Lost

Everything was black and cold. His heart was cold. He pushed and pushed but he couldn't go fast enough! He wouldn't make it. Inside his head the screams of his children were killing him. He couldn't let them down, he couldn't let them go. He had to go faster! Then in the silence of the night a deafening noise hit his ears and a hideous orange cloud appeared in the sky.

"No!" Tony screamed jumping off the bed. An instant pain went through his whole body and felt like his flesh was tearing apart.

"Hey, calm down, Tony; lay down, you got too many wires attached to you to be playing badass right now." Someone said. He expected Pepper's voice but he realized the voice was deeper and heavier.

"Rhodey" he whispered his voice weaker than he had expected and his throat dry and soar.

"I'm here buddy, don't talk, you need to rest." He said trying to lie him down. Tony resisted and sat back instead. He looked around, he was in a hospital. There were about four IV's hanging next to him and a dozen monitors checking his vitals. His leg was broken and his back was soaring.

"What happened?" Tony asked his friend wondering were Pepper was and why wasn't she there worrying and yelling at him.

Rhodey did not respond; he looked at him with empty eyes and turned away. He was dreading that moment. All those days he waited for Tony to wake up he kind of wished it wouldn't happen. He wished his friend could wake up with a total amnesia or not wake up at all, for how could he tell him such a thing? How could he speak the words that would make it all real?

"Where's Pepper?" Tony asked worried. Something was wrong.

"Why don't you answer me, Rhodey? Where's Pepper, why am I here?" he yelled at him.

"Don't you remember?" Rhodey asked him not turning around. As a soldier he had learned not to cry but his voice was weak and it barely left his lips.

Tony frowned and then his eyes became wide as the memory hit him. He had been late, he hadn't saved them.

"No, no, no! It can't be true James, tell me it's just a bad dream." Tony begged his friend trying to hold back his tears.

Rhodey shook his head and turned slightly. He was crying too but he had to be strong for his friend.

"I'm sorry, Tony, we were all too late. There was a bomb at the back of the plane; you tried to save them but even Ironman could not hold the aircraft. We found you underwater trapped under the plane. There was nothing left, Tony." He said trying to keep his voice steady.

Tony looked at him. He remembered now; the explosion, how he tried to hold the plane, how he had ended up in the ocean straggling for his breath. It had felt so good when the dark had finally claimed him.

"Why did you save me?" Tony accused Rhodey. His eyes were red and full of anger.

"Tony…" Rhodey sighed.

"Why did you sentence me in a life of torture and misery? Do you think you made me a favour Colonel? Do you think you saved my life, ha?" he yelled trying to get up breaking some of the wires causing all kinds of alarms to go off. Several nurses and doctors ran to the room but Tony didn't let them approach him.

"Back off! Don't you try and save me again, did you hear me?" he yelled to everyone.

"Save me no more!" he hissed at Rhodey who had found his strength again due to his friend's attack.

"Calm down, Tony." He tried again.

"Calm down? Calm down? I had a fucking bastard threatening me he would take all I had. They were all I had! My family, my kids, Pepper! They were all I had and now they are gone, dead, dust in the wind! I won't be able to kiss them goodbye, I won't be able to close their eyes! There was nothing left! How would you feel if it happened to you, ha? So, don't you tell me to calm down and don't you tell me I should be thankful to all of you that saved my life because I'm not! You fucking send me to hell!" Tony yelled grabbing Rhodey by the shirt.

Rhodey grabbed his hands and tried to free himself.

"Pepper would kick your ass all over the globe if she heard you say that." Rhodey told him and Tony froze. He let Rhodey down and looked at the window lost.

Pepper had made him promise. She had him promise her he would take care of himself, the night before the flight. She had had a bad dream, she had known. Somehow she had fucking known and she had him promise her he would be ok rather than tell him not to get on that fucking plane!

"Well, Pepper's not here and she won't be ever again." He said and felt a hand slapping his face.

"Anthony Edward Stark, don't ever say that again. We need to be ready and strong to find those bastards. We owe it to them." Rhodey said looking really angry.

Tony looked at him.

He would find them and he would burn them to Hell even if it would be the last thing he would do.

Suddenly he felt a sting on the back of his neck and raised his hand to reach it. The only thing he heard before blacking out again was Clint saying:

"What? He had to calm down."

He was released two weeks later. The doctors told him it would take about a month before he could use his leg again and gave him a lot of painkillers. But the pain would not go away. He locked himself in the Stark Tower refusing to go back to Malibu. He couldn't bring himself to do that; he couldn't walk into the mansion knowing Marie would not jump on him, knowing that Edward's boots would never get additional scars, Logan would never conquer the world, Millie would never visit again and Pepper would not be there to seduce him out of his workshop. He was a weak bastard and he hated himself for that.

He didn't go to the funeral. There were no bodies to burry so why make the effort? He had said that to Natasha when she visited him quite angry he hadn't appeared. That bought him another week in the hospital.

He didn't answer the phone. His phone never stopped ringing from the time he left the hospital. Reporters, family, company executives, everybody wanted to know what had happened and how Tony Stark felt. Well, Tony Stark didn't feel like answering and blocked the world out.

He couldn't run his company. He would never step a foot in that building again. He would never walk in the same corridors, touch the same walls and sit in the same chair. Never and that was his final decision. He couldn't pretend the world hadn't just come crashing down. He couldn't just get in there and head a meeting without feeling Pepper on his side, without waiting for the click-click of her heels to sound at the end of the corridor. He still thought he could hear that, sometimes, when he was sitting in his workshop. How was he supposed to continue Millie's project? How was he supposed to take in charge and give orders and keep on?

He couldn't live and that was final but he couldn't die either and that was pissing him off.

He had to avenge them.