Chihaya was not someone to put her faith in anyone lightly. She was no fool - trust was something that had to be earned and given, and she treated it that way.
Working with other idols at 765pro naturally lead to some surface friendships, with little emotional investment on her part. As time went on, she found a couple to respect, and that seemed to be as far as her relationships with them would go.
Some of them thought differently. Haruka, for instance, was always open and friendly towards her, even if she didn't ask for her company. At first Chihaya didn't know what to make of that, but gradually found that Haruka was not a bad person. So she trusted her.
The Producer was someone that she had to trust, due to the nature of the occupation. Handing someone her future, her selfalmost, was no easy feat, but he handled her training graciously and effectively. So she relaxed around him. He seemed to understand that she wanted something great, and said he would help her when she told him about her desire to be the 'perfect voice'.
She did not, however, tell him why she wanted to do so, though she began to feel that she should.
Chihaya told two other people about her conviction - Haruka, because she found that getting her support was a good thing, and Azusa.
Azusa was a bit of an unexpected addition in her life. At first she didn't know what to make of a person who could sing in such a delicate way and was so...absent-minded. Azusa seemed to float from place to place instead of being grounded like a regular person. So Chihaya observed her from a polite distance and decided that, at the very least, she admired Azusa's talents, and lowered her guard for a moment.
In that moment Azusa placed herself as a direct presence in her life. It seemed like one day the two of them had nothing to do with each other, and the next Azusa was fussing over Chihaya as if they had known each other for years. At the time, Chihaya didn't know why Azusa decided to do so, and this concerned her somewhat, but that faded away. It was much easier to learn from Azusa by being in close contact with her, and, in the end, she wanted to be friends with her.
So, for a time, Chihaya believed things were going to turn out alright. That ended up being a mistake. Maybe she was a fool after all.
It was foolish to think that promises made in the moment by the Producer had any truth behind them; after all, they were only words, and like all words they had the potential to be lies. She would not have been so hurt by it if...Haruka...wasn't involved.
Haruka? In the Idol Ultimate? It was almost impossible to fathom - Chihaya knew who else was competing, and she considered most of them to be a match or challenge for even her level, so sending in Haruka was like throwing a lamb into the lion's pit. Because...well, Haruka had good qualities, but they didn't have to do with her being a good idol. Mostly.
The days went on and it became rather clear that no, it was not a joke, and that was when the hate began to rise. Logically, it didn't make any sense for there to be a connection between the fact the Producer chose Haruka and the fact that they both knew that she was counting on getting the title of 'top idol'. But in her anger she felt it was there. She couldn't help but notice that those two had been getting rather comfortable with each other even long before the Idol Ultimate, though she hadn't seen what it could mean or thought it was significant.
So perhaps it was only that the Producer wanted to show off the girl he seemed to be doting on, as he seemed to imply when she asked, but...she couldn't help it, it felt like something more wretched. As if he was using the person she dared to call one of her first close friends specifically to wound her. And that close friend let it happen because either the Producer or personal gain was more important than some girl's dream to become a voice that reached out to people.
Chihaya's mood kept jumping from despair to rage to self-loathing for either of those feelings. She tried to keep her distance from the others, knowing her mood was delicate, but they approached anyway with the expected offers of aid and inquiries on what was wrong. She did her best to dismiss them civilly.
And so she made herself alone, even if some wounded part of her wanted to reach out for support. She knew that doing so would mean admitting she was gravely hurt, and if she did that she didn't know what would happen.
It was as if one day she had isolated herself for good, and then Azusa placed herself next to her. She did not ask any questions or speak at all really. She just showed up, as if she sensed that Chihaya needed some company even though it was too painful to ask for it.
For some days, the two of them were together as often as possible and hardly spoke a word to each other. With 765pro focused on preparing for the IU, they were largely ignored. Who would pay any mind to a little phantom being lead around by a person whose hold on reality seemed only a little more solid?
Azusa paitently stayed beside her until she recovered, and Chihaya tried to ignore the strange pulls and twitches of her heart.
April 2nd, year 2
By some fortunate circumstance, Azusa and Chihaya had the same day off, which Azusa had insisted they spend together. Chihaya didn't mind.
"I know just where we're going to go," Azusa said, taking Chihaya's hand and walking briskly. "It's right by the shopping center, and the view is lovely! I hope the food is good, though, I haven't tried it yet."
Of course, since it was Azusa was leading the way, it took them a considerable amount of time and navigating to actually get to their intended destination. It was some kind of cafe chain that Chihaya had heard about in passing but never thought about visiting. Still, there was a first time for everything.
"Well? What do you want, Chihaya-chan?" Azusa tilted her head at her.
To be honest, most of the menu was dedicated to sugar-laden beverages that didn't look all that appealing. "...I'll just have some plain frozen yogurt."
"Well, in that case," Azusa turned back to the menu. "I think I'll take a caramel custard with my mocha."
The two of them were able to get their order and a table by a window shortly afterwards. Both ate in a comfortable silence for a while.
Azusa wiggled in delight after trying her dessert. "Chihaya-chan, you must try this," she said, handing her spoon over the table.
Chihaya took it after a second's hesitation - she didn't particularly want to try the sweet, but if Azusa-san wanted her to, then...well, she couldn't exactly refuse, could she?
It was smooth but very thick.
"How is it?"
