Ridiculous amount of time I know. Blame college, having an amazing summer, and then college again. Really though I think I just lost motivation and there's no point in writing something if you're not enjoying it is there? Anyway, I don't even know if anyone's still interested in this and I'm sure it'll be long forgotten but I suddenly felt like getting back into it so there we go :)

I wouldn't say this chapter's exactly worth fuck knows how many months wait, but it's the first of Emily's, and there'll probably be at least 2 more to follow straight on in her point of view. Right then, and if you were at some point waiting for me to update this then i'm sorry i didn't get my arse in gear sooner!

Emily (part 1).

You've come to realise that Naomi, is one of those near insufferable types, who knows something about just about everything.

It's pretty annoying actually, and you tell her as much, like when you're holed up in your room comparing notes, and she'll get this smug, almost arrogant look about her, about to tell you where you've gone wrong. You'll call her out on it, smirk until she stops mid sentence and realises how pompous she sounds, and then she's biting her lip shyly until she's laughing with you.

And it's pretty wonderful you think, that that's all it takes from you to loosen someone up that's as wound tight as Naomi can be.

You don't tell her that though, just like you don't tell her that really, when she's not being smug about it, Naomi's knowledge, her passion, is something which stirs up a multitude of feelings in you, and annoyance doesn't even make the list.

Because she knows such a lot, Naomi, about politics, Shakespeare, the impacts of globalization on the developing world…

She knows how you like your tea, that you can't face a fag until about noon when you've had a good meal but after that you smoke like a chimney. That you can't sleep unless your feet are cocooned within the duvet (granted she rolls her eyes fondly at this one).

Yeah, she's just one big fucking beacon really.

Until you remember that she isn't, as you watch her leave you behind (so shaken, like she's just heard the most shocking and terrible news in her life). And it's such a paradox, how someone who knows so muchcould not have seen this coming, when all the while you'd known from the start.

The start, at least for you, happened a lot sooner than that day at the reception. And that, is something Naomi does not know.

You're in a lecture during first week of term and the guy talking is seriously making you question the merits of this uni, a prize arsehole you decide even though he probably knows his stuff, it's all in his delivery, and the way he's striding around, sizing everyone up within eye line, daring, almost begging someone to question him. It sort of reminds you of college, and as he's going on about critical analysis and how it's the key you hear Katie's voice in your ear.

"Dunno about you babes, but I reckon the only thing in need of critical analysis here is that lilac jumper."

You smile. And then you sigh, because in reality this couldn't be farther away from college, and you have to remind yourself that that's exactly what you wanted.

You're broken out of your thoughts by someone scoffing loudly at whatever the lecturers said, and it's not loud enough for him to hear but it's enough for you and several others to turn in direction it came from.

And that's when you see her, she doesn't notice you on account of scowling at the people in the nearer vicinity before they hastily retreat back to their notes (and you're honestly thankful she hasn't spotted you, because you're not sure what exact expression is on your face right now but you've got a feeling it resembles one of those old cartoon character when they'd laid eyes on a particularly juicy piece of meat.) You want to look away like the others, away from this girl who's now sitting back with her arms folded and a look on her face that's saying she's in on a secret that the rest of the world isn't, yet you just can't. And it's then that you catch it, as you're just staring openly, the smallest flicker of doubt.

And suddenly, it feels like you know a secret too.

You don't think of her. Why would you? You've never spoken and she's merely one of the many nameless faces you now pass by each day, a beautiful face you can't deny but ultimately, just a girl. And whatever your recent coming to terms with how you feel about girls may be it's no cause to go fantasising about one that doesn't even know you exist. Even if, for a split second in that room, you'd felt like you saw a glimpse of something people rarely get to see in anyone, the face beneath the mask.

After all, you know all about masks.

You're lots of things, and whilst you don't want the fact that you're gay to define you, you're not prepared to let it stifle you either, the way it did back home until finally you took the plunge and were met with such bitterness, such lack of empathy from your mother that you knew you'd never be able to breathe properly until you'd gotten away.

