They end up lying down clutching each other, at some point, Jen sobbing into his chest, and Colin crying silently. She hugs him to her and there is nothing that can stop the pain coming off of both of them. They can only try to comfort each other, but they're both in too much pain to be much help.
Eventually, Colin calms himself down enough so that he can comfort her. He kisses her softly, tasting the salty tears on her lips. "We'll get through this," he whispers and wraps his arms around her, stroking her forehead softly. "Sleep baby. It'll help a bit," he whispers.
She's still crying, but her sobs have died down though her tears still flow. "I love you," she breaths and kisses his lips, "I'm so sorry."
He wipes her tears, kissing back softly. "I love you so much. You don't need to apologize."
"I can't give you a baby... We wanted a baby," she's almost complaining. "The only thing I wished to have, and I'm unable to!" she says angrily but crying louder.
"Shush, don't apologize. It's not your fault," he whispers, kissing the top of her head and rocking them back and forth ever so slightly.
She looks up at him, kisses his lips softly, and then puts her head back on his chest. She closes her eyes and tries to do as he said, sleep.
He begins playing with her hair. She always falls asleep faster when he does that.
Slowly, almost an hour later, she is willing to find sleep as the last tears she has left leave her. Colin comforts her throughout, and though things aren't okay, in his arms, she felt whole. She belonged there.
It takes him a while, the thoughts in his head are too loud, but eventually, Colin drifts to sleep.
Having drained herself crying all afternoon, Jennifer doesn't wake until late evening. And when she does, she wakes in his arms. Her eyes are irritated from all the crying, and as she remembers why, the tears threaten to come back.
Colin wakes up a few minutes later, only to see her on the brink of tears. Before she can do anything, he presses a soft kiss on her lips. "Don't cry, love," he whispers. And he knows it's a lot to ask.
She kisses back, and that distracts her enough to halt her tears while they kiss. So she doesn't break it at first, so she won't cry.
Colin continues to kiss her softly, pulling her closer to comfort her as she arches her back into him, just kissing him softly and distracting herself and he rubs her back.
"Colin...?" she whispers against his lips, breaks the kiss and shakes her head slightly, then puts her forehead on his chest while hugging him.
"Yes?" he whispers.
She just shakes her head some more. But, after a moment of thinking, she whispers, "Isn't Helen having the baby sometime in the next two months?" This would have made her cry her eyes out, but she was so tired and didn't know if she had anymore tears left.
"Yes," he whispers, his voice breaking.
In the little time she had been able to think clearly, she'd thought and feared that Colin would go back to Helen. She was carrying his baby anyway, something she was unable to do. "Oh..." is all she can say.
He quickly picks up on her thoughts, just from the tone in her voice. "Jennifer, that would never happen," he says softly.
She nods her head, but doesn't trust on that. Colin will be seeing this baby and that would hurt so much. She wouldn't blame him if he'd rather be with the mother of his two kids. The woman who can give him even more children than she ever could.
"I promise," he whispers. "I'd never leave you. I love you far too much for that. There are other ways we can have a child. I promise you that I will never leave you, no matter the circumstances."
"Other ways to have a child?" she sighs. "That includes me and you taking care of your new baby," she says, her voice a mixture of anger and hurt.
He furrows his brows at her. "No. That's not what I meant at all. I meant, if we've tried everything possible, and still nothing happens... adoption is always an option."
She looks down. Not that she wasn't open to adopting, but she still wanted, or course she did, a child that was hers and Colin's. One that she would watch grow inside her and the fascination of being a parent would grow with the baby. And she'd never really wanted children, but now that she's with Colin, the thought of having his baby had brought new desires in her. She doesn't say anything, not sure how to respond.
"I mean, we don't have too. I get that it is different than having our own child. I just wanted to clear that last thing up."
"We can't have our own child," she says angrily, but angry at the situation. She gets up quickly and leaves the room before Colin has time to react.
"Jennifer!" he calls, getting up and going after her.
She rushes downstairs as her tears threaten to spill again. She couldn't have a baby. She'd voiced it out loud, and that made it all worse. It's like a new level, a different level, of pain. She cannot do the single thing all women can do. Have children. Something went wrong within her, and she had gone through life thinking that she was alright. Letting her hopes climb up so high. And Colin couldn't fix the fact that she felt she'd failed, when for so many other women, having a child was something taken for granted.
Colin follows her quickly. He wants her to know that this wasn't her fault. He still loved her just as much. This changed nothing when it came to their relationship. She wasn't useless. She was still incredibly perfect.
Jen goes to lie on the couch, and buries her head into the backside of it so Colin knows she doesn't want to talk.
He sighs and sits down on the couch across from her, not saying anything.
She's facing away from him. But her tears are running again, just quietly but steady this time.
Colin holds back and doesn't touch her, or say anything. Then he feels bad, so he goes to her side and sits on the floor, rubbing her back and kissing her forehead. She turns away a little more, not sure if she wants his comfort. But she knows he means well and that he's doing all he can in this situation. Yet, she doesn't turn to him. So he sighs and slowly stops, moving his hand away from her.
