A/N: Time for a song fic! Let's go with…presses shuffle No, I'm kidding, I had this song as an idea for about three weeks now. "Who I am Hates Who I've Been" by Relient K. I don't own House or Relient K obviously. R&R! One of the last chapters…And Spoilers for the end of Merry Little Christmas. And I've decided that, unless I renigg on this decision next chapter, I'm cutting out the rehab thing. I'll include the trail, but not the rehab thing. But I might change my mind.

HOUSEHOUSEHOUSE

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...

House was tucked away on the top of the roof, holding one knee to his chest. He thought wryly in his mind that his knee was touching his heart, and keeping it there so it didn't fall out.

It was…quick check of the watch…5:58 in the morning. What the hell was he doing up here? Oh, yeah. Tritter. He rolled his eyes. Damn it. No, not damn it. Damn him.

Everyone thought that…the pills had a hold over him. "OK, I'll admit it. I'm addicted. But I need them. You can't fake an infarction. You can't fake pain this bad."

Everyone also thought he had lost his mind. Especially Wilson and Amelia. "That damn kid…" The last thing he'd wanted was to have her see him like that. The fear in her eyes was enough to make him never want to touch another Vicodin or Oxycodone (or whatever the hell he'd downed that night) ever again. If he could take back that fear, he would never touch another narcotic again.

'Cause I don't want you to know where I am
'Cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

His cell phone had been ringing off the hook for a few hours. Every glance at the caller I.D. proved that it was either Cuddy or Cameron. Probably worrying their hot little asses off about him. But he wouldn't let them see him or talk to him. Not right now, not after all that had happened in the past two days. He wouldn't let anyone see him.

His heart felt like it had been ripped into 1000 tiny pieces and thrown on the floor. This was worse than when Stacy left. This was worse than when Sarah died…this was worse than anything. House started to think back, no matter how painful it was.

This is no place to try and live my life.

"Dad…I'm going to live with Uncle James." Amelia whispered to him. "I can't stay here, watching you kill yourself anymore."

"Amelia, I was out of my mind." He muttered. "Detoxing."

"Dad, what I saw last night was in NO WAY you detoxing! That was you…trying to kill yourself! I can't live with someone who doesn't think enough about me to kill themselves over a narcotic."

"I didn't try to kill myself." He said, even though, somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he had. Maybe not consciously, but subconsciously something had told him that drinking that amount of scotch with as many Oxycodone as he'd taken wouldn't just go down into his tummy and stay there safely.

"But you did. And I can't, or won't be a part of it and watch it happen anymore. You refused to take that deal the cop gave you." She said simply.

"I took the deal. Don't you get it?" he turned to Wilson, who had been standing in the corner watching it unfold, holding one of Amelia's three suitcases. "I accepted it. I went there that night you two found me and I took it and it didn't work!" He turned to Amelia. "Look, kid, I don't want you to go. I've grown kinda attached to ya." He thought that would cinch it. That and his puppy dog face, which he was totally pulling off right now.

"I know. I've grown kinda attached to you, too." She leaned into him and hugged him, and he wrapped his arms safely around her. She smiled.

Then when she pulled away the smile dropped off her face. "But I can't be a part of this life anymore." She shouldered her backpack and leaned up and kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry, Daddy. So, so, sorry."

He turned away. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder. "She just needs…a more stable environment right now, House. It won't be for forever…"

House turned back to Wilson. "You…shut the hell up. You're stealing my kid."

"I'm not stealing your kid!"

"Yes, you are! So, as previously mentioned, SHUT THE HELL UP and get out of here."

[PreChorus

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

Wilson looked at him, and as they were leaving the apartment, Amelia crying, he said, "There was a line, House, a fine line. A fine line between what you were doing and going overboard. And you crossed it." He stated.

"You know what, Wilson? You're right." he just trailed off. "Maybe I shouldn't have crossed that line. Maybe I shouldn't have said all those things to you…but I did…and I wish like hell that I could take it back. But I can't."

Chorus

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to try and never become that way again
'Cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been

Now, sitting up on the roof, he dialed Amelia's cell phone, which of course was turned off.

"Hey, this is Amelia. I'm not here at the mo, but leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can, thanks!" BEEEP.

"Hey, it's me. Look, it's been two days since you left…the apartment's silent. I miss your incessant chatter. I miss the way you left your stuff all over. I miss the way you used to yell at me if you thought I was out of line. I'm sorry for who I was. I'm trying to change because I didn't like who I was, either. But you'll never be able to see if I've changed if you don't…come home. Bye."

He closed the phone with his chin and swung his legs over the side of the ledge and hopped back onto the roof. He grabbed his cane and made his way slowly to the door that led back into the hospital.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough

He brushed past Cameron in the hallway, not even noticing her as she grabbed at his elbow. "House…do you need to talk?"

But he said nothing. He was keeping to himself, as he always did.

And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

House finally made it back to his office, where he shut the glass door and locked it tightly. He leaned his back against the wall and closed his eyes, then shuffled over to his armchair and sat down as gracefully as possible.

He passed his cane back and forth between his hands. He sat there for hours like that, staring at his cell phone laying there on the desk, hoping it would start to ring. Hoping that the ringtone wouldn't be the dull, monotonous ringing, but the snazzy dance ringtone Amelia had programmed as her own.

