Disclaimer: Sadly, I haven't managed to overthrow Namco and claim Tekken as my own…yet.

Date Ten: Hwoarang

Jun, Kazuya and Heihachi moped on the bleachers of the Date That Loser set. For reasons unknown, they had been temporarily demoted to everyone else's status as part of an onstage audience.

"Remind me how this happened." Kazuya grumbled.

"Heihachi was abusing his Marduk/Bob button privileges again." Jun muttered. They both threw said stupid old man dirty glares.

"They were calling me a diaper wearing baby, they needed to be put in place!" Heihachi argued.

"Yeah, and now we can call you a diaper wearing baby without you doing crap to us, you diaper wearing baby!" Paul exclaimed, laughing.

"I am not!" Kazuya rolled his eyes before dragging his father to the edge of the stage. Sparing him one more contemptuous glance, he kicked him off. Again.

"So wait, who's hosting?" Yoshimitsu asked.

"That backstage guy said he hired someone." Christie replied, filing her nails.

"Whoever it is, I bet they stuck." Miguel said, and King nodded.

"Be ready in five!" Jim called from somewhere in the back. Everyone carried on as usual.

Five minutes later, none other than Squall Leonhart (or Leon for you Kingdom Hearts peeps) came out from behind the curtains, and a majority of the Tekken fighters groaned.

"This is our replacement?" Jun sounded scandalized. She turned to Jim. "Why?"

"The producer said some unimportant crap about having 'horrible Squall withdrawals.'" Jim answered, shaking his head.

"I hate Enix characters, they're all the same!" Raven blurted out.

"We are not." Squall argued, and Feng snorted.

"Oh, so you're telling me you're not a Japanese-fashion obsessed punk with some mental problem who wields a stupidly huge sword." he asked.

"I wield a Gunblade." Squall corrected him, and received numerous boos from the audience. "Hey, it was either me, Ivy or Dante."

"What the hell? I love Ivy!" Lee said. "She's got those huge knockers-"

"And a dominatrix thing going on." Heihachi added from the floor. He knew better than to get up.

"And at least she's from our company." Xiaoyu muttered.

"Are you finished?" Squall asked, bored.

"I think Dante should have come." Asuka said.

"All right, that's enough. Last time-"

"On Date That Loser." Kazuya cut him off. Squall narrowed his eyes.

"You watched as-"

"my wonderful son was put through a horrible date with a horrible woman named Zafina." Jun finished. Zafina glared and was about to say something, but Squall pulled a detonator (AKA the Bob/Marduk button) out of his jacket.

"Don't make me use this." he threatened, his thumb resting on the button. Jun and Kazuya scowled, but didn't say anything.

"And though you all voted, there was a tie between Hwoarang and Asuka." Squall told them. Everyone looked at Asuka.

"Are you telling me I lost to a boy?" she shrieked. Lili snickered.

"The producer reasoned that there had yet to be a single yaoi date, and she didn't want to air eight male dates in a row. As a reminder, there are now only seven slots open for the males." Squall explained. Steve laughed.

"Oh, I get it, that's why they sent you here! They sent a gay guy to celebrate the first gay date!" All of the males laughed at that, and Squall glared at them before pushing the detonator. Everyone on the bleachers screamed as horrible mental images assaulted their minds.

"Enjoy your yaoi." Squall said sadistically, smiling as they writhed.

"I'm going to kill you when-oh god, it burns!" Paul yelled as Squall pressed the button a second time.

Jin waited nervously in his living room. The instructions sent in to him by the Tekken Blind Dating service said clearly to wait for his date to pick him up. He heard the roar of a motorcycle in his driveway, and he groaned out loud. Minutes later, the doorbell rang.

Maybe if I just don't answer the door, it'll all go away. Jin thought. However, then he remembered traumatizing images of Bob and/or Marduk that were sure to haunt him if he refused, and he dragged himself to the door.

"What?" he asked when he found Hwoarang scowling on the doorstep. "I'm waiting for someone."

"Yeah, your blind date?" Hwoarang asked. Jin nodded. "It's me, moron."

