"Because I don't like what I see." The answer came easy to her. It was on her mind the whole time. She wished she could change what she saw. Sometimes she wished so hard that she woke up crying.
"It seemed so real. I even felt the sun." He stared at his hands.
"Yeah, sometimes I can't tell the difference." Hitomi shook her head softly and went back to work on the sail.
She had intended to ignore him but it was hard when he kept looking at her out of the corners of his eyes. It wasn't so much that she saw it. It was more a feeling that sent goose bumps all the way to her fingertips and red warmth to the tips of her ears. His hesitation drove her to the point where she wanted to grab his shirt and yell at him to just ask her. When he finally spoke she sighed in relief.
"Have you had that ability all your life?"
He was unusually interested. She was wary. "I can't remember. I probably did but I didn't have the visions until I was eight or so."
Hitomi frowned. She had difficulties believing that he was honestly interested in the story of her life.
"What did you see?"
"I..." she trailed off. She couldn't remember that she had ever told anyone. She couldn't remember anyone had ever asked her. Millerna was one of the few people who knew about her ability and she never talked with her about it.
She couldn't think of a reason why she should tell Van. It was absolutely beyond her why she did anyway. "I saw death. Pain and destruction. I thought they were just nightmares at first. And then they became true."
Despite the sunlight that burned her skin, she shuddered. The memory was vivid and hadn't lost any of its darkness and coldness and the feeling of sheer hopelessness it left in its wake. She dreaded the feeling. She would never get used to it.
"How do you do it?" His words pulled her out of her thoughts and the coldness left her body. She blinked.
"Umm, I concentrate, I guess." She tried to recall the feeling but the visions had long ago become a part of her so that it was hard to tell where she ended and they began. "But it's not just simply concentration. You have to let go of the present and you have to be aware of yourself or you'll get lost."
He was looking out at the sea, his brows furrowed. "Earlier you said you'd stopped reading the future. Why?"
Because it had killed her mother. Because she had promised her father she would never do it again. Because she was afraid of what she would see.
She couldn't tell him that.
"You wouldn't understand." She didn't look at him.
"Try me." His voice was suddenly hard with a challenging note. She felt his mood change like the wind abruptly working round. She knew they had both reached the end of their ability to express civility.
"No, because you only see your own advantage in it." She rested her elbows on her knees and leaned forward as if wanting to provoke him. "It's something to elevate you above the masses, is it not? Something to use against your enemies."
He turned the full force of his gaze on her. His eyes were blazing. "What is wrong with that? Why would you waste such a talent?"
"Why do you want to know?" She hesitated. She would lie if she said she wasn't enjoying his sudden interest in her but a very small, very rational part of her refused to believe he would do it without having an ulterior motive. She searched his face and then she knew. Her voice was cold when she spoke. "What do you want?"
She had him, she saw it in his eyes. An emotion broke free that he had held back since she had found Merle. "I want you to read my past! You must. With your help I will finally find out who I am!"
He was just like everyone else. It didn't surprise her. The amount of disappointment she felt, however, did.
"If I could, I would gladly give the second sight to you." She stood and left him on the spar with the black sail flapping around him like a cloak.
She was still angry when she met Millerna an hour later.
This entire ship was simply too small for her anger. She kept running into people and there was hardly a place where she could be alone for a while to cool off.
It wasn't like she had imagined it would be. She realized she had built her own illusions by listening to all the stories that their guests had told her about the life at sea. The freedom to go wherever you wanted, the freedom to do whatever you pleased. It was true, the men had more freedom here and yet they had less. They didn't follow the rules she was used to, yet they followed rules of their own. They were not bound to the mainland and to society but they were chained to the sea.
"Are you still mad at me?" Millerna's voice reached her through the fog of jumbled thoughts, guilt and anger.
Hitomi sighed and leaned against the wall, watching Millerna scrub one of the hallways under deck. The sight was unsettling to say the least but Millerna was carrying out her duty without complaint. "I am mad at many things."
Millerna bit her lip and set her mop down, wiping her forehead. Her hair was tamed in a messy bun at the back of her head. Hitomi knew the princess felt bad and regretted what she had done but she had to be put in her place every once in a while. Even Millerna should have her limits. "Hitomi..."
"Millerna, what do you expect me to do? Be all smiles and pretend you didn't expose me there?" She took a deep breath and swallowed words she would later regret. "You blurted out one of my biggest secrets like it meant nothing to you."
"But we had to help them." Millerna could be compassionate when she wanted to. And when she was, she didn't care about who stood in her way. "I felt like we owed them."
"Yes, you felt like we owed them." Hitomi stepped up to Millerna, looked at her big regretful eyes and shook her head. They had argued enough. Millerna would understand it eventually.
"Is it that bad? I thought they all were not exactly conforming to the law so I was sure they wouldn't tell on you or anything."
"It's not that." Hitomi grabbed the second mop and started scrubbing the floor. "Well, it's not only that. Van came up to me and kind of demanded of me to tell him his past."
Millerna's mouth opened in a surprised oh and a glimmer entered her eyes that meant she had already jumped to a conclusion. "Oh, now I understand."
Hitomi mopped the floor with a little more vigor than would have been necessary. "You don't understand, I told you."
"I do." Millerna grinned and Hitomi blushed, knowing exactly what her friend thought. "Hotshot has found some interest in you. And he owes you. So, you kind of owe me now. Was he nice to you or something?"
"Actually, he was." The tips of her ears were still glowing red when she looked at Millerna. "It was unsettling."