Eventually, he gave into the sleep that had been threatening to claim him for a few hours and slept. His lids were heavy and he was strung out emotionally. When he opened his eyes again, it was 11:32 am. He checked his phone and saw that he had no missed calls.

Suddenly, everything that had been pressing down on him caused him to stand up and pick up the thick coffee mug that had been sitting on his desk for a week with dried coffee in the bottom and threw it at the wall. "Damn it!" he screamed as the coffee cup shattered and dented the wall deeply.

He flopped down in his chair and held his head in his hands.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again

Cuz then you'll see my heart

In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

He sat there staring at his hands after that. "Get it together, House. Come on, come on. It's gonna be ok…" he listened to the beating of his heart through his shirt and wanted to cry.

He missed her.

Pre chorus x2

Chorus

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

Chorus

Two more weeks went by. House was a mess. He didn't sleep, didn't eat. He began to lose weight, which increased the thumping in his leg. He started getting headaches. He had bags under his eyes, and more anger than he'd ever felt in his entire life. He constantly felt like he wanted to scream. He constantly felt like he wanted to beat the crap out of Wilson for taking Amelia away, and then he felt like beating the crap out of himself for driving her to him in the first place.

Wilson took nearly two weeks off, with Cuddy's permission, to get Amelia acclimated to her new "environment". He told her that perhaps a few weeks to leave House to himself would do all three of them some good.

"I hope you're right." She'd muttered to Wilson as she laid in bed, tears rolling silently down her face.

HOUSEHOUSEHOUSE

But all things had to come to an end. Wilson came back to work, briefcase in hand, and walked past House's office. Out of habit, he looked in the glass door and saw him laying there in his recliner, asleep. Conked out.

"Same old, same old…" he muttered softly. Being alone hadn't changed House at all. But then Wilson stepped closer to the glass and looked at him. There had obviously been some drastic physical changes. He banged into the office, letting the glass door slam shut behind him.

"What the hell have you done to yourself?" Wilson cried, jolting House out of his deep sleep.

"Hmm? Huh? What?" he muttered groggily. Then his eyes slowly registered on Wilson's face. "Get outta here." He said. "Just leave me alone."

"Look at you! What the hell's going on?! What happened? You look awful!" Wilson yelled. House held his head.

"Ow." Was his only word.

"House, you can't…you can't let yourself fall apart like this. You've lost weight, you've got bags under your eyes, so you haven't been sleeping properly, and by the looks of it, your leg must hurt like hell." Wilson said. Then he brought a cool hand to House's forehead. "And you've got a slight fever. Come on, what's going on?"

"I miss her, you toad brain!" he yelled, which was the best insult he could come up with at the time, in his pain and lack of sleep. "I miss her so much I can't eat or sleep or think…Haven't solved or taken a case in near two weeks. Did you bring her with you?" he asked hopefully, the first time any sort of hope or anything near it had come on his face lately.

"No. She's back at home."

"That's not her home. She belongs home with me."

"I'll let her know that's how you feel. Come on, let's go get something from the cafeteria. You need to eat."

House resisted, so Wilson said, "Come on. It's on me." He said with a wry smile.

He pondered it for a moment. "If you insist…"

HOUSEHOUSEHOUSE

Just like that, with a simple Reuben sandwich, dry, no pickles, House and Wilson were friends again.

And as they began to speak, Wilson watched House's blue eyes light up in a way he'd never seen. Mainly because they were speaking of Amelia.

"How's she doing?" he asked, biting into the sandwich. "She going to bed at a reasonable time? Helping you out with stuff? Summer school work, is it getting done?"

"She's fine, House. She does what she's told, when she's told…you've raised her right. I take some credit of course…" he said smiling.

"Yeah, but without Daddy Dearest, where would she be?" he asked. "Wilson, I'm coming over to see her tonight. I miss her like hell, and I'm not going to keep missing out on anything."

"Fine."

House had expected a fight, expected him to say 'No, that's not what's best for her, don't you want what's best for her?', but all he said was fine.

HOUSEHOUSEHOUSE

Later that night, House climbed off his motorcycle and walked into the hotel, walked over to the elevators, and pressed the button for the third floor.

He walked slowly, agonizingly, to Wilson's room and opened the door. He saw her standing there, much as she had that night he'd gotten back from jail, and they stared at each other for about twenty seconds before she threw herself at him.

"DADDY!" She yelled, burying her face in his stomach like a little girl again.

"Hey, kid." He muttered.

"Oh, Dad, I'm sorry…I'm sorry, I wanna come home. I love Uncle Jimmy, but I miss you and I love you and I'm just so sorry, it was so dumb of me to leave, you needed me and I was just being so selfish and please, please, please forgive me…" she cried.

"Hey. You know you're welcome back home. And I'm way sorrier than you'll ever be." He smiled and chucked her under the chin. "So, this mean you'll give me a second chance?"

"Of course."

"I'm not going to be that way anymore, Mia. I promise."

Who I am hates who I've been.

Who I am hates who I've been.

HOUSEHOUSEHOUSE

A/N: That was seriously the longest chapter ever. Would you be completely angry if next chapter was a songfic also? I don't think it will, but let me know…ok R&R!!!