Title: I Caught Myself

Summary: He was the addiction. She was the addict. It was so perfect that it was simple – they were meant to be. But it's not as simple as you may think. ReidxOC

Genre: General, Romance

Rating: T

Silent Knight: So, I pretty much hate this chapter. :( Stupidness all around. Hopefully you guys will like it anyway.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Check chapter one.

Claimer: What the disclaimer said. ;)

I Caught Myself

Chapter 10: Keep pushing and pulling me down

At the party, things were still quiet and tense between the Sons, Kate and Josie. Josie and Reid looked at anything and everything, anyone and everyone other than themselves. Josie wondered who apart from Kate thought that they were "perfect for each other" and "meant to be," and if any of the Sons noticed the tension between her and Reid. She hoped to God that they didn't, but she had a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach that they just might. After all, Caleb and Tyler are no doubt the smartest ones from the four – no offense to Reid and Pogue, but it's sort of the truth – and it wouldn't be hard for them to notice the tension. And since Kate had figured it out, she probably had wanted to talk about it to someone, and who else could that someone be, if not Pogue, her boyfriend?

Josie sighed, releasing the tension from her shoulders. She really needed to lighten up for a while. It was a party, right? What good was acting all stiff and quiet at a party? Sure, Josie had never been to a party like this before, but she's been to many social parties and galas and whatnot, and there she isn't stiff, though is a little quiet. Everyone there is either very snooty or very nice, and there would be no way that Josie wouldn't smile. It was the only time she liked spending with her parents, and that, in her opinion, was a little sad, considering the fact that they put up a facade in front of others, and Josie likes the facade parents very much. Even more than her real ones.

It just...wasn't right. Josie just wanted parents who cared for her – cared about her as much as she would, cleaning up all the messes they would create when drunk off their asses. Or...or how she made breakfast, lunch and dinner – if they stayed home long enough, that is – for them every day and every night, just so they don't go to sleep or wake up hungry.

But no, they would never do anything like that for her (And she doesn't even drink beer or whatever else the other kids do – though she does, sometimes, sip a bit of wine every now and then, when no one's looking – it is addictive, after all). They didn't love her as much as she loved them – well, tried to love them. They don't even try! They don't even call her up and ask her how she is feeling or how she's doing or how many friends she's made. All they talk about with her is her grades and a whole bunch of stuff about what they've been doing with her. Or, if they're drunk, yap about what a disappointment she has turned out to be, or how they always wanted a boy and not a girl – just like every cliche parents want.

And quite frankly, Josie was disgusted by them. Though she kept that to herself. She never wanted anyone to find out or know, so she always tried her best to love them – to try to love them. That disgust she felt for them had been locked in that mental box, mental barrier, but after that was broken, there was no way to hide that disgust anymore. She could feel it, swirling up inside of her, growing bigger and bigger as she thought more and more about the disappointments her parents had been for her.

She came back to real life, back to the party, right when Reid angrily stomped away, muttering something about picking up a drunk girl, something that made Josie's stomach tighten even more. Sighing, she looked down at her shoes – well, the black pumps that were Kate's, ones that she had forced her to try on, and began to scratch at the ground, another nervous habit of hers.

"Josie!" Kate whined, turning away from her boyfriend to look at her, "Don't do that! The black will rub right off!"

Josie immediately stopped at that, though was itching to start again. She refrained herself, something that was getting harder and harder to do. "Sorry, Kate." She said apologetically, running a tired hand through her hair. She really wanted to leave the party now, but kept that little fact to herself. She wouldn't ruin other people's nights just because she didn't want to be there.

Kate waved a hand, then turned her attention back to trying to persuade Pogue to go to the "dance floor" – more like the kitchen floor – and dance with her. Pogue, nervous, looked at the other Sons for help, but they just gave him small smiles that obviously meant, "You're all on your own, dude." Pogue, sighing, told her that he was a bad dancer. Kate squealed happily, knowing that that meant a yes, and began to promptly drag him away.

