Happy Halloween! What better time to end this story, right? I gave myself this deadline a few weeks ago, but I just started working on this chapter for real yesterday… AND LOOK AT WHAT A FUCKING MONSTER IT IS. I paid dearly for my procrastination, you guys. My fingers hurt so baaaad! But whatever, let's get on with your love! First off, I received more fanart! Tumblr users moniofthebroom, goneagainyesterday, Bedazzled Strider, and judasdasghey drew me some love! Hexakosioohexekontahexaphobia, haha, I hope you held onto it! FFF, don't die! unwittingFanatic, hello, love! Oh, wow, you have a crush on me?! *blushes* I'm flustered! And thank you so much for the fanart! I loved both of them! FanficFinatic2, no crying! DX Not till the end! luckycat222, sorry for the long wait, and I'm so glad you're liking it~! darkestlight96, the unknown twist was EXACTLY my plan. Muahaha. ThE-FaYgO-PrInCe, sorry for the wait, my dear! Beloved17, hahaha, you need to read it, though! relentlessTriceratops, because it had to go down like that! PantherKing64, you compared me to Hussie? *dies* THAT'S SUCH A GOOD COMPLIMENT! Tsubaku and Light, I'M GLAD IT TOOK YOU OFF GUARD BECAUSE THAT WAS MY ANGLE! Kira-Lime Orijima, not as innocent as you might think. Hehehe. pancakes-are-not-for-throwing, cliff hanger! Hanging from a clifffffff! And that's why he's called cliff hanger! AnimeAddict2000, I'm not evil! I'm just a sadist. kuzuryuu, awwwww, thanks, babe! Winged Illusion, omigahhhh, thank you for such kind words! My headcanon Dave is pretty aloof and cagey like his canon self, but I also think drama is part of how he functions. He's SO dramatic, hahahaha. Plus I tried to make everyone at least a little OOC, since they don't technically know who they are… I think you're the only one that noticed, though! Seriously, thank you so much for the love! *glomps* ArtisticallyFlaved, hahahahahaha, I did try to sneak in hints, but they weren't very prominent. Alright, you guys, let's get on with the final chapter!
Disclaimer: It's getting hot in here, and I don't own these characters. *takes off clothes*
The Whole Story, The Ending, and The Epilogue
Your name was John Egbert, and you kind of always wanted to die.
Of course, you didn't know that's what it was when you were younger. All you knew was that you wanted to disappear, and even then, you wondered seriously whether or not anyone would miss you.
You lived in a large house in a high-class suburb in Maple Valley, Washington. Every house was practically the same, cut from some cookie cutter mold that wealthy adults seemed to swarm to. You didn't understand why you lived in a house that was so similar to every other house around you, but you knew better than to ask too many questions.
You lived alone with your father in the large house, but you didn't really see him much. He was a high powered prosecuting lawyer, and he was singlehandedly responsible for at least a quarter of the prison population in the county. You respected your dad more than anything as a child, and wanted nothing more than to make him proud of you. But you always kind of knew he hated you for some reason.
Your mother died very early in your life, so you didn't remember anything about her. You'd tried asking your father before, but he never really talked about it. Since you didn't have any siblings, you made up your own games, and learned to entertain yourself. Your father hired some men to build you a swing set outside when you were four, and it became your own private spot, the only difference between your house and the vast amount of identical houses surrounding you. Even then, you felt like there had to be more to life than just what you were accustomed to, but since there wasn't much you could do about it, you learned to pretend you were somewhere else. It was a habit you carried your entire life.
You were used to being alone for the most part, aside from the occasional presence of the nanny your father hired, so needless to say you were caught off guard when your dad himself journeyed into your room one night to tell you to prepare for company. You sat up as straight as you could to show him your posture could be just as proper as his, but you didn't really think he noticed. He regarded you stiffly, and then told you his brother was coming to visit with his family, and you needed to be on your best behavior. You promised you would, and you hoped with all your might that he would maybe smile at you for once, maybe tell you he was proud of you for being a good boy, but he didn't. He left the room without another word, and again you wondered if he even loved you. You tried your hardest not to cry, but you failed.
Your uncle and aunt visited the next day, and you were told they were staying the night. You had to share your room with your cousins, but you didn't mind. It was actually pretty exciting, you thought. The house was full for once, and you'd never really had anyone to play with. Plus these were people you were related to! You were so excited to meet both of your cousins, and you hoped they would like you. For some reason, you thought you were pretty easy to hate, since everyone seemed to treat you unkindly, but you still had hope that since they'd never met you before, they wouldn't have a reason to hate you just yet.
You met Jade first. She was a nice girl with wild black hair, sparkling green eyes, and an accent you'd never heard before. She was really excited to meet you, she said, and she knew for a fact her brother was, too. He was older than the two of you, and was staying close to their father, but he would be able to play soon. You caught a glimpse of him walking alongside the adults with a stiff looking expression on his face, and you were immediately scared of him. Jade told you his name was Jake, and he really wasn't scary at all, but you weren't sure you believed her.
While the adults talked about whatever they were talking about, you and Jade made use of your swing set outside. It was your favorite place to play, and you were so excited to have someone to share it with. You were showing her all the ways to swing really, really high when Jake finally joined the two of you. He took one look at you, and raised an eyebrow, and you waited for him to say something cross, but he never did. Instead, he smiled and ran forward to catch you in an easy hug, and told you really quietly he'd been looking forward to meeting you for a long time, because Jade was fun and all, but she was a girl. He spoke with the same weird accent, dodging when Jade threw a pinecone at him, and then the three of you spent the rest of the afternoon playing adventure games. Jake was head explorer because he was older, but you didn't mind at all. You were just happy to finally have someone to play with.
At dinner, Jake sat beside his father. You noticed how similar his father looked to your own, and you remembered hearing uncles were actually just brothers to parents or something like that. The entire thing was confusing to you, but you understood you were all family. You didn't even know what cousins were, really. Maybe it was another word for sibling. Your heart leapt at the thought. You'd always wanted a brother and sister! You leaned over to tell Jade so, and she giggled in reply before telling you that brothers were stupid, and Jake was proof. You tried to catch Jake's eye from across the table, but he was simply staring down at his food with the same stiff look on his face. You decided then and there that you didn't care for your uncle much, since he put that look on your cousin's face.
That night, Jake and Jade helped you build a blanket fort. You father didn't seem to care, and your uncle merely said it couldn't be helped for you and Jade to act like kids, but Jake should know better. Jake got the same stony look on his face before your aunt came in the room and kissed him on the forehead, telling him to enjoy himself for once before turning a kiss to Jade. You stood awkwardly beside the fort while she spoke to them, and then she turned to you and kissed you on the forehead, too. You stared blankly at her, and she smiled back at you and said you had your mother's kind eyes, but the color was the same as your father's. Then she left the room. You asked Jake and Jade what it was like to have a mother, and they both sort of shrugged.
Jade fell asleep first, cuddled against your back. You and Jake stayed awake for a while, telling whispered stories in the dark. He told you about his adventures, and you didn't really believe all of them, but at the same time, they sounded so cool. You asked him if he was scared of his father, and he frowned for a second before nodding.
"He's a rather intimidating fellow, I admit," Jake said quietly, scooting closer to you. "I really don't think he likes me much."
"My daddy hates me, too," you replied, and Jake hugged you close, telling you it would be okay, and the two of you would have each other from then on, and you'd both protect Jade since she was just a girl.
