Chapter 6

In the early morning hours, two very exhausted women lay sleeping in each other's arms. A ringing phone broke into the silence. Without opening her eyes, Alex reached her hand out to grab the phone. Unfortunately, with the nature of the work the two women did, early morning and late night phone calls weren't unusual, and their hands knew their way to the phone before their brain even registered that they had a call.

"Hello," Alex answered in a groggy voice. She managed to untangle herself from Olivia's arms and sat up on the side of the bed.

A cheery voice came over the line. "Hey there! Good morning, Sunshine."

"Who is this?" Alex asked, not recognizing the voice.

"It's me Quinn. Are you still in bed?"

Alex caught herself before she said something that Quinn definitely didn't need to know. "I… yeah, I just had a … rough night." Alex told her old friend. A glance at the alarm clock Olivia and her had forgotten to set the night before, told her the two women were both late for work.

"That's too bad," Quinn sympathized. "Well, look, I was just calling to see where you want to meet for lunch?"

"Why don't you meet me at the Film Center Café at 12; 15 PM? It's near the court house on Carroll Street at 12:15. You can't miss it."

Quinn laughed at Alex's direction. "I believe the last time you said "You can't miss it" to me, I ended up in Jersey at 3 AM."

Alex laughed along with her old friend. "Well, that was many years ago, and if I remember correctly, we had both been downing Tequila Shooters for several hours."

"I plead the fifth," Quinn replied. "I'll see you at 12:15 at the Film Center Café."

"Good God, how's a woman to function without at least a cup of coffee in the mornings?" Alex said aloud, talking to no one in particular. Reaching to hang up the phone, she felt an arm circle her waist, and a warm mouth kissing the side of her neck. Alex tipped her head to the side, giving Olivia access to more room.

"I missed you, so I had to come and get you," Olivia murmured in Alex's ear.

Alex turned her head and caught Olivia's lips in a kiss. "Have I ever told you how fucking sexy your first thing in the morning, half awake voice is?"

"Well counselor, I don't believe you've mentioned that." Olivia was using her tongue on the soft skin of Alex's jaw. "Maybe we should investigate just how sexy you think it is."

Alex hated to, but she had to point out the obvious. "I'd love too Olivia, but we're already late for work."

A quick glance at the clock wasn't enough to deter Olivia. Using her arm, she turned Alex to face her. Her lips circled Alex's nipple, which quickly hardened. Letting it loose, she smiled at Alex. "Well, you know what they say. In for a dime, in for a dollar."

With those words she brought her lips down on Alex's, deepening the kiss, bringing Alex into the moment with her.

Alex breezed into the door of the Film Center Café. Glancing at her watch, she cursed out loud. "Shit, I'm late."

Glancing around the small restaurant she spotted Quinn's brunette hair. Quickly, she made her way to the table where Quinn was sitting. "Sorry I'm late. I got caught up in court. Part of the game as you're about to find out."

"No problem. You look great Alex. Of course you always were beautiful. No one could hold a candle to too you."

Alex blushed. "Well, I'm not sure how true that is, or was as the case might be, but thank you for the compliment."

Quinn took no time to get to the subject that had kept her awake all night long. "So Alex, I take it Olivia and you are involved."

"Oh yeah. We're involved." Alex confirmed. "Actually, she's it for me. I have never loved anyone or could ever love anyone as much as I love her. The most amazing part is she feels the same way about me."

"Well, I guess that works out nicely," Quinn sounded reluctant to give up. "Is she good to you Alex?" She probed further.

"She is the very best thing that has ever happened to me, bar none. I adore her. She's so good to me. She's so passionate about everything in her life. She can be gentle as a lamb, but then if she needs to be, she can get so tough and strong. That's what I love so much about her. She just makes me feel very safe." Alex couldn't help smiling when talking about her detective.

Quinn was disappointed in Alex' answer. She had been hoping that Alex would reveal some flaws in her relationship with Olivia. "How long have you two been dating," she asked, hoping to get some more information.