Caleb started talking to Tyler about homework or something like that, and immediately Josie felt all alone, all by herself. Rubbing her left arm, she looked around the party, locating the others instantly. Reid was picking up a very drunk girl who seemed to know what she was doing, biting his earlobe and smiling sexily up at him. Reid had his arm around hers, was rubbing her chin suggestively, and leaned in to kiss her when he stiffened suddenly. His head snapped, turning over at where Josie was standing.

Hastily, she turned her head to peer at the kitchen, seeing the outlines of Pogue and Kate, very close to each other (The kitchen lights were closed to make it feel more like a dance floor at a club somewhere). Feeling her cheeks burn up for prying into Pogue and Kate's love life, she looked away. But everyone else were either getting drunk, kissing heatedly, sleeping, already past out, dancing in the kitchen or drunk-talking with either friends, spouses, potential one night stands or even strangers.

And Josie knew immediately that she didn't belong here, at some party with a bunch of kids who went to school with her. She had never shown up at even one of their parties, so she had no idea what they were like. And since she had missed out on a lot of parties, there was no way she'd be able to fit in with one now. It was too difficult for her to now. The first year of Spenser was almost finishing, and she didn't know half of these people's faces.

Sighing tiredly, she started to walk towards the refreshments – who even says that anymore? Me, Josie dryly thought – to get some water. She had a feeling that there would be no water there – or, if there was, something might've been mixed into it or something, but still she tried.

And she had found the water – or, well, it seemed to be water. Josie wasn't too sure. It was more liquidy and not thick like the other drinks, but instead of being crystal clear, it was more brownish. Yup. There was no doubt about it in her head. The water's been spiked with who knows what - beer? Tequila? Hell – maybe even wine? Who knows.

"Sad the water's spiked, huh?" Came a voice from behind her. Josie turned around to see it was a boy. He had messy brown hair that almost seemed to resemble Tyler's, and deep caramel eyes that seemed to be, in Josie's opinion, like melted chocolate. He had a strong jaw line, a thin, but long nose and nice, plump lips. Josie felt herself blushing when she realized that she had been examining his lips as well, and immediately looked away from him. He let out a deep chuckle at that.

"A bit. I guess." Was Josie's lame and shy response. He probably thought that she was a loser now.

But instead he reached out, a hand sticking out in front of her. "Name's Derek. May I have the pleasure of knowing yours?" Derek asked her with a smile (It was different than Reid's, she noticed. He actually showed his teeth, rather than Reid, who only gave closed-lipped smiles to everyone).

Josie reached out as well, clasping her hand in his and shaking it daintily. "It's Josie. Josie Wesley." Josie clarified for no reason at all. She glanced shyly up at his melted chocolate eyes and then, blushing harder, looked away. And that made Derek let out a deep chuckle once more, which made her blush even harder – if possible, that is.

Derek let out a sigh, then looked at the rest of the party goers before glancing over at Josie. "So...how's a shy, quiet girl like you come to a party like this? Well - if you don't mind me asking, that is." Josie shook her head, meaning that she didn't mind, and then glanced over at Reid. Her heart broke in two when she saw that he was heatedly kissing the drunk girl from before, hands going up her shirt to –

She ripped her head away from that, then turned over to Derek and faked him a smile. "Friend made me come. Kate Tunney." Derek's eyes widened, like Josie had a feeling they would.

"Whoa. Kate Tunney? Like, Pogue Parry's Kate Tunney?" He asked her, as if she was lying.

Josie, feeling her bitter side taking over, rolled her eyes. "No. I'm obviously lying to you," She said sarcastically, then, when she was sure the bitter side was gone, widened her eyes, "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! I-...I just..." But Derek just let out a small laugh.

"That's alright, Josie. Got a little spunk in you. I like that." He gave her a wink, and immediately she started blushing again. Stupid cheeks, stupid blush, Josie thought to herself as she turned away from him. And then, trying in vain to fight against her blush, she thought about something else that seemed to be nagging at her.

