Sooo, here's another chapter.
Thanks to all of you for your support. It makes so much fun reading your reviews and messages :)
Now enjoy & review!
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Chapter 10: What has my life become?
When Dean woke up the next morning, he had no idea where he was. He very slowly opened his eyes, immediately closing them tightly again when he was blinded by the sun that was shining through the curtains. His head was pounding and he felt slightly nauseous, a sign showing him that he probably had way too much to drink the night before. He hadn't been that drunk in almost two years now. And when this realization hit him, he was immediately reminded of the events that had taken place the day before.
Shannon. She was pregnant.
He quickly jumped off of the bed and rushed into the bathroom, opening the door with so much force that it almost hit him after it bounced off of the wall.
"God Dean, you fucking startled me..." Seth yelped, resting his hand over his bare chest where his heart was beating fast now.
Dean couldn't even answer as he barely made it to the toilet, emptying his stomach's contents into the bowl as Seth watched him disgusted.
"Dude, you're not used to drinking these shots anymore," Seth said as soon as he was done, extending his hand to his hungover friend which he gratefully took.
"What happened yesterday?" Dean asked with a husky voice, looking at himself through the mirror.
He looked horrible. He was pale all over, his eyes blood-shot with dark circles under them. His hair was messy and his neck was covered with numerous hickeys. Edward Cullen was nothing compared to him.
"Other than you being a complete dick to Shannon and..." Seth started but was instantly cut off.
"Leave Shannon outta this. I know what happened between us and I'm not in the mood to discuss this now, got it? I just wanna know why I'm here," he snapped before turning on the faucet and splashing some water into his face.
"Well, you met this slut at a bar yesterday and were about to leave with her but I thought I might as well save your ass before you do something you would regret later," he replied, staring at Dean while he was inspecting his hickeys.
"Stop thinking next time and just let me leave with a chick. I don't need a babysitter. I have everything under control," he said quietly, drying his face with a towel before throwing it at Seth, quickly making his way out of the bathroom.
"You have everything under control? Are you fucking kidding me? Your pregnant girlfriend is sitting at home, probably crying her eyes out 'cause the father of her baby decided to fucking leave her because he is a damn coward. And you wanna tell me you have everything under control? Dean, you almost cheated on her yesterday," Seth yelled, causing Dean to grimace and hold his head in pain.
"Don't scream, for fuck's sake. I wasn't about to cheat on her. If you ask me, then we're done," he spat, throwing his shirt over his head before kneeling down and tying his shoelaces. "Stay outta my business from now on, Rollins."
And with that he passed his friend, even slightly bumping into him with his shoulder which made Seth stumble, but he didn't even care. He didn't need anyone to tell him what he had to do. It was his life and nobody would ever dictate it again. Not Shannon, not Seth…nobody.
…
It was around 7pm when Shannon finally landed in Pensacola. Roman had been able to get her an early flight just a day after Dean had left her, not wanting her to be alone for too long while she was still heartbroken and unsure about how to feel about the pregnancy.
He hadn't reached Dean just yet, but kept in touch with Seth who thankfully had stopped him from making a mistake. But that was something he wouldn't tell Shannon about. He didn't want to worry her any further.
He waited for her in front of the airport, his car parked just a few feet away from him on a reserved taxi spot but he truthfully was too lazy to walk too far. He knew Shannon had already landed and should be there in a matter of minutes, so he decided to take the risk and break the law.
A huge smile spread across his face when she finally exited the airport. Although she looked sad and exhausted, he couldn't deny saying that he was happy to see her. He knew Karo was thrilled to have her friend with her and he was looking forward to spending some time with his two pregnant ladies. He just wasn't sure if it would be pleasant the whole time. Their hormones might get the best of them.
"Sweetie, hey, it's good to see you," he said when she finally reached him, wrapping his strong arms around her and hugging her tightly.
Shannon couldn't even find the right words, too overwhelmed by his warm welcome that she felt like she couldn't hold back the tears. Recently she had experienced more love from Roman's part than she had from Dean. It was a sad but true fact.
"Shh, don't cry. It's okay. You're not alone anymore," he tried soothing her after hearing her sniffle.
His heart broke in his chest when he felt how her whole body starting shaking with sobs. She didn't deserve to feel like this. She deserved love and support. Something his idiot friend Dean couldn't or didn't want to give her. He was so mad at him.
He gently let go of her and took a step back, wiping away the tears with his thumb and giving her a small, reassuring smile.