Alex had to stop to think, to make sure she had the time line right. "Technically, five weeks, but we've known each other for two years."

"Oh, where was that?" Quinn was relentless in her questioning. She wanted; no she needed to know what made the brunette so irresistible. If she was being completely honest, Quinn would have to admit that Olivia was quite the looker, but she had two very large problems as far as Quinn was concerned. The first was Olivia's bad attitude, and the second and much bigger problem is that Olivia had what Quinn wanted more than anything.

"She's a detective in my squad. And easily, the best detective in the SVU." Alex boasted.

Pieces of the puzzle were falling into place for Quinn. "That explains it."

Just then the waiter appeared at the table to take their orders. When he left, the two took up their conversation.

"Explains what?"

Quinn took a sip of her drink. "Well, she came off pretty strong last night."

"Yes, well like I said, she is passionate." Alex looked at Quinn resolutely. "I thought we were here to talk about old times, not my girlfriend."

"Yeah, sure," Quinn seemed to relent. However, she was far from finished. "Does Olivia know?" She asked suddenly.

"Does Olivia know what?" It took a few seconds to understand what Quinn was referring too.

Quinn stared at her friend who was by now squirming in her seat. "About what happened in college?"

"No," Alex answered in a flat voice.

"Why not?" Quinn wanted to know.

Alex's voice grew hard. "What happened was over and done with a long time ago. I'm not going to talk about that with you. As for why I didn't tell Olivia, I don't know why I haven't told her about it. I guess I'm just not ready to dump all that on her. We've known each other for two years but we're still learning how to connect as a couple in love. Even though there was an immediate connection and attraction from the moment I walked into the squad room and saw her."

"You love her that much?"

"Yeah, I love her that much. With everything I have and everything I am. And I'll love her that way forever." Alex couldn't help but smile at the thought of a future with the woman of her dreams.

Disappointed Quinn barked. "Well, that is just unfortunate."

Puzzled by Quinn's odd response, Alex spoke up." It's not unfortunate at all Quinn. I'm very lucky to have found Olivia,"

"Well, it's certainly bad for me."

Alex was even more puzzled. "Why bad for you? I have no idea what you are talking about."

Quinn picked up Alex's hand. "What I'm about to tell you may come as a surprise…but I've always loved you."

"I love you too. We've grew up together. What surprise are you talking about?"

"I just mean… I mean that I LOVED you, really loved you." Quinn confessed with a hint of disappointment in her voice, and hope in her eyes.

As the realization of what Quinn was saying sunk in, Alex's face dropped in shock. "What are you saying to me?"

"I'm saying I'm in love with you Alex," Quinn's voice grew louder. "I have been for a long time, forever it seems. I just can't keep it inside me anymore. I thought that maybe if I could come and find you, I could tell you how I felt, but I didn't know where you were. After college we lost touch. And that was it, I lost you, and any hope of you loving me in return…But when I saw you at the restaurant, and I thought maybe I might have a chance with you after all this time. Then I saw you dancing with her and everything just came crashing down on me again."

Alex was stunned by Quinn's revelation. "Why dump all this on me now?"

"I thought that maybe, just maybe. I don't know what I thought really. I think I just wasn't thinking. I'm sorry Alex"

Alex couldn't believe what she was hearing, but she took no time in pointing out that whatever romantic feelings Quinn might hold for her, Alex was not in love with Quinn. "Quinn, hear me. I'm in love WITH Olivia! I will always be in love WITH Olivia! I am going to spend the rest of my life WITH Olivia! Do you understand me?"?"

Hurt by Alex's curt words, Quinn began to ramble. "Look Alex, I know I kind sprung this on you all of a sudden, but I have been holding this in so long, and I see you now, looking so beautiful. You and Olivia haven't been together that long. Maybe you just think you love her."

'NO! Quinn I don't think. I Love Olivia, she is everything to me! Do you understand?" Alex stood up.

Quinn grabbed Alex by the arm. "Alex, we have to talk about this."