He was so gorgeous! Why the hell was he still talking to her? Was it because Kate knew the Sons, and she knew Kate? Or maybe he wanted Kate all to himself? Josie had no idea, but she didn't want him to leave her alone. She was feeling content, just talking to him. She felt like she could ignore everything and anyone. But then her eyes strayed over to Reid, who was still kissing that drunk brunette. Well, almost anyone...

"So, how are you liking the party, Josie?" Derek asked her suddenly, and she turned her head to look up at him, into his alluring eyes.

She shrugged, leaning her back against the refreshments table. "It's...okay. I guess." Came her lame response to his question. It was so obvious that she didn't like being here. Josie felt her ears turning pink. Why was she even lying to him in the first place about it? Why not just tell him the truth – that she hated it here and wanted to leave? Maybe...maybe he'd take her back to Spenser?

"Yeah. Right. I totally believe you." Derek said sarcastically, mimicking her by leaning back against the refreshments table.

"By the way – what are you doing here anyway?" He asked her suddenly. Wait – what? What did he mean by that - what was she doing here anyway? Did that mean that he wanted her to leave the party.

She widened her eyes. "Pardon?"

Derek laughed. "I don't mean I want you to leave, Josie. It's quite the opposite. Since you and Kira no doubt don't like one another that much – what are you doing here? At her party?" This was Kira's party? Josie suddenly thought to herself, panicking.

"Wait – what? I didn't – I don't...Kira's party? Really?" Josie asked him, eyes wide.

Derek nodded at her. "Hm...they probably didn't tell you. This is Kira's party. Sure, they Sons and Kate – they don't like her, but they can't deny the fact that she throws great parties. Whenever she throws one they come on over, because her parties are so good her enemies even want to come. Maybe they thought you knowing that didn't really matter." He shrugged his shoulders at her, then turned to face away from her, looking at the party in front of him while Josie only bowed her head.

Doesn't matter? Doesn't matter? Kira hates me and it doesn't matter? Josie found herself freaking out, Why wouldn't Kate tell me this? Why not? Didn't she think that I would care!

"So...uh, I was wondering...do you...do you want...uh, dance?" He asked her nervously. She felt herself blushing, but knew that she had to be alone so she could freak out alone, by herself. And then it hit her: Oh my gosh – what if Kira's seen me? Josie felt all light-headed then, and wanted to clutch her head, but did her best to stop herself from doing so. Freaking out in front of the first guy – well, Reid didn't count, did he? – that showed interest in her? Not a good thing to do.

Josie cleared her throat. "I'm sorry, Derek. You're a great guy an' all, and I love talking to you – but I gotta say no. I'm just...not feeling too well right now. Maybe if I outside, take a breather and come back?" Derek gave her a small smile and then nodded at her, giving her permission. Before she could think better of it, she leaned over and kissed his cheek, then, blushing, turned away and into the kitchen, opened the sliding door and walked out - onto the deck. Closing the door behind her, she closed her eyes, breathed in through her mouth, and felt the light-headedness sort of just...fly away.

Sighing loudly, she walked off of the deck, took off Kate's black pumps and neatly put them on the floor before straightening up and walking into the grass, feeling them between her toes. She wiggled them, smiling gently.

Her head snapped over to look at the deck, however, when the door slid open. And then she was staring at the smirking face of Kira Snider. She swallowed thickly, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights, or whatever the metaphor is.

"Well, Josie," Kira started, walking slowly towards her, heels click-clacking against the wood, "I can't believe you showed up here. At my party. Where I am. This wasn't your first mistake, either. I mean – really. When are you going to learn? And I thought you were the smart one," She started walking down the deck steps, "So, I heard you didn't get into trouble because the test answers weren't the real ones. Wanna tell me how you managed to pull that off?" Josie crinkled her eyebrows at that, tilting her head to the side, but started to walk backwards when Kira's heels met grass.

"I – I don't know what y-you're talking about." Nice. The stutter's back, Josie thought dryly to herself.