They left the next morning for a place called 'London', and they both promised to write you letters. You were upset about the fact that you wouldn't even be able to read them, but then your father reminded you that you would be starting school very soon, and you brightened at the idea of keeping in touch. Jake needed you, because you promised to stay together, and you weren't going to forget that.
When you started Kindergarten, you were really nervous. The other kids didn't act the same way you did. They were all over the room, running around and screaming, but you just sat in your chair and waited to be spoken to. Your teacher asked if you were alright, and wanted to know why you weren't playing. You told her you'd get in trouble if you acted that way, and she gave you a look you didn't quite understand, but you thought it looked kind of sad.
Your school days were mostly like that. You eventually understood that it was okay to run around and play with the other kids, but at that point they all knew you as "the quiet kid", and no one ever asked you to play. During recess, you'd either play alone, or ask if you could use the crayons to draw. You couldn't read or write yet, but you could at least send Jade and Jake pictures.
Jade always sent you drawings of pretty things like flowers and cool suns wearing shades. You'd send her things like green dogs, because you knew she liked green, and dogs were her favorite animal. Jake sent you actual letters, but you were too scared to ask your father to read them to you. Sometimes the nanny would, but she wasn't exactly nice either, so you would mostly take them to your teacher. She would help you write responses sometimes, too. One day, she asked you why your parents never helped you read the letters. You told her your dad was really busy, and your mom was dead. She told you she was sorry, but you didn't understand why.
When school ended again, Jade and Jake came back to visit with their parents, and you were ecstatic to see them both. Like last time, you and Jade spent the entire time playing, and Jake joined you after a bit. They were both saddened to hear you hadn't made any friends, and Jade said she'd beat up anyone who was mean to you, but you told her that wasn't necessary. No one noticed you enough to be mean to you. Actually, you thought it might be nice to be noticed for a bit, even if it was just to be picked on. Sometimes it was almost like you didn't really exist.
When first grade started, you finally began to learn to read. Jake's letters started making more sense, and you slowly began to trust yourself enough to respond back on your own, even if your writing was subpar at best. Jade's lettering was just as horrible as yours. Neither of you could compare to Jake's writing, and Jade told you he was a butthead in one of her letters, but you knew she was just jealous.
Still, none of the kids talked to you, and you spent most of your time alone. Your father came in your room one night to find you writing a letter, and he told you the school called him to talk about how antisocial you were, and how your teacher was concerned. You were scared you were in trouble until he sat on the edge of your bed and told you everything was fine.
"I told them you're just not meant to be in the spotlight, John," you father said. "You're really more of a background player, after all. I always knew that, I suppose. Remember, son. No attention is good attention."
You weren't sure what exactly a "background player" was, but you assumed it was what you were. The other kids didn't seem to mind being the center of attention. In fact, most of them seemed to enjoy it. You personally dreaded being called on to answer a question. You always knew the answer, but sometimes the other kids would laugh at you for that and call you a know-it-all. Eventually, you just wanted to stop talking. Again, you kind of wished you could disappear.
Elementary school continued that way, and every year that passed, you only felt more alone. Jade and Jake hadn't visited in an awfully long time, not since that summer before first grade, and the letters slowed down. Eventually, you learned what it meant to be "picked on", as Jade had put it that one time. During fourth grade, the other kids began to pick on you because you were so quiet. Or at least, that's how it started. After the initial bullying for your shyness, it morphed into bullying for the way you looked, too. You were too skinny, and your teeth were too big. You were also too smart, and no one liked smart people, they would say. You wondered whether or not you should say something, but eventually decided against it. Everyone had better things to worry about.
As you grew older, you finally began understanding certain things. The reason your house was the same as everyone else's in the neighborhood was because blending in was a good thing. Standing out caused trouble. It was inviting others to ridicule, and find flaws in the way things looked. You understood why your father said you were meant for backgrounds. After all, he pretty much knew everything. There wasn't anything amazing about you. You wished other people would realize that, and stop picking on you, but you had every reason to assume they would grow bored of you eventually. After all, you weren't that interesting.
Sadly, that wasn't the case. Each grade that passed, the bullying seemed to grow worse. Middle school was absolutely horrible for you, as everyone was starting to slowly figure out who they were, and also figuring out what a freak you really were. In the first days of junior high, you learned a lucky few were even going through puberty. Not you, though. You were still the same, you thought. And unfortunately for you, not changing with everyone else made you even more of a target.
By your entry to high school, ninth grade year, your school life was full of hostility, and the bullying turned physical. You were the prime target for most people to let out their frustrations, it seemed. It had been years since you'd heard from either of your cousins, and you really wished they would write you back. Jade was fifteen years old, same as you. Surely she could relate to how hard it was to fit in while going through bodily changes and dealing with outrageous hormones. Jake had already gone through it, since he was older. He would be eighteen, now, you remembered. You missed both of them terribly.
More than anything, you were just lonely.
One day during the summer before tenth grade, the phone rang. You answered it because you were the only one home, and to your surprise, a deep voice that you vaguely recognized filled your ears. It was your uncle, and he sounded upset. He said he would be visiting soon, and you were to inform your father. Before you could ask to speak to either Jade or Jake, he hung up.
You waited in excitement for two days for them to arrive. Your father was just as confused as you by the sudden intrusion. He even divulged to you that the last time he had spoken to his brother had been a little over a year ago. You'd wondered if the two had kept in touch, and to be honest, you were a little pleased to hear that it wasn't just you being shut out.
Finally, the doorbell rang, and you raced to open the door to let them in- only to find the family you remembered so vividly was two members short. Your uncle rushed past you to your father and collapsed on his shoulder in uncontrolled sobs, and you stood there looking at the person you remembered from so long ago, only older and more stoic. Jake was in front of you for the first time in years, but his eyes were dead. You opened your mouth to ask where Jade and your aunt were, but before you could, you heard your uncle saying they were killed in a car accident just a few days ago. Your father looked more saddened than you'd ever seen him look, and your uncle was broken. Jake was stiff and unresponsive, and you didn't know what to do, so you just didn't do anything.
They stayed with you for a while. Your uncle decided to have the funeral in your hometown, because he was so tired of London, he said. It was full of too many memories. So his wife's family members were surrounding your small group at the church down the street, and everyone was crying. You saw a few pictures of Jade, and she looked beautiful. You wished you'd tried harder to find her and Jake before, but it was too late to think that way. You didn't cry, because you'd long since given up on it. Jake didn't cry either, but he held your hand, and you were happy to indulge him.
After the funeral, Jake went straight to your room and flopped in your bed. Your father and uncle were out making arrangements for the ashes to be taken back to London, as your aunt's family wanted them to stay there. You sat on the edge of the bed, smoothing the covers over Jake's body, not offering any comforts because you didn't know how. Finally, he spoke to you. He asked you if he could hold you, just for a little while, and you fell against him under the sheets, sniffling a little when his warm breath went against your neck. It was your first time holding another person since you were six years old, and it was a little too overwhelming.
You asked why they didn't keep in touch with you anymore, and he told you they tried, but his father didn't like them keeping in touch with anyone. They were homeschooled, he said. They'd never even had other kids to interact with, and they'd missed you as much as you missed them. His mother and father were having marriage problems, and Jade went with their mother to visit their grandmother. That's when the wreck happened, and they dropped everything to come be with your father and you. He whimpered against your skin, and you held onto him tightly, still refusing to cry. You told him about the things you'd been through, hoping to take his mind off his own pain. He listened to every word you said, and then, when he pulled away, you thought you'd said something bad. But then he leaned forward and kissed you on the mouth, and everything seemed to freeze.