"Welcome to Florida," he grinned happily, kissing her forehead before taking her suitcase and bags, carrying them over to his SUV which was still in its spot. Thankfully.
"So where's Karo?" Shannon asked as soon as she slid into the passenger seat, buckling her seatbelt and getting comfortable after having to sit in a small plane just 30 minutes ago.
"She's at home waiting for us. She wanted to prepare dinner as she was sure you haven't eaten a lot since yesterday. And I'm bet she's right," he said as he was manoeuvring his car out of the taxi spot, taking off as fast as he could as a meter maid was about to make her way over to them.
"I wasn't hungry," she sighed, running a shaky hand through her messy hair.
She was tired and exhausted. All she had done the whole night was crying. The whole fighting scenario between her and Dean replayed in her mind over and over again. And instead of coming to terms with it, it made everything so much worse. She didn't even have the courage to call or even text him. It wasn't her place to do so. He had been the one that decided to leave. So it was his decision to see what he wanted to do next.
"Shan, you're not only taking care of yourself anymore. You're having a baby and you need to be more careful from now on," he admonished, giving her a sideway glance which made her see of the fact that he was dead serious about this.
She just nodded her head and decided to look out of the window, not wanting to argue with him when deep down she knew that he was absolutely right. Maybe she had a hard time accepting this as she still hadn't had the chance to realize that she was indeed pregnant. All she had done was worry about Dean and where he was or what he was doing. It still felt so surreal thinking about the fact that she was expecting a baby.
"One day he'll come back on his knees, begging you to give him another chance," Roman said after a few moments of silence, looking into rear-view mirror as he was taking a left at the lights.
"I seriously doubt it. But thanks for making the effort to try to cheer me up," she huffed, rubbing her face with one of her hands when once again her stomach turned.
How could she possibly eat when she felt constantly sick? But knowing Roman she was sure he would not let her get away with any excuses. She would have to eat, even if he had to feed her himself.
Roman decided to let the subject drop. Maybe she didn't want to talk about Dean anymore and that was only understandable. She looked like she had been crying for endless hours now and all he wanted was to see her smile again. But that seemed like mission impossible at the moment.
After 10 more minutes, they finally arrived at what they liked to call 'Casa del Reigns'. Shannon was happy she could finally take a shower and get comfortable as the last few hours had been extremely exhausting for her. She wasn't sure if she would ever fly back to California, even making plans of having Roman and Karo adopt her so that she could live with them happily ever after. She rolled her eyes when she realized how ridiculous this sounded.
"Ahhh, there you aaaare," Karolina yelped, clapping her hands excitedly after seeing how Shannon followed Roman into the house, a huge smile on her face.
Shannon couldn't help but smile weakly, opening her arms for her friend to hug her, both of them sighing contentedly when they were finally in each other's arms. They had seen each other just a few days ago, but being together on tour made it hard being without each other again just after only a short amount of time.
"Thanks for having me. You have no idea how much this means to me," she whispered, trying to hold back the tears that were about to escape her eyes and thankfully this time she was successful.
"You're family, sweetheart. No need to thank us," Karo said, gently letting go of her fellow pregnant friend and looking at her intently. "So, how far along are you?"
Karo looked at Shannon expectantly and was confused to see how her friend was shrugging her shoulders blank-faced.
"You don't know?" she asked curiously, shaking her head in disbelief when Shannon nodded.
"I don't. The doc told me I was pregnant but asked me to go and see my gynaecologist for further examinations," she explained, a tired expression on her face.
"And you didn't have the time to do so yet?" she questioned, sighing heavily when she once again nodded her head in confirmation.
"How about we take her with us to Dr Matthews on Monday? We have another appointment anyways and maybe he could examine her as well," Roman suggested, a smile on his face when Karo looked all excited about his idea.
"That would be awesome. Oh my God…I still can't believe we're pregnant together," Karo squealed, once again wrapping her arm around Shannon and hugging her tightly.
It seemed as if Roman and Karolina were more excited about her pregnancy than she was. She could only hope that one day this would change. She wanted to be happy as well. But without Dean by her side she felt lost.
…
He slammed the door shut behind them, his mouth still on hers while their tongues were fighting for dominance. Her hands were buried in his short her while his were placed firmly on her ass, squeezing her buttcheeks through the thin fabric of her black miniskirt.
He hastily pulled at her thong, tearing it to tatters which made her yelp, putting a mischievous smile on his face and he couldn't help but chuckle. He loved the effect he had on women. That was something that would never change.