Kira tossed her head back and laughed shrilly, making the brunette flinch. "Right. 'Course you don't. Stop lying and tell me, Wesley. I checked the test answers. I knew that they were legit. Then how the fuck did you manage to get away scott-free?" The redhead's tone started to escalate, getting louder and colder.

Josie was shocked at that. What? Legit test answers? Then...then, how did I...? But Provost Higgins said that...the Sons. They must've - but...how did they know?

And then she remembered something. Something very vital.

Though, then, she bumped into someone. Before she could fall onto the floor, she grabbed onto the lapels of their uniform jacket, and then peered up at their face, tears still falling.

It was Reid who she had bumped into.

He stared down at her, confused, his hands having settled onto her elbows to help steady her before, when she had almost fallen. And then, before Josie could realize what she was doing, she buried her head in his chest and sobbed softly. Josie felt him tense up, but didn't pull away from him. Surprisingly, he didn't pull away from her either. Instead, she relaxed a bit, put his hands around her waist, pulled her closer.

Then he was backing up, leaning on the wall with her still in his arms, patting her head as if he had no idea what to do with her, which, in her opinion, was probably the case.

"You alright?" He whispered into her ear, and she shivered before trying to bury her head even deeper into him, as if their close contact wasn't close enough for her. She shook her head, unable to say anything. "What happened?"

And then, with a shaky voice, she told him everything about what had happened, crying harder here and there, and he was tensing up further and further, until he was as stiff as a board, but she didn't mind. It didn't feel comfortable, of course, but it was still...comfortable to be in his arms, to feel his hands around her waist, to snuggle up against him, to breathe his pine scent mixed with cologne and his own, personal musk. It was...refreshing, to feel so close to someone before.

Reid. It was Reid who must've used his powers to help her out and change the test answers into a fake, duplicate set of answers. Josie couldn't believe it - she had thought that he didn't like her, that he didn't care about her or for her - but he did. He cared. He cared a lot. Well, cared enough to get her out of the trouble that Kira had tried to get her in.

"Well, Wesley?" Kira snapped impatiently, "How'd you do it?"

Josie sighed. "Look, I-...I didn't d-do it, alright? Please...l-leave me alone." She was so confused about Reid now – even more confused than she had been before. Josie needed some time to sort out her feelings towards him. And Kira certainly wasn't helping. And if Kira wouldn't leave her alone, then she would leave Kira alone. So she grabbed Kate's pumps, didn't slip them on though, and started to walk towards the deck when Kira grabbed her arm and yanked her around.

"Don't leave when I'm fucking talking to you, Wesley." Kira growled angrily, yanking at her arm enough harder. Josie let out a yelp, dropping the pumps onto the ground, trying to pry her arm away from the angry redhead, but she was stronger than she looked.

"Kira!" The two girls turned to see a pissed off Reid Garwin standing on the deck, arms crossed. His eyes were spitting fire, and even though they were trained on the redhead, Josie still flinched, in unison with Kira. With a glare sent towards Josie, Kira tossed her arm away, then stomped on the deck stairs, crossed the deck without looking at Reid and left, into the kitchen where the music was so loud, everyone so crowded and so drunk, no one knew what had just happened between the three of them.

Josie sighed, running a hand through her hair. She looked at the floor, not wanting to look up at Reid. Unfortunately, tears started to swell in her eyes.

She was so confused with her life now that her box had broken, and everything bad about her life had flown out. And now, with the whole Reid fiasco going on in her life, it only amplified the pain and the confusion and the hurt. Now it seemed that everyone knew what happened between her and Kira and how she was friends with Kate and the Sons. Derek knew about what happened in the cafeteria, after all. This was definitely something that she didn't want happening in her life - but it was happening. All she wanted to do was finish Spenser with high marks and get into Harvard. But her life seemed to be getting worse and worse. And all of this happened because she found out that the Sons had some weird powers that they were hiding from everyone. A tear fell suddenly, dropping into the cool grass, lost. Lost like she felt.