You weren't sure how long the two of you stayed like that, but you didn't dare pull away. The feelings overflowing in your chest were making you still as a statue, your heart racing so fast you were certain you were dying, and you didn't know- god, how were you supposed to react to this? He pulled away slowly, and your disconnected lips made a slight smacking noise, and then he looked at you with tears in his eyes, saying he was sorry. You didn't know what else to do, so you simply kissed him again, and this time it turned into something more heated, something involving tongues and teeth and heavy breathing. When he held you that night, you both swore each other to secrecy.
His father left soon after. He had business to attend to, and decided it was best for Jake to stay behind for a while. You were ecstatic, of course. All new revelations to your relationship aside, you were just basking in the feeling of having someone close to you. Your father went back to work as well, and then two of you were left alone to your own devices more often than not. Kisses soon evolved into touches, and those evolved into groping. Things would get heated, but they would stop before escalating to anything else, which you were grateful for. Jake was your cousin. It was wrong. But, god, it was so nice having someone who cared about you.
One night, you led him out your bedroom window to the roof. It was a clear night for a change, since it was cloudy and rainy most of the time. Washington weather wasn't for everyone. You usually didn't mind the rain, but you were still happy to see the stars that particular night. Jake lay beside you, listening to you as you rambled on about a magic trick you'd seen online. You thought magicians were so cool, but you'd never had a friend to tell. Jake laughed as you described what you'd do if you were a magician, and how you'd use your skills to elude your bullies. He asked you then if you ever actually tried to protect yourself, but you changed the subject soon after. You didn't think he'd react well if he heard you say that you didn't think you were worth standing up for.
In turn, he told you about his guns back at home. His father didn't approve of many hobbies, and they didn't get along very well, at least, not really, but they shared an interest for guns. Jake had a few guns, but his favorites were his pair of pistols. He even had holsters for them, but he couldn't start carrying them legally for a while. You liked how animated he got when he spoke of them. It reminded you of the old days, and how he would pretend his hands were guns as he chased you and Jade around outside. Your heart panged at the memory, and you reached for his hand before you could stop yourself. He froze in the middle of his explanation, and looked over at you with a distant expression on his face. You told him you wished he would just stay with you and your father, and not worry about going back to London. He sighed, and then rubbed his thumb over your fingers, telling you he'd like nothing more than that, but his father would never allow it. For the second time, you asked if he was afraid of his father.
Jake stared into the stars for a bit, clearly in thought. You joined him in looking up at the void, and you wondered if you should say something to change the subject. You were about to, until he opened his mouth, startling you. He asked if your father ever touched you, and you froze.
"Touch how?" you asked quietly.
"In more than a fatherly way, I suppose," he said, still not looking at you. You shook your head, and he bit his lip, finally looking over at you. "Mine's been doing it for a while now."
You told him to tell someone, to leave. You told him to come live with you, to do whatever he had to in order to escape, but he seemed oddly passive about the entire thing, and you knew then that he thought of himself the same way you thought of yourself. He didn't think he was worth saving, and you knew how horrible that felt. You leaned over and kissed him, and kissed him, and kissed him again until your chest screamed for oxygen, and he let you. You told him you loved him, and he cried.
At the end of the summer, Jake went back to live with his father, and you went into eleventh grade. School was as shitty as ever, but now you had the weight of Jade's death and Jake's turmoil on your shoulders. Your father was still always gone, and you found it much harder to be alone, since you'd gotten so accustomed to having someone near. You'd message Jake online sometimes when you were both free and able to talk. He'd gotten you into using an app called Pesterchum, and he was your only contact, but his client stayed grayed out more often than not.
The school year passed quickly and relatively uneventfully. The bullies still had it out for you, but you'd at least learned to avoid them like a pro. Sometimes they'd corner you, and you'd take your beating in stony silence. They'd call you a freak for not screaming, but they just didn't understand. You'd call out to someone if you could. You didn't have anyone to call for, and that knowledge only made you curl into yourself even more as they kicked you over and over again.
The summer before senior year, your father allowed you to go overseas and visit Jake. You were excited about the change of scenery, and at the idea of spending time with your cousin/only friend, but you were also wary of the fact that you'd be in the presence of your uncle. You were only staying for a week, but you at least hoped it would be pleasant. You couldn't help but think you and Jake both deserved a break from pain, even if it was only for a week.
You quickly learned Jake's father was different from yours in a lot of ways, despite looking similar. Jake's father was prone to screaming fits of rage and hostile lashes of violence. You were witness to him punching Jake in the face during one of said fits, and it was one of the most terrifying things you'd ever witnessed to see your cousin, the only person in the world you idolized, to be reduced to a crumpled mess on the floor. You snuck in his room that night and held him until he fell asleep. Neither of you cried that time, and luckily, his father didn't lash out for the rest of the trip.
During senior year, something strange began happening to you. Your dreams began to grow vivid and lucid, seemingly real, but you could never remember them when you woke up. You'd recall endless hallways and friendly faces, and you'd always wake up in tears, but you never knew why.
The more the school year dragged on, the stranger things got. Eventually, you'd hear voices all over the place. They were never very loud or even very prominent, and you'd sometimes wonder if it was just because you were so stressed with impending exams and looming college prep, but as far as you knew, none of your fellow students were losing their minds. After the sentences in your head became legible, you were actually startled enough to message Jake over Pesterchum and ask what he thought about it.
EB: and i feel like i know them somehow, but i know i don't. is that weird?
EB: am i crazy, jake?
GT: Oh john…
GT: I fear we are all doomed to go a bit mad in this *godforsaken* family.
GT: But youre far from crazy love. Try to focus on studies and avoid the unknown voices and if they continue id let your father know.
EB: yeah i guess that's all i can do. thanks, jake. is everything okay where you are?
GT: Far better now that ive spoken to you. *double pistols and a wink*
EB: oh my god.
You did what he said, and tried to ignore them the best you could, but eventually you couldn't do that anymore. Still, you didn't tell your father. He already thought you were a total waste, and the last thing he needed to know was that you were going insane, too. So you dealt with it. Sometimes the voices were more legible, and you could actually make sense of them, but you'd never remember what it was they were saying. Your thoughts were always racing, and your mind was hard pressed to focus. Unfortunately for you, it was senior year and close to exams, and focusing was the number one thing you were supposed to be doing. Eventually, attention was drawn, and you were called to the counselor's office to be informed you were failing, and they couldn't understand why since you'd had a 4.0 at the beginning of the year. When you couldn't provide them with an answer, they called your father.
Your father sent you to see a psychiatrist, and you immediately wished you'd just ignored all your troubles like Jake said. The psychiatrist's name was Dr. Jack Noir, and he was a badger faced old man with an eye-patch over one eye and a permanent scowl on his features. Naturally, you didn't divulge your problems to him, so he made up his own to label you with. You had emotional issues, he said, and you might even be suicidal due to your lack of concern for your well-being. You'd never really thought suicidal was the word for it, but then again, you weren't a PhD, and you weren't the one with the notepad.
By the end of your senior year, all your fellow classmates were going off to college, and you were going off to your shrink's office to be given more drugs. It was actually the only time in your life that you were pretty okay with everything that was happening, because you were so doped up. Nothing seemed to matter to you, and even if it did, you were too loopy to care. All you knew was the voices finally stopped, and every day seemed to blur together into one endless void. The next thing you were really aware of was your father coming into your room to tell you Noir had died of old age, and you would be seeing a new psychiatrist.
