Oh, man, I am so tired. I had to work an open to close shift at Buy More to make up for the time I've been missing. Then, we had a mission, which lasted past midnight. And I'd promised Morgan we'd get together for some World of Warcraft. He wasn't tired, but I sure was.
And, now, when I should be sleeping, I'm up writing in this stupid journal. I would just wait until tomorrow, but I'm sure the CIA or NSA or FBI or somebody has some way of determining just how old the ink is and they'll know that I did it the wrong day (even though I guess it's technically already tomorrow). Then they'd probably just make me do it again. Or put me in a bunker.
I'm tired of being pulled like a puppet. I never get any real say in what's happening to me, in the present or in the future. This limbo is starting to get to me. I've never been big on my five-year plan, but when I was making those, I at least had the illusion of having some control over my future.
Boy, I bet the psych guys are going to have a field day with that one. But I'm too tired and want to go to sleep too much to go back and delete it and write something else. I can't imagine that expressing some desire for control over the future will get me into trouble. I would hope not anyway. Though I never was really good at the psych courses.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, my five-year plan. Yeah, I'm struggling with that, considering how often I put my life in danger. It seems more like I should have a fifteen-minute plan, and even that seems constantly in flux. Way back when, my life was in order, or at least I thought it was. It never was, of course. Now, it seems even more chaotic than ever. But it's not as bad as I thought it might be.
I'd still kind of like to know where I'm going to be in a year, or three, or five. This Buy More stint is fun, but it's so much less than I sometimes think and dream my life could be. Not that the spy life is really for me, either. The lying and the possibility of leaving behind all my friends and family and everything is just too much. I mean, I see how much value they provide and I'm glad we have the CIA and NSA around, but it's not exactly how I see myself spending the next few years of my life.
Man, I'm tired. Five hundred words never seemed like so many. I just want to go to bed and sleep. Thing is, I know I have to work again tomorrow. Hopefully, I can go a few days without any flashes, so I can catch up on sleep and things that need doing other than being a spy.