Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
The Male Kunoichi
A/N : Due to a couple of questions that others have asked...
At Batamut : "Oh I need that. It good to see your not copying the exact plot of Spying no Jutsu."
To be honest I wasn't aware of SnJ till Lord Ezra'eil told me about it. So it merely happens to be a case of coincidence.
At Namikaze-Naruto-the-Sage : "Your[sic] overestimating Kakashi. He really is A-rank and not S-rank. If he was S-rank then how come he always get his ass kicked by S-rank enemies like Akatsuki members?"
Well, being that he is capable of holding his own against one of the Kiri no Shinobigatana Nananin Shuu (The Seven Swordsmen of the Hidden Mist) (Zabuza) and was a Hokage-candidate after the timeskip, and do remember that the Akatsuki members are ones which can OVERWHELM Jinchuuriki, which are pretty much quite superhuman already. So yes, if anything, these folks are very high S-Rank, and even Kage's fall (Gaara) against them. Kakashi losing against them shouldn't be too much of a negative. That, and it IS my story after all. It is not canon - if it was I doubt that this mission would occur. Or would the Daimyo be a ninja - the canon one happens to be like a bag of flesh instead.
At Lord Ezra'eil : "I think you'll find the Gaki commonly means Brat, not Ghoul."
Gaki (餓鬼) also means ghoul. Do a quick google search with keywords being "Gaki Ghoul". Amusing to note the 8th result. I understand you meant commonly used, and you were afraid readers might misunderstand - I was pretty sure I had a translation box besides Gaki in Chapter 9. I do get your intention though.
I've noticed people tend to add "no Jutsu" when someone uses a technique. I find it retarded, honestly, so you'd notice that for all my stories till now my characters never add "no Jutsu" when they use the technique.
Chapter 10 - Can't it end faster – I miss Konoha already!
End of Week: 2
Sasuke twitched. It had been nearly an entire week where Kakashi had turned up ACTUALLY on time, and he actually berated Sakura for being just five seconds late.
Sakura just stared at him and quirked an eyebrow, giving Kakashi the best better-5-seconds-than-2-HOURS-late look she could muster, and Kakashi retreated. It was certainly less than amusing when he really turned up on time when both he and Sakura had taken to being late by one hour and forty five minutes daily. It was irritating when he punished them for being late, by making them run non-stop for the one hour and forty five minutes they were late by, and it was nearly murderous when Kakashi made him carry Sakura to the hospital. The worthless teammate of his had fainted barely twenty minutes into the jog. Luckily, but in a sense unluckily, the worthless pinky had finally understood that as ninja, dieting was a big no-no, so she was less worthless than before.
Unluckily she had gotten heavier. Sasuke damn near collapsed in front of the hospital. Even then he had to recover his breath on the hospital benches for quite some time before he could move again.
It would be better if Naruto was here. Sasuke decided. The boy was so hung on Sakura that it wasn't funny but creepy already. While he wasn't as worthless as the pinkie, he was at best average and kept dragging the team down with his insane antics and pranks. At least the boy could take care of the odd jobs, and leave more training time for him. If he wasted more time on such incessant trivialities, then when would he even be capable of catching up with Itachi? If he wasted more time on such interruptions, then when would he be able to avenge the slaughter of his clan?
Sasuke unconsciously clenched his fist so hard that it bled. The village was limiting his growth – that much was clear. He was most obviously someone of Chuunin standard, and yet he wasn't promoted. Did they not trust him with the associated authority and power? Was he that weak? By the looks of it, Itachi got further and further away from him as the days passed by.
Kakashi frowned slightly. Was it too late to change his reputation of being a chronically tardy person? Or more importantly, was it too late to have his ranking raised up from the far too common A back to S? Did he really have to author a thesis on the merits of being tardy before he stood a chance…?
Assholes didn't appreciate the subtlety of being late. I mean, Icha Icha!