It feels like a big deal, to just get it out there in the open right away. No more hiding, you tell yourself.

As it turns out, you need the pep talk about as much as you need condoms because when it finally does come up in conversation with your flat mates, one night over drinks a few weeks in when Thomas and Panda have succumbed to the inevitability of becoming a couple (something you would of happily placed a bet on by your first evening together), panda suggesting potential 'hunks of burning love' to set you up with and you know, that this where you make that last transition from who you were to who you want to be.

You might as well of announced you were going to stick the kettle on for reaction it gets. Only it's not like with your dad, when you knew he wasn't taking you seriously, it's just that it doesn't matter, because as you look at the faces of JJ, Thomas and Panda, the smiles they're giving you aren't because of a joke you never made, they're of understanding. And you get it then, that maybe you're not the only one who knows how it feels to be a little different from everybody else.

And yeah, maybe you're just lucky to of been put those kinds of people, and you know that it won't be that easy every time (Christ do you know that). But it gives you a feeling of hope for what's to come, when until now all you could really think of was what was left behind, and you know that all of this was the right decision.

You're optimistic, sure even, that there are plenty more people to meet over the next few years that'll welcome you just like this.

Which is why, you don't find yourself looking out for the girl in that lecture or any others, you definitely don't find your head snapping at the slightest glimpse of blonde around campus, and you most certainly don't feel disappointment settle in your chest when whoever it is turns out not to be her.

You start to wonder if she wasn't just some fucking mirage your mind conjured in an effort to spice up a particularly dull lesson.

It's an evening in early November when you're letting yourself out of your building, the need for fags overriding your reluctance to face the cold when you spot her, stepping out of a block of flats just across the way and you don't know if it's the seeing her again or the possibility that she lives just meters away but suddenly you're warm. She's lighting up, or having trouble with it from what you can make out and it feels like a chance. Your lighter now weighing heavy in your pocket, you could go over, you could-

Your startled by your phone ringing, reach for it distractedly and when you look back over the girls managed to have some success and is now puffing away gratefully. You hit the answer button with a sigh.

"Hey Katie."

"Hey bitch" comes the voice of your twin, and really you think wryly, the distance has made her nothing if not more loving.

"What happened to ringing me last night?"

"I did ring Kate, you were wankered remember? Kept chatting up the taxi driver whenever I tried to talk so in the end I left you to it."

"Really?" she snorts, "fucked if I know, must have been more gone than I thought, see what happens when you're not here to keep me in check."

You stop laughing then, can feel the conversation already shifting in the direction the majority have done since you moved here, the ones where Katie goes away angry and you end up feeling guilty despite your best judgment and you really haven't got the energy today for any of it.

"Katie…" you start, weary.

"Yeah yeah alright Em's. I know Okay, I'm not gonna start." Seems you're not the only one. "God, i'm allowed to miss you aren't I?"

It tugs at your heart a bit, because it sounds like she's actually asking when the Katie you know was always in the habit of just taking, and even though that was sometimes the problem you don't ever want to be in the place where she has to ask for this.

"Course you are, stupid cow. I miss you too yeah?"

"Yeah." She replies considerably perked up, starts to tell you about a boy she met the night before and you close your eyes as you listen because it's true, you really do miss your sister. It's why it's such a shame that it took so much drama, and you moving hundreds of miles away for her to start acting like one.

"How's the job going Kate?"

"Ergh, were you even listening to me Ems? It's the same as bloody always so why don't you talk about something that's actually worth the money this calls costing me yeah and tell me if you've been getting any up in Manchester?"

"No." you laugh "I haven't."

A tut from the other end, "And here's me thinking you only went away so you can muff dive till your hearts content and you're telling me you've not met anyone?"

Involuntarily your eyes find blonde, and you watch the now retreating figure of the girl as she lets herself out of the gates.

"No, I haven't met anyone yet."