The princess patted herself on the shoulder. "See, you will definitely thank me later."
"Millerna, sometimes you make it really hard for me not to hate you."
Dirty water splashed across the boards when Millerna lifted her mop out of the bucket. "You don't hate me. You can't hate. You just feel a strong dislike. I'm really sorry."
Hitomi sighed and leaned onto her broom. "How are you and your pretty boy anyway? Come on, tell me. I need some cheering up."
Millerna stopped mopping and quickly bit back the tears before Hitomi could see them. She turned around with a cheerful expression masking her pain. "It's disturbing to see that you are enjoying to watch your friends suffer. Go and ask pretty boy yourself."
Allen, Dryden and Anne Flint were still in the captain's cabin when the sun had long set. Anne sat back in her chair and propped her feet onto the table. From out of the shadows under her hat, she watched the two men.
"Kind of ironic, isn't it?" Allen stopped pacing and gave a humorless laugh. He had shed his vest and the white shirt beneath was rumpled. "Our fathers went in search for the same thing that we're out to get now."
"An' they all lost their lives 'cause o' it." There was no laughter in Anne's eyes when she spoke. "I'd say 't is rather sad."
"I agree." Dryden ran a hand through his hair and leaned back in his chair. There were bags under his eyes. "And it's you who is out to get that treasure, Allen. Don't forget that."
The hoarse cries of seagulls sounded beyond the open window. Allen turned to face Dryden. There was surprise on his features and anger. "Don't you want to know what it is? What made them willing to give their lives?"
Dryden looked up at him and his eyes were sad. "Honestly, no. If it wasn't for you and your damn blackmail I'd be out there wooing Millerna like she deserves it."
"I almost forgot you gave up on my kind of lifestyle." Allen angrily pushed off the wall he had been leaning on and his boots clicked across the floorboards when he paced the room again. He didn't know in which other direction to channel his frustration. "Wasn't good enough for you anymore."
"Now, we're talking about that again!" Dryden flung his arms in the air in a desperate gesture. "I thought we'd settled that?"
Allen stood in the middle of the room, his eyes cold. "You thought we'd settled that."
Dryden sighed and rubbed his eyes. He hadn't known it was such an important matter for Allen. He had expected some grumbling and a few foul words but this was just ridiculous. "What is your problem, Allen?"
"That you gave up everything for her!" the captain yelled and there was so much emotion in his voice that it startled him. He had never admitted how much it had hurt him to watch Dryden leave everything behind. He couldn't even say why.
"It's been five years!" Dryden replied incredulously. "I can't believe you haven't forgiven me. You're acting like a child, Allen. You're not my father so that you can tell me what to do. And even if you were, I wouldn't listen. It was my decision."
Allen's jaw clenched. It was hard to reign in the words that would hurt them both. Out of the corners of his eyes he saw Anne watching him with interest. Her keen eyes saw more than he wanted to reveal. He should have been more careful. He hadn't wanted her to see him so weak, so emotional.
Dryden sighed, leaning on his elbows, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He was tired of justifying his decision. He was tired of Allen not accepting it. "I changed my priorities, is all."
"But…"
Anne interrupted him with a gruff sweep of her hand. "Schezar, stop blamin' him fer havin' found happiness beyond the sea."
Allen glared at her. She was in no position to interfere. This was between him and Dryden. "Would you give up your ship, your crew, your life? Would you give up everything you've earned, everything you've fought for for such a fickle emotion?"
"Allen, this is not about Anne, leave her out of it." Dryden looked sharply at the captain.
"Oh no, I get it now. This is about her as much as it is about you and me. This is all about what makes this way of living worth it." He leaned onto the table and looked her in the eyes. "So, would you?"
Anne held his gaze. She didn't need to think about the question, didn't need to think about her priorities. She knew the answer, had known it all along. She smiled a secretive smile.
"No."
One word that held so much more. Her beliefs. Her sacrifices. Her soul. Dryden saw it in her eyes but Allen was too blinded to notice.
"See?!" He directed a satisfied smirk at Dryden.
"Dryden an' I are different, Schezar." The smugness vanished when Anne spoke quietly, softly. "Ye canno compare us. Ye clin' te an idealistic dream. There's nothin' romantic or heroic 'bout a pirate's life. We steal, we murder, we starve, we're hunted. We've no rights. If a pirate's murdered in broad daylight nobody'll care. There'll be no trial."
Dryden didn't look up when he spoke. "It's a rough life with little rewards."
Anne nodded. "I know perfectly well why I chose this life. This is who I am. Methinks, ye're te only one who 'as problems with it. Ye're obsessed with that treasure 'cause ye think it'll give ye a reason. A destination." She leaned back in her chair and a mirthless smile tugged at the corners of her lips. "Somethin' worth fightin' for."
Allen's fingers curled into a fist. Van's words. They hurt just like the first time he had heard them. His throat tightened and he couldn't speak. He didn't known what to reply because it was true.
He chose the coward's way out and left the room.
A/N: Look look, a new chapter :beams: And obviously, I took the scene where Hitomi tries to find Merle with her pendant from the series and changed it a teeny weeny bit, so I don't own it :P Just to be clear about that.
Thanks a shipload to my Pirate who sacrificed her precious time to help me out and give advice when I was not exactly satisfied with the chapter but couldn't for the life of me find out why. Thank you!
Other than that, thank you very very much to everyone who took the time to review! I really appreciate it...I know I take forever to update :sobs: So thanks a load!
Dariel