Shikamaru groaned. They had spent quite some time travelling here and there before they actually caught up with the infernal son of the local Daimyo, who was surprisingly ninja like in his ability to detect their approach, pack his bags, get his entire procession FAR far away before any of the team could make it into the inn. Perhaps the boy happened to be a sensor – the previous Fire Lord was one. Which sort of explained his exceptional longevity. Hi no Kuni's Daimyos all lived long due to their shinobi training and more importantly their retired shinobi status – none of them needed to go on any mission at all – they PAID for missions instead, but most of them fell to backstabbing and infighting in their last days. The previous Fire Lord died of natural causes, a first. Another first was him living to eighty. While it could be a display of his amazing powers in organisation, it was far more likely that he was just simply capable of avoiding any assassination squads after his life.
As for the previous local Lord, he apparently was a womanizer, and the current one had fought his way into power, what with all the siblings he had. As far as Shikamaru knew, the territory was still rather disorderly, and filled with unrest. The political climate just happened to support the current local Lord, and he was attempting to consolidate his power, but apparently he thought that his son would be quite the valuable target and as such, decided to send his son out into the country away from the castle for safety reasons.
Maybe that's why the current one's offspring was so sensitive. When one's life is in peril it would be logical to become so… sensitive to foreigners. He was also apparently chakra sensitive. But damn it, he knew they were Konoha shinobi – their hitai ate should have explained everything, but apparently he really really hated learning about the rules and regulations. Not that he blamed him – they were drier than a desert and more boring than Asuma. While some unscrupulous foreign nin might attempt to kidnap the scion of the Lord, the current rules and regulations set after the Second War ensured that no ninja would attempt to take the identity of another village's ninja without fearing for their lives. Orochimaru was an exception.
Shikamaru sighed as the team spotted a trail of servants that were being manhandled by the young lord and forced to run out from the back door… and they were quite a distance away.
"Hoo boy, how long is this mission gonna take? We've already spent one week travelling, then the other week trying to catch him…" Asuma pondered, a cigarette perched in his mouth. "Can't it end faster – I miss Konoha already! I need to try and sed… talk with Kurenai-chan again."
Shikamaru sighed again. If there was anything more frustrating than the eternally escaping infernal son of the Lord, there was his sensei's whining about his failures to get in Yuuhi Kurenai's pants. She was attractive, yes, that couldn't be denied. But wasn't his sensei far too hung on a single girl? She was already getting pretty sick and irritated of him already; all his flowers were rejected, why couldn't he just take the hint, leave her alone, AND leave Shikamaru's unfortunate ears safe and NOT sore? Ino was glaring at the rapidly retreating figure of the young Lord, and Chouji… "Chouji, leave the restaurant alone."
Then he paused. The brief time was enough for him to formulate a plan to get back at his eternally whining sensei, and save him quite some trouble convincing Chouji that he really should not eat the inn restaurant clean. "Or you could bully Asuma-sensei to pay the bill, but don't expect me to help." A cry of "Yay! Asuma-sensei's treating! MORE!" was heard in the restaurant of the inn, and said sensei looked at his wallet in worry. "You're topping up what I can't, Shikamaru, you asshole." Said asshole shrugged. "I didn't bring my wallet along."
Asuma disappeared. "Oh damn it, not another place we have to eat and run." Ino groused. "This will do wonders for Konoha's reputation, and damn it, I don't want to anger that Hokage!"
Tsunade sneezed, and the paperwork she had been meticulously arranging in order flew all over the place. No matter – she had an inkling that there'd be a couple more coming in pretty soon, and with the new state of disarray perhaps Shizune would take pity on her and help out.
Perhaps. Recently Shizune had seemingly picked up a mean, cruel and heartless streak from Kakashi. Tsunade frowned. That Kopi Nin was bad influence; she could no longer bully Shizune into helping her out with the paperwork. Perhaps she should make Kakashi a Hokage candidate… She giggled. Better Kakashi than Jiraiya, anyway. Kakashi might be a pervert, but it was only limited to the Icha Icha series. If Jiraiya was the Hokage, he might even make the attire of Kunoichi their birthday suits. Jiraiya might be able to become serious, but the time he spent in being serious was negligible versus the time he spent being a chauvinistic pig.