The next time you went to the office, there was a woman sitting in Noir's old chair. Her hair was short and blonde, held back by a hairband, and her eyes were an odd tinted lavender. She smiled pleasantly at you when you walked in, and you were put off by the gesture. No one ever smiled at you like that. Her name was Rose Lalonde, she said, and she was going to be taking over for Noir. She then looked at your chart, and you watched her eyes grow wider and wider.
"Good lord," she said quietly. "How are you even functioning on all of these pills? Half of them contradict each other…"
It was a rhetorical question, but in your doped up mind, you formed the only response you could think of, "They put me on autopilot because they're tired of dealing with me. Don't worry, I'm used to it. This is my new normal."
She looked at you with an odd pained expression, and you were reminded of your old kindergarten teacher from so long ago. That was the same look she gave you, and you now recognized it for what it was: pity.
Under Rose's authority, you came off the meds. The clouds lifted from your mind, and you discovered it'd actually been a few months since the last time you'd thought so clearly. It was a double edged sword, since the voices returned, full force. In all your panic, you remembered you hadn't spoken to Jake in all that time, and you were immediately distraught. All the emotions at once after going so long without feeling any of them had you feeling overwhelmed, and for the first time in years, you allowed yourself to cry.
You hadn't actually done much talking in your sessions with Jack Noir, or at least, none that you could remember. Rose informed you that part of your therapy was to open up on your own time, and she didn't want to rush you, so your sessions started out very slow. You mostly talked about ambitions, or lack thereof. After a while, you told her about Jake and Jade, and entertained her with the tales of your past adventures with the two, though they'd been brief. You had to tell her about Jade's death, and she told you she was sorry. She looked as if she wanted to hug you, but you were extremely glad she didn't. You weren't sure you could handle something like that.
You were growing more comfortable with Rose, and you eventually divulged your past relationship with Jake. You told her about the kisses, and the escalated touches. She listened to you quietly, and the more she stared, the more you couldn't stop yourself from babbling. All you could think of was how you had to tell her, you had to get this off your mind, you had to get at least one burden off your chest. By the end of it, you were in tears again, and you were so caught between being ashamed and pissed off for crying that it only made you cry harder and harder until you fell to your knees in the middle of the floor and just sobbed. You told her you were sorry for being disgusting, and she wordlessly stood from her chair, walked over to you, and wrapped her arms around you tightly.
"Two lonely boys can be forgiven for anything, John," she said quietly, and you hugged her back, thinking to yourself that this must be what it felt like to have a mother. The thought only made the tears keep coming.
The visits became friendlier after that, and the two of you talked openly about almost everything. You still weren't telling her about the voices, because you were scared of being labeled insane and at risk of being locked away. You were more than certain that your father wouldn't think twice about sending you away if he had the chance. You wondered a ridiculously high amount of time why he even kept you around when he obviously didn't want you.
Rose discussed the future with you. She asked why you didn't have a job and weren't in school, and you told her it was because your job was school before you graduated. Then Jack Noir turned you into a drugged up zombie, and your father thought it best for you to not work. The two of you spent the rest of that particular session looking up available jobs online, and by the end of it, you had an interview. Rose then said she wanted you to look into taking college courses when the new semester started. You needed to get away from your father, she said. It was obvious you were unhappy, and for whatever reason, your father was sheltering you.
You got the job at the local coffee shop. It was easy work, and the hardest part of it was remembering what went in every particular drink. You were proud of yourself for making your own money, even if it was a meager amount. During your down time at work, you'd attempt to contact Jake, but he never messaged back. You wondered if he was upset about your lack of communication for those few months, but you feared it was a more sinister reason involving his father. You told Rose about the rift between you, and she asked if you were lonely without him.
"I ask because I have a proposal to make, John," she said with her little smile. Another of her patients was a lot like you, she informed you, and she was having difficulties getting him to open up as much as she'd like.
"How does that involve me?" you asked with a confused frown. She then explained how sometimes an outside perspective was best, and he was stuck in some stupid delusion that if he hid who he was, he'd be safe from getting hurt. It was child's play seeing past said façade, she told you with a huff, but he seemed hell bent on keeping his walls up. Again, you asked how that involved you, and she gave you a smug look.
"Because you're exactly like that, minus the irony," she said, and you let that sink in while she wrote something down on a slip of paper. When she handed it to you, you realized it was a chumhandle. She told you to just think about it, and talk to him if you ever had the time. You folded it and put it in your pocket, but you didn't really have any intention to message the guy. That was just too weird, and you still weren't sure what exactly the two of you had in common aside from having Rose as a therapist.
As time went on, you still didn't hear from Jake, and the voices in your head grew louder again. They seemed to go through a period of brief silence, and you'd been enjoying that while at work, but then they started again, and the racing thoughts became full-fledged once more. You began making mistakes at work, and messing up orders. The thoughts made it hard to sleep, and trying to understand what the whispers were saying was keeping you awake even longer.
One night, after a particularly horrid bout of dreaming, you woke up with a gasp, tears pouring down your face. You didn't remember the dream, but you suddenly felt very alone, and when you looked around your room, it only confirmed how alone you really were. Without thinking, you reached for your phone, and you opened the Pesterchum app. You had two contacts now, but one was always grayed out, and the other was the new one you'd never messaged. Not yet, at least. With shaking hands and a longing to talk to someone, anyone, you typed a message to the stranger.
-ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 03:07-
EB: um this is really weird, i know…
EB: but i was told by rose lalonde to talk to you because we supposedly have a lot in common? i'm not really sure because she's so secretive about things…
EB: oh wow this is coming across as really creepy and weird, isn't it? i'm sorry.
EB: let's, uh. start over. hi! i'm john egbert!
TG: sup
EB: …that's all you have to say?
TG: well normally id be pretty hospitable and offer you a neck rub or some shit
TG: but its literally half past satans dick in the morning
EB: i'm so sorry! i didn't think about that!
TG: s cool
TG: so like
TG: rose just gave you my chumhandle
EB: yeah she said you were her patient too and we had lots in common…
TG: manipulative shrew
EB: huh?
TG: sorry just lamenting about this drama that is my life
TG: so john egbert referred to me by a rose lalonde
TG: why the fuck are you awake right now
EB: i had a really bad dream, i think.
TG: bad dream huh
TG: well my name is dave strider and now that im awake because of your derp ass
TG: i say you tell me about said bad dream
So you did. Dave talked to you for a few hours, actually, and you learned he was actually a few hours ahead of you, since he lived in Texas. After your conversation about nothing, which literally was about nothing in particular, just the ramblings of both of you arguing over movie and music tastes, he told you he was gonna sleep all afternoon, so he'd talk to you later. You felt really good about the entire thing now, and Dave seemed really cool. Too cool, actually. You had no idea why he was even talking to you, but you were glad he was.
Things calmed down for a bit after that. When things got overwhelming, you would talk to Dave. He never seemed too busy to listen to you, and you were both grateful and confused by the thought of having someone actually care. Jake's client never lit up, and it still worried you, but Dave was pretty good at distractions. Rose was pleased by your interactions, and told you so the next session. She asked if you were sleeping better, and you told her no. You decided, after thinking about it for a while, that you felt comfortable enough with her to tell her your biggest secret, since she'd helped you so much. With a shaky voice, you told her about the voices you'd been plagued with for over a year.