Alex shook her head in disbelief. "No, Quinn, we don't. There is nothing to talk about."

"Can't we at least be friends?" Quinn tried one last time.

Alex shook her head. "I don't think that's wise considering this situation," she answered, before turning and walking out the front door of the restaurant.

Making her way past her secretary, Alex had never been so glad to be in her office as she was at that moment. Turning the lock on the doorknob, Alex locked herself in, and more importantly locked the world out. Sitting at her desk, she dialed her secretary's line. When the young woman picked up, Alex said only "Please, hold my calls."

Alex ran her fingers through her hair, grateful that court had been canceled for the afternoon. She knew she would need the time to process Quinn's revelations and deal with the memories from an extremely long time ago that Alex had worked very hard to forget.

Unfortunately, Alex had found from years of experience that the only way to lock away bad memories was to first remember them. She began to prepare for a trip someplace she hadn't been for many, many years and had hoped to never have the need to go there at all.

Alex closed the heavy drapes in her office. Walking to the doorway, she flipped the light switch, plunging the room into semi-darkness. Taking off her heels, she lay down on the couch on her back and closed her eyes.

In her office, Alex sat in her chair taking deep breaths and blowing them out. Thinking about her conversation with Quinn, Alex was in a state of shock. She couldn't believe Quinn had told her she was in love with her, had always been in love with her. Slowly, Alex began to calm down. She knew she would see Quinn again but what she wish was not to if she can help it. Alex's relationship with Olivia was too precious and too new to allow Quinn to possibly undercut it.

The more she thought about Quinn, the more Alex returned to other memories from the time the two women had met. It was a situation that had profoundly changed the course of Alex's life.

Alex had been just 19 years old and in her first year of college when she first met and fell for Sam, a 22 two year old woman she had seen on stage in a local play. It turns out that Sam was in a popular local drama club. They started dating immediately. It didn't take long for the relationship to grow serious and they began to share a dorm room. At first, Sam was just controlling, not so different from anyone else. But the more I gave in, the more she demanded. Sam's need to absolutely control everything that Alex did was there from the beginning, but Alex didn't know enough to recognize it then.

She hurt me. She hurt me badly. Alex couldn't believe it. It's was like Alex was outside of her body watching Sam beat her with Alex saying over and over "This can't be happening."

She managed to cut Alex off from her classmates and friends for months, leaving Alex isolated , with no one to talk too, and completely under Sam's control. Finally one night Alex made a stand and told Sam she wasn't take any more and Alex was leaving. Sam yelled, and argued, but Alex had simply kept packing. Thankfully, some students came to the door complaining about the noise level, and Alex took the opportunity to take her leave.

During the time Alex was with Sam, the only escape Alex had from her controlling and abusive behavior was a new friend Alex had made named Quincy Crowe. When Alex showed up at Quinn's door, she not only invited Alex in, but they roomed together for the rest of the college semester.

Alex hadn't talked to Sam again, never even crossed paths with her former abuser. A week after Alex had left, she was reading the Sunday paper when a short article caught her eyes. It read 'A 22 year old woman was taken to Mercy Hospital with life-threatening injuries after an accident early Saturday morning. The motorcycle was the only vehicle involved in the crash at Brady Auditorium at Cedar Street at 7 AM. The cause of the accident is under investigation.'

That's all the entire article said. A couple days later Alex had heard from friend that Sam didn't make it. Alex hadn't known whether or not she felt sorry or happy about the way Sam's life had ended. In the end, she decided she didn't feel happy about it, but feeling sorry wasn't an option either.

The experience with Sam profoundly changed Alex's life. She gained a sense of purpose that she would fight for people who couldn't fight for themselves. She made herself a promise that she would never get into a situation like the one with Sam. And she hadn't.

Alex thoughts were going out of control and she had no idea how to solve this problem. "Maybe a glass of whiskey can do the trick" she thought as she search the cabinet which harbors an old bottle of whiskey. Taking hold of the amber liquid bottle she poured a decent amount into a tumbler. "god how am I going to fix this mess?"she ask her self.