She moaned out loud when his middle and index finger found her clit, rubbing it furiously for a few moments before he guided them to her entrance, feeling just how wet she was for him.
He had no idea what her name was. And he certainly didn't care. He just needed a good fuck and names didn't matter in that kind of situation. He would never see her again afterwards anyways.
She started fidgeting with his belt, after a few seconds finally able to unbuckle it before she quickly unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, pushing them down so that they were dangling around his ankles. He was hungrily attacking her neck when she guided her hand in between his legs, cupping his balls. And that was the moment she abruptly shoved him away.
She looked at him confused, pushing down his boxers and letting out a frustrated sigh when she saw what was in front of her. Or what wasn't in front of her.
"What's up with that?" she asked annoyed, looking back and forth between his non-existent erection and his face.
Dean looked down at himself and sighed. It had happened once again. It had been over a week since he had left Shannon and ever since then he'd been trying to get laid but he simply couldn't. He was in a different bar every night, picking up some random girl and taking her back to his hotel room. Seth had surrendered and let him do what he felt was his right to do. They both knew he was making a big mistake but Dean simply didn't want to understand. So here he was again, back in his hotel room with a hot, blonde and long-legged chick that was dripping wet for him and he once more couldn't get a boner. He was frustrated with himself.
"Relax. No need to start bitching," he snapped back at her, grabbing her by her hair and pushing her down on her knees. "Why don't you just get to work and make my cock hard?"
He knew that even if she gave him the best blowjob he had ever gotten, that he wouldn't get an erection. All he did when he closed his eyes was seeing Shannon right in front of him. It made him angry but there was nothing he could do about it. Even Angelina Jolie couldn't satisfy him when all he could think about was his pregnant woman.
"Fuck you," she yelled, getting up quickly and straightening her skirt before slapping his cheek hard and opening the door so that she could get out of his hotel room as fast as she could.
"Fucking ring rat," he yelled after her, hastily pulling up his pants before slamming the door shut and kicking it angrily.
He threw himself onto his bed, grabbing his cell phone and opening his photo album app. And there she was: his Shannon. He had hundreds of pictures of her on his phone and he wouldn't delete one of them. He wouldn't admit it to anybody but he missed her terribly.
Maybe that was why he simply couldn't fuck all of these girls. While his body was aching for a release, his heart wasn't into it. But how could it if it was Shannon who had stolen it. It was still with her and he wasn't sure if that would ever stop. He loved her with all his heart and even all these shots and beers couldn't make him forget about her. And then there was that baby. That baby that he had been denying ever since she had told him she was pregnant. He hated himself for treating her the way he did. He wanted to force her to abort it, even rubbed it in her face that she had already done it and that it probably was a routine for her. He had accused her of cheating. He shook his head in disbelief. How could he do that when it was him who was trying to become that manwhore again that he had always been before he had met her? He was such a hypocrite.
He had been thinking about her constantly. But not only about her, no, this baby wouldn't leave his mind either. It must be his. She wouldn't be with anyone else. She had always been faithful and honest with him and he was sure he didn't even deserve her love. This baby was definitely his and if he didn't want it to have the same childhood he had lived, then he had to change something.
He had to see her again. He needed to fight for her. Now.
…
*Hey bro. Seth told me Shannon is with you. Is she still in Pensacola? I need to see her. Dean*
Roman had no idea if it was coincidence that this text message reached him in this very moment but he was just sitting in Dr Matthews' examination room with Karo on his lap while the doctor currently did a quick ultrasound check up with Shannon to see how far along she was and if everything was fine.
It was Dean who should be by her side now, not him or Karolina. He shook his head as a sigh escaped his lips, something that made Karo look at him curiously.
"Are you ok?" she asked him, her arm wrapped around his neck lazily while she looked at him intently.
After having her check-up just a few minutes ago where the doctor confirmed to her that she was now 5 weeks' pregnant and that their baby seemed to be developing perfectly fine, she was excited to see what Shannon's results said. But seeing Roman with a frown on his face made her worry.
"Look yourself," he whispered, handing her his cell phone so that she could read the text message he had just received from his best friend.
"Forget about it," she immediately said, a little too loud as Shannon seemingly had noticed the anger in her voice.
"Everything okay?" she asked, looking at both Roman and Karolina expectantly.
"Sure, sunshine. It's all good," Roman said with a fake smile on his face while he pinched Karo, giving her a death glare.
