Chapter 10

Hawke came back later that night as Caitlin was falling asleep. He pulled up a chair and slept right beside her again. In the morning, when she was released he flew her up to the cabin. Besides some light chit chat, neither had really done much talking.

When they finally got to the cabin, Hawke offered Caitlin his bed but she insisted that she wasn't tired and preferred to rest on the couch awhile. Caitlin watched Hawke as he tried to do everything he could to make her comfortable. She began laughing at him and he stopped and gave her a strange look. "What's so funny?" he asked.

"You are," she replied. "I have never seen you act like this before. Hawke, I'm not a porcelain doll. I'm fine. Now will you please stop fussing over me and sit down?"

Hawke smiled and sat down beside her. "I'm sorry. It's just that you scared the hell out of me and I really thought I was going to lose you."

"I know," she replied. "Dom told me that much. By the way, where is Dom? I thought he was coming up with us?"

"He went up for some R&R at Doc's place for a few weeks," he replied. "Let's just say that Doc made him an offer that his stomach couldn't refuse."

Caitlin laughed again.

"It's nice to hear you laugh," said Hawke. "I've missed that. I've missed you." He moved closer to her on the couch.

Caitlin's felt her heartbeat increase. "I missed you too," she replied. "It all seems like just a bad dream. Now can you tell me what happened?"

Hawke had hoped for a more intimate conversation with Caitlin but he knew she'd want to know all the details of the mission and his reason for wanting her to leave. "Okay," he said. "I'll try to skip to the most important details. I think I'm going to need a cup of coffee first. Do you need anything?"

Soon he settled back beside her and began explaining the events of the last year. He told her how the explosion nearly killed them both and that it allowed them to go deep undercover in Mexico since everyone thought they were dead. It took time but they eventually found a connection with law officials there and a well known United States Senator. He was using money from a human trafficking operation to fund his upcoming election. The information they located also named two other high ranking officials. He explained that once the Firm pulled the plug on the operation and brought these officials in, they would safe. In the meantime, he felt it was best that they stay at the cabin.

"Hawke, I still don't understand why you had to lie to me and why you wanted me to leave. It hurt thinking that you didn't want me around anymore," she replied.

Hawke sighed. "I know. Picking those fights with you for no reason was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Cait, we had put you in so many dangerous situations. You had been through so much and we nearly lost you on more than one occasion. I just couldn't take that chance with your life. Looking back now, maybe it wasn't the best decision. But, once we made that choice, we had to stick with it. I guess I just felt better knowing you were away and safe. That's why I was so angry at Michael for getting you involved."

"Oh yea, I heard about what happened," she replied. "Did ya have to hit him?"

"Okay, that wasn't my finest moment," he admitted. "But, he had it coming. He knew better."

String looked at Caitlin closely. He could tell she was getting tired. "Are you sure you don't want to go up and get some sleep?" he asked.

Cait yawned. "Yeah, maybe that would be a good idea. I think I'll just go up and take a nap. Promise to wake me in a few hours? I need to call Stacey and talk to her about when I plan to return."

Her words stung. Hawke didn't know what else to say but, "Yeah, I promise."

While Caitlin slept, Hawke brought in more wood for the fire and made a light dinner for the two of them. He had a lot on his mind. There was so much he wanted to tell her. Things he needed her to know. He didn't want her to leave again. He just got her back. But how could he stop her? He was the reason she left and moved on with her life in the first place. It was something he figured she'd have done eventually anyway. He just wasn't ready to let her go.

The aroma of Hawke's cooking awoke Caitlin from her nap. "Oh, he's making my favorite dish," she thought. "He really must feel guilty."

Caitlin thought about her new business and how so many things had changed over the past year. She had moved on with her life, yet slipping back into her old life seemed so easy. "I wasn't happy," she thought. "I wasn't happy with the way things were going. I wanted more from him than he could give in return. Going back to Florida will be for the best. Damn, why is it that my head knows what's best but my heart still belongs to String?"

Hawke heard her stirring upstairs and called out to her. "Cait?" he asked "Dinner is ready if you feel like coming down to eat."

"I'll be right down," she replied.

The two had a quiet dinner by the fire. Hawke couldn't help noticing that Caitlin spent more time pushing her food around her plate than eating.

"Not hungry?" he asked. "You've hardly touched your dinner. Does it taste okay?"

Caitlin had been deep in thought. "Oh, I'm sorry. It's great. I appreciate everything but I guess I just have a lot on my mind."

Hawke picked up their plates and placed them in the sink before coming back and sitting down beside her. He placed his hand on top of the hand she had sitting on the back of the couch. "Cait, I know you said you needed to call Stacey, but is that what you really want? Do you really want to go back to Florida?"

Caitlin pulled away from him and stood up. She walked over to the fireplace. She couldn't look at him. She was struggling to keep the tears back. "I can't stay here," she thought. "I know he cares about me but not the way I care about him. It hurts too much to keep pining away for someone I'll never have."

Hawke got up and stood beside her. He gently took her shoulder and turned her to face him. He could see the tears in her eyes. "Caitlin, I don't want you to leave. What can I say to make you stay?"

She looked up into his eyes. She wanted to tell him what he could say. She wanted him to love her, the way she loved him. But, she knew he couldn't. He didn't feel the same way, so there wasn't anything he could say.

"Nothing," she replied. "I don't think there's anything you can say."

He wasn't willing to give up. String grabbed her around the waist and pulled her closer to him. "Okay, but I know there's something I can do," he replied.

Before Caitlin could say another word, Hawke pulled her into a deep, passionate kiss. Caitlin lost herself in it. It was something she had wanted him to do for so long.

He led her over to the couch and pulled her down into his arms. For the rest of the evening, he just held her and kissed her. He didn't need to say anything. For her, it was as if all the bad memories of the past year had simply faded away. She was home and she knew it.

The End