"I can see why you would want to drink something with this," Chihaya said, removing the spoon from her mouth. It was then that she realized that she was holding the spoon that Azusa was using, which meant...that...
Well, it didn't actually mean anything beyond the fact that they both used the same spoon. Still, it made Chihaya's insides warm.
Azusa took the spoon back with a smile. "Well, I suppose that's as good of an answer as I can get out of you."
There was another quiet period while the two of them returned to their respective snacks. A thought crept into Chihaya's mind. "Do you want to try this?" she asked, pointing to her yogurt.
"I would love to!"
"Here," Chihaya scooped a spoonful and held it out. Azusa looked at it for a moment, then leaned foward and closed her mouth over it. She chuckled as she held there for a few seconds.
"It's cold!" Azusa said behind a hand after she had settled back in her seat.
"It is frozen," Chihaya sighed. Then she turned her face into her bowl so Azusa couldn't see the undoubtably absurd expression on her face.
July 3rd, year 2
Chihaya was at home studying when she got a text message from Makoto. "Go to the 765pro homepage right now. There's something you need to read."
She didn't go to the website that often, but if Makoto found something so important that she had to message her about it, then she would have a look.
On the front page, after the usual headers, there was what seemed to be an announcement of some kind.
Hello everyone! This is Miura Azusa. I'm writing this to tell you that I've decided to retire as an idol.
I've thought about it for a long time, and part of me doesn't want to, but in the end, this is something I've been putting off longer than I should have.
I know many of you will read this, or hear about it on the radio, and be very sad. Please know that this decision had nothing to do with you...the reasons behind it are complicated, and I hope you understand that I would rather not discuss them.
To those of you who read this, I know you'll be worried about me, but I'll be fine! And please, don't despair. You'll still be able to hear my voice. I'm trying to get accepted by a seiyuu group at the moment, and a seiyuu isn't that much different than an idol, right? Fu fu.
Tomorrow will have another morning, so keep your chin up and go towards it confidently!
Underneath this message was an image of Azusa's signature.
Chihaya stared at it, as if trying to read it again, but she couldn't get the lines to register in her mind. She got up, turned off the computer, and went back to her room. She sat on her bed for a moment before laying down on it, curling up as she felt her chest tighten.
Hugging a pillow to her chest, she replied to Makoto's message with a quick "I saw it". Then she laid her face on the pillow and found that it was a tiny bit wet.
July 12th, year 2
For a few days Chihaya did not take the opportunity to talk to Azusa. She watched as 765pro gathered around her to help prepare for her farewell concert, wish her luck, or say goodbye. Chihaya did not approach because she could not wrap her head around the fact she was leaving.
Still, she found herself in a room with Azusa eventually, and she was not strong enough not to say anything.
"Are you really going?"
Azusa smiled, then nodded. "Yes!"
It was so sure and so simple an answer that Chihaya paused. "No one...wants you to leave."
"I am aware of that," Azusa closed her eyes. "But I've decided, and I'm going through with it." She turned away towards the window.
Something in the center of Chihaya's chest clenched. "But you can't go -"
She stopped herself by swallowing.
Azusa began to draw on the fog covering the window. "I can, and I am," she said evenly.
Chihaya tried to stay composed, but she could feel some parts of her tremble slightly. "Your special someone," she blurted out. "You said you became an idol to see them! Are you - are you giving up?"
Azusa froze, leaving her finger in the middle of marking a pattern. Chihaya immediately regretted opening her mouth.
"What a cruel thing for you to say," Azusa said softly.
Seeing Azusa so hurt pained Chihaya as well, and that she was leaving still stung, but at the same time, if Azusa no longer sought out that 'someone'...perhaps...
Perhaps she would have a chance, though the selfishness of that thought made her a little ill.
"Well?" she said in a small voice.
Azusa resumed her drawing, but could only make meaningless, frustrated strokes before she turned around again. "I would have thought that you would know better than to ask something like that."
Chihaya wanted to answer something among the lines of "I would have thought that you would know better than to desert me," but that was too mean, and too revealing of an answer. "You would be," she said instead.
"Perhaps I am," Azusa said, seating herself on a little couch, "giving up on my destined someone. That is not something I want to do! But..." she paused, with a thoughtful expression, "I hardly even know if they return my feelings. Maybe they don't feel the same way as I do at all."
She paused again, then laughed sadly. "In that case, though, they can hardly be called my 'destined somebody', right...?"
Chihaya hardly knew what to say or feel for a moment. She took a step towards the couch.
For a moment neither of them spoke, then Chihaya ventured gently, "That isn't the reason you are leaving, is it?"
Azusa hesitated, then, closing her eyes, shook her head.
"Could you tell me what it is, then?" Chihaya asked softly. "I read your post," she added quickly, "but..."
Azusa half-opened her eyes in contemplation, looking down at the floor. After a few even breaths, she said, "I...do not feel safe here, Chihaya-chan."
Such an answer, which only brought up more questions, clenched Chihaya's chest, but Azusa's expression prevented her from inquiring further.
"Ah...in that case..." Chihaya had no idea what to say to that, honestly. She turned towards the door. "I'm sorry for disturbing you. I'll leave you alone..."
"Alright, Chihaya-chan."
Chihaya left the room, walking out into the hall for a while before realizing her eyes stung. After touching a hand to them, she saw a tear on her finger. She stared at it for a little while before taking a deep breath, steeling herself, and wiping it away.