It was neither his nor her place to decide what was good for Shannon and Dean. Roman was sure Dean would never come to Pensacola to act like a dick towards Shannon. Not again and definitely not with him in the same house.
"Well, Miss O'Brien, that looks really good. Do you see that little spot right there?" he asked, pointing to the monitor when she nodded her head. "That is your baby. Everything looks perfectly fine."
Shannon watched in awe as the Dr Matthews took several ultrasound pictures, immediately printing them out for her to take back home. She was fascinated by the little thing she was carrying below her heart and she couldn't help but shed a few singles tears. It finally settled in. She was pregnant. She was having a baby.
"So, I'm not really sure if this was planned by you all, but it seems as if you're just as far along as Karolina is. You're both 5 weeks' pregnant, ladies," he said with a smile on his face which made them all giggle.
"Oh my God, that's just so exciting. Just imagine us being in the same delivery room on the very same day," Karo shrieked, covering her mouth with one of her hands as she continued giggling.
"Well, I don't wanna crush your hopes but regarding Miss O'Brien's past difficulties, I'm not really sure if a normal birth is possible in this case. But we will find out about this after some other examinations. It's still very early," the doctor explained while at the same time handing Shannon a few tissues so that she could clean up.
She didn't really want to think about that day yet. It didn't matter if she would give normal birth or if her baby would be brought into this world via a C-section. All she cared about was that Dean would be at her side. But after not hearing from him in over a week, she was losing hope.
…
It was two days later that somebody knocked on the door of Karo's and Roman's house in Pensacola. It was already late and Shannon had gone back to her guestroom a while ago when the couple decided to watch some TV before going to bed.
"Who could that be?" Karo asked curiously, moving slightly so that Roman could get up so that he could make his way over to the door to open it.
"I don't know, baby. Lemme check real quick," he replied, shrugging his shoulders innocently although he very well knew who was knocking at their door.
He had been arguing with Karo a lot about that text message Dean had sent two days ago and she was anything but happy about him coming over. She was still so mad at him for treating Shannon like a piece of shit that she even wanted to end their friendship. Not wanting to stress her out with another fight, he had decided to keep it to himself that Dean would come to Pensacola, and had even talked to his best friend to act as if it was a surprise visit he would make. He hated lying to Karolina but in this case it was the best he could do.
"Hey man. It's good to see you," Roman said quietly after he had opened the front door, giving his friend a manly hug before stepping aside. "Come in."
Dean took his bag and carried it into the hallway, putting it down next to the garderobe and leaving it there as he didn't know how fast he had to leave again. One thing he was sure about: either Karolina or Shannon would kill him. He could only hope that Roman would defend him somehow.
"Baby, who is it and…" Karo started but immediately stopped dead in her tracks when she saw that it was Dean who was the mysterious visitor. "What the fuck are you doing here?"
"Listen princess, let me explain. I just wanted…," he started but she instantly cut him off.
"I don't care what you want. Nobody cares about what you want. You're a selfish, ignorant no good son of a bitch. Who the hell do you think you are?" she started yelling, making her way over to him until she was right in front of him.
"I know I've fucked up but don't you think I deserve a second chance?" he asked, clearly annoyed with Karo now.
Roman desperately wanted to interfere but both his wife and best friend were too furious for anyone to stop them.
"A second chance? Are you kidding me? All you deserve is a good ass-kicking," she snapped, pushing him slightly but he was strong enough not to tumble.
"Alright babygirl. That's enough. How about you go upstairs and wait for me in bed? Take a deep breath and…" he tried to calm her down but she wouldn't even let him finish his sentence.
"No. Fuck that. He's coming here to hurt my friend again and I'm not letting this happen. Don't expect me to calm down now," she barked at him, clearly having lost her temper.
"Karolina," he said warningly, looking at her with a serious expression on his face.
He hated when she wouldn't listen to him and he was having none of her shit. She kept forgetting about their promise to each other and it was starting to piss him off. How dare she freak out like that when stress probably had been one of the biggest factors of them losing their precious baby boy?
"Roman, I don't want to…" she said, her voice almost a whisper now.
"Nobody is going to hurt Shannon. That's a promise. Right, Dean?" he asked, turning his head towards his best friend who only nodded his head in agreement.
He would do anything but hurt her again. He wanted her back. Her and their baby.
Karolina sighed heavily and looked at Roman unsure and even apologetically. She didn't have a good feeling about this but she trusted that her husband would make the right decision by letting Dean see their common best friend.