"WHAT!" Jin was appalled. No, Jin was horrified. He hadn't gone through every female yet, he'd been counting! "Screw that!"

"Hey, you know what happens to us if we don't." Hwoarang grumbled, shoving his foot between the door and its frame. "Let's just get this over with."

"Fine." Jin snapped before heading back inside.

"Where are you going?" Hwoarang asked.

"I have to get my wallet." he replied, walking back towards his room.

"Well, don't take forever!" Hwoarang yelled. He snorted. The date hadn't even started, and Jin had already proved that he was the woman. This was going to be too easy, he knew Jin way better than any of those stupid girls. All he had to do was keep being obnoxious, then at the last minute either help Jin with something or hurt himself badly enough to make Jin feel guilty, then Jin would feel like he owed him one and wouldn't refuse another "date." Easy.

Maybe if I act like an irritating shit, he'll leave me alone. Jin thought. He closed the door to his room and sat on the bed. Now think, what irritates guys the most. He caught view of his closet and grinned. Today might be fun after all.

Fifteen minutes later, Hwoarang stalked down the hallway and banged on the door. "Kazama! Hurry your ass up and get out!"

"Just a minute." Jin called. He had his earphones connected to his computer, and was watching stupid videos on youtube.

"I thought you just had to get your wallet?" Hwoarang whined.

"I decided to change, too." Jin replied, smirking at a grumpy unicorn on the screen.

"Why?" Hwoarang demanded.

"I dunno." Jin said. His smirk widened at the sound of Hwoarang groaning.

After Jin was done 'changing', they walked into the driveway.

"Well, get on." Hwoarang said as he swung a leg over his motorcycle.

"I'm not riding bitch seat." Jin replied, folding his arms over his chest.

"Rules say I'm driving, now get on." Hwoarang argued.

"Let me drive it, you don't know what you're doing." Jin said, attempting to throw Hwoarang off of his own bike.

"Hey, get off of me!"

"No!"

"I said knock it off, Kazama!" somehow as they fought, they managed to start the engine, and before Jin could tell him to hold off, Hwoarang gripped the gas, and they were off.

"LET GO!" Jin yelled, but Hwoarang was stubborn.

"NEVER!" they both screamed as they drove down the street, crashed through two fences and ran over someone that looked suspiciously like Dr. Bosconovitch.

"Kazama, let go of me!"

"You!"

"I'll send my robot daughter after you!" the old man could be heard, and when Jin turned to look, he was shaking his fist at them.

"See, now that you're behaving like a good second-seater, things aren't so bad." Hwoarang said as they breezed through a crosswalk.

"What are you talking about? You drive like an ape on crack!" Jin yelled.

"Shut up!" The rest of the bumpy ride was blissfully silent, save for the screams of pedestrians diving out of the way.

"The theme park?" Jin asked. It seemed cruel that Ling had been deprived of that date.

"Not like I chose it." Hwoarang replied, dismounting. "Are you coming or what?" Sighing heavily, Jin followed his rival.

"What did you want to check out?" Jin asked, bored.

"Rollercoaster." Hwoarang replied, a devilish smile spreading on his face. Jin rolled his eyes.

"Jin? Hwoarang?" Jin cringed when he heard Julia's voice through the crowd. Hwoarang groaned as they both turned to face her. She was nibbling on a piece of cotton candy, an eyebrow raised at the sight of them together.

"What do you want, Julia?" Hwoarang asked.

"Relax, I just didn't know you two were an item." Julia said, smiling at Jin. He somehow knew that this was payback for his awful date with her.

"I notice that you're here alone." Hwoarang retaliated, and Julia glared at him.

"Would you stop being so snippy with me?" Julia snapped. "I wasn't judging you or anything, I work with plenty of gay guys."

"I'm not gay." Jin muttered, but went unheard.

"Really, 'cause I thought you would work with more gay women, if you get my drift." Hwoarang replied, smirking.

"You're so defensive! I just wanted to give you a few addresses and dates, like to some bars and rallies and stuff like that." Julia began pulling out a piece of paper, and Jin wanted to melt into the ground.