After you were finished explaining, she asked you what kind of things they would say, but you were never really sure. You'd forget soon after they started talking, you told her. She then suggested that you write them down.
"Get a journal and keep it with you at all times," she said. "That way, you can write it down as soon as it happens, and it might help ease your mind to not always obsess over what you're missing. We can go over the entries later, if it makes you feel better."
You began carrying a hard backed journal with you, and like Rose instructed, you began writing down what the voices said. Once you did, it was almost opening a floodgate. They began speaking more, and you'd write down every word of it. The strangest feeling of nostalgia washed over you every time you did. You knew these voices. But you knew you didn't. Most of all, you just knew you were crazy.
Dave talked to you more and more, until eventually you were almost in constant contact with him. You never indulged him with your own severe problems, but it wasn't because you didn't trust him. If anything, the few months you'd been talking had been nothing but pleasant, and Dave Strider was steadily becoming the best friend you'd ever had. He never judged you, and though he would use snarky comments to insult you sometimes, you knew he never meant them to be taken offensively. He was an important piece of your life, and you didn't want to scare him away by telling him how crazy you actually were. You'd already lost Jake more times than you cared to count, and you didn't think you could handle losing Dave, too.
Then, one day, Jake came back. Your father informed you he would be staying with the two of you while Jake went to law school, and you were to help clear out the spare bedroom for him. You were ecstatic at the idea, very happy that he was getting away from his awful father. Still, you were puzzled. You'd never heard Jake say he wanted to be a lawyer before.
When you saw him, he looked completely different. He was thinner, and there were dark circles under his eyes. The smile was gone from his face. You ran to him and hugged him as tight as you could, but his own arms remained stiffly at his side.
A few days went by, and to your disdain, Jake didn't speak to you about the new revelations. You were upset about the thought of people holding information from you, but then again, Jake's business wasn't your own. If he wanted to talk to you, he would. You just had to wait. Besides, you had your own issues to deal with.
You told Rose to promise not to tell anyone about the things you wrote in your book, and she looked at you as if you were on fire. She then promptly informed you that there was such a thing as doctor patient confidentiality, but you still made her promise. She was very interested in your writings, but you were upset by them. You felt as if every voice in your head was talking personally to you, and acted as if they knew you. More importantly, you knew them too. Didn't you? Rose asked you if you thought they might be visions from the future, but you dismissed the idea nigh instantaneously. You weren't psychic. You were psycho. There was a big difference!
Finally, Jake wandered in your room one day before his classes officially began, but he didn't talk about his fears. You listened to his babbling anyway, grateful he was talking to you again. You missed him. God, you missed him. He kissed you briefly before exiting the room, and it only reminded you how that particular part of your relationship was over now, and neither of you really seemed upset about it. Two lonely boys can be forgiven for anything, John, Rose had said, and you thought idly to yourself that you had forgiven yourself for a lot of things. You wondered if Jake had forgiven himself yet, but you guessed he probably hadn't.
One night, one of the voices in your head, a woman, told you there was a murderer near you. You dismissed it as a warning, but wrote it down anyway. Rose asked you later if maybe they were trying to warn you of something, but you couldn't bring yourself to agree. Amazing things never happened to you. There was no way you were having premonitions. At least, you didn't think you were. It wasn't a gift, it was a curse. You were pretty adamant about that.
You were messaging Dave at work one day, and in your hurry to go home and send him a file from your computer, you accidentally left your journal behind. You didn't notice for a while, but when you did, it was almost like a piece of you had been taken. You'd panicked, afraid someone would find it, and somehow trace it back to you. If your dad found out you were hearing voices on top of everything else-
The doorbell rang, interrupting your thoughts. Your father wasn't home, and Jake was upstairs. You went to the door, trying to hold it together, and were greeted by a beautiful woman with dark wavy hair and honey colored eyes. You both stared at each other for a moment, and then she reached out to you, offering your book.
"You left this," she said simply, and when she smiled, it didn't quite reach her eyes. You took the book from her, and noticed the gashes along her wrist that her sleeves barely covered. Your heart panged for this stranger, but all you could do was thank her for returning your book.
"This journal is very personal to me, and just- fuck, thank you so much."
"I saw you staring," she said with another coy grin. "My scars, I mean."
"It was rude, I'm sorry," you said hurriedly. "Thank you again. I really mean it."
She nodded, wished you a good night, and then was gone. You went to your room and hid your journal back under your pillow, and didn't think about it again. At least not until the woman's face appeared on the news. She'd been murdered. The very night she returned your book.
You paced the floor of Rose's office, lamenting your insecurities and your paranoia. What if someone had it out for you and they killed the girl for being nice? Rose said you were being ridiculous, but it was curious that your delusions were warning of murder, and then it happened soon after. Again, she hinted that she believed you were having visions. You were fucking terrified, because you just knew this was the beginning of something horrible.
That night, you opened your book to the latest page you'd been using, and you froze at unfamiliar writing in dark red ink.
"I think we're supposed to talk, you and I. I don't really know why, but you have the same look in your eyes as me. You know how it feels to want to die."
It was signed with a single name, Aradia, and you knew it was the woman who'd been murdered. You wished you could have spoken with her more eloquently. You supposed it was too late, but you still had the crazy feeling you'd see her again.
More murders took place in the city, and the police issued a statement that there was a serial killer on the prowl, and a curfew was advised to all citizens. Rose moved your sessions to the daytime to save you from walking at night, and after work, you took to staying on the main sidewalk. The voices in your head were louder than ever, and even stranger…you felt like Aradia was one of them.
The season changed, and it turned cold outside, again. You were at your one year anniversary with Rose, and thought you weren't cured, you felt better about things. You thought it was kind of funny, actually. There was a serial killer on the loose in your city, and you felt more optimistic than you had in a while. You wondered idly if you'd truly gone off your rocker this time.
On a clear night, you went to the roof again, and messaged Dave about the stars. He called you a spectacular dork, but then he said it was strangely endearing.
EB: hey, dave?
TG: what
EB: i'm really glad we're friends.
TG: shit john
EB: i mean it, okay? you're probably gonna make fun of me and call me a derp, but i don't care.
EB: i wasn't in a very good place before, and you really helped me through it. i'm really fucking crazy, dave. rose could tell you, i think. if she wanted to. but…
EB: i feel like even though i'm insane, you'd still be my friend anyway. and i want you to know it's thanks to you that i feel better about things again.
TG: i
TG: im glad were friends too man
TG: best bros right
TG: and hey were all crazy
TG: so dont think for a second that you need to be upset about that or some shit because thats really lame
EB: sorry for being so sappy, hehe.
TG: saps good sometimes
TG: are you still on the roof because its like fucking freezing there
EB: yeah it's cold, but it's really pretty up here. can you see the stars well from where you are?
TG: nah were in a city
TG: but uh
EB: uh?
TG: its weird that we both see the same sky though dont you think
TG: like were both really far away from each other
TG: but we see the same stars and moon and shit
TG: and i think about that total lame bs that i completely blame on your derpy ass for putting it in my head to begin with
TG: and then i think of how were not so far away after all
EB: that was beautiful, dave.
EB: do you want a pretty dress to go with those pretty thoughts? :B
TG: fuck you
EB: i feel the same way. even though we're so far apart, it's comforting to know we share the same sky and the same thoughts and stuff.
EB: maybe…
EB: maybe we were meant to find each other.
TG: john
EB: sorry i'm being weird.