"what mess?" came the sudden voice a voice she new by heart ,the voice the accompanied her every dream and waking moments. Olivia walked towards the other woman noticing a rather worried expression on her face.

Alex immediately got up and went to Olivia needing to feel Olivia's arm around her was a monumental need at this point. Alex embraced her and Olivia responded without hesitation.

"sweetheart what wrong?" Olivia asked concern evident in her voice. Feeling the tension in her body she hold Alex close.

"I just missed you" Alex felt the need to lie, or rather omit the truth for know. She was somewhat still affected deeply in mind and emotion,but the truth was she did missed her. But she knew sooner or later that she will have to tell Olivia the truth about her Lunch with Quincy. She knew that Olivia will find out sooner or later I'll prefer she hears it from me now than by some stupid coincidence later.

"How was your Lunch with Quincy?" Olivia asked curious. Olivia notice Alex sour expression at the mention of her longtime friend.

"Very revealing to say the least." Alex answer waving her hand for emphasis.

"really?" Olivia said arching a well sculpted eyebrow.

" Liv I have to tell you something that might surprise you. I myself am not recovered yet ,that's why I was drinking that stuff." she said signaling the drink left abandon on the desk. Alex pull Olivia over to the sofa and both of them sat down. At this point Olivia was imaging all sort of scenarios.

"just tell me. Did Quincy came on to you?" Olivia was in pre-attack mood , she did not like this woman and she will rip this woman one before she hurts Alex in any way.

"not exactly, she didn't hurt me. It what she said to me is what's a little ... I would say kinda creepy!"

"what did she say?

"she said...she said...she said she loved me."

"WHAT!" Olivia got up from the couch and started pacing the floor.'fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me. That bitch!'

"Liv?" Alex called out to Olivia that was pacing the floor, Olivia was piss and Alex knew it, she got up and stood in front of the other woman."Liv please look at me." Liv look into the deep blue eyes she loved ,there eyes met and Alex began. "Liv please promise me that you will let me handle this?" Olivia just looked at her but did not say anything."Off course!" she said a little to urgently. Alex new that it was futile attempt with the hard nose detective the was Olivia Benson. " I have to get back to the precinct." Olivia said as she lean forward and kiss Alex intensely but yet gently. She turn on her hell and walked out the door, leaving Alex breathless and some what bewildered.

An hour later Alex heard a knock on her door and she raised her head from what she was doing to say "come in." A slinky guy came in holding a package. " Miss Alexandra Cabot?"

"yes"

"sign here on the dotted line please."

Alex grabbed the clipboard and signed the package and the delivery guy turn on his heel and out the door. Alex look at the package curiously, the weight of it was quiet heavy on her hands, with just a white sticker the says "To: Alexandra Cabot " tearing open the brown paper of the package revealed a sliver like medium size box. Opening the sliver box revealed a heart shape Crystal, Alex gasped at the beautiful crystal and noticed that it was in graved, promptly reading the engraving she read "Last night I looked up at the stars And matched each one with a reason why I love you, I was doing great, but then I ran out of stars., Love Olivia" She felt a tear fall down her cheek, she then notice a note under the crystal and retrieved it and read the note written in a very familiar handwriting.

Last night I looked up at the stars
And matched each one with a reason why I love you
I was doing great, but then I ran out of stars

Love Olivia

"I know that your feeling a little confused today, and I thought I would remind you how much I love you. There isn't enough star in that immense sky to compare so I thought I'll let you know. I love you Alex with all my heart. Liv PS: Keep the crystal in your desk and when your feeling a little sad just look at it and remember that I love you.

Alex held the crystal to her heart, it was the must meaningful gift she have ever received and that came from Olivia was even more so. She set the crystal in top her desk and smile, she felt better already, Olivia had always had that effect on her, she alright now she had Olivia love above all and that what mattered.

Olivia gift: s17./albums/b54/alexlivilla70/websites banners/?actionview¤t105GalleryImage02.jpg