"Yeah, you would know all about the gay bars. Come on, Kazama, let's get outta here." They walked away, and Julia squinted after them.

"But you're the ones going out together!" Many heads snapped in Jin and Hwoarang's direction, and all Jin could think was: Why me!

"Let's just get on the rollercoaster." Hwoarang insisted. Jin shrugged moodily.

How can I hurt myself and make it look like Jin's fault? Hwoarang thought as they climbed onto the platform. I know, I can wait for the rollercoaster to lean towards me, then I can make it look like Jin's fat weight pushed me over the edge! He mentally congratulated himself on his genius. He was ready to follow through when he realized that the rollercoaster could get pretty high up. Or I could just slam really hard into the side and bruise a rib. he amended. Happy with his plan to guilt Jin, he held open the door for the dark haired man.

"Ladies first." he said good-naturedly.

"Don't tell me you really are gay." Jin mumbled as he climbed into his spot.

"You wish." Hwoarang replied, stepping in and closing the door behind him. A single bar fell across their chests, and Jin gripped it.

"What, Kazama, scared?" Hwoarang taunted as the rollercoaster started up. Jin snorted.

"Hope you're wearing pull-ups." he said cruelly. Hwoarang glared at him as they passed their first bump.

"See, this isn't bad-oh god!" Their stomachs lurched unpleasantly as they sped up a much higher bump. "I don't like this."

"I thought you loved speed and danger?" Jin asked, his grip tightening on the bar.

"Yeah, when I control it, I've never been on a rollercoaster before!" Hwoarang admitted.

"Wait, what-AH!" Jin was cut off as they plummeted down.

"No, no, no, no, no, NO!" Hwoarang was shaking his head as they climbed up an even larger bump. He glanced sideways at Jin. "Shouldn't you be used to this, you've flown before!" He grit his teeth as they reached the top.

"Same with you and danger!" Jin explained as they sped down again.

"AHHH!" Hwoarang grabbed onto Jin on the next bump.

"Get off of me!" Jin yelled.

"Go Devil and get us out of here!" Hwoarang demanded, shaking Jin by his arm.

"What are you crazy, we can't just- oh god!" Jin fought back the nausea that came with the sudden twist. That turn just so happened to be the turn where Jin slammed into Hwoarang, and the door swung open and ejected the Korean man. He held on to the edge of the car by his fingertips.

"Kazama, help me out!" Hwoarang screamed.

"AHH!" Jin shook his head, his knuckles white from gripping the bar.

"Kazama, seriously, I'm going to fall! FRICK!" the next turn was sharp, and it flung Hwoarang from the edge.

"GO DEVIL AND SAVE ME!" Hwoarang demanded as he fell. Jin still shook his head, mouth wide open and eyes fixed directly ahead of him.

After a few minutes of horrible twists and turns, Jin shakily got off of the rollercoaster ride. Feeling just a little guilty, he craned his neck to look for Hwoarang. The bronze-haired Korean could be seen limping towards him, and Jin put on a big smile.

"Hey, Hwoarang." he said uneasily. "Glad to see you're well."

"Yeah, I landed on some fat guy." Hwoarang said flatly. He'd never been so upset that a plan had actually worked.

"You wanna ride the hand gliders…" Jin's sentence died at the look on Hwoarang's face. "Okay, maybe not the hand gliders." Desperately, Jin searched for something to cheer up the sulky Korean. "You wanna go on that boat ride?" he asked, pointing towards a gentle looking river with a series of rowboats. Wordlessly, Hwoarang walked towards it. What a drama queen. Jin thought as he followed.

The line was relatively short, and Jin and Hwoarang were in a boat by themselves in minutes.

"Kazama, did you notice something weird about this ride?" Hwoarang asked.

"What do you mean?" Jin wanted to know.

"Well, there were only couples in line." Hwoarang replied. As they floated through a tacky looking tunnel, the reason was revealed; there, in bright pink lettering, was Tunnel of Love written on a cheerful banner.

"Ah, crap." Hwoarang muttered as Jin slumped against the boat. "Why is it getting dark?" he asked nervously as they plunged deeper into the tunnel of love.