TG: no i just
TG: god i wish i was with you man
TG: we can only talk so much over a shitty chat client before were cut short
EB: speaking of shitty chats cut short, i need sleep!
TG: way to kill the mood egbert
TG: but yeah goodnight bro
Before you could go back inside, you heard the sound of someone else coming out of your already open window. Jake came out to lie beside you, and in your surprise, you forgot to be tired.
"We couldn't see the stars like this in London," he said quietly. "It's rather beautiful."
"It's my favorite thing to do," you said. "Stargaze, I mean."
He didn't say anything back, and you couldn't help yourself from curling into his side like the old days. You still missed him terribly so. He was living with you, but he was never around, and you never got to talk to him like this, so you didn't know what to say. Eventually, you blurted the first thing you could think of.
"I wonder if Jade can see us from where she is."
Jake went stiff against you, and the hand that was petting your hair stilled. You kicked yourself for bringing her up when you felt him begin to tremble.
"I failed her," he said. "I promised to protect her, and I couldn't even do that right."
"Hey, no. I promised that too, and you can't help something out of your control like a car crash." You wiped the tears away from his eyes before they could fall. "Jade wouldn't want you to blame yourself."
"Do you believe in God, John?"
"Not really. But I do think Jade is happy wherever she is. Don't you?"
"I believe in God," Jake mumbled, rolling away from you to head back for your bedroom window. "I just think he's abandoned us."
Communication with Dave dwindled for a bit, but he said it was because he and his brother were moving to another place, and it "sucked so many dicks". You took it upon yourself to figure out where Jake had been going after his classes were out, but you weren't having much luck. It wasn't that you were nosy. You were just worried. He wasn't acting like himself. Fuck, he hadn't acted like himself in ages. You were starting to think he wasn't the same Jake anymore, and you wondered if even he knew what was wrong with him. Rose said it was stress on his part, and you needed to be sympathetic to his plight. He was being forced to become something he didn't even want to be, so of course he wasn't as happy as he used to be. You didn't say anything, but you didn't agree with that statement. Neither you nor Jake had ever been happy. This was something else.
A little bit later, Dave messaged you again. He and his brother were moved in, and they were getting used to everything. You asked where he moved to, but he said it was a surprise. He'd figure out a way to tell you soon enough, he said. He wanted it to be perfect. You didn't understand, but you never really understood most of what Dave said. He was one aloof cool kid. So cool.
Jake made a new friend, but you'd only seen brief glimpses of him. His name was Dirk, Jake told you, and he had just moved to town. You were happy he'd made a friend. Maybe Dirk could understand him in ways you couldn't anymore. At least, you hoped so.
Rose told you she thought you had an odd attachment to your journal. You argued that she was the one who told you to carry it with you everywhere, but she said it was deeper than that on your part. You tended to get very panicked when it wasn't near you, but it was only because you knew those people! You did! Rose's lips pursed in that displeased way of hers, but she didn't press the issue. You didn't tell her how you could now distinguish between them. A few of them talked to you a lot. Your favorite was a deep voiced man with a southern drawl. His voice was very soothing, and every time he talked to you, he always promised he'd be there when you woke up. He never was, but you'd often wake up to find messages from Dave on your phone, so you were pleased either way. You wondered what Dave sounded like. You thought he'd have a pretty prominent accent, too.
During your last session, Rose told you she'd like to introduce you to her brother, and you were rather excited about the idea. She'd been right to assume you'd be good friends with Dave, so you were open to the prospect of another person to talk to. Dave told you he had a surprise for you soon, and you were pleased to have something to look forward to. Everything in your life seemed to be at a standstill, and for the first time in a while, you felt a little hopeless. Jake was gone even more often now, and you'd overheard your father telling Jake how disappointed he was for making horrible grades after he'd pulled so many strings to get him in the school. You went to comfort him after you heard your father leave, but you found Jake pressed against the wall, being kissed deeply by his blond friend, Dirk, and you decided he didn't need you anymore. You wondered, for the thousandth time, if anyone would even notice if you disappeared. Dave might. You wondered when exactly you started thinking of him so often.
The murders in the city were piling up, and they were all rather morbid. The reports on the news were always in depth, because they were meant to show people exactly how horrible these crimes were. Aradia Megido's throat was slit. A man named Gamzee Makara was stabbed to death in a back alley. Tavros Nitram was killed in a similar manner, and was found inches from his wheelchair. Whoever had killed him had kicked him from his chair, and it was believed he was tortured for a bit before he succumbed to the multiple stab wounds in his chest. Terezi Pyrope was strangled to death. Vriska Serket was found in a ditch, her upper body hacked into pieces. According to a report you read, her internal organs were removed from her body beforehand, and were found perfectly intact next to her body. Sollux Captor's skull had been bludgeoned in. Brain matter had been scattered all over the walls of the nearby building. Nepeta Leijon and Equius Zahhak were found together a few days later, both of them killed by blunt force trauma, same as Sollux Captor. And the most recent had been Karkat Vantas, who was also stabbed repeatedly. Some reporters didn't credit all the killings to the same person, since they were so varied, but the police weren't ruling out a connection, so there were still warnings out about a potential serial killer.
You woke up one morning in tears, gasping for breath. You didn't know why, but you had a strong sense of foreboding as soon as you opened your eyes. You felt like for some reason, time was running out and there was nothing you could do to stop it. With trembling hands, you reached for your phone to try and distract yourself. It was relatively early, but you had plenty of missed messages.
-tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 07:18-
TT: John, I am afraid we are going to have to cancel our session today, as something more pressing came up. I hope you do not think it too forward of me, but I gave my insistent brother your address.
TT: Don't worry. You actually know him quite well. Do tell me how it goes.
-tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 07:20-
-turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 09:03-
TG: im awake really fucking early
TG: also today is my surprise to you so i hope youre ready for that
TG: jesus john wake the fuck up im trying to woo you here
TG: yes woo as in what you think it means
TG: still not awake huh
TG: alright well im just gonna enact my master plan and youre gonna just have to go along with it
TG: see ya soon bro
-turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 09:51-
You stared at the messages in confusion for a moment before your door opened, and Jake peeked inside. When he saw you were awake, he walked over to your bed and fell beside you, pulling you into a tight hug.
"I-Is everything okay?" you asked in a startled voice.
"Remember how I said everyone in our family is doomed to go mad?" he asked. When you nodded, he sniffled loudly against your neck. "I think it's too late for me, John."
"Jake…what's wrong?" You wrapped your arms around him, wanting more than anything to be closer to him again, but even beside him you felt like he was miles away.
He was silent for a moment, and then he kissed you, just briefly, before saying, "I best get a wiggle on or I'll be late. Can't disappoint the family, now can we?"
You watched him go, and it only added to your sense of foreboding. Something bad was about to happen, you just knew it.
You went to work and did your best to put it out of your mind. It was a rainy day, and you were rather busy during your shift, so when you were on your way home to relax for a bit. You also needed to message Dave and ask what the hell he was talking about earlier. You'd been too busy at work to ask him.
You went to unlock the door when you got home, but curiously, it was already slightly ajar. You looked around yourself in slight paranoia. Jake knew better than to leave the door open. If your father found out, he'd be in big trouble. Then, you heard a shout from inside, followed by a wheezing noise and the shifting sound of scuffling. There was more than one person inside. Frozen outside the door, you tried to remember whether or not Jake had mentioned company to you. Then, someone screamed.
"JAKE! NO!"