The very thought of that sent a chill down her spine, and she resolved to clobber the soul out of any person who would even suggest making Jiraiya the Hokage. Well, come to think of it, she should really pen down who she viewed as an acceptable candidate to take over her in case of unexpected circumstances. As all ninja knew, everyday unexpected circumstances lay in wait to kill the unwitting ninja. So she had a name on the list; she needed more. Naruto had much more room to grow and mature before he should be chained down in the Hokage's seat.
Nozomi stared. Kurenai sighed.
"What… what in the world is that… monstrosity?" Nozomi snarled. "I've never seen anything as unholy as that, and trust me, the Kyuubi is not a saint."
"What's so frightening and monstrous about that?" Kurenai quirked an eyebrow. "Hell, it doesn't even look as threatening as heels do."
"Aha!" Nozomi smirked. "So you do admit heels are horrendous!"
"Initially." Kurenai gave a smile that made Nozomi desire to shirk away. "But then, the possibilities of high pressure enlightened me. Tell me, Nozomi, is it more painful to be stepped on by something with the same force in a small area or a large area?"
"So you're saying as heels have a smaller area, they exert higher pressure?" Nozomi had a look of exasperation on her face. "So what? I just need to stomp harder with normal shoes!"
"Well, they're better at cracking nuts than normal shoes." Kurenai shrugged. "I believe you know what I mean. It happens to be a terribly efficient tactic when dealing with shinobi, what with them being male. For Kunoichi… well, "
Nozomi shuddered. While she was in a female form, her male instincts, as contradictory they were, insisted that she should clutch where her jewels should be. Luckily for her, she managed to repress that particular instinct.
"But is it really necessary? Not like I'd be staying there in this form for more than a day!" Nozomi whined. "I really really really don't want to touch that at all."
"But you must." Kurenai shrugged. "Now we're still pretty much on Academy curriculum on how to be a Kunoichi, so I guess you must learn."
"Learning how to use this is in Academy curriculum?" Nozomi gasped. "I have that much more respect for Sakura-chan, Ino-san and Tenten-san now, knowing that they could go through this."
"For the last time, you're the only one who protests so much about learning how to use this!" Kurenai sighed.
Jiraiya giggled. He had heard the rumours, and as he is Jiraiya-sama, the most well known person in the Elemental Countries… He HAD to be there. It practically had his name printed on it, in bold, underlined, and in such unbelievably disgusting neon colours. Well, perhaps not his name, rather his student's, but it was all infinitesimal in the grand scheme of things. Who cares if it was Jiruto, Naraito or Miruya – he must be there.
So he went. And he giggled when he reached there. Who in the right mind would dedicate a statue AND a bridge to Uzumaki Naruto of all people – the people in Wave must be idiots of the highest calibre, capable of aping Naruto's idiocy. Then again, if Naruto made a statue it would most likely be one of a Ramen bowl, which would be even more idiotic, so Naruto wins. Not that it was a good thing. But hey, how many people could boast that their pupils has a statue and a bridge named after them? Maybe another storyline about a thankful populace and a well endowed hero... Hehehehehehe
Nozomi sneezed. Kurenai moved swiftly to close the compact Nozomi happened to be picking at before any damage could be done. Sure, it was covered by the Daimyo, but she really didn't like spending money unnecessarily. Not to mention how much of a pain shopping for just a set of makeup would be. She had no doubts that if she went and shopped for that one set of makeup, she'd return with many more.
"Now, seriously, how hard can learning how to apply makeup be?" Kurenai smirked. "You've spent the last week learning how to walk properly, eat properly AND I'm pretty sure such issues are much harder than learning how to apply make up properly. After all you don't need to apply too much, for now you'd be going as a girl, not a boy. There are far lesser stuff that we need to mask than if you went as a boy."
Nozomi was happy for life's small mercies right then. If she went as Naruto, she can't even begin to imagine how much makeup would be needed to mask the whisker like markings. It probably wouldn't have been anything less than a mask like layer over his face. It would have been a disaster of the highest magnitude if he smiled, and the makeup just crumbled down.
Although it would be funny if there was a rapid drying agent and he could add it to the makeup of the women that pissed him off. Smile – crumble. Move – crumble. Nevertheless, Kurenai would punish him most severely if he did it, and he knew how inventive she was after living with her for two weeks. If she used her imagination for pranking, hell, she could even give the Prankster King(namely, her, when she was a he.) a run for his money!