Jennifer just lays there crying for a while, not sure she can do anything else.
Eventually, he tries to comfort her again. He sits on the couch, pulling her into his lap, letting her cry into his neck. "Shh, go ahead. Let it all out," he whispers.
She lets him take her in his arms without a fight. After a moment, she wraps her arms around him. Still crying, she comforts herself into him as he whispers encouragements into her hair and kisses the top of her head.
She looks up, between her tears, and whispers, "Just hold me..." And then looks back down.
He pulls her a little closer and he can feel the warmth radiating from their bodies. He's trying to help her stop crying. He wipes her tears away with his free hand.
It takes a while again, but she does calm down and her tears slow. She's got to stop crying about it, it doesn't change that she can't have children.
It's getting late, and Colin thinks he should make dinner but is afraid to let go of Jen, she is more important.
As her tears finally come to a stop, she just lays there in his arms. Her eyes closed, she tries not to think about it. And it works enough that she doesn't cry again.
He holds her close, his chin resting on the top of her head. "Hungry?" he asks quietly.
She shakes her head slightly, "Not really," she hasn't eaten yet today, and she should. But, she didn't have any appetite at all.
"Maybe I could make you something and you can try to eat? I know you don't want to, but…"
"I guess so," she shrugs. "Thank you." She kisses his cheek, he means the best.
"No need. I love you very much. You know that, right?"
"Yeah," she smiles slightly. "I love you, too."
He hugs her one more time and after a bit slowly lets go and goes to the kitchen. He makes dinner pretty quickly. He feels horrible. The fact that he can't do anything more to help her feel better kills him inside. He felt just as horrible as she did, but he couldn't let her know that.
Jennifer doesn't move. When he's done, and she can smell the food, she thinks of going to sit and try to eat but she's got no energy to.
He finishes up and brings the food to her, setting it on the coffee table.
She sits up weakly, looks at the food, but has no intention of eating it. "Thank you, baby," she says as he sets it down, looking up at him.
"You're welcome." He kisses her cheek. "Do you want me to stay with you, or would you like to be alone?"
She shakes her head and reaches for his hand. No, she doesn't want to be alone.
He takes her hand and sits down beside her, squeezing it gently.
She turns to him and hugs him to her. While he was making dinner, she'd thought about the fact that Colin is suffering too, and all she's doing is making it worse. She lies back a little and hugs his head to her chest. "Babe, don't think I'm pushing you away. You know I love you. Yes, I want you to be with me."
He stays in her arms, listening to her heartbeat. The sound is like music to his ears. "I love you too. I'll do whatever it takes to make you happier. It's been a rough day and the outcome is not a very happy one. We just need to take a deep breath and figure things out," he whispers.
"Yeah," she whispers back. "I know you wanted a baby too, and I know you don't want me to apologize but I'm sorry it's just not possible..." she sighs, "I truly am."
"I don't want you to apologize because it's not your fault." he smiles a little. "This is beyond our control and it's not the best situation at all but maybe there's a reason for it."
"There's a reason why I can't have a baby...?" She says sadly, her voice dropping. Then she reminds herself not to make him feel bad, "Colin, I know it's not my fault. I'm still sorry it can't happen."
He sighs at her first comment. "I don't know, maybe something good will come out of it. I know it seems unlikely but…" he pauses, unsure how to phrase it. "Eat a little?" he asks softly.
She sighs, looks at the food, then shrugs and sits up. Then she starts to eat, but not before giving him a soft kiss.
Jen really doesn't eat very much. When she gives up, she lies down on the couch and places her head on Colin's lap.
He kisses her lips softly and starts to play with her hair, wanting her to sleep.
She relaxes to him caressing her, and closes her eyes. She's nearly falling asleep when she whispers up to him, "I should go upstairs and sleep there..."
"I can take you up later if you'd like," he says softly with a slight smile.
"Hmm, I'd like that," she smiles warmly at the thought of her real life prince carrying her to their bed.
Colin just looks at her little smile and smiles in response. "Sleep, my love," he whispers before kissing her lips softly.
She kisses back, and bites his lower lip with the little energy she has left. "I love you..." She whispers very softly and falls asleep.
"I love you," he whispers back. After a few minutes, he gets up and carries her up the stairs. He dresses her more comfortably then pulls the comforter over her and kisses her forehead.
She moves in her sleep, looking for him though he's not next to her, yet.
After Colin gets ready for bed, he slides into the bed next to her, gently pulling her towards him.
Jen feels when he's embraced her and in her sleep holds him to her as well. She hums a little and buries her face into his neck.
He rubs the side of her arm lightly. "I love you," he whispers one more time in her ear.
I just love how they can't stop saying 'I love you' to each other! It's like they just learned those words! But, what did you think? Please review! You don't know how much I love those! Xx