You bolted inside, thinking your cousin was in danger, but what you saw was far more terrifying. Jake was straddling a blond man around your age, and he was holding the hilt of a knife buried deep in the man's chest. Dirk was behind him, trying to pull him off and looking understandably terrified. You dropped your phone before you could even think to call anyone, and then Jake reached into his jacket. There was a brief flash of silver, and then there was the sound of a single gunshot. Dirk fell into the floor at Jake's feet, still feebly trying to reach for him.
"J-Jake…" you heard yourself whimper. "I- what did you do?"
He turned to you. There was a wild gleam in his eyes, and his face was almost unrecognizable.
"I truly apologize about the mess, love," he said. "I came in to see a man I didn't know in our dwelling, and primal urges got the best of me, I'm afraid."
"You…you killed Dirk…"
"Did I?" Jake looked at the body at his feet. "No. I think he was already dead beforehand."
You looked down at both the bodies, and you saw the younger of the two was still breathing, just barely. Your eyes locked on a pair of sunglasses, and you wondered if the man was staring back at you.
"Jake, wha-"
"You see, we're all already dead. You, I, these two. This life, John, it's not real. Don't you see? This is a fabrication. A farce if I ever saw one! What use is there in a life where the grand creator has abandoned you?"
You dared to pick up your phone. You might be able to save the stranger.
"I'm doing these poor citizens a favor. This life isn't real, so whatever is next- that's the grand adventure! A supreme rigmarole if I ever heard one! I've decided to get on with it."
"Jake, you're not…well. You need to drop the gun…"
"Not well? Not well? I'm better than I've been in a long while, my boy. See, I've finally moved past the things bothering me. This plan of mine, it's bloody well near brilliant. Would you like to know the next part?"
You unlocked your phone and dialed 911. Before you could press the call button, there was a searing pain in your chest, and a ringing in your ears. You looked down to see a red puddle forming in your shirt.
"Sorry about this in advance, John. This is the only way to free us from this prison. Don't you see? We're so close- Jesus, we're so fucking close to being away from all of this! All these requirements of ours, all these expectations we can never live up to!" He moved closer to you and grabbed your shoulders, and he was the only thing holding you up as his wild eyes bored into yours. They weren't green anymore. They were enveloped in black. "I couldn't protect Jade, but I can protect you. This is the only way."
"J-Jake…" you croaked. Your free hand went to your chest to hold the wound. "Please…" Another shot was fired into your torso.
"I'm so sorry, John," he said. "I was hoping there was another way than this…"
You fell to your knees, inches from the blond male you thought was still alive. Jake hovered over you, gun still pointed at you.
"You'll forgive me, won't you? I do love you so. I loved Dirk as well, but he got in my way too soon. I'd have liked to die at his side, but no plan is perfect, I suppose."
You felt two more shots enter your body, and you fell completely to the ground. You could've sworn the blond's hand twitched toward you.
"Oh, John… This is for the best. Do you remember telling me you thought your father hated you all those years ago? You were right, you know, but did you ever know why?"
Your hand reached toward the blond stranger. His reached back toward you. You weren't imagining it.
"Your mother was rather eccentric woman. I remember my own mum telling me that about her. She believed she was psychic, if you could believe that. During her pregnancy, she went a bit off her rocker. Said she heard voices."
You gasped, trying to turn your head to look at him.
"Your mother didn't die, John. Did you know that? No, she was very much alive, she just ran off. Last I heard she even had another child. I doubt it worked out for her either, though. My guess was always that your father didn't even want you, but you were the last piece of her he had. You don't even know much about her, do you?"
You couldn't answer.
"Don't be sad love. I don't know much else about her either. I do remember my mother talking about her eyes once. She had the nicest, honey colored eyes."
You instantly thought of Aradia, and wondered if the meeting was entirely accidental.
The gun went off two more times, but you couldn't feel the bullets anymore. You couldn't feel much of anything. Distantly, you heard Jake reloading, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. Your mother might have been alive the entire time. Aradia might have been related to you. There were so many things you didn't know.
"John, I'm so, so sorry…" Jake was crying now. You wondered if he was himself again. "I'm so sorry… God, I just…" He fell to his knees. "Dirk," he cried, falling onto the lifeless corpse of his deceased friend. "Oh, Dirk, I…" Another shot went off, and Jake fell beside you, lifeless, a single bullet hole in his temple.
You lied there, bleeding out slowly with your mind full of questions. Oddly, dying felt a lot like living. It was uncertain, and slightly terrifying. Something brushed against your fingers, and you opened your eyes to see the blond's hand finally over yours.
"J-ohn…"
You blinked at him, trying to remember how to talk.
"Hey there…Egderp…"
That voice. You knew that voice. You managed to grasp his hand in return. He smiled feebly at you.
"Too late," he croaked. There was blood oozing from the corner of his mouth. "Was…too late…"
"Who-?" you managed. He seemed to understand you, though.
"Name's Dave Str-rider… Brother of…bitchy Lalonde…"
Suddenly, it clicked. He was the one you were supposed to meet. The one you'd already known for over a year. His voice was the same wonderful scratchy voice you'd heard in your head all those times, the same one promising to be there when you woke up. He was finally here with you, he'd come to surprise you. You whimpered, trying to reach out to him, but your body was growing heavier by the second, and Dave didn't seem able to move either.
"D…a…ve…"
His hand brushed yours, and then his body went slack, his head lolling to the side. You managed to roll closer to him, but just before you reached him, your body gave out, and your eyes closed despite you trying to keep them open. You were so close to him, but not close enough… You had a feeling it would never be close enough.
Your name is John Egbert, and you remember everything about yourself, but you wish you didn't. You aren't entirely sure where you are at the moment, but it looks vaguely familiar. A throat clears behind you, and you turn to look into the smiling face of Doc.
"Welcome back, John," he says pleasantly. "It seems you're at the end of your stay with us."
"Wh-wha…" you say dumbly. "But I…"
"Don't tell me you like it here. No one can stay here forever, my dear boy."
"I can't- I can't move on yet," you say, slightly panicked. "There's- Dave is still up there!"
"Ah, yes. Dave Strider. I already know of your relationship with him, of course. Hopefully you don't mind, but we're actually very invested in the past lives of our guests. It's terribly boring here." Doc is skimming through the same book from before.
"I'm not leaving without him," you say. He looks up at you.
"To be perfectly honest, John," he says, "this isn't exactly protocol. I don't normally talk to the guests before they pass on like this. My job is simply to check in the guests, and then check them out down here." He leans against the desk. "But I wanted to talk to you in person for a moment."
"A-About what?" you ask.
"You're one of the few humans who were able to hear the voices of the dead, for one thing," he smiles. "That's certainly a feat."
"I don't- understand that, still. How could I…?"
"Time doesn't exist here for us the same way as it does in the world of the living, remember? Though the ones on your floor weren't dead when you first started hearing them, it was their voices you were hearing. You were writing down the conversations you had with them here. I'm sure you already figured that out, though."
"I just… Why me?" you ask. "Why was I able to hear them?"
"I can't answer every question you have, but I will say that you had a gift, John. As I said, only a few humans are able to communicate with the dead. As for what you were hearing in particular- I imagine you were inadvertently trying to save yourself."
"Guess I was too late for that," you sigh. "Jake said my mother had a gift. And Aradia did, too."
"Ah, yes. You're from a long line of talented people," Doc smiles. "I'm sure you don't think of it as a gift, but I assure you, it is a very high honor to exist in two separate planes of existence at once. Most living people go mad from it."