But in all honesty, the Daimyo was a prick that didn't appreciate how nice orange as a colour was. Hell, he didn't even do it for baa-chan! Didn't do it yet would be more accurate, he mused privately, but no matter. The asshole Lord should have been honoured.
The Daimyo strode slowly to his bedroom. His schedule was clear, a very uncommon occurrence. It hadn't occurred for months already! Seeing no one in the corridor besides himself, he finally relaxed and slumped his shoulders. After spending quite a sizeable time as ninja wearing such restrictive clothing had been a sort of cultural shock. Even now, with a couple of years under his belt, the clothing still got on his nerves. They were the epitome of un-utilitarian, with no pockets to hide any weapons – he had to sneak an external tailor into the palace and add a couple of hidden pockets to the piece of crap. If Hidemoto – that old stuck up asshole – knew, he'd blow gaskets for being passed over for a perceivably "unworthy, lousy and untalented freeloading hack of a" tailor.
Not that he cared, but he'd prefer if his ears didn't need to face any unnecessary abuse. The Royal Tailor was capable of pulling rants of epic length out of his ass as easily as how Uzumaki Naruto could sneak around his palace. Pulling out his underwear drawer, he reached under the compartment and felt around for it. Finally his hand bumped into the sharp corner of it, and he pulled it out happily. He double-checked if he had locked the door, and then activated the security Jutsu he bullied Minato into teaching him before. It rocked to be royalty – he had a hell lot of leverage to use.
Opening the nondescript book, he gave a perverse giggle. After god knows how long of no Icha Icha…
His perverse giggle was interrupted most swiftly.
Nozomi felt the memories of a dismissed clone assault her brain and she grinned. Finally.
Kurenai, spotting the most malevolent grin on the young girl's face, decided to enquire about her student's mental health. "Has your mind finally snapped, Nozomi?"
"Nah." Nozomi giggled. "Just that the Daimyo finally activated the hidden Kage Bushin I hid in his copy of Icha Icha."
"What?" Kurenai muttered intelligently.
"Well, I Henged a Kage Bushin to be part of a page in his Icha Icha book, which he hides in the same location Iruka-sensei hides his (Kurenai locked that unwanted information in one of her mental canisters, labelled 'Do NOT Open. At all costs.') and my Bushin was carrying a pint of orange paint, so when he reached that page…" Nozomi gestured with her hands. "Poof! Splash! Kekeke…"
The Daimyo reflexively punched the summoned Kage Bushin, but said Bushin back flipped away and hurled the paint canister at the Daimyo. Grabbing his hidden kunai, the Daimyo attempted to knock the canister away. Unfortunately the canister was made of thin metal and the kunai ripped the canister into shreds. And much like how an exploded water balloon splashes water everywhere, the orange paint travelled. Laughing, the clone dismissed himself.
The Daimyo roared in fury, shaking an orange fist in the direction of Konoha.
Kurenai slapped her head in frustration. Not only did the girl reveal that her Kage Bushins could last impossibly long times, she also pissed the Daimyo off further. Not a good recipe for success. "Nozomi, did you consider the ramifications of such an action?"
"Well, I could claim ignorance." Nozomi shrugged. "The clone was left there for nearly a month, and it's impossible to remotely command a clone, so…"
"The issues now is firstly, how did a Kage Bushin last for nearly a month, and secondly, what will Daimyo-sama do after this?" Kurenai sighed. "Frankly speaking, most Jounin, me included, would be very happy if our Kage Bushin lasts past three hours, even if we created only one clone! If I created two at most they could last two hours each. Seeing how quickly you painted the throne, what with you doing it under two hours, I assume you summoned more than one Kage Bushin!"
"And you go and make one that lasts for a month!" Kurenai raged, shaking her fist for emphasis.
"Well, I used my brains." Nozomi shrugged. "I formed one Kage Bushin first – that one's the one that hid inside the book. Then I formed the other clones. So it does have half of my admittedly inhumane chakra levels."
"That was… surprisingly smart of you." Kurenai sighed. "But honestly, you're just asking for Daimyo-sama to do something drastic."