"Oh, Roger, you know this could never work." they heard a strange voice whisper.

"Is that Mokujin?" Jin asked.

"The better question is, is that boy Mokujin or girl Mokujin?" Hwoarang asked, shifting nervously in the boat. Jin could never tell them apart, so he didn't respond.

Roger answered back in his animal tongue, and Jin didn't want to wait around to hear Mokujin's response.

"Well, as pleasant as this is, I think I'm going to leave now." Jin announced, swinging a leg over the edge of the boat.

"You can't leave me here!" Hwoarang's angry voice echoed off of the tunnel walls. Jin sighed.

"You can walk." Jin replied.

"Hello, fell out of a rollercoaster? Extreme pain!" Hwoarang reminded him. Jin shook his head as he plopped into the waist-deep water.

"All right, climb on." Jin said.

"You're kidding." Hwoarang muttered. "Fine, where the hell are you?"

"Here." A few seconds later, Hwoarang climbed onto Jin's back, and they began the boring trek down through the tunnel.

"How long is this stupid tunnel, anyways?" Hwoarang complained after a couple of minutes.

"I don't know." I could have been out of here if I didn't have to carry your whiny ass. Jin added mentally. He shuddered when he finally realized that this was not his worst date yet. "I think we're almost there."

"Look, I told you, Roger, it's not working, don't make a scene!" Hwoarang and Jin both straightened as they heard a motor start up.

"Is that a chainsaw or the boat?" Hwoarang asked.

"Did the boat have a motor?" Jin wondered. Apparently it did. They could hear water splashing as the boat sped up the tunnel.

"Run!" Hwoarang ordered, kicking Jin's sides.

Jin did as he was told, splashing frantically through the tunnel. Their empty boat was demolished behind them.

"I see the light!" Jin reported, running towards the exit.

"Look out!" Mokujin warned as their boat came crashing into view. It was too late.

"NO!" Jin screamed as he tripped.

"I hate y-" the rest of Hwoarang's sentence was drowned out by the water that filled his mouth.

Many minutes later, after Mokujin and Roger's disagreement transitioned to land, Jin and Hwoarang crawled onto the grass.

"Gonna…kill…fucking Mokujin and Roger." Hwoarang wheezed before sprawling out on the ground.

"And it was girl Mokujin." Jin said to no one in particular, eye twitching as he fell next to Hwoarang. "Crudely carved boobs…"

"Hwoarang!" Baek was angrily walking towards them, and Hwoarang groaned. "What did you do to this ride?"

"I didn't do crap!" Hwoarang said.

"Making a mess of everything as usual." Baek reprimanded, pulling Hwoarang up. "Apologize to your rival."

"No! He got off easy, I fell off of a rollercoaster-"

"I don't want to hear it if you're just going to lie to my face!" Baek said, ruthlessly dragging his apprentice.

"You owe me, Kazama! You hear, you owe me!" Hwoarang shouted until he couldn't be seen anymore. Jin took in a deep breath.

"I hate my life." he said.

Back onstage, the Tekken fighters were still writhing from mental trauma.

"Paul, shut up already!" Anna shrieked.

"Is that the best you've got, you homosexual leather-loving emo!" Paul challenged Squall.

"No." Squall said lazily, pressing the detonator again.

"I swear, one day I'm going to kill you." Raven promised under his breath.

"Well, it seems like that was actually one of Jin's better dates." Squall noticed, trying to bring the show to a close.

"What, do you watch this show or something?" Asuka asked.

"It's either this or Advent Children, and I'm sick of watching that." Squall replied. "Anyways, be sure to vote for the next damned soul, and I won't see you next time on Date That Loser."

End Chapter

A/N: But I wish Squall could host all the time. Oh well, sorry if this date wasn't as funny, gotta find my humor mojo, haha. In other news, I have a new humor up, Heihachi Mishima's Nostalgic Iron School of Fist. It's a little slow starting off, but I think it'll get better. And, for those of you wondering, I posted Bryan and Ogre's Interview from Tekken Interviews on Tekken Zaibatsu. The link can be found in my profile. Thanks to Divinely Ethereal for suggesting it :D Review please!