Josie wished that Reid would just leave now that Kira, so he wouldn't see her break down like a complete idiot. But she knew that he was still standing there.

And then, finally, she started to care less and less about his presence, and the tears started to fall harder. This was the second time she had cried in front of Reid Garwin, and this was the second time that Reid Garwin had saved her from the wrath of Kira Snider.

It seemed like Josie was no longer strong enough to fight her own battles, to take care of herself. She was so...so weak. Her parents were right. She was a disappointment to everyone around her – and, now, even herself.

She didn't even realize it, but she fell onto the grass, felt their hard little points dig into her hands as they lay flat on the grass. And soon she was sobbing her heart out, unable to stop. Part of her didn't care; knowing that Reid was right there, and that she was crying at a party of all places. Parties were where you let loose, let go and put up a facade just like everyone else. But her facade was slipping, she was getting looser and looser. All in front of the guy she liked for God knows how long.

"Josie...? You – you alright?" Came his voice, sounding embarrassed and tentative – something that was so different from the real Reid. But weren't gys always nervous around crying girls? Josie was sure she had read that somewhere.

"Does it look like I'm alright, Reid? Does it?" Josie said between sobs, bringing her hands up to cup her eyes. "Everything's ruined. My life...it's – it's turned into something I never wanted it to become. I never wanted to be noticed in Spenser. I wanted to go to Harvard, unnoticed. My...my troubles...they...they were locked up in me, Reid. And now – they're...they're out! And they're worse than before! It's...it's all because of...because of you, Reid. All because of you."

Reid was quiet, but then he let out a chuckle. A dark chuckle. "Oh. Yeah. All because of me," Suddenly his voice was growing closer and closer, "I never wanted this either, okay? You're just...you ruined everything for me too, Wesley."

Josie shook her hand, hands still cupped over her eyes. "You don't understand. My – my parents never wanted me. They saw me as a disappointment. I – I never believed them. But I had doubts, like every other person. And because of them...I – I became something else. Some bitter girl that I never wanted to be. And so I locked her up, along with all the angry and sad and painful memories into...into this mental box, if you will," Oh God; why the hell was she telling this to someone like Garwin of all people? "And...and I left those memories behind. Shoved them into the back of my head, because I hated them. I never wanted them near me again. Never wanted to think about them again. But...but then you happened. I-...I l-l-liked you, Reid. Ever since I first s-saw you, i-in middle school. But t-then Spenser h-happened.

"First I thought Spenser would be the s-s-same as middle school. N-Nobody would notice me - I'd always...al..." She sighed, running a hand through her hair, "My point is...you started to notice me when the History project happened. I-I thought that was what I wanted, but then others noticed me, too. Kira, all of your one night stands...they made life horrible. And when they threatened my marks...I snapped, alright?

"The box broke and now I'm broken again, b-...but I'll never be fixed, not like before. And I was never the same when I made that box and shoved all those memories and thoughts and the pain. I was always different, but I never wanted to a-admit it. And now...here we are. So you tell me, Reid...tell me...what do you want from me?" There was silence.

Josie looked up to see Reid sitting on the ground, in the grass, in front of her. Their eyes locked, and she saw something...different in his eyes. Tears fell from her eyes, and she wished that she could take everything she had just uttered back. She was about to look away when Reid cupped her cheeks and kissed her. Her eyes closed, and she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer towards her.

Slowly he pulled away, and she opened her eyes. Their eyes locked once more. "Does that answer your question?" Came his quiet response.

Silent tears fell, but these were different tears. Tears of joy, Josie thought everyone called them. She gave him a watery smile, pulled one of her arms away from his neck to wipe her eyes. Then she nodded, letting out a small laugh.

And she was once more pulled closer, and their lips joined again.

Silent Knight: See? I hate it. :( But I didn't want you guys to wait for this one too much, so here it is! Let me know what you guys thought of it - if you hated it like I did or liked it - gasp!

Until next chapter.

Silent Knight over and out!