I wake with a start in the middle of the night, looking around wildly for an invisible attacker.
My room seemed huge when we first moved in, but now it's too small, trapping and confining me within its walls. Almost like a cage.
I have to get out.
I throw on some jeans, a T-shirt, and a black sweatshirt and quietly creep down, past Caleb's and my parents' rooms, out the door.
I have no idea where I'm headed at this hour of the night. I should go back to sleep, burrow under the covers, because it was just a dream.
Instead, I tuck a knife in my pocket.
I open the door just wide enough for me to slip out, locking it securely behind me. I walk towards the park at the end of the street, and when I realize that nobody's around to see me, I break into a run.
Fast and silent, I run down the sidewalk, past the dark houses and into the small stretch of woods in the park. That's where I stop, all alone, panting heavily.
That's where I first get the sensation that I'm being watched.
I whirl around, probing the darkness of the forest. When I see nothing, I begin to relax. It's just me and the night.
"You sure you should be walking around at night on your own?"
The low voice startles me so much I jump practically five feet in the air. It takes me a moment to place it.
"Damn you, Four," I say, glaring as he steps out of the shadows. "You scared me to death."
He gives me a playful smile. "No, really. Why are you here?"
"I couldn't sleep," I mutter, kicking at the dirt. "And what about you?"
He looks pained. "I had to get away."
"From what?"
He doesn't answer my question. He just stares into the heavy forest blackness. It must have something to do with his father.
"Four. What's wrong?"
He shrugs. "Tired of drama, and just life in general I guess."
"Yeah. Me too."
We are silent for so long after that, I feel like I have to say something.
"Is there something bad going on with you?"
"Why do you ask?"
"I want to know."
He smiles again. "How demanding you are."
He comes closer and I take his hand. His fingers slide between mine. I can't breathe.
"my father hates me. He beats me and locks me in the tiny closet upstairs.
He leans even closer, so that we are breathing the same air. "Tris, I..."
And then, gently, slowly, he presses his lips to my own.
I am to shocked to do anything but stand there until he pulls away.
"I had to do that at least once."
And then he's gone.
I don't understand any of this. But I slowly make my way home, where I sleep without nightmares. I sleep without dreams.
I want to reconcile the undisclosed desires in your heart