"Pfft." Nozomi chuckled. "What can he do?"
[In another universe, "You fool!" Kurenai screeched. "Murphy is watching us!"
Nozomi gasped. "NOT MURPHY!" Then everybody glared at Nozomi as the universe crashed when Murphy divided by zero to see how many ways the Daimyo could screw Nozomi's life upside down.]
"Well, many things." Kurenai shrugged. "Being that he is the Daimyo AND principal employer."
"Well…" Nozomi summarized. "We were already in deep shit. What can a little more do?"
"Write this down." The Daimyo coughed, clearing his throat. "Uzumaki Naruto, current Genin of Konohagakure no Sato, registration number 012607, as of now engaged in Official mission from the Office of the Daimyo, Mission Serial Number… Number… ("Number 417, Daimyo-sama." His retainer muttered.) Number 417, Class Level C, Section NatSec, will have the following additional conditions added to Mission Objectives, of Mission 417." (NatSec : National Security)
"Uzumaki Naruto will be simultaneously extending an invitation to the two targets to the annual Hi no Kuni Ball while spying on them, and he will secure their attendance, by hook or by crook." Tapping his fingers, the Daimyo thought of more… difficult situations the young Genin would have to do some verbal yoga to accomplish. Perhaps not verbal. "And he will have to… hmm…" The Lord bent over and whispered into the ear of the scribe.
"Send that off in an express dispatch." The Daimyo snarled. "Let that be a lesson as to why pranking the Daimyo is a very bad idea."
"Bad idea indeed." His retainer snorted. "But my Lord, what sort of mission involves painting the Earth Lord's throne pink?"
"A good one, crafted with many a forethought and intricate planning." The Daimyo nodded sagely. "The Earth Lord hates pink; he pissed me off recently, so…" The Lord grinned, and shrugged.
"Nozomi, concentrate!" Kurenai hissed. "You're drawing eyebrows, NOT lines! When did you ever see a self respecting lady with a singular eyebrow, Nozomi?"
Indeed, currently Nozomi's forehead had a vertical line through, which was obviously drawn with a pencil or the ilk. Nozomi fingered the eyebrow pencil tersely. "Argh, I give up! Kage Bushin!"
A Nozomi clone appeared. "What's up boss… Or should I call you Boss-ess?"
"No such thing as Boss-ess, clone!" Nozomi harrumphed. "Now sit still and be my model!"
"Aa, boss!" The clone nodded.
Kurenai resisted the impulse to start rolling on the floor and giggle as two identical looking persons took turns drawing makeup sloppily on each other.
"What did I say about being loud, noticeable AND brash, Kiba-chan?" Anko grinned. "Tell me, what did dear Anko-sensei tell you?"
Said Inuzuka was currently hanging from a tree, legs spread apart involuntarily, held open by a pair of snakes. The third snake was poised under the Genin's precious jewels, hissing. This was the reason as to why the Inuzuka wasn't paying attention to his sensei. "And what did I say about being attentive, Kiba-chan…?"
"If I don't pay attention I'm a dead dead mutt!" Kiba squawked, so frightened that he just repeated what Anko had said days ago ad verbatim.
"And…?" Anko smiled, playing with a dango skewer absently, and fished around in the plastic bag hanging off her arm for another.
"Being loud will get the mutt killed, being noticeable will get the mutt captured, and being brash will get the mutt dead before he can woof for his mother!" Kiba squeaked, struggling in his bonds to escape the homing head of the snake.
"Good." Anko nodded. "Now explain to me why you couldn't abide by these… advices and perhaps this particular Inuzuka could mount a girl in the future."
Kiba squawked. He was in deep shit, and he wondered if this time, he could claw his way out of it.
A/N : Never ever go ice skating with girls. They form one single row and will halt at the most inopportune of times, with no prior warning, forcing you to do yoga on ice to avoid them, or fall down attempting to. The best was when I had to emergency brake and I did a 180 degrees rotation somehow, and in the process stopped myself from colliding with the girls. And yes, Singapore does have ice skating rinks.
Edit (30 October 2011) : Clean up and slight rewording.