"Now go and be a good girl," he whispered, kissing her forehead softly and giving her a nod, silently asking her to leave them alone.
And without any further comment, she did as she was told and left the boys alone, quickly making her way upstairs into their bedroom while both Roman and Dean sat down on the couch in the living room.
They hadn't talked about this whole scenario since the very day Dean had left Shannon about nine days ago. Roman wanted to give Dean as much time as he needed and he had been sure that it was him who would come back after realizing how much he had fucked up. Dean was a sensitive guy. He wouldn't want anyone to know about it but he couldn't fool Roman. He could look right through him.
"Dude, I don't know what to do," he immediately said, watching Roman as he switched off the TV.
He looked at his friend expectantly, the look in his eyes reflecting both insecurity and sadness. He knew that Dean had been lost ever since being told that he was becoming a father and he couldn't even blame him. It was an overwhelming feeling when you suddenly realize that your life is about to change completely and being a father was definitely a huge responsibility. A responsibility he knew Dean was afraid of.
"You've fucked up, man. Big time," Roman said quietly, looking at his friend intently before continuing. "All a woman wants and needs when she tells you she is carrying your baby is your love and support. But what did you do? You've accused her, humiliated her and broke her heart. You left her alone when she most needed you. Do you honestly expect her to forgive you again?"
Dean knew that Roman was absolutely right. He knew he had made a huge mistake but hearing it all over again made his heart shatter into a million pieces.
"I can't blame her if she doesn't. But I want her back. I need her back," he confessed, looking at him desperately.
"But you won't get her back if you don't accept your baby. Dean, this is some serious business now. You can't run away and come back whenever you feel like it. She needs you. And that baby needs a daddy that it can rely on," he replied, running a hand through his long dark hair.
"I know, I know. I've been thinking about this for days now. Let me be honest with you," he started, taking a deep breath and continuing when Roman gave him a nod. "I've been trying to get laid but it didn't work. I wasn't even able to get a boner, dude. All I could think about was Shannon and that baby. I know it might take me some time to fathom that in a few months I'm gonna be a father. But I'm sure that with your help I'll be able to be the man she needs at her side. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm afraid."
Roman nodded his head in understanding, patting his best friend's shoulder and giving it a soft squeeze.
"I'm afraid too. It's normal. Do you really think I'm totally relaxed about becoming a father?" Roman asked him, wanting him to see that it was only natural to have these kind of fears.
"Roman, we both know that you're gonna be an amazing dad. Me? Not so much. I've had a fucked up childhood. I don't want this to happen to another little human being," he said, trying to defend his own feelings although he clearly didn't have to.
"That's just one more reason to try to make this better. You're better than your dad, Dean. You're not him and you never will be. You just have to believe in yourself," he encouraged him, once again patting his shoulder before he added. "But you know what? Don't tell me. Tell her. Tell her about your fears. You have to stick together and work through this."
Dean closed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath. He knew that Roman was right but he was afraid of facing Shannon and he wasn't even ashamed to admit it.
"First floor, second room on the left. I think you know where that is. I'll let you go there by yourself. But as soon as I hear any yelling, I'll pull you out there by your balls, got it?" Roman asked, looking him dead in the eye.
He was serious about this. He wouldn't let him hurt Shannon again. She was like a little sister to him and no woman should ever be treated the way she had been. He didn't care if Dean was the one he would have to beat should this ever happen again.
Without saying another word, Dean slowly made his way upstairs. With each and every step, his heart started beating faster. What was he supposed to say? How in the hell should he apologize to her? Would she even listen to him? Would she forgive him and take him back? There were so many questions flooding his mind that he didn't even realize that he was already standing in front of her door.
He felt numb, empty even. And he was so afraid.
He swallowed hard, once again taking a deep breath before raising his hand and with a little hesitation he finally knocked on her door softly.
Waiting for a reaction felt like an eternity although it only took mere seconds for her to yell a quiet 'Come in'.
He closed his eyes tightly, mumbled to himself that he could do it before finally and very slowly opening her day.
It felt as if his heart stopped beating as soon as he saw her. And it looked as if she felt the same. She looked at him wide-eyed, involuntarily holding her breath while he just stared at her in silence.
"What the hell are you doing here?" she asked full of hatred, anger written all over her face.
And in this very moment all of his hopes had been dashed by just this simple question. She wasn't going to forgive him. He just knew it.
Never in his life had he felt that heartbroken before.