"I think I was getting there," you mumble, "but Jake beat me to it. I dreamed of this place." You laugh shortly. "It's crazy that I dreamed of death while I was alive, and dreamed of my life when I was dead."
"That's the way it goes, sometimes. The living question the dead, and the dead long for the living. It's a vicious cycle, but it's never ending. It's a tale older than time, and will go on past the end of time. The line between life and death truly is a thin one."
"So is the line between sanity and insanity," you say, and he grins at you.
"Yes," he says. "That, too."
You hear the sound of a wrapper crinkling together, and look up to see Doc opening a candy bar. You watch him in amusement before he looks at you. "My apologies, I'm just addicted to these things."
"Walter told me you had some issues. He has a thing for Tab soda, though."
"Yes, I know. We all have our favorite bad habits. The bad thing about death is that it lasts for eternity, and sometimes you have to break some rules to liven things up a bit."
"Was it you leaving chalk for Terezi and cigarettes for Dirk and Gamzee?"
"No. I expect that was Walter. He loves catering to the guests and making them feel more alive."
"You don't?"
"That's not my job."
You lean on the desk and watch him finish off the candy bar. He offers it to you, but you decline.
"Can I go back upstairs now?" you ask him. "I know it's time to move on or whatever, but I promised I'd wait for Dave."
"One bout of business," Doc says. "We have rules here, as you'd expect, though I'm not very good at following them. You're supposed to be passing on when I tell you this, but I might as well tell you now. You're eligible for reincarnation."
"I'm what?"
"If you choose it, you could be reborn again to a different family, and live an entire lifetime."
"W-Why me…?"
"You were a very good person with an extremely hard life, for one," Doc says matter of factly. "And also, I thought you might like to live a life without the voices of the dead impeding your judgment. I offered the same to Aradia, though whether she took the offer or not, I am not allowed to say. Confidentiality, you see."
You laugh at that, remembering the last person to tell you everything you told her was confidential. You shake your head.
"I don't want to live again," you say quietly. "I just want to be with Dave."
"I assumed as much, but one can never be sure. Aradia didn't accept it either."
"You're bad at this confidential stuff," you smirk.
"It was nice to meet you, John Egbert," he says with a wink. "You're truly one of a kind." He reaches into his suit and pulls out another Snickers bar. "Are you sure I can't interest you in a candy bar? They're rather addicting."
"I'm good," you say with an awkward laugh. "I do have another question though. What the fuck are you? Walter said you weren't human, and never were… I guess I'm curious."
"Your species has lots of names for me," Doc says with a frown. "Some of them are simply degrading. In the realm of the living, I take on a slightly different appearance, but I'm never there for long. I simply collect souls and bring them here to await judgment. The most common name for me in your language is Death."
"Death," you say with a grin. "I think I like Doc better."
"It is rather unflattering. A worse name is Slenderman. I don't even- you humans aren't very creative."
He glares at you while you laugh at him.
"One more question before I go," you say. "Um. Is there a god?"
"Probably not."
"You don't know?"
"Of course I know," he says. "But the answer isn't that simple. Your idea of a god isn't accurate, and neither is your idea of death. There is something waiting for you, but it's not a man in the clouds, nor is it a pit of fire. It's something else entirely."
You take comfort in this idea, and in your peripheral, you see Doc wave his hand through the air, and you begin to feel yourself slipping away. Before you lose consciousness, you hear Doc say something in an irritated voice. You aren't exactly sure what it is, but it sounds suspiciously like "Slenderman."
You find yourself flat on your back when your eyes open again, and there are three people standing over you.
"John! Shit! Oh, fuck I was freaking the fuck out. Are you alright? Dumb question, I guess. Shit, bro, what the actual fuck?"
"Dave, shut the hell up," Dirk says. "You alright, kid?"
"Uh, yeah, I just…went to go see Doc for a second." You accept Dave's hand when he offers it to you, and then he pulls you to your feet. You look over his shoulder at Jake, who's watching the entire exchange with tears in his eyes, Dirk's hand enveloping his.
"Jake," you say quietly, moving slowly toward him when Dave releases you. "I remembered everything…"
"I'm so sorry, John!" he says with a sob. Dirk gives you an irritated look like it's your fault. "I didn't- I don't even… I was just bloody insane, that's all there is to it! I don't even remember any of the actual killing, I just-" his lower lip is trembling. "I killed all of you, oh god, I'm a monster…"
You walk up to him and press your lips to his gently in what you hope is a comforting gesture. You'd never been very good at making people feel better, but Jake always came naturally to you. His green eyes are wide behind his glasses when you pull away.
"None of that matters now," you say quietly. "That wasn't you, Jake. I wasn't exactly happy anyway, and we're still all together."
"Like I said before," Dave says from behind you. "The past is over, so there's no use getting all worked up about it. Let's just move the fuck on."
"I'm pretty tired of this goddamn place, too," Dirk says, wrapping an easy arm around Jake's shoulders. "Purgatory is boring as fuck."
The four of you make your way to the end of the hallway, where another elevator is visible this time. You breathe in deeply, and squeeze Dave's hand in yours.
"We were so close to that epic real life meeting," you say quietly. "That whole time, we were connected and didn't even know it."
"Yeah, well," he says with a shrug. "Irony, bro. We were fucking drowning in it. Class A, I bet."
"Hey, Dave?"
"What?"
"I love you."
His fingers clench yours. "Love you too, man. Like, a shit ton. Always did."
The doors to the elevator slide apart and Jake slides his hand into your free one. He gives you a shaky smile, and you think back to what Rose said before, about how a lonely person could be forgiven for anything. You couldn't help Jake before, and the whole time you were dealing with insanity, he had his own to fight, and he lost. You suppose Rose was right. You would forgive Jake for anything. You promised a long time ago you'd always be with him, and though it didn't quite work out like you planned, it's a promise you intend to keep.
Dave's hand tightens around your other one, and you look up at him with your own smile. You are so helplessly fond of this man, and you knew you always were. He tried his best to understand you when no one else did, and he was the best friend you'd ever had. You stand on your toes to press a kiss to his lips, and he grins against your mouth like a dork.
The light from the elevators spreads over the floor, and onto your body. You feel at peace, you think. Both your hands tighten around the ones holding yours.
"Holy shit," Dave breathes, and you agree with that particular sentiment.
Together, you all take a step forward, and into the light. You don't know what to expect, and for once, you have no idea what's coming next. But for the first time in your life, and afterlife, you're perfectly fine with not knowing. Your book is still in the old room you shared with Jake, and as far as you know, it's probably filled with everything that happened here on the sixth floor. You think to yourself how you don't need it. Not anymore.
Whatever comes next, you can handle. You'd already been through hell, and you were done wishing to disappear. This was a free chapter in your afterlife story, an epilogue, maybe. The end to your personal purgatory story. And when the elevator doors close behind you, and the sixth floor is entirely empty, you think to yourself how perfect it is that you're all smiling, just like Aradia was.
After all, being happy was all you really ever wanted.
Sachi: Alright, my lovelies! That's the end of my little story. I'll probably go back and add bonus chapters, since some of you wanted to know what Dirk and Jake do, and someone asked for a Dave POV chapter a while back, so it's a great possibility that I might write those, but for now, it's complete, yo. I had tons of fun writing it! If you wanna read it in canon colors and see the music playlist I'll be posting for the chapters, check it out on AO3! Till next time, dears. (longest fucking chapter I've ever